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Twenty-Six

I n a dark, windowless room, Azreth lay curled inside a fireplace, flames caressing his skin. The stinging warmth was a balm on both his physical wounds and his soul alike. The smoke reminded him of the fourth hell, and for some reason, despite how much he never wanted to go back, it was comforting.

After they’d killed Nirlan and banished the demon, Azreth had retreated to one of the castle’s smaller bedrooms. Raiya and the others had set to work building a barricade of iron implements around the gate to discourage anything else from coming through.They would guard the gate while he healed. They were safe, for now.It was over.

Wasn’t it?

Then what was this lingering uncertainty he felt? Why was there still a scrap of fear fluttering inside him, even when he had so much to be glad for?

Behind him, the door clicked open. There was a surprised intake of breath. He turned over to find Raiya in the doorway.

“Azreth. Are you all right?” she asked.

He slowly sat up, holding his hand out just beyond the flames. He didn’t want to leave their warmth just yet.

Coming to kneel on the flagstones, she touched his fingertips cautiously, as though his fresh-from-the-fire skin might burn her—a possibility which had not occurred to him, but should have. When she decided it was safe, she closed her hand around his last three fingers, lifting her eyes to meet his.

“What do you need?” she asked.

A soft, pleasant emotion stirred in his chest. The enthrallment.It had become a comfort instead of something that frightened and shamed him.

“Nothing,” he said automatically. At first, he’d thought he had nothing more to say. But Raiya’s silence opened space for him to think, and then to think aloud.

“I have feelings I don’t know how to name,” he said slowly.“I have experienced many unfamiliar feelings since I came to your plane, and since I began to love you.”

A small, pleased smile curved her lips when he said the word “love.” The way she smiled at him felt like a ray of light, as warm as the flames.

He was not in the habit of thinking about these things in such explicit terms, let alone saying them aloud. But Raiya liked hearing him speak, and he realized he liked telling her his thoughts. He could tell her anything, even things that seemed too frivolous to bother someone with.

“I think, maybe, I have had these feelings for longer than that. I think I did not want to see them. Demons pretend they feel nothing but hunger and anger and lust, because that’s all we need to survive. Anything else only makes life more difficult.”

Raiya gave him a look. “That’s what I’ve been telling you for ages, you silly ox.” He felt slightly foolish, because it was true. She squeezed his fingers, prodding him further. “How do you feel right now?”

How did he feel? After all this?

He felt like he was baring his throat to the world and daring it to strike him down.

He climbed out of the fire, flames sparking and sputtering around him. Tendrils of smoke rose from his body, and ashes coated his skin. He looked down at himself, studying the new scars the other demon had given him. They were bad memories written into him, taking their place among dozens of other bad memories.

Raiya was still holding his hand.

“I feel happy,” he said. “But I am also afraid. Because I don’t know what comes next.”

“That’s for us to decide, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know how to be a demon living peacefully in the mortal plane. It is not done.”

“It is now. You can be the first.”

“The first?” He lifted an eyebrow. “Do you think there will be more?”

“I doubt you’ll be the only one. I doubt you’re even the first, in fact.”

He wished he was as certain as she was. Perhaps he’d seen too much of demonkind to see the potential for goodness in them anymore.

“Raiya, I have never loved someone before. Love is a mortal thing.”

“So you keep telling me.”

“Yes. And because of this, I must do something else I’m unaccustomed to. I must ask for your help. You have helped me learn how to be equals. I want you to teach me how to love, also. You speak about love as if it’s always a good thing, but I know it’s possible to love badly and to hurt yourself or others with this madness.”

She seemed pleased. “I will help you love well, as long as you do the same for me.”

It had not occurred to him that she might return his request. He couldn’t think of a way for her to be better to him. She was already perfect. He almost said so, but he could predict what she’d say in response: No one is perfect. And even demons have needs. You’re no different from mortals.

“Raiya. In the dungeon, I fed from you,” he confessed. He spoke so quietly it was almost a whisper. “He was killing you, and I used your pain. I strengthened myself with it. I… liked it. I don’t know if I can rightfully claim to love you when I have enjoyed your pain.”

This time, she didn’t have a quick answer ready. She frowned a little, surprised.

“I do not like what I am,” he said. “I don’t want to be a monster. But I am afraid I can’t be anything else.” He tried to pull his hand away from hers, but she tightened her grip on his fingers.

“I never asked you to be anything else. If you were anything else, we wouldn’t be here right now.”

“I am still sorry.”

“Be at ease, Azreth.”

He frowned at her, fearing she wasn’t taking him seriously. This was serious.

“You did not hurt me,” she said. “You did not betray me. You protected me. And don’t you dare say that you don’t love me. You did something you abhorred, something that caused you pain, in order to protect me. Is that not love?”

“That’s an ugly sort of love.”

“Perhaps. Life isn’t always clean and perfect, is it? Sometimes good things are intertwined with the bad, and we have to sort things out as best we can.” She leaned closer, making sure he was looking her in the eye and taking in every word she said. “I don’t want your shame. It does neither of us any good. I want your strength, your empathy, your humility, your curiosity, and all the other lovely things that make you wonderful. I don’t want anything else. I will never ask you to be something you cannot be.”

Her steadfast belief in him made him want to become better. Maybe she was right about him. Maybe he really could be a force of good in this world, like she was. Maybe, someday, people would look upon him not with fear and hatred, but with friendship and gratitude.

He bit his tongue for a long time, then said, “Tell me a service I can perform to earn your forgiveness.”

Raiya grew exasperated. “I require no service.”

“Please.”

She sighed, looking away, but he could see her thinking it over. Eventually she turned to him again, smiling. “Fine. I’ll give you a task to perform for me, but only if you give me one in exchange.”

He supposed that was the best he was going to get. “If that’s what you need.”

She nodded, satisfied. “Kiss me.”

“That is not a service.”

“Why? Because you enjoy it?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t see why that has any bearing on it.”

He couldn’t argue with that.

He bent over her and gave her the best, softest kiss he could manage. He didn’t know how mortals measured the quality of a kiss, but he knew that when Raiya kissed him like this, he felt like fire was coursing through him, and he hoped she felt the same way.

She smiled triumphantly when he pulled away. “All right. Tell me something I can do for you.”

He hesitated, afraid to say what was on the tip of his tongue. But someone who loved well would be truthful. Someone who loved well would lay themselves bare without fear of judgment or pain.

“I like your voice,” he said. And then, quietly, because this felt so shameful to admit, “I like hearing you say kind things to me.”

Raiya just stroked his hair, and he found that the absence of her voice did nothing to detract from his love for her, either.

“You are good enough,” she said after a while. Her hand shifted to his cheek as she studied him. “I love how clever you are, and how thoughtful and kind. I love your resilience and strength. When I’m with you, I feel braver, steadier. And gods, your beauty makes my knees weak…”

He interrupted her to press his lips against hers again. He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her against him, and she made a soft, surprised sound against his mouth as she arched her back. Her hands splayed on his chest, and her fingers flexed against him as heated desire began to scent her skin.

But then her hands wandered too close to the healing wound beneath his ribs, and his breath caught. She quickly let go of him.

“Sorry. I forgot,” she said.

“You didn’t hurt me.”

She touched his chest lightly. “You deserve all the pleasure in the world. And I intend to help you find it… Right after you’re in one piece again.”

He leaned in, lowering his voice as he brushed his lips against her. “There is no need to wait. You can be gentle, can’t you?”

He felt her grin against his skin. “Always.”