Page 26

26

CONNOR

T hree weeks passed, and I still hadn’t talked to my brother. Neither of us texted or spoke on the phone. I was still fuming over his outburst whenever I played our argument in my head, and he was probably still hurting from my hateful words.

I decided to cut our holiday vacation short, so Spencer and I headed back to university a couple of days after Christmas. I hadn’t wanted to deal with Kyle anymore, even if he came by the house. Mom was disappointed that we’d left earlier than planned but understood. I felt guilty and needed to call her.

I’d been studying, but my concentration was poor, so I pulled out my phone and dialed her number.

“Hi, sweetheart. How’s the new term treating you?”

I kept my tone upbeat. “It’s going well—I even picked up another student to tutor.”

“How many do you have now?” she asked.

“Four, and I think that’ll be my limit. I have enough assignments of my own, and I don’t want to fall behind.” I was avoiding the topic of Kyle. “What’s new with you?”

“Things are good here…quiet, though. Kyle came over on New Year’s Day and helped me take down Christmas and put it all back in the attic for me.” My stomach twisted.

“Good, I’m glad he helped.” I paused. “Mom, I wanted to call and apologize again for Spencer and me leaving early. I just didn’t want to deal with Kyle and his pissy behavior. Has he brought up our argument with you?”

“He came by after you and Spencer left. He was sorry for the way things went down on Christmas Day, but he defended himself and went off again about what you two argued about. I let him get it off his chest but then told him to stop.”

“You did?”

She seemed surprised by my response. “Of course, sweetheart. I validated his feelings but then told him how I felt he behaved around Mason. I didn’t raise you boys to be judgmental. Even with each other.” I stayed quiet as she continued. “Now, you said some things in return that were just as hurtful. Did you really say you hated him?”

I felt my face flush. “Yes, but things got so heated, I just wanted to strike back. We’ve never yelled at each other like that before, and I know it got out of hand. I knew it was the wrong thing to say.”

“How are you and your brother going to fix this?” she asked. Mom was always one to have others figure out solutions to their conflicts. I suddenly felt like a scolded little boy.

“We’ll need to talk about it, but I’m not ready. It’s too soon. When I think about what went down, I get pissed off all over again.” I was still too upset about what he’d said about Mason even to attempt a conversation, at least right now.

“He pretty much said the same thing, Connor. At some point, you both need to deal with it.”

“I know, it’s just too raw right now.” I agreed with her, but I needed to get more out of Mom regarding her feelings. “You and I didn’t have the chance to really talk about your reaction when you first met Mason.”

“Oh, I was surprised, but I didn’t know what you meant to each other. He’s a very handsome man, and I can see how you’d fancy him. I found him intelligent and charming. I’m sorry for the losses he’s had in life, but I like him, sweetheart.”

My heart soared with her approval. “I really like him, Mom, but it’s a distraction thinking about him all the time,” I said with a snicker. “It’s an interesting long-distance thing.”

“If you’re thinking about him all the time, it might be more than just liking him, honey. Listen to your gut and let your heart follow.”

First Spencer and now Mom mentioning gut and heart feelings? The universe must be telling me something.

“Thanks, Mom. I gotta get back to studying, but I’ll call you next week.".

“Think about mending things with your brother, dear. Don’t let it fester, or you’ll both be eaten away by it,” she replied before saying goodbye.

When I hung up, her words hit home. Kyle and I did need to make amends over what happened; I just wasn’t sure when we’d be able to. We needed to do it face-to-face, though, not over the phone.

By late afternoon, I had finished studying and put together a couple of tutoring plans. Deciding I was hungry, I threw on some warmer clothes, crossed the hall, and gave a quick knock on Spencer’s door before walking in. The sight in front of me made me smile.

Spencer was seated cross-legged on his bed with four textbooks open around him. On the floor, sitting in front of my friend, was a guy with his back against the mattress, a pen in his mouth wearing a slight frown. Both looked up at the same time when I froze in the doorway.

“Hey, Spence,” I said with caution, staring at the guy on the floor.

Spencer placed his laptop to the side on top of his books. “Hey, what’s up?” he responded, grinning at me. I continued to stare at the guy on the floor. He was big, football big, wearing an EOU sweatshirt that was probably a double XL.

“Uh… I hope I’m not interrupting, but I was headed to the cafeteria for some early dinner. Thought you might like to join, but I see you have company.”

Spencer then realized I hadn’t met his friend yet. “Oh, you haven’t had the chance to meet Evan.” Spencer hopped off the bed and stood next to the muscular monolith of a man who stood up to meet me. He was a good five or six inches taller than me and almost twice as wide.

I greeted him with a handshake, but Evan’s large, muscular arms wrapped me in a huge hug, and I could barely reach around his broad body to return it. “Hi, I’m Evan. You must be Connor,” he proclaimed when he stepped back and sized me up. My look of surprise had Spencer laughing.

“He’s a hugger. I probably should have warned you,” Spencer mused.

“And big,” I replied, looking up and down Evan’s frame. I estimated him to be about two hundred and fifty pounds of muscle, bone, and part granite. His auburn hair was cut short, and he had chiseled facial features that gave him the look of a Roman statue. “It’s nice to meet you, Evan. Spence told me not too much about you other than you’re on the football team.”

Evan looked at Spencer and then addressed me. “Yup, offensive lineman. Spencer told me you’re a competitive swimmer like him.”

With a snort, I replied, “Competitive no longer, other than when Spence and I are in the pool together. I stopped competing after I finished at Portland University.” I glanced between the two of them. “I won’t interrupt if you need to keep studying, so I’ll…” Spencer immediately cut me off.

“I think we’re both ready for a break. Mind if Evan joins us?” he asked as if I could say no.

“I could eat,” Evan added.

I snickered. “Of course. You could probably eat a small village along with the villagers.”

“I have,” he said in agreement. I laughed.

“I like him, Spence. He’s a smartass like you,” I said as I slapped his arm and winked at Evan.

As we walked to the cafeteria, Evan filled me in on his studies, the fraternity, and his closeted life. Even though Spencer and I came out when we were younger, I understood Evan’s situation, being on the football team and from a conservative family in Boise. He would eventually find his way, and he’d have friends like us for support. Coming out was a personal journey, and there’s no time limit on how one navigates it.

I had predicted that our football friend could eat a village, and he did. The university allows its athletes unlimited meals and snacks, and I stared in amazement at the mountain of food on his tray. Mine was a quarter of what he put away, and I was stuffed.

We headed back to the dorm together, but Spencer’s playmate had to detour to his fraternity. Goodbye hugs happened, and we bid a good night to Evan. “You really like him, don’t you?” I asked Spencer on our way back, bumping his shoulder.

“I think I do, and he hails from Boise like me. He’s a sweet guy, but you’d never know it watching him on the field. He’s a red-headed tank with one fine, powerful ass,” he snorted. We’ve now discovered he’s turned into a versatile top, thanks to me wanting his goal post up my ass.” I laughed. “How’s Mason?” he asked in return.

“He’s good. I miss him, though. Right now, he’s in California.” My melancholia was evident. “We text at least once a day, and we have video phone chats a couple of times a week. This long-distance thing sucks.” Spencer sensed my mood shift and said he was sorry.

I told him I was fine, even though I wasn’t.