Page 75 of His Toy

CHAPTER 20

Heather

The desert landscape rushed by in the window. The plants, though sturdy enough for the heat, looked like they should be burning under the sun. I was shivering in a sweater. The bus’s air conditioning was freezing. I was usually grateful when a bus had working air conditioning, but for some reason, this time, it irritated me. Think warm, I thought. Warm thoughts. His warm hands. Cupping you. Feeling your stomach. Warming your heart.

No. Don’t think about him.

I couldn’t stop myself. Zaid had been my partner in everything since I had left Club Hades. But when I looked at the facts, I knew it was hardly a partnership. When I first arrived, I couldn’t so much as step into the backyard without him tightening his grip on me. But I also knew that he loosened his control in everything but my submission. In the end, he had trusted me.

It should’ve felt better to have freedom. It should’ve felt good.

So why did it still feel like I wasn’t free?Emotionally. That my heart and brain were at war, still stick in that house hidden in the mountains.

Out the window, a gunmetal car with tinted windows cruised alongside the bus. There was hardly another car in sight. Most cars went around our big, slow bus, but this car had been following us for a few hours. I imagined the car was filled with another person searching for their family, their only family, like me. We would make it. Together.

Loneliness doesn’t begin to describe how I felt.

I leaned my head against the cool window and closed my eyes.Their only family.

It was hard to imagine how two parents could abandon their children. Anything could have happened to us. Hazel was only a couple of months old, and me? I would have been barely able to speak. I should have cried, should have screamed, and those visions from my nightmares played on repeat in my head, but I was numb. I was hurt by Zaid—as much as I hated it, he had that control over my emotions—but for them, people I had never known, my own parents, I didn’t feel anything. Not really. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t allow myself to.

A garbage can. The tall, metal sides. Little hands reaching up. Searching. Seeing nothing but grass. Grass surrounding us in every direction. So green it couldn’t be real. None of it was real.

Your sister runs away from you. She doesn’t want you in her life.

I couldn’t get his words out of my head. But none of it felt right. The man that said those words wasn’t Zaid. It was the darkness surfacing, trying to push me away. She ran away countless times, but not from me. It was so I would come to her. Deep in my heart, I knew that.

But still, it fucking hurt to hear him say those words. To deliberately hurt me like that.

I lied to you.

I should’ve known all along that he would. Even Hazel lied to me sometimes. Hazel and I didn’t always get along, but we always stuck by each other. We werealwaysthere when it counted. That was family. It had everything and nothing to do with blood.

But Hazel had never killed another family member in front of my eyes.

I wasn’t denying that seeing your mother get murdered could mess with your head. No one would argue with that. But in the end, wasn’t Eric family? It was hard for me to comprehend Zaid’s decision. I had spent my whole life searching for answers about my parents, being denied the truth, and now I understood why. It hurt; it was the worst feeling in the world, but I would never wish them harm. They had their reasons. Didn’t they?

Eric had beaten a woman for pouring the wrong drink. He had a reason. But that didn’t make what he did right.

Still, if he was Zaid’s biological father, couldn’t Zaid get revenge another way? Teach him a lesson in something that wasn’t so finite? Was there any way, other than death?

Maybe Zaid thought the world would be a safer place if he ended Eric’s life. It was part of why he had started Veil Security Services—to bring safety to those who needed it.

As long as Hazel was safe, I didn’t care about Eric. Or Zaid. They weren’t my problem anymore.

But that was a lie. I knew it was.

The driver parked at a rest stop. The passengers shuffled out, heading to the restrooms, the convenience store, the vending machines. The gunmetal car was parked nearby. Maybe they needed rest too.

I stared at a vending machine, full of chips, crackers, and trail mix. Trail mix. I hadn’t been on a true trail since the Valley of Fire. When Zaid took me.

When this was over, I planned to treat myself. To go to a national park. Pick a random trail and get so lost that I forgot all about this.

There had been something different about getting lost in Zaid’s property. It had felt like it was my own, my woods, my home. I stared out at the woods each morning, and trained until I could barely feel my legs, then fell asleep on the sofa in the fireplace room, my room, my head resting on Zaid’s lap.

I hated to admit it, but I felt safe like that, with Zaid watching over me. Someone was looking out for me for once.

A tall, muscular man with short dirty blond hair walked into the bathroom. He looked familiar. Was it someone from Club Hades? One of Eric’s followers? I needed to be vigilant, so I went to the bus and peered out the window.