Page 21 of Hide From Me

“That’s not necessary. Besides, your girl might bite me if I keep you from another day of planning,” Sam says, interrupting me with the jingle of his keys.

I don’t respond. I can’t. All I can do is hang up the phone, toss it into the passenger seat, and focus on how my short nails dig into my skin when my fist clenches.

I’m losing my mind. I know it. I’ve completely lost touch with reality. This is the moment I become just like everyone around me—everyone who has influenced who I am.

I lift my head. Even through the dirty car window and the clean glass pane, I can make out hints of brown in bright green eyes that contrast with the worn green of the booths surrounding her. I work my jaw, willing my breathing to slow—praying that the woman of my dreams can’t see all my nightmares laid bare.

She hesitates, her cloth firmly placed on the table.Is she scared? Can she sense the monster inside me, begging to break free from its tightly locked cage? Can she feel the darkness I radiate?

Before I can spiral any further, she does the one thing I didn’t know I needed—her lips curl into a slight smile. It’s embarrassing how quickly my shoulders sag and how easily I lean back into the seat, which still carries the scent of her shampoo.

The moment doesn’t last long enough, though.

The door beside me swings open, and I jump as Sam yanks me halfway out of the car by the arm.

“Bloody hell, Moe,” he growls, dragging me upright. “You look like someone shoved a ghost down your throat.”

I shove at his chest, staggering to my feet.

“One of the workers asked if I could check her radio. She saw me messing with my battery the other day and assumed I was a mechanic.” The lie rolls off my tongue more easily than I would like, but he doesn’t seem to think much of it as he clasps a hand on my shoulder.

I drop my gaze and kick at the rubble, trying to hide the flush on my cheeks as I struggle to catch my breath. I’m a grown man, yet here is my brother’s bestfriend, still coming to my rescue. It’s infuriating and embarrassing. I thought I had everything under control.

Instead of commenting on the situation, Sam steps back, grabs my phone from the car, and tosses it in my direction.

"Do you need anything before training? We can go in and have a drink."

"I, uh—" I clear my throat and shake my head. I may not have thought this through because that statement makes my stomach turn. The team and I come here regularly to eat, yet I never considered that. All it would take is her saying one thing or me acting like the foolish love-struck puppy she makes me feel like.

I begged, damn it.

"Speak up, Moe. You're a leader."

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” I huff and push past him to the unnecessarily large blacked-out truck he drives as I tug the pack from my pocket to light a cigarette up. I mean, seriously—who needs something like this? Has he even seen how ridiculous Jasmine looks trying to drive this thing?

My phone vibrates while sliding into the passenger seat, but I refuse to check it. The last thing my ego needs is another blow from her. All it would take is her pointing out the face I let crumble, and I’d be done for.

“What triggered it this time?” Sam grumbles, sounding irritated about the topics as he slips into the driver seat, even though I know he’s not. He has his own demons to battle, but he handles them better. His focus flicks between the stick firmly tucked between my lips and the passenger window. Getting the silent hint, I grumble a few curses and roll it down.

“I don’t know,” I lie. It’s funny how much I hate when others lie, yet I can’t seem to stop myself.

There’s a grunt from Sam, and then the space between us falls into silence. I wish I could say I enjoy it, but honestly, I wish there was something to fill the air instead of my dry breathing.

It allows those tumbling thoughts to come back. Another vibration, and I groan in frustration, tucking my head into my hands. The heat from theember burns close to my scalp but i dont have the energy to push the butt further between my fingers.Maybe my hair will catch fire and distract me from everything wrong in the world.

“Greenport.”

“What?” I look up, and Sam shrugs, almost as if his random word wasn’t the final nail in my coffin.Is he losing his mind, too?

“That’s where your mission is, in case Cas hasn’t told you.” He glances at me out of the corner of his eye “And throw that goddamn thing out if you’re not going to smoke it.”

“Sorry,” I mutter my apology and toss the stick through the thin crack after taking a healthy drag that makes me cough.

He huffs a laugh. “Honestly, I’m surprised. Typically, by now, you’d be swallowing down all the information you can get to prepare for something like this.”

I rub the back of my neck and look out the window at the green grass swaying in the wind. This is unusual for me, but I’ve been distracted. I’ve clung so hard to missions, thinking it would provide answers, but I haven’t needed them since I’ve found something else I want to figure out.

“Yeah, I just haven’t been in the right headspace.”