Page 15 of His Unexpected Duchess (Hearts of Whitmores #2)

CHAPTER 15

J oanna didn’t want pity.

Not today, not now, not like this.

Especially not after she had managed to ride for the first time in her life––hardly on her own and not quite properly for a duchess, but it still counted––and on a sunny, warm day such as this one.

There wasn’t time for pity when her heart was filled with delight over this beautiful, serene view. London sat at their backs. Right here, however, felt like a small paradise, away from the rest of the world.

No pity at all, please.

As she saw her husband hesitate, she nudged him to change the subject. She blamed the brightness of her day on her attempt. “You have asked me about my past, but what of yours?”

It was the wrong question to ask, she realized at once.

“My past?”

“I only m-meant,” she stammered, trying to steer the conversation to his childhood, “with your f-family. Eleanor led me to believe that you were all very close. And after––”

“After?”

She swallowed, fearing she had misstepped. Biting her lip, she tried to gauge his reaction to what she had to be hinting at, but it was difficult to tell.

“It is hard, is it not?” she asked cautiously. “I cannot imagine the pain. I only ask because I know Eleanor has struggled. The grief… it wears on a soul. How have you been coping?”

His shoulders stiffened just enough for her to notice.

She hadn’t been imagining it then. The pain was still there, hidden beneath the surface. She bit her lip. She should have stopped, she supposed, but she had kept speaking because she didn’t know what else to do.

“I have become a very busy man,” Nicholas told her, his words careful and articulate. “A dukedom comes with many responsibilities.”

With a careful nod, she murmured, “I can only imagine.”

He let out a deep breath and looked away. An odd tension crackled between them. Joanna twisted her fingers, looking for a way to fix what she had damaged on such a beautiful outing.

“Thank you,” she blurted out. “For bringing me here today. It’s a beautiful park. I hope to come back here sometime.”

“Yes, certainly… I suppose we should get going.”

She opened her mouth to object, wondering if that was how Nicholas had interpreted her being ready to go. She would love to spend the entire day here.

“We won’t need to hasten, but I’d rather we do not tarry too long.”

The man liked nothing more than leaving her feeling unbalanced.

Joanna nodded and then focused on enjoying the beautiful scenery as much as she could before they returned to their horses.

Once her husband helped her back into the saddle, she prayed she remembered everything she had learned so far, and nudged the beautiful mare to trail after his horse on their way out of the park.

The day had only gotten brighter since their arrival. Though there was a world of smoke and noise ahead of them, Joanna liked to pretend for one minute that this was her entire world.

“Look there.”

She stiffened and then hastily caught the reins, twisting back to see what Nicholas was looking at. Though he leaned down, the greenery and flowers were not within reach. Following his gaze, she spotted white and purple flowers.

“Your Grace?”

Straightening up, he shot her a stern look. “Nicholas.”

“Nicholas. What is it that you see?”

“Ghost orchids. Rare flowers. They don’t grow naturally here,” he noted.

Though he looked away, she caught the hint of a smile on his lips. A natural one.

He liked flowers.

Joanna listened to the skip of her heartbeat, curious. Had he pointed out flowers to her before? There had been some beautiful bouquets in their front hall once or twice, but she couldn’t recall if the servants put them there or if it was someone else. She nudged her horse backward to have a closer look.

“Do they smell sweet?” she inquired.

“These are very rare flowers. No leaves. See that? I’ve only seen them twice before. They actually hardly grow anywhere,” Nicholas added. “For their scent… It’s said that they only have a scent at night.”

Joanna blinked, wondering at the strangeness of such beauty. “It is very rare, indeed. I wonder how they came to be here. Could someone have planted them?”

“I doubt it.” He straightened up and offered a smile. It was a different smile, so sheepish and charming that she felt the urge to ruffle his hair. The way he looked at her made her understand at once how a woman could fall easily for him. “They will be gone before long. I suppose that is the beauty of some things, is it not? How rare they are.”

“Rarity can breed value,” she agreed, unable to keep from smiling herself. “It’s what makes life so precious. We are fortunate to be here at this moment, are we not? Even if I came here by myself, I would not have known to identify such a flower.”

