Page 54 of His Toy

Mine.

I rarely had anything of my own, and even rarer, something that I wanted to call my own. So this, knowing that this was here, that he had decided to give it to me, was hard to comprehend. Zaid was standing, ready to leave me in peace, but that was the last thing I wanted. It was hard enough to comprehend our reality. I didn’t want to do it without him.

“Will you stay with me?” I asked. “Until the sun goes down.”

After a moment, he took a seat on the long, tufted sofa. I sat next to him, and I was surprised at how comfortable it was. It felt like we were resting on clouds.

“I can see why you slept here,” I said. He put an arm around me, and a warmth surged in my chest. I felt it again: the security, the safety. His arm around me. A place that felt like home.

He was full of secrets. There was an unmistakable darkness that covered his soul. But there was light in there too. Zaid wanted to protect those he loved with unrelenting dedication. More than anything, he blamed himself when he couldn’t.

“I don’t understand you. Or us,” I said quietly. “But I know we both want the same thing.” I laid down, moving to rest my head on his lap. A puzzled look flashed over his face, but then he adjusted, resting his hand on my back. “A safer world for those we care about.”

I wanted to say the word ‘love,’ but I couldn’t. Not yet.

Zaid wound his fingers in my hair, and the fire crackled in the corner. After a while, he said, “There is some truth to that. The world doesn’t need perpetual violence.”

I nuzzled his thigh. You could have a man who hurt you, punished you, who made you pay until you got the right positioning for a high protocol posture, and yet the same man made you feel safe, respected, made you feel home. Zaid stroked my hair, and my eyes felt heavy with comfort. The sky darkened and we stayed there, entranced, watching the sunset.