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ada

A ll of the breath leaves my lungs at his confession. His mate . Is this why I feel so drawn to him? Do humans feel the mating bond too?

“Excuse me, what ?” I say.

I look over at him, and his gaze doesn’t waver. “Ada, please hear me out. I won’t pressure you into anything if this isn’t something you’re interested in exploring. You have all the power here, Sunshine.”

I try to let his words sink in, but my mind is racing. “How long have you known?” According to him and my research, an orc knows almost instantly when they've encountered their mate.

So why didn’t he tell me?

“I knew that you were my fated mate from the first time you walked into the bakery. You took my breath away the moment I laid eyes on you,” Ulgan says. “The last thing I wanted to do was scare you or make you feel like you were trapped. That’s why I didn't say anything. I wanted you to get to know me, and hoped that one day you’d give me a chance to show you why the Goddess made us for one another.”

This is overwhelming to take in. My feelings for him have grown with each passing day while getting to know him, but what if this is all just a load of crap? There’s no way that this thing growing between us is real. It’s probably just the mating bond making him feel this way. No one has ever wanted something serious with me. I am always someone that’s okay for a short period of time, but not anyone that men have taken seriously.

A guy that I was seeing years ago told me that I was only good for a little fun and that no man would ever want to settle down with someone like me. I want Ulgan to be my forever, but it’s hard to believe he wants the same. I fucking hate that I feel this way.

“I have deep feelings for you, Ulgan, but it’s hard for me to accept that you’d want me forever. People in my life have a habit of leaving, and if you were to leave me, I don’t think I could ever recover.” My voice trembles, and I can feel the panic settling in.

Ulgan reaches for my shaking hands across the table, gently holding them. “Ada, please know that I’m not going anywhere. I’ve waited months for you, but I’m willing to wait years if it means you’ll believe in what we have. I’m falling for you hard and fast, Sunshine, but you’re in charge now. What do you need from me to feel more comfortable?”

It kills me to say it, but the one thing I need is time to think. His reasoning for not telling me makes sense, but it still leaves a nasty taste in my mouth.

“I need some space to think this through. Please, you need to know that this isn’t a no ,” I insist. “I’m falling for you, too, but I need to sort through my feelings. I want to believe you. I really do, but it’s so hard to wrap my head around. Can you give me time?”

My heart breaks as the words leave my lips. Part of me knows that Ulgan isn’t like other men that have mistreated me, but another part still holds onto the pain and heartbreak from my past.

He gets up from his chair, and I find myself standing as well. “Is it okay if I give you a hug?” he asks hesitantly. Words are stuck in my throat, but I’m able to nod. He brings me into his arms, kissing the top of my head. I linger in his warm embrace until my heart stutters. “Take all the time you need. Just know this: I’m not going anywhere, and I’ll be here when you decide how you want to move forward.”

He gives me a brief kiss on the lips, and walks me to the door. “Goodnight, Ada.”

“Goodnight, Ulgan.”

The walk home is a blur. All my fears swirl around me like ghosts from my past, haunting me in the present. These old scars of mine feel like fresh wounds. Clearly, my habit of shoving difficult feelings deep down and not addressing them has led me to this exact moment.

Angeline has been trying to convince me to speak to a therapist for over a year now, but I’ve been afraid to open that Pandora’s box. Now, it’s evident that she could see the pain that I tried so desperately to hide.

On one hand, I’m thankful that he finally told me, but on the other hand, it triggered fears I thought I had healed from. Dammit, I hate feeling broken. Not even bothering to change my clothes, I climb into bed and let myself release the tears that I’d been holding in.

Did I just ruin everything between him and me? Ulgan isn’t like the other men I’ve dated. He’s loving and respects me and my decisions. He made sure that I knew I was in control. Maybe a good night’s sleep will allow me to think clearly. Salty tears burn my eyes as I lay in bed wondering what to do.