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fifteen

ulgan

W atching Ada walk down those stairs tonight feels like my world is crashing in on me. I just went from having the best night of my life to the worst in a matter of minutes. The look of shock and fear on her face once she learned that we were mates felt like a sucker punch to the gut. This is all my fault. If only I’d told her sooner, or maybe not at all.

No, she deserved to know the truth. But not like this.

After pacing my apartment for the hundredth time, it feels like the walls close in on me. I need to get the hell out of here and clear my head. I grab my coat and head outside, hoping that the fresh air will do something to change how shitty I feel. After wandering aimlessly downtown for over an hour, my feet lead me back through the woods to my workshop.

Tonight is a nightmare that I need to wake the fuck up from. How did everything crash and burn like that? My worst fear was realized. I admitted my feelings to Ada and now I’ve scared her and ruined everything that we could’ve had.

Dammit, why did I have to call her “mate”? I was trying to give her time to warm up to the idea, and instead I had to open my big mouth.

Frustration and self-loathing war within me. Grabbing my ax from the workbench, I walk over to my pile of wood that’s meant for future projects. Well, fuck that. I need to blow off some steam, and this wood is about to be the target of my frustrations. I indiscriminately land blow after blow on every block of wood in my proximity. Each blow is accompanied by loud roars of anguish.

A short while later, my muscles are burning and my breath is labored. A massive pile of chopped wood sits next to me. Placing another hunk of wood on the chopping stump, my arms shake as I raise the ax above my head. A guttural grunt leaves my chest as the head of the ax connects with the wood.

Sitting down on the beaten-up stump, I close my eyes and try to get my breathing under control. Exhaustion wins in the end, and after putting my ax back in the shop, I trudge up the stairs to my apartment. Removing my shoes, my body collapses onto my bed. Things can't get much worse than today, right?

I'm so screwed.

Early the following morning, my head is pounding, and all I want to do is crawl under a rock. Instead, I take some pain relievers and head downstairs to open the shop for the day. My phone rings again for the fifth time this morning, and after a quick glance, I see that it’s Theo. I don’t have the energy to talk to anyone right now. Turning my phone off, I get back to adding more cupcakes to the display case when the bell above the door rings.

“Welcome to Blissful Bites, I’ll be right with you in a moment,” I say, not looking up from the case.

“What the hell, dude? Why are you ignoring my calls?” Theo shouts. “Did I interrupt something between you and your mate this morning?” He turns the Open sign on the door to Closed, and sits down at one of the small white metal tables that I have for customers who want to stay and eat. Joining him, my body sags against the back of the too-small chair and my face can’t hide how crappy I feel.

His playful demeanor becomes serious. “Oh shit, what happened?”

What didn’t go wrong?

“I fucked up big time and accidentally called her my mate.” My head falls into my hands that I have propped on the table.

I lift my head in time to see Theo’s eyes widen, and his mouth opens like he’s going to say something but thinks better of it.

“Go ahead, tell me how badly I messed this whole thing up.” My head hangs and eyes close, waiting for him to let me know how I destroyed my chance at happiness.

“I’m assuming by your reaction that she didn’t take it well?” he asks, trying to keep his voice calm for me.

“I scared the shit out of her. She said that she needed time to think about it. The night was going so well, too,” I say, trying and failing to keep how hurt I am from seeping into my voice.

“Let me just get this straight. You had an amazing evening with your beautiful mate, and slipped up and called her your mate—which she is. Am I right so far?” he asks.

“Yep.” I’m such an idiot.

“And she seemed a little freaked out, and asked for space to think?” he clarifies again.

“Spot on.” It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours and her absence is already killing me.

“Ulgan, relax. This doesn’t mean that the night was ruined. It just means that your very human mate needs time to process something that’s not normal where she comes from. If the rest of the evening was going well, then it probably isn’t as bad as you think it is.”

Shaking my head, I can’t help but disagree. He wasn’t there to see the shock on her face or how quickly she wanted to get away from me.