Nicholas gave a slow nod. “Indeed.”

With those eyes on her and that gentle word sliding past his lips, Joanna felt a warm shiver run up her spine. She tightened her grip on the reins, and her mare shifted as a result. His gaze broke from hers.

Nicholas cleared his throat. “Shall we continue onward?”

And onward they went, traipsing back into the city at a gentle pace. The time was needed, as Joanna had much to think about.

She couldn’t help but keep looking over at her husband, stealing glances and admiring his fine form. The wind hardly dared to stir his hair. There was color in his cheeks, and he seemed to finally relax around her.

He hardly looks like the man I met in his study, so aggravating and mocking. Did I not see him for who he was, or is this all a ploy? I hardly know what to think.

Lest she allow herself to get carried away, Joanna recalled that he had carefully steered their conversation away from his family. He didn’t want to talk about his loss. When she had given him another opening while they admired the ghost orchids—she hoped that was how he perceived it—he had not taken it.

Losing someone was a painful ordeal. His loss was significant. Based on what she had seen thus far and learned from Eleanor, she feared that Nicholas had never had the opportunity to mourn.

She hated that. He deserved that time to heal.

I know I should be grateful that he doesn’t pity me and isn’t attempting to annoy me. But I cannot help wondering… waiting… What if any of this is a ploy? What if it all is? To what end? I know how rude he can be, and yet…

“Hm. Beautiful.”

Joanna blinked, snapping herself back to the present as she wondered what Nicholas was talking about. It only took her a moment to realize that a hummingbird had crossed their path and landed in some flowers off to the side of a small shop. Its wings fluttered so quickly that she had nearly missed it.

“Do you care for birds?” Nicholas asked a moment later.

Nodding, Joanna replied, “I admire them, and I envy them. They can fly wherever they wish. My father… he gifted me a bird as a child, you know. It was put in a beautiful golden cage, but I felt so sorry for it. During the first fortnight, I cried and cried, until I opened the doors of that cage.”

Astonishment flickered across his face before he asked, “What then?”

Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she forced a smile. “I never saw it again. I can only pray it lived a good life.”

Nicholas opened his mouth, before shaking his head. A soft smile curved his lips. “I believe it did. Come, then, let us see what other birds cross our path. How many can you name? I would like to know.”

Although Joanna had thought she had forgotten most of the names, it seemed that she knew more than she had expected. They walked slowly through London, taking turns pointing out birds. Nicholas even took them on a detour around a few quieter streets before going straight to their house, determined to find her a blue jay.

“They should be everywhere,” he said with a determined look. “I swear I see five of them every morning I ride through town.”

Impressed by his resilience, Joanna resisted the urge to reassure him that it didn’t matter. She, too, knew that they existed in London. She, too, had seen many of them. But she held it back, fearing he would forgo their mission to simply return to the house.

I don’t think I want to return at all. What if it’s different there? What if he doesn’t smile at me and returns to ignoring me as much as possible? I would like to traipse through all of London with him at my side, searching for a single silly bird. Hang the rest.

She wondered how much time had passed since they had gone out on their ride. Judging by the position of the sun, they had already been gone for more than a few hours. They would have missed any callers and perhaps even afternoon tea.

And yet they still hadn’t seen the bird.

Just a few more minutes, Joanna told herself as she craned her neck to look up at the taller buildings and then down toward the nearby bushes. They would find a bird. She knew they must find one.

“There!” they shouted at once, pointing their fingers, and then turned to see what the other was doing.

It seemed they’d both spotted the colorful bird sitting on a tall post at the end of the path.

Although the creature had not noticed them, Nicholas and Joanna beamed at one another with pure satisfaction.

“We did it,” she told him, unable to hold in a giggle of delight.

“Yes, we did. Well done, Joanna.”

Joanna nodded. It was the best she could do in lieu of a curtsy. “Thank you, and you were splendid yourself.”

Nicholas bowed in the saddle. It looked so uncomfortable that she had to bite her lip to hold back a laugh. When he straightened up, he winked. He could tell what had amused her, and he found amusement in it as well.

