Page 34 of Her Duke’s Second Chance (Regency Second Chances #1)

CHAPTER 34

“ W hat is he trying to do?” Georgiana asked grumpily.

The ensuing days brought more and more flowers until her room was a kaleidoscope of colors and a riot of scents. Roses, peonies, lilies, lilacs, and countless bunches of forget-me-nots covered every available desk and table and overflowed onto the floor.

She would have traded every single flower for his presence. But he was not there.

“You see, I told you!” Daisy said, looking excitedly around the room. “I told you he still cares for you. He was quite upset when he left. He behaved as though he was afraid of something.”

Georgiana turned away from her. She did not want to hear it. It all sounded very selfish to her.

“I have a headache,” she declared. “Leave me alone and let me sleep.”

“Oh no, darling. I do not want to leave you alone. Can I read to you while you sleep?”

Daisy did not seem to understand that her continued reluctance to leave Georgiana alone, even for a moment, was providing a stark contrast to Robert’s reluctance to stay. Every time she insisted on staying it reminded Georgiana that Robert had insisted on leaving.

That he had chosen to run rather than stay and fight for her.

Even if he feared something happening to me, how does leaving me ensure that it will not? What self-indulgent twaddle.

She realized she was quite enraged with him.

“I would rather sit in silence if you do not mind,” she snapped at Daisy. “It is too loud in here, with the flowers and all the hustle and bustle. I wish for quiet. Take the flowers to the sitting room.”

Daisy let out an annoyed grunt. “As you wish.”

Georgiana turned away, but she listened as the servants removed the flowers and Daisy gave occasional instructions. She felt bad for her sister; she was unaccustomed to being the caretaker and not the one being taken care of.

She wished she had the strength to get out of bed and be her usual, energetic self, but aside from the continuing headache and dizziness, she was simply too tired.

My soul is exhausted.

Georgiana drifted off to sleep and awoke later that afternoon to find Selina sitting beside her bed. Her friend was reading from a book of poetry in a quiet cadence that soothed Georgiana’s spirit.

She lay quietly and listened to her soothing voice, surprised to find tears streaming down her cheeks and soaking her pillow.

She did not know if Selina realized she was awake, but Georgiana was grateful that she continued to read instead of speaking. She let the words wash over her, wallowing in their sadness and incorporating it with her own, taking comfort in knowing that she was not alone.

Selina stopped reading and looked up at her. They stared at each other silently, Georgiana’s face a mask of despair, and Selina’s eyes full of compassion.

“I am relieved to see that you are better,” she said with a small smile.

Georgiana shrugged. “Am I?”

“Yes, I would say that you are. You have color in your cheeks and your lips are no longer blue. You have suffered a grave injury, but you are now on the mend.”

“I suppose that is good. Perhaps my husband will remember me after another year and come back.”

“Oh, darling….” Selina gave her a sympathetic look, “self-pity does not suit you.”

“Huh,” she huffed. “I do not care. I have no energy to feel anything else.”

Selina leaned forward and took her hand. “Woe is you?”

“Yes,” Georgiana said firmly. “Utter woe…and rage…and sadness; more emotions than I know what to do with.”

Selina squeezed her hand. “Tell me what you need from me.”

Georgiana shrugged. “I need nothing from you . You, my bosom friend, are perfect, just the way you are. You are here with me, indulging my discomfort when it has nothing to do with you. You do more than enough. Daisy is doing more than enough. I feel guilty about how I am treating you both, but I cannot seem to stop myself.”

“Do not be ridiculous. You have done nothing wrong. You are broken down and tired. We do not need you to feign joy on our behalf, or be polite, or whatever else you think you need to do. You do not need to entertain us. You need to rest and get well.”

Georgiana searched Selina’s eyes. “Having you here, and Daisy, should be enough for me. Why is it not?”

Selina squeezed her hand again. “You want your husband. Do not feel guilty about it. Or weak. It is normal.”

