Page 231
Story: Her Grace Revisited
Amy felt like she was sitting in a cocoon of love and understanding.
As she sat on one of the uncomfortable settees in the family sitting room with her three sisters-in-law.
Jane was on one side and Marie and Elizabeth the other.
The older ladies had all been very warm and understanding of the trauma that Amy had experienced, and emotionally was still experiencing—and would for a while yet.
Tom was sitting and quietly talking to his younger brother.
“How are you feeling Tom?” James asked as he watched his brother closely.
Tom was about to give his pat answer that he had offered to anyone who had asked a similar question of him when he and Amy joined the family in the sitting room.
“Do not think that you can fool me brother,” James said, “I have known you my whole life, and do not try and dissemble with me, I can see the deep pain that you carry, but I know that you feel that you need to be strong for Amy, so you try and hide your feelings from everyone.”
Knowing that what his brother had said was the truth, Tom fought hard to hold his composure.
He had cried, but on his own, for the loss of the child that they would never get to meet.
As a man he knew that he needed to project strength as he had been taught to do.
Amy and the rest of the ladies relied on him, but it did not lessen the pain that he too was feeling.
Sometimes hiding one’s feelings was exhausting, but he felt like he had no choice.
James understood his brother’s feelings and placed his hand on his shoulder, “If there is anything that you need me to assist you with Tom, you know you only need ask.”
“Thank you, James,” Tom replied his voice gruff with emotion, “You are the best of brothers.”
“At least when we return to Pemberley all of its residents will return,” James said in order to change the subject.
Tom appreciated what his brother was doing; distracting him from his worries by opening himself up for a teasing retort, which as the older brother, he was obligated to give. “Is there someone in particular that you are keen to see, little brother?” he ribbed James.
“It could be…” James trailed off as an image of the blond-haired, blue-eyed Lady Georgiana Darcy swam in his memory, finally admitting to himself that his tender feelings were those of love.
“You know the restriction that William has set before you declare yourself,” Tom reminded him.
“I would not recommend that you cross our brother, or you will find yourself on the wrong end of his foil, and it may not be blunted!” Both knew that Tom was only half joking as there were no doubts that their brother-in-law would do anything in his power to protect his little sister.
“I gave William my word,” James frowned.
“As you know, my word is my bond.” The brothers changed subject to review the safety protocols in place at Falconwood.
At least, they acknowledged, Elizabeth and all of the ladies were well protected at the estate.
With either Biggs or Johns ever near, not to mention the footmen-guards with them, it would take a small army to breech the house in order to even get near the ladies.
Jane and Elizabeth had moved to sit next to their mother and Lady Anne while Marie and Amy talked.
“I was afraid to tell you of my state Marie,” Amy admitted, “I did not want to make you feel bad over your loss, and now I have suffered a loss as well,” Amy said as she held Marie’s hand while a single tear rolled down her cheek.
“You can tell me anything sister.” Marie replied as she applied pressure to Amy’s hands.
“It did not take much time after Andrew comforted me, and I spoke to Mama and Aunt Anne that I accepted that it is something that happens to some, and that someone else who has the joy of becoming with child, did not in any way impacts me in a negative way.
“It is not like there are only a certain number of children who may be born so that each time a lady becomes enceinte it reduces my chances. In other words, rather than make me sad, hearing the good news of others makes me feel happy for them and by extension myself.” Marie placed her lips next to Amy’s ear and whispered conspiratorially, “My younger sister thinks that I have not taken notice of the fact that she is with child, but I will say nought to anyone else until she tells us in her own time.”
“Lizzy!” Amy exclaimed as she looked at her sister-in-law closely, she immediately noticed her pregnancy glow, and the way her hand would find its way to her belly when she thought that she was not being observed.
“I think you have the right of it Marie.” Amy took a few moments to process the news, and it did not take long for her to agree with Marie that other’s good news was not an affront against her and her pain.
She would mourn her loss, but like Marie, she was confident that she would become with child again and when she held her first babe in her arms, whatever pain she was still feeling would be a distant memory.
“If you remember Amy,” said Marie as she returned her sister-in-law’s attention to the topic they had been discussing, “you helped me see that I was not to blame for what befell me when I had my miscarriage. Please tell me that you do not blame yourself.”
“I did, but only at first,” Amy admitted. “But Tom, Mother Bennet, and Aunt Anne made me see that my logic was very flawed. It took me a little while to hear their words and let them truly sink in and be accepted, but I did.”
“That makes me very happy,” Marie shared, “It was only after I accepted that what happened was beyond the scope of my control that I truly began to heal. Do I still feel sadness at our loss? I most certainly do, but it is for the babe that will never be, the feelings do not overpower me anymore.”
“The sadness still consumes a large part of my day,” Amy admitted.
Marie hugged her sister-in-law. “Amy this happened but yesterday, of course you feel the burden of sadness now, but you will see, it will pass and soon you will look to the future.” Marie looked wistfully at nothing in particular, “I pray every day that I am blessed and become with child again, but I have faith that when the time is right it will happen. I believe the same is true for you Amy.”
“Thank you, Marie,” Amy said as she looked at her sister-in-law. “Talking to both you and Mother Anne has helped me very much.”
“How is Marie holding up?” Lady Catherine asked Lady Sarah.
“As well as can be expected Catherine,” Lady Sarah responded as she looked at her second daughter. “Hearing from Anne helped her, and I am sure that being able to commune with Amy will do the same.”
“I never told anyone this,” Lady Catherine admitted, “not even you Anne,” Lady Catherine said as she looked at her sister, “but after Anne, I had two miscarriages, the last one was very bad, it was after that occurrence that Rosings doctor told me that he did not believe I would become with child again, and he was correct.”
“Catherine, why did you never tell me?” Lady Anne asked in surprise at hearing this after so many years.
“You know how I used to be Anne,” Lady Catherine said not meeting her sister’s eyes. “I believed it was a sign of weakness, and you know how I hated being thought of as such. My belief is that my losses drove my need to want to control everyone and everything in my orbit.”
Lady Anne did not say anything for a while, but with her sister’s revelation it was as if she had discovered a long last lost piece of the puzzle.
Through this filter, a lot of her sister’s former behaviour was explained.
“I am glad that you finally shared this with us Catherine.
“You are a beloved family member and always will be.”
Lady Catherine had expected censure for keeping this secret for so many years, but received none, only love and understanding.
~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~
Clay Younge made an excuse that he was not needed the next day, which suited Jones and the two men that went with him to keep an eye on the manor house from their hideout.
On the way, he let one of the hidden Pemberley guards know that Younge would not be leaving the encampment that day, knowing it would be conveyed to the Earl of Brookfield and his family.
Jones was well aware that in a scant day or two there would be no need to hide who he was any longer and he would return to his shipmates, and, better still, he would see his family again.
His wife and four children were housed in company-owned lodgings in Dublin.
The shipping line helped men with families who were based in a port far from their home so they would see their family regularly rather than just once or twice a year.
Jones had always dreamt that he would be able to provide his children with an education and a trade which his father had not been able to offer him.
He had a feeling that the reward that the gentlemen had talked about may help him in that aim.
Had he known that the amount that he, Forester, and Tibbson were to be presented was more than he could hope to earn in multiple lifetimes, he would have known that not only was his children’s’ future secured, but his and his wife’s as well.
Both Forester and Tibbson were in similar situations, the former had two children and the latter five.
There was a reason that all three were so loyal to the Dennington Lines and its owner; there were few, if any, that treated their employees better in the realm.
It was very rare for a Dennington employee to leave employment before retirement.
The company was one of the few that paid employees with twenty or more years of service a pension.
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