Page 21

JACK

A T FIRST WHEN Andy kisses me, it feels weird—like the room was spinning one way and now it’s spinning in the opposite direction. Her kiss is gentle and earnest, like she’s trying really hard to distract me. It feels like I’m watching us kiss, rather than actually kissing her.

Then she really puts everything into it—crushing her arms around my neck, kissing me harder, and teasing my lips with her tongue.

And when Andy presses her body up against mine, all the blood from my stupid brain rushes to my cock.

I can feel her soft breasts against my chest. How many times have I fantasized about what her body would feel like?

Sweet and yielding in a way that the real Andy never is.

But now she curves into me like we were meant to be.

I wrap my arms tightly around her, trying to pull her even closer. I kiss her back, nipping at her full lips and darting my tongue into her mouth. She tastes both sweet and spicy, which is so Andy.

When my elbow almost knocks over a mop handle, I manoeuvre her around until she’s pressed up against the wall.

My mouth moves over her smooth cheek and along the curve of her jaw.

I nip at the lobe of her ear, her stud earring scratchy against my lip.

I reach up to pull away her collar, revealing the pale skin of her throat.

I lick a line down her neck to her collarbone.

Her skin is hotter where the rise of her breasts begins and when I taste her there, Andy lets out a soft moan that makes me even harder.

But when I unzip her jacket and cup her incredible breasts, she grabs my wrists.

Jack, no. We have to stop.

I’m emerging from a daze, my brain functions slowly coming back. I take my hands off her and lean my forehead against the wall with Andy still tucked beneath me.

Sorry. I got carried away, I mutter.

It’s okay. I started it. She squeezes my wrists, then wriggles out from under me and adjusts her clothes. She puts her ear to the door.

I don’t hear anything. Maybe he’s gone. How about if I go out there first? I can’t get suspended from the team.

I shake my head. It’s not Andy’s job to save me from my own screwups. Cori hated my weaknesses—my claustrophobia, my tears at sad movies, my na?veté. Don’t be such a wimp, Jack. The twin heats of embarrassment and anger rush through my bloodstream.

How about I go out and act like a fucking man? If I get in trouble, so be it.

Andy puts her hand on my chest. Why are you so upset? Besides, if you march out there now, it cancels out everything we’ve done not to be noticed.

Right, like the fact she had to mercy-kiss me to stop me from squealing like a little baby, which I mistook for something real.

I brush by her and open the door. The hallway is dark and silent. Am I disappointed that there’s nobody here? No, I’m relieved that I don’t have to face Coach Greene. And I’m even more relieved to get out of that stupid, cramped closet. I’ll be smelling bleach in my nightmares.

Let’s go. I return to grab our skates, then rush out the back door.

Why are you walking so fast? Andy huffs as she tries to catch up with me.

I slow down, but don’t reply. It seems rude to point out that both of us would rather be done with this evening.

She continues, I don’t understand why you’re so upset. Is it because I didn’t let you feel me up in a broom closet? Because that’s pretty stupid.

I stop and turn to face her. Even under the dim streetlight, Andy’s lovely face glows. But her beauty only underlines what I can’t have, and I can’t keep the frustration out of my voice. You know what’s stupid? Trying to impress you and fucking things up.

Andy’s forehead creases. Why? Because you felt claustrophobic? Everyone has some kind of phobia. How do you think I knew the steps to go through to calm you down? I get anxiety attacks, and so do many of my friends.

And do you kiss them too? I didn’t know that making out was a medical intervention.

Her gaze drops. I meant the breathing part. The kissing part was a first. Then she smirks. But it worked.

Great. Save it for the next lucky guy who royally fucks up in front of you, I grit out, then turn to start walking again.

She puts her hand on my arm. Jack, stop. Seriously, do you think I’d kiss just anyone?

I know you did it to save my sorry ass. Once again.

For the record, I don’t find vulnerability in a man unattractive, she says.

Is she for real? All the highs and lows of tonight swirl in my guts. I’m going to shoot my last shot, and maybe it will help me to get over this dumb crush when she rejects me again. Then we can be friends, like she wants.