“It’s time to call in reinforcements.” Theo pulls out his phone and dials.

“Little witch, I need a favor.”

Is he talking to who I think he's talking to?

“Yes, I’m aware that you think I’m a The LOTR reject, but I have a hurt orc here who needs some answers. Yes, fine, I’ll owe you one. We’re at the bakery right now. How quick can you get here?”

Is Rue coming here? Would she be able to shed some light on what happened last night?

“Are you seriously giving me your coffee order right now? Little witch, you are playing a dangerous game. Okay, see you soon. Bye, Rue.” Yelling could be heard from the other side of the phone before Theo hangs up. “Rue’s on her way.”

A few minutes later, the witch herself walks into the bakery with a scowl on her face, but it disappears once she sees me. “Oh shit. What happened?” She moves to the table, turning a chair around and sitting on it backwards. “Ulgan, did you do something to hurt my best friend? Am I going to have to kill you?” Her eyes narrow at me.

Theo quickly explains what happened, and I chime in to fill in the blanks whenever she asks a question. Her eyes soften.

Rue looks like she’s contemplating how to phrase her words, and after a long sigh, she says, “Everything that I’m about to tell you needs to stay between us or else you’ll wake up bald tomorrow. Oh, and elf boy, I’m going to need that coffee now.”

Theo rolls his eyes and gets up from the chair to make her a cup of coffee. He tries to hide his smirk, but I caught it. These two just need to get together already.

Rue turns back to me. “Okay, proceed,” she says, gesturing for me to spit it out.

Here it goes. “I’m in love with her, Rue. Please, I need to know how to fix this.”

She takes a deep breath and releases another heavy sigh. “Ulgan, you didn’t do anything wrong other than keeping a secret from her. Ada’s not really big on secrets. You have to stop beating yourself up, though. Has Ada shared anything about her past with you?”

“She told me about her parents and grandmother passing away, but not much else.”

“Ada’s life hasn’t been easy. She was left to fend for herself by the age of eighteen. So, she’s used to being alone. Then, the assholes she dated treated her like she wasn’t worthy of anything serious. She hasn’t admitted it, but she tends to think that relationships and friendships are just temporary. That one day we’ll disappear from her life, too. She truly believes that there’s no way that anyone would want to be with her for the long haul.”

“I would never do that to her.” Knowing this is how she feels, my heart breaks. My poor Sunshine. No wonder she panicked the way she did. I need her to understand that I’m not going anywhere, and that she’s the only woman that my heart will ever love and desire.

Theo returns with Rue’s coffee, placing it in front of her before sitting down again.

“Of course you wouldn’t hurt her, big guy,” Rue takes a small sip of her coffee. “She just needs some time to stop being so in her head and realize that for herself. Give Ada the space she asked for, and I’ll work some magic on my end.”

I’ve known Rue since we were kids, and her compassion for others has always been something that I admire. She may have a tough exterior, but on the inside, she’s a softie. I’ll never tell her this though, because she kind of scares me.

“Okay, I’ll give her space, but what if it doesn’t work, and she never wants to see me again?” The thought of never being around her again is unbearable. The dull ache in my chest has become a tight fist clenching around my heart.

“I know my bestie. She’s just as smitten as you are. So be patient, okay?” She reaches across the table and places her hand on top of mine.

“All right. Thanks for talking to me, Rue. You’re an incredible woman.” Give her time and space. I can do that. It’ll suck, but it’s manageable.

“No problem, Big Green. As for you,” she says, pointing at Theo, “I’ll be sure to call in that favor one day when you least expect it.”

That sounds vaguely like a threat. Theo better watch himself.

“I look forward to that day, little witch.” His arms are crossed against his chest, and he’s smirking at her in a way that I wouldn’t dare to do.

“See you around, bootleg Legolas.” Rue turns on her heels and marches out of the bakery.

“Bootleg Legolas?” My eyebrows rise, looking over at Theo.

“You gotta give her points for creativity,” he remarks, still grinning, and his eyes linger on Rue.