Georgiana expelled a long, despairing breath. “You are right, I do want him, and I feel bad that it matters this much to me. I thought I was different.” She laughed bitterly, shaking her head before wiping a lone tear from her face. “But I guess I am not.”

Riding the borders of his holdings ordinarily filled Robert with such joy. He loved to see the crofters’ families thriving as they worked their little plots, while the children played in the chaff. He liked to watch his horses run across the fields as the grooms exercised them and listen to the mooing of his fat, contented herd of cows lazily chewing their cud.

He enjoyed the satisfaction of knowing that he was master of all he surveyed and that it was thriving beneath his rule.

Now, all he could think about was Georgiana’s pale face against white pillows, her body becoming gaunt because the little soup they had managed to feed her was not enough to sustain her.

He had not received any word from London and bitterly regretted not insisting that Daisy provide him with daily updates. Given how upset she had been about him leaving, she likely would have disregarded his demand in any event.

Robert was completely in the dark, and his nightmares haunted him day and night. His grandmother kept pressing him to tell her what the problem was, but he could not bear to talk about it, because that would make it real.

Robert had always thought himself a strong man, but he was beginning to realize that he was weak.

I simply cannot go through it again.

He turned his horse towards home and allowed it to canter at a leisurely pace. To date, he had successfully avoided running into his grandmother at three breakfasts and two dinners. However, he knew he could not evade her forever. She would eventually corner him, and he would have to tell her everything and be forced to face the truth.

The thought of it made his chest clench painfully.

At the last minute, he turned from the pathway to the house and headed to the village tavern, where he could have a drink with the residents, listen to their problems, and temporarily forget about his own sorrows.

That is a much better use of my time.

The next time Georgiana woke up she saw Daisy sitting on the window bench, intently focused on a letter she held in her hand. She was smiling widely, her face flushed with happiness.

Georgiana watched her for a while, momentarily taken aback as she realized she had never seen that look on Daisy’s face before.

Her sister was usually whimsical and tended to get lost in her own world. The blazing joy that now shone out of her eyes was something completely new.

“What are you reading?” Georgiana asked curiously.

Daisy startled and looked up at her, still smiling. “Oh, you are awake.”

“I am.” Georgiana raised her eyebrows. “Will you not answer my question?”

“Oh this?” Daisy appeared flustered as she looked down at the note. “It is just a little letter from a friend.”

Georgiana frowned, worried for a moment that it might be Thomas. Daisy seemed to read her mind.

“It is from Lionel,” she hastened to add, “he has been checking on us while you have been ill. Well, he also said someone needs to care for the carer.” She smiled shyly. “And he came by to see how you were doing.”

“Lionel?” Georgiana asked.

“Yes. Lord Stanmore.”

“The viscount?”

“Yes.”

Georgiana nodded. “I see. I remember he was quite enamored of you when we visited.”

Daisy blushed. “It is nothing like that. He is just being kind.”

“You said he checks on you daily?”

Daisy nodded, unable to hide the shine in her eyes, and how she glowed from within at the thought of him.

“That seems to be more than kind. It is certainly more than my own husband is doing,” she said bitterly.

Daisy’s face fell.

Georgiana sighed, shaking her head. “Forgive me. I did not mean to impose that upon you. I am happy for you. Lord Stanmore is a good man.”

“Yes, he is.” Daisy nodded emphatically. “And His Grace is Lord Stanmore’s friend, which means he must believe Robert to be a decent man.”

Georgiana snorted. “No one has said otherwise.”

“But you have been thinking it because he left. Lionel has been talking to me about him. He told me that His Grace feels deeply, and he feels responsible for everyone around him. He wants to be all things to all people, to save everyone, and when he is unable to do so, he literally cannot bear it.”

“That is a foolish way to live,” Georgiana said.

“Or it is a noble way to live,” Daisy countered.

Georgiana waved her hands dismissively. “Forget him for now. Tell me more about Lionel and his notes. What has he written that has you so lit up with joy.”

