Page 21 of His Forbidden Duchess (Forbidden Lords #3)

Chapter Twenty-One

A s she settled back on the bench opposite Felix, Eloise couldn’t look him in the eye.

The feeling of his arms around her had left her discombobulated all over again. She knew he felt it too. He wanted to touch her as much as she wanted him to touch her, but he continued to hold himself back. Something kept stopping him.

Perhaps because he has been forced into marriage?

She looked back at him and offered him a weak smile, hoping to reassure him, but the coldness had returned to his eyes.

“You are Jeremy’s sister,” he said simply.

Eloise blinked in surprise. Surely they both knew that well enough, but what a peculiar thing to say as they travelled home from their wedding.

“I am,” she replied.

“And he is my best friend—has been forever.”

“Also true,” she replied.

She tilted her head, curious as to where this conversation was headed.

Felix cleared his throat for the hundredth time then brushed imaginary dust from his breeches, studiously avoiding her gaze.

“It is precisely because of that,” he said in a businesslike manner, “that our marriage will be in name only. I do not plan to consummate our marriage.”

“Oh!” Eloise’s breath caught in her throat, completely taken aback. “I see.”

This rake, known for his insatiable appetite for pleasure, didn’t wish to lay with her?

Eloise stared at him, her mind scrambling to make sense of his words. What was wrong with her? She had been so certain he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

And how will I ever find satisfaction now?

She turned and looked out of the window, embarrassed that she could be thinking of her own pleasure at a time like this. Felix had just sacrificed himself for her and her family and had married her to save them. How could she expect anything more?

“I see,” she managed to repeat. She shifted uncomfortably, her fingers twisting together in her lap. “So… you will be going to go back to your mistresses then?”

Felix’s eyes flickered, and she thought she’d struck a nerve. There was a flash of something within him, but his expression remained controlled, unreadable, as if he’d prepared himself for this question.

He has been thinking about this since the night with Carlisle.

Her stomach lurched sickeningly. He had been thinking about how he could sacrifice himself enough to marry her but not to bed her.

I am a complete and utter fool.

“It will be better this way,” he said calmly though he didn’t meet her eyes, instead searching the carriage floor as if the right words lay there. “Better for both of us. We are friends, Eloise. I do not want to ruin that.”

Eloise’s breath hitched. Friends?

She supposed he was right. Other than their sham of a marriage, they had never openly expressed any intent to be more than friends. Worse, he was her brother’s friend. She was there by default.

Again, she felt the hurt in her chest and swallowed hard as the sting of his rejection pierced her heart.

“That… that didn’t stop you from kissing me before,” she said quietly.

She hated how weak and pathetic she sounded.

Felix’s gaze snapped back to her, sharp and intent. His jaw clenched, and for a moment, she saw a glint in his eyes. She wished she could understand him.

“We were not married then,” he said, his voice rougher now, betraying the cool demeanor he was trying to maintain. “It was different.”

She almost barked with laughter at the irony. Under any other circumstances, in a normal world, now was the time they would be permitted to kiss, even encouraged to make love.

Eloise longed to hold him close again, to burrow her face into his neck and inhale his scent. She remembered how good it felt to have his arms around her, strong and immovable. Her mind flashed back to that night in the corridor when he had held her hands above her head and silenced her.

She wanted that again.

“Different?” Eloise echoed, fiddling with the hem on her glove. “How?”

She didn’t dare look at him, but the tension between them deepened. He seemed to snarl the next words at her.

“I cannot believe you need me to explain it to you, Eloise. You are now my wife.” he said, his voice soft but firm. “Marriage changes everything. It ruins relationships. You and I, we are better as we are—no more, no less.”

Eloise sat back, stung by his words. Her mind whirled with questions, but she remained silent, aware of how dangerously close to the edge of fury he had become.

His reasoning felt like a poor excuse, a way to keep her at a distance. She had been so certain that he wanted her, perhaps not in marriage, admittedly, but in body. She looked out the window, the passing countryside nothing more than a blur as her eyes filled with tears that she refused to allow to fall.

“I see,” she said a third time, her voice tight.

A suffocating silence settled over them once more. Eloise glanced at him, unsure if she should continue to question him.

“What do you think Jeremy will say once he returns?” Felix asked before she had the chance.

He leaned back into the seat and crossed his arms over his chest. He looked directly at her now, as if on safer ground.

Eloise shrugged, thankful for the shift in conversation though the discomfort lingered between them.

“I am sure he will be shocked, to say the least. But…” she paused, her lips curving into a small smile, “I suspect he will be incredibly grateful to you for your… sacrifice.”

There was that word again. Sacrifice . It stung every time it entered her mind.

“He knew we were in trouble,” she continued. “That is why he went away in the first place, but he had no idea just how much trouble.”

Felix narrowed his eyes at her. “Why did you never tell him the truth?”