I turn and face her. As usual, she looks lovely, and even a little vulnerable without her glasses. I look at her flushed mouth and want to kiss her again, over and over. Then I focus.

Really? Then let’s get down to it. Andy, I want to go out with you. Obviously I’m attracted to you—what just happened proves that beyond a doubt. I exhale, my breath visible in the cold air. I heard all your reasons for not wanting to go out with me. But a lot of what you assumed is just not true.

She watches me, wide-eyed and unsmiling.

First, yes, I’m a freshman, but I’m twenty years old, just a year younger than you. I played junior hockey up until now, and college teams like older players because we’re stronger and more skilled.

Andy nods. I memorized the roster, so I knew that already.

Okay, good. Well, the second thing is about the night we met. You called me a player, and maybe it seemed that way to you, like I’m some womanizer, but that’s not true. I’ve only had sex with one woman in my entire life. Cori, my ex-girlfriend. We were together since we were fifteen.

Really? Her expression remains skeptical. What about Jenny?

It takes a moment to even remember who Jenny is. Then it comes crashing back. We hadn’t, uh, you know, before her boyfriend arrived.

She considers this. Oh. I guess that makes sense.

Yeah, because I’m the opposite of some smooth-talking Romeo, right?

Andy shakes her head. No, you actually have a lot of charisma. But you seem completely unaware of it.

I’m not sure that’s true, but if she thinks so, great. And your third excuse was that you don’t like jocks or sports? Is that still true?

Andy’s lips pinch like she doesn’t want to admit anything. Yet, there’s something about the way she’s looking at me that gives me a glimmer of hope.

Everyone I’ve met on the hockey team has been really nice, she admits. Especially one person.

Who? My throat feels tight. And if she says Mats, I’m giving up.

You know. Her dark eyelashes flutter on her cheeks, and she can’t meet my eyes. Now I’m feeling a lot more hopeful.

I step closer and motion between us. Would it be someone in this general vicinity?

Why are you always making me admit things out loud? she whines.

Because we got off to a shitty start. I don’t want us to have any more misunderstandings.

Andy twirls a loose tendril of her dark hair around her finger and studies the ground. Speaking of not understanding, I…want to ask you something.

What is it?

I’ve observed that there are a lot of women on campus who would give up their brand-new Frye boots for a date with Jack Sinclair.

So? As if I’d want to date any of those women who only see me as a hockey player and not a real person.

Andy stamps her foot on the sidewalk. Ugh, this is so difficult. I’m not fishing for compliments or anything, but I really don’t understand why you want to go out with me. We don’t have a ton in common. You were interested almost from the moment we met, and I…I just don’t get it.

I stare, wide-eyed, but she’s still fixating on the ground. Is she serious? Should I start with how beautiful she is? No, maybe it’s better to talk about how smart she is, and how I feel like I want to be a better person when we’re together.

While I’m flailing around for the perfect answer, she looks up and pins me with her fierce stare. Just tell me one real thing.

I brace myself. This is my moment. All right. You know that first night, when I read your journal?

Andy’s eyes narrow, but she nods.

When Cori broke up with me, I felt like such an asshole.

Like I’d been too dumb to realize that she was unhappy, and it was all my fault.

It made me second-guess our entire relationship and what kind of boyfriend I’d been.

I felt so alone. But when I read that you had been through the same shit, it was huge for me.

You wrote that blindsiding someone with a breakup is unbelievably cruel.

That while there’s no easy way to break up, being able to make love to someone one night and break up with them a couple of days later is psychotic.

Your words, your experiences—they were healing for me.

Andy’s lips part and her dark eyes shimmer even in the low light. I’m so sorry that the same thing happened to you.

You get it better than anyone. I swallow hard, because even now, it’s hard to talk about Cori and our breakup.

Oh, Jack. Andy’s voice is full of sympathy. She puts her warm, gloved hands on my chest, and I cover them with my own and squeeze. Her touch is so soothing. Are you really over your breakup?