“It is nothing,” Daisy said bashfully, “he simply described to me how I looked to him when he came to check on how you were. He said I was a bit pale from staying inside, but that it suited me. He called me his little pixie.” She giggled.

“You are a beautiful little pixie. He is right,” Georgiana agreed.

“Well, you are also beautiful. A beautiful older sister, with a huge, magnanimous heart, and so much love to give.” She walked over to the bed, wrapped Georgiana in her arms, and gave her a hard squeeze. “You deserve the same amount of love in return.”

Georgiana swallowed the lump in her throat and slowly put her arms around Daisy. She was relieved that the girl had moved on from Thomas, but as big as Daisy thought her heart was, she was uncertain that she had it in her to watch Daisy ride off into the sunset with Robert’s friend without feeling slightly envious.

I want that kind of love; one that declares itself openly, unashamedly, and enthusiastically. A love that I can trust and believe in.

Robert was stomping the mud from his boots to go inside for tea when he turned around and saw Selina standing behind him. He yelped in surprise and grabbed his chest.

“Where did you come from?”

Selina smiled slowly. “London. Where else?”

Robert’s heart sank. “You…have news?” he inquired fearfully.

Selina sighed and looked away. “I should let you think so. You deserve no less. But no, Georgiana is awake and recovering as expected. She also feels betrayed because, once again, you have deserted her.”

Robert became so overwhelmed by a flurry of emotions—relief, happiness, guilt, regret, sadness, joy—that he was rendered speechless.

“Well? Have you nothing to say?”

“Did she send you to me?”

She snorted. “What do you think?”

He slowly shook his head. “She would not. Her pride would not let her, even if she wanted to.”

“Well, at least you know her a little.”

“I know her well.”

“Then why did you leave?”

He turned away. “That is none of your business.”

“You think Lady Angela would have approved of your behavior? Taking responsibility for what happened to Georgiana, blaming yourself for it…are you God?”

“Do not speak her name,” he snapped.

“Why not? You use her as a shield, so you do not have to face things that make you uncomfortable. Are we to speak of why you are not in London without mentioning her?”

“Do not speak as if you know me!”

“Am I wrong?”

He looked up and met her challenging eyes, but had to look away because he knew Selina was right. However, he was too stubborn to admit it and refused to answer her.

“I came here to tell you that your wife needs you. But only return to London if you intend to stay. You cannot continue to jerk her around on a string like a marionette.”

“I am doing no such thing,” he protested.

She huffed, shaking her head. “Whatever you say, Your Grace.” She turned to walk away.

“You are welcome to stay for tea,” he called.

She shook her head without turning around. “Thank you, but I have already arranged my own accommodations, Your Grace.”

Robert watched her leave. The dowager countess was clearly very unhappy with him. He stared into the distance long after her carriage had disappeared through the gates.

His stomach churned with guilt as he pictured Georgiana waking up and realizing that he had left instead of staying by her bedside.

He thought about how hurt he would have been if it had happened to him.

“I should probably go back to London,” he said to himself.

“Yes, darling. You should.”

He turned to see his grandmother standing at the door and frowned. “How long have you been there?”

“Long enough. I wondered why our visitor would skirt the front door to come and find you here. You have been worrying me lately and I now know the reason behind your odd behavior.”

“You do?”

“Yes.” She looked at him sadly. “Just because you like to carry everything on your shoulders does not mean I do not detect the weight of your burden, Robert.”

Robert felt trapped. He instinctively looked to his left and right for a way out.

“No. Stop,” she said as though she could read his mind. “There is nowhere to go. Put down your burdens, my dearest boy, share them, and let someone help you.”

Robert panted, overcome by panic. “I…do not know how.”

“Come inside. Let us have tea while Stanley packs a bag for you. We shall converse about Lady Angela. You need to talk.”

No! Robert wanted to shout.

His visceral reaction finally caused him to realize that he needed to bare his soul.

“Fine. Let us go.” He took a deep breath and gestured for her to precede him as they reentered the manor.