Page 26 of His Unexpected Duchess (Hearts of Whitmores #2)

CHAPTER 26

N icholas slumped down in the most comfortable chair in the house, the one on the left side of his desk. It didn’t fit right behind the desk, but he sat there when he didn’t need to read correspondence. And after the last couple of days, he needed a good, quiet sit.

Just for a minute.

His evening had been a disaster, and his night had been uneasy. The morning had fared a little better. Now, it was the middle of the afternoon, and he didn’t know what to feel, let alone think.

“It’s over,” he said to the room.

Sir Hammonds had reassured him of that in his office after he had taken Joanna back home. The magistrate would do his best to make sure that Beatrice could never bother her family again. And just in case they couldn’t hold her…

“She will not be permitted back here,” the Earl had vowed somberly when Nicholas had gone to see him afterward. “I’ll have her tossed in a ship to the Americas.”

Only once that was resolved did Nicholas return home and collapse right here in this chair. He’d hardly slept the entire night, and all day he had been moving in one direction or another.

“It had to be done,” he informed the empty room.

Joanna had trusted him, after all, and he had no intention of letting her down. He rubbed his face and closed his eyes at the thought of her. Poor woman. Poor wife. She deserved better than maddening plots and betrayal.

After he took a deep breath, he pushed himself to his feet. They ached, but he would deal with that later. He needed to see his wife.

Out of his study and down the hall he went. Past familiar artwork and servants he had known most of his life. Nicholas considered how different everything had become since he grew into a man. His days used to be filled with whimsy and intrigue and good humor, long before he really knew what it was like to experience loss and shoulder countless responsibilities.

“Nicholas?”

Joanna rose from her seat in the small side parlor, where she’d been sitting by the window. There was nothing in her hands, he noted. Perhaps she had been watching the passersby. The day was sunny and bright. Most of the world hadn’t noticed how strange everything had been for him and his family.

“I was wondering if you would return,” she continued. She wrung her hands anxiously on her lap. “Is everything well?”

That is a simple question with a complicated answer.

Nicholas nodded, stepping further into the room. He thought to reach out to her, but he paused when she made no sign to greet him beyond her nod. So, instead, he made for a chair.

“May I?”

“Certainly.” Her eyes roved over him as he sat across from her.

He studied her in turn, seeing the shadows beneath her eyes. She hadn’t rested, then. Not only was she still anxious, but she was also sleep-deprived. Would she obey an order to return to bed?

Something told him she would fight him on that.

“I spoke further with Sir Hammonds about legal matters. While they will do their best to prosecute her, there is little guarantee of her being locked away. She is very much aware of her actions and hardly regrets them,” Nicholas explained delicately.

Still, Joanna paled. Perhaps he shouldn’t have said anything.

“Perhaps we can talk later.”

“No. Please.” She scooted to the edge of her seat. “I need to know. Please tell me.”

Nicholas studied her weary green eyes before nodding. “It is very unlikely that a charge would stick to her because of her title, Joanna. We both know this. However, your father reassured me that he would banish her and that she would never step foot in England again. She’ll either have to leave the country or be destitute.”

Joanna nodded slowly and swallowed. Her hands twisted in the folds of her skirt. Nicholas noted that she was still wearing her gloves—which she rarely did inside the house. As her expression hardly shifted, he found himself wishing she would react so he could know what she was thinking.

“What about the dower house? He promised it would be grand should she need it,” Joanna whispered.

“I have a feeling it’s going to be quite unmanageable for some time. There will be justice, Joanna. I assure you of that. Beatrice will not get the chance to hurt you or your father ever again.”

“Or Madeline?”

He nodded. “Nor Madeline.”

Joanna furrowed her brow. “What about Edward Corner?”

“Unfortunately, he will most likely go to prison. Or be sent to Australia,” Nicholas replied. “Madeline wishes to speak for him, but that remains to be seen. Though the man had good intentions, he still plotted the death of an earl.”

Joanna winced, and his eyes followed the movement. She wrinkled her nose before nodding. Acceptance wasn’t much of a choice here.

Hastily thinking of something else that might make her smile, Nicholas cleared his throat.

“Your father is doing well. He’s abed today and should be on his feet tomorrow,” he continued. “I don’t care for him, but I have accepted an invitation on your behalf to attend supper next week.”

Surprise flickered in Joanna’s eyes. A smile tugged at her lips before it fell, dashing his hope.

What was that about?

Nicholas studied her, wondering what else was weighing on her. Something had to be wrong for her to act so somber around him.

“Thank you for sharing, and for your aid,” she murmured and then paused for a long moment. “Is there… Did you wish to say anything else?”

“Anything else?” he echoed blankly. “Like what?”

Wasn’t this enough?

Nicholas furrowed his brow, trying to look for clues in her expression. He could see that she was fighting back tears.

This won’t stand. Blast it, what could I have done? Was it even me, or did this happen to someone else?

“Never mind,” she said abruptly. Rising to her feet, she refused to meet his gaze. He watched in confusion as she turned toward the door. “I don’t know what I… I should go.”

His mind was working much too slowly. “Wait, Joanna.”

Something was clearly bothering her, and he couldn’t let her go like this. He had to ease her worries. He reached out a hand as she faltered. No, she waited.

“What is it?” she whispered.

“I…”

Nicholas wasn’t certain he had thought this far. Something must be said, but he didn’t know what. There was no guarantee that she would talk to him or care about anything he said. Besides, what would he even say? It was Joanna who had a thousand words sitting in her eyes.