I am. Truly. I don’t have feelings for Cori anymore, and I haven’t for a while. Everything that happened at the end still bothered me, though. After all that time together, I feel like she should have given us a chance to talk through our shit. But we can’t control other people, right?

She presses her hands tighter to me. That’s so true.

Still, isn’t it common decency to at least have a discussion first?

Maybe I should have known, since Bryce has an inherent selfishness that blinds him to other people’s feelings.

She winces. Ugh, I really don’t want to be one of those people who complains about her ex all the time.

I smile down at her, already feeling a lot better. You’re definitely not. But I think we’ve both earned one good bitch session where we trash our exes. Like a ritual bonfire.

We laugh together and it’s weird, but I do feel cleansed. Like I’ve shed something heavy. Bringing out the shame that I’ve kept hidden and having Andy empathize is the best. She takes her hands off my chest, but it feels like there’s still a thread connecting us.

I rest my hands on her hips and gaze down at her.

You asked why I’m interested in you. Honestly, there are lots of reasons I like you, but reading what you wrote, seeing your inner strength and your confidence in who you are?

That was the second thing that made me think we could be good together.

You came out of your breakup stronger, and that’s what I want too.

But there’s only one way to find out if I can be a better boyfriend, and I hope Andy gives me that chance.

She laughs. Okay, I’ll bite. What was the first thing?

How you rescued me that first night, even though you were annoyed the entire time. You have a big heart. I realize I overreacted earlier. Andy wouldn’t shut down the moment I revealed a weakness. She’s too giving.

Once again, you surprise me, Jack. I thought you were going to say you liked my boobs, she teases.

My gaze drops automatically as I remember the feel of her soft breasts in my hands. Oh, I do. As you well know, from our seven minutes in heaven.

Really? More like six minutes of panic and one minute of heaven, she says.

I let out a snort of laughter. This is why I think we’re going to be great together. You’re honest. I want my next relationship to be with someone who’s a straight shooter. And that’s you.

Relationship? Don’t get ahead of yourself, Sinclair. She’s restored to full feistiness now, so it’s time to take the plunge.

We have to start somewhere. Andy, would you like to go out with me?

Where to?

Has anyone ever told you what a pain in the ass you can be? I ask.

She winks. Only people who spend more than five minutes with me.

All right, how about tomorrow night? We could go out to eat.

Sorry, I’ve got a meeting with my new women’s hockey reporter. And an essay to proofread.

I sigh. I bet those Frye boot women would move their schedules around if I asked them out.

Andy throws her head back and laughs, a full-throated laugh that makes me chuckle too. Too bad, but that’s what you get from us straight shooters. You have games this weekend, so how about Sunday?

Great! I have the whole day off, so I’ll plan something special, I offer.

She bends down to rub her ankle. As long as it doesn’t involve skating, I’m game.

I pull out my phone to add the date I’ve been waiting for. Oh, wait. We’re having a party on Saturday, after the game. You should come to that too.

A hockey party? She sounds less than impressed.

It’s a regular party. Drinking, dancing, fun. C’mon, Andy, I wheedle.

Can I bring Emily? I think it’s her dream to attend one.

Of course. More women are always welcome, I say.

Right. I’m willing to bet that it will be hot babe central, she scoffs.

We start walking again, and I take her hand in mine. Maybe it’s too soon, but being honest means not hiding the way I feel.

It will be once you get there.

She groans. Yuck. Are you going to start acting all suave and macho now that I’ve agreed to go out with you?

I am pretty happy. I’ve been working hard to get that ‘yes.’

We arrive at her residence. Andy hesitates, and I wonder if she might kiss me again. I’m all for that.

Good night, Jack. Her voice is prim and polite.

As she turns away, I say, Hey, I think I’m having a relapse of that whole claustrophobia thing. Do you think you could help?

She scoffs. Really? Outdoor claustrophobia? I’m sure that’s a medical first.

But then she surprises me by going up on her tiptoes and kissing me again. I’m ready this time, and I wrap my arms around her and enjoy the feel of her soft mouth against mine. Kissing Andy gets better every time.