“A successful scouting journey we had,” he proclaimed. “And what good fortune, as our house is just around the corner.”

Her breath caught. Already so close?

“Indeed,” she said, forcing a smile.

She wished right then that the blue jay had been farther away. But she pushed down the feeling to enjoy the last minute of her ride with Nicholas.

Warmth rose in her chest. She had never experienced a wonderful morning like the one she just had with her husband. It felt almost like she was dreaming.

As they returned to their manor, she wondered if she would ever experience something like this again.

It could only happen with Nicholas, and I fear he will run away at his next chance. We have never spent so much time together.

“May I?”

Joanna sucked in a breath when she found him there, by her knees, ready to help her dismount. The stableboy had been nudged out of the way. It was just Nicholas, with his arms outstretched, ready to lower her onto the ground.

“Yes, please,” she barely managed to say before she practically fell into his arms.

She had leaned forward to grasp his shoulders and found herself sliding down his body. She let out a squeal of fright, but the descent never escalated, and the ground only welcomed her feet.

“Oh!”

Her heart pounded in her chest, and she looked up, feeling her cheeks redden. How clumsy she must have looked. Still, most of her weight was leaning on him.

Somehow, Nicholas didn’t seem disappointed or frustrated. His lips were still curved upward, and his gaze was fixed on her.

He looked at her in a way she couldn’t quite comprehend, only that it was different somehow. It made her stomach flutter.

She swallowed hard. Still, she couldn’t turn away from him. His gaze had captivated her, leaving her warm and wishing she would never leave his side.

How can he smile like this and make me feel like we are the only people in the world?

The horses were led away to the stables. The jangling of the harnesses and clip-clop of hooves pulled her out of her dizzying thoughts.

Unable to help it, Joanna ran her eyes over the handsome slope of his nose and his lips. They looked thin but welcoming. Firm but soft—and probably warm. She wanted to know how they felt.

Wouldn’t Nicholas wish to kiss her? They hadn’t done that since their wedding day, and she wondered what would happen if either of them moved even closer.

She hardly knew how to kiss, of course, but he did. He was experienced and could teach her.

In the next instant, however, Joanna recalled that Nicholas was a well-known rake. All of London knew who she had married, and she knew who she had married. Yes, he knew how to kiss because there were few women in the city whom he hadn’t kissed. Or so she suspected.

He’s a charmer. He’s been charming me all morning, has he not? But that doesn’t mean he actually means anything he has said or done. So many others must have been on the receiving end of his charms.

Worst of all, Joanna winced when she then recalled that theirs was a marriage of convenience. They had agreed on this from the beginning. Their marriage was nothing more than a contract.

“Is something wrong?” Nicholas asked, feeling her growing stiff.

“I… It was a very enjoyable ride, but it was rather long. My body hardly knows what to do with itself.”

He slowly let go of her, his brow furrowed. “Shall I escort you to your room? I can fetch you tea. Or should you need more, I can––”

Hastily shaking her head, Joanna replied, “No, there is no need. I think some rest would do me well.”

Already she was starting to put some distance between them. Out of his arms, she saw his hands flounder in the air with nothing to grasp, before he grudgingly dropped them to his sides. He appeared almost confused, and she feared that this was a game she didn’t know how to play. She didn’t even want to play it, not with him.

The day had been so lovely. If only she hadn’t thought of everything just now.

It wasn’t as though he could care for her like the other women he might have courted. Hadn’t she promised him he could do as he liked? She had his protection and his name, and that was enough. To think she was anything more, anything better, or something special, frustrated her.

Embarrassment made her face flush.

“Yes, of course,” Nicholas was saying to her. “You should rest this afternoon. I thought perhaps we might sup together tonight. We can meet at seven o’clo––”

“No,” she interrupted him, “that’s all right. Thank you. But I feel the beginnings of a… a megrim, and I must retire to my bedchamber. Not tonight, Your Grace, I apologize.”

And then Joanna turned on her heel and made for the front steps, suddenly desperate to escape him. Or rather, escape the false hopes that hung around him like sun rays.