“Just…” He grabbed her by the elbow, and she winced.

“Don’t grab me like that,” Joanna hissed as she tried to pull free.

But his grip hadn’t been that tight.

Recalling a moment from that morning, Nicholas frowned and grabbed her upper arms. She fought him, but barely, and soon her glove slid down to her wrist, revealing fingerprint-sized bruises on her forearm and elbow.

“It was her, wasn’t it?” he growled, seeing red for a moment.

He should have strangled the woman. He should have never let Joanna near her. Why had he not noticed this before? The look in his wife’s eyes told him that this wasn’t the first time.

“Joanna, why didn’t you tell me!”

Huffing, she wrenched herself free. “I don’t have to tell you anything.”

“I would rather you did,” he bit out.

Her hand rose to her face. It was only a moment, but he saw her dash away her tears. A heavy breath escaped her, and it was the only warning he got before she let loose.

“You do, don’t you?” she choked out, her upper lip curled as she stared him down. “Well then, I shall tell you more. I shall tell you that you are a rake . No matter what I convince myself, you always manage to prove me wrong in the next moment. So, go on and find yourself another pretty maid to take advantage of—so you won’t have to bother with me.”

Nicholas froze, her words barely registering. “What?”

“Ours is only a marriage of convenience, is it not?” she said, the scorn clear in her voice. “Nothing more. I cannot believe I hoped for something more. I cannot believe I thought you could prove me wrong. Every kindness you did me was only a manipulation. But I know better, Nicholas. And I cannot forget it. I don’t want to see that ever again. I cannot bear it. I think—I think we must separate.”

His mouth dropped open. Stunned was hardly the right word to describe how he felt. He blinked and gaped at her, trying to think.

Although he had attempted a flirtation or two, he couldn’t recall who it had been with. A chambermaid? Was it here? There was no identifying feature that came to mind.

But it all came to life with Joanna. Disbelief shot through him before melting into cold despair. She didn’t want him to flaunt such behavior—and that was fair. But now she was ready to leave him.

“No. No, wait.” Nicholas closed the distance between them when she turned away. “Joanna, darling, listen to me.”

“You cannot dissuade me,” she murmured.

He shook his head, blocking her path. “And yet I must. Please, you must listen to me.”

“Was it an illusion? Did my eyes deceive me?” she demanded tartly.

Hesitating, Nicholas wondered if there was an easy way to fix this. But he feared there were no shortcuts.

A lump formed in his throat.

“No, it was not an illusion. I did enjoy a flirtation. Well, I suffered one,” he corrected himself. “It was foolish behavior, that of a boy rather than a man. I swear, Joanna, I meant nothing by it. My aim was to keep some distance between us. I thought if I could convince myself to grow attracted to someone else, then I wouldn’t think about you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” she scoffed.

Giving her a pointed look, Nicholas stepped closer. He could touch her now, and she didn’t move away. There was a stubborn set to her chin as she stared him down.

“It means I cannot stay away from you.” He lowered his voice, in case someone was eavesdropping. These words were solely for her ears. “I tried hopelessly day after day. But every time I saw you again, it was as though you had always been there, here, with me. I didn’t want to accept you in my life, I can admit that. I can also admit that I was a fool to entertain such a notion.”

Her body softened. He could have sworn she was leaning into him.

Though there was doubt in her gaze, she studied him thoughtfully. “Do you mean…?”

“I mean…” He paused to gather his courage. “I mean that I love you. That I need you in my life. That I will not accept a separation because I want to be with you. I want adjoining rooms. I want to see you at every meal of the day. I want to go riding with you and dance with you and show you off to the entire world. I want everyone to see just how perfect you are. I want to give you everything you ever desired, to show you the world and that perhaps I am just a bit deserving of your attention.”

“Really?” Joanna asked, surprise written all over her face. Her wide eyes searched his face for untruths.

She wouldn’t find any. Because there weren’t any. He meant every word.

Part of Nicholas wished this weren’t the case. It had taken him a long time to get used to his new life, where nothing felt right. Where he only had Eleanor and the dukedom, where he stopped laughing and had quiet evenings. It wasn’t much of a life, but he had grown used to it.

The life before that, he knew well also. But this? He didn’t know what to do with a wife. Not with Joanna. Oh, he had ideas, but he didn’t really know. And that scared him.

Realizing too late how vulnerable he had made himself, he considered how close he was holding her. She said nothing more, only stared at him.

Had he said too much? Was this too much for her?

“I shouldn’t––”

A strangled gasp escaped her lips, silencing him. He watched her blink back tears and offer a watery smile. Her hands slid up his chest to his shoulders.

“You mean it,” she whispered. “You do want me. Here.”

“I want you. All of you. With me always,” he declared, unable to help himself.

Her smile widened. She’d never looked more lovely.

“I didn’t think… I didn’t want to hope for such a thing. Hope for you. Nicholas, you’ve given me what I always wanted. A family that cares for me, that loves me. You and Eleanor have been nothing but wonderful. I… I’m really home.”

The words threw him off. “Of course you are. This is your home. It will always be.”

She let out a short, melodic laugh. “It is. You are, too. You are my home,” she said. “I love you, Nicholas.”

He hardly dared to breathe as he looked down at her. Never in a million years had he dared to dream of a moment like this one. He had spent most of his life not even thinking of marriage. To find someone who fit him so perfectly in every way was beyond him. He didn’t deserve such good fortune.

And yet here he was. Here she was.

He kissed her right then, silently promising her they would never be parted again.