Eloise sighed. “By the time word would have reached him, it would have been too late. What would have been the point? There was no way he could help, not from Europe.”

Felix’s lips twitched though it wasn’t quite a smile. “And so you decided seduction was your only answer.”

Eloise gave a light laugh though her heart wasn’t in it. “Yes, well, I did not have a lot of options. It was the only way I could think to solve it.”

Felix turned his head, watching her carefully. She could feel the heat of his eyes on her cheeks. “That is why I am now here, Eloise,” he said quietly. “So that you are no longer not alone.”

I am now saddled with two brothers instead of just one.

She had no right to ask for more, but she could hope.

The remainder of the ride passed in strained silence.

She was Felix’s wife but only in name. For reasons she couldn’t fathom, that hurt more than she expected. She had not set out looking for love, so why should it surprise her that love did not show itself?

Eventually, the carriage pulled up to Kingswell Hall. Eloise leaned forward, peering out of the window at the sprawling estate. The manor house rose before them, its stone walls covered in ivy.

It was grand—far grander than anything she had imagined and so much more than Felix’s townhouse had been. Her stomach fluttered with nerves as it dawned on her: she was the Duchess of Kingswell, and this was now her home.

Eloise didn’t notice Felix getting out of the carriage until she heard his boots crunching on the gravel as he marched to the door, trotting up the three stone steps that led to the entrance.

He barely looked over his shoulder as she clambered out, feeling more alone than she ever had been. She still clutched her wedding bouquet.

“Are you coming?” he called.

Eloise merely nodded. As her feet touched the ground, she smoothed down her gown with trembling fingers. The house towered before her, the windows glittering in the sun like liquid silver.

You can do this.

The large double oak doors opened, and several members of the household staff stepped out to greet them.

“Welcome to Kingswell Hall, Your Grace,” said a middle-aged woman with kind eyes and a gentle smile, and Eloise realized with a start that she was addressing her.

The woman gave a graceful curtsy before gesturing toward the other servants, all standing in neat rows. “We are honored to welcome you. We have been busy preparing for your arrival.”

Eloise blinked, momentarily taken aback by the warmth in the woman’s voice. It was a far cry from the cool, distant greeting she’d expected. She glanced at Felix, who had stood back to allow the greeting, and her heart warmed again.

Perhaps he did care after all. He must to have prearranged all this for her. She threw him a gentle smile by way of thanks then turned back to the woman she presumed to be the housekeeper.

“Thank you. I am… grateful. I was not expecting such a warm welcome.”

The woman gave her a small, officious nod and turned to Felix. “Welcome home, Your Grace.”

Felix inclined his head. “Thank you, Mrs. Thorpe. Everything is in order, I trust?”

Mrs. Thorpe’s smile widened. Eloise noted how happy the staff seemed, how comfortable they were around Felix. They liked having him as their employer, she realized, and that made her admire him even more.

“Indeed, Your Grace,” Mrs. Thorpe continued. “The household is ready for you and Her Grace. Everything was prepared exactly as you had instructed. If there is anything else that you require, do not hesitate to ask.”

Eloise caught the warm but curious glances of the other servants as they greeted her with polite bows and curtsies.

Despite the unease still gnawing at her, she felt a small degree of relief. The staff seemed genuinely kind, if a little confused by this sudden change in circumstance, and Eloise allowed herself to hope that Kingswell Hall could become a true home.

With a broad smile, she turned to her husband, but her expression faltered. Felix nodded at her in acknowledgement, but he had once again become guarded.

What in Heaven’s name is he protecting himself from?

“I will leave you to settle in,” he said, his tone formal, as if they were little more than acquaintances. “I have matters to which I must attend.”

Eloise blinked, her heart sinking as she watched him turn on his heel and walk toward the entrance, leaving her behind.

I am married but only in name.

She clung more tightly onto her flowers which had begun to wilt and curl. Felix had labeled them friends, but were they even that now? He was more distant than he had ever been.

Eloise sighed and reminded herself that it was still only her first day here. Felix, no doubt, had as many questions and emotions swirling in his mind as she had in hers. Perhaps he would thaw a little if she gave him some space and time.

Mrs. Thorpe stepped forward, breaking her reverie. “Your Grace, would you like me to take the flowers? They are quite pretty. I can ask one of the maids to pop them in a vase and place them on the breakfast table.”

Eloise threw her a grateful smile. “Would you? That would be most kind.”

Mrs. Thorpe shook her head. “Nothing is too much for Her Grace. Shall I show you to your chamber? I have no doubt you have had a long and tiring day, as beautiful as it may have been.”

Beautiful is not how I would choose to describe it.

Eloise smiled tiredly and nodded. “Yes, thank you.”

As she followed Mrs. Thorpe inside, Eloise cast one last glance over her shoulder, watching Felix disappear into the shadows of Kingswell Hall.