Page 30 of Hell of a Mess

Twenty-Six

Lace

Three nights ago, I’d asked Luther to stay with me in bed, and he had. But I didn’t know for how long because when I woke up that morning, he was gone. Not just from my room, but the house. And he hadn’t returned.

When I’d walked in the kitchen this morning, Jayda whispering something to Linc and the overly bright smile she gave me hadn’t gone unnoticed.

Luther wasn’t here, and I was beginning to think it was because of me.

The tight knot in my stomach was getting bigger, and deep breaths were starting to become difficult. I had been too clingy, too needy. I’d never had someone to cling to, and my desire to be near Luther had become too much. He’d distanced himself to get away from me.

Wincing, I swallowed the bile in my throat. I was keeping him from his home.

Why had I thought Luther would be different? The other men in my life before coming here had only wanted to use me for their benefit or gain. I had nothing to give Luther. My existence in his life didn’t better it. All I had been was a burden to him, and he’d been so kind that I read it wrong.

It was time for me to go even if the thought of leaving was equally painful. Mal wanted me to move to his house. And I needed to go where I was wanted, not tolerated. My welcome here was over, and Luther was making it clear he was ready for me to leave.

My eyes stung, but I had to get my emotions under control before I called Mal. He’d told me to call him. If I needed anything, he’d be here. I didn’t want to need anything from him.

I stared at the phone in my hand. It was almost eight. If I called Mal now, then he would most likely come in the morning. I’d have one more night here. One more chance to see Luther and thank him for everything he’d done for me. That was, if he came home.

Steadying myself, I did my best to lock down all the feelings swirling in my chest. I’d survived much worse than this. Opening my phone screen, I went to the Contacts and found Mal’s numbers. There were three in here. I chose the cell phone and pressed Call.

There wasn’t much time to prepare for what I would say. He answered on the first ring.

“Lace?” His voice held a trace of concern.

“Yes,” I said, then cleared my throat. “Um, I’m sorry if it is late.”

“You can call in the middle of the night. I’ll answer.”

Why that response made my eyes well up with tears I didn’t know, but it did. I blinked them back, not needing to break down like an emotionally unstable person while I was on the phone with him.

“I, uh…I think I should move there—I mean, to your house. If that is still okay…” I stammered out the words nervously.

“I’ll be there in thirty minutes. I’m not home, so it’ll take me a little extra time, but I’m leaving now.”

“No!” I stopped him before he said more. “Not tonight. I, uh…I’m tired, and I’d like to tell everyone bye and thank them in the morning, if that’s okay.”

“You’ll see them regularly,” he said in a reassuring tone. “I know you have bonded with Jayda, and I can take you over for visits.”

I would miss Jayda and Stevie and Branwen, but they weren’t who I was hoping to see.

“Oh, I know, but I’m also tired and already dressed for bed. I called tonight in case you had plans tomorrow; this way, you have time to figure out how to fit me in.”

There was a pause of silence.

“Lace, you’re my daughter. I’ll always fit you in. And of course. Get some rest. I’ll be there first thing in the morning. We will have a family dinner tomorrow night. I’ll let the boys know. It’s time we all got to know each other.”

Locke and Gathe were easy to be around. That sounded…pleasant.

“Okay,” I replied. “Thank you.”

I heard him let out a heavy sigh. “Don’t need to thank me. But you’re welcome.”

“Good night.”

“Good night, Lace.”

I ended the call and closed my eyes. I’d done it.

Made the decision to move away from Luther.

I wouldn’t wake up with him in my room anymore.

I literally grieved that loss. How was it possible to feel something so deeply for a person you hadn’t known that long?

It was as if Luther had claimed a piece of me from that first moment in the parking lot where he had saved me.

And every day after, everything he did, it’d only grown until he was all I thought about.

Walking over to the bed, I lay down on it and curled my knees up to my chest. Then I let the tears come.

Why fight them? It was best to get it all out.

Maybe then I could move on from this attachment I had to Luther.

He’d made me feel cared about and safe. Something I’d gone without for so long that I forgot how it felt.

But it was more than that too. I was attracted to Luther.

My body reacted to him in a way it had never reacted to anyone.

When I saw him, everything inside me felt alive.

And I didn’t believe that it was because he’d saved me. It was more than that. But I had to accept that it was one sided. Only I felt this way.

Last night, I hadn’t slept. I lay awake, listening for sounds of Luther.

But it had been silent. When the sun rose, so did I, and I went to get a shower.

There was no use in pretending as if I would fall asleep.

My brain would not shut off. I wasn’t sure what time Mal would arrive, but I had to accept that Luther wasn’t going to be here.

I knew I’d see him again, but I wasn’t sure when.

A knock on the door brought me from my thoughts, and I spun around from the window I’d been looking out to stare at it. Was he back? Did he know I was leaving? Maybe he would ask me not to.

“Lace,” Jayda’s voice called from the other side, and my heart sank.

I walked over to the door to open it, feeling a heaviness not only in my chest, but all over. Trying to smile was a challenge, but I did my best.

“Good morning,” Jayda said brightly. “I brought you a suitcase,” she added, and I dropped my gaze to see a lovely cream-colored hard-shell suitcase at her side.

“I, uh…I don’t have anything,” I replied, unsure what she wanted me to do with it.

“Yes, you do. All the clothes that I put in your closet are yours,” she replied, then walked past me into the room, rolling the suitcase beside her. “Mal is already here, but no rush. He’s having breakfast with Linc in the kitchen. You’ve sure made him happy.”

It was barely eight o’clock. He’d come early. He wanted me. So, why didn’t it feel all warm, like it had when I thought Luther wanted me here with him?

Because you have feelings for Luther. And Mal is your biological father, who you barely know.

“I wasn’t expecting him so soon. I thought I’d have a chance to tell you this morning,” I replied.

She waved a hand and smirked. “Girl, within the inner circle of the family, there are no secrets. I knew you’d called him before I went to bed last night. He told Linc, and Linc told me and sent me to get you a suitcase.”

Oh. Had they told Luther too? And he hadn’t come back?

Yes. That was exactly what had happened.

Could this hurt any more?

“I’ll pack up and then head down,” I told her, needing time to be alone before facing anyone else.

“I can help,” she offered.

“No, that’s not necessary. But thank you.”

She nodded, and although she was smiling, it felt as if she understood, and there was sympathy in her eyes. Had I been that obvious? Yes. Most likely. When Luther walked into a room, I forgot about everyone else.

“All right, but don’t try and bring your suitcase down. Just leave it here, and someone will come get it for you,” she replied as she headed back out the door.

I nodded. “Okay.”

Waiting until the door was closed, I sank onto the edge of the bed and let myself have one more small cry before washing my face and leaving.

This was what Luther wanted. This was what Mal wanted. It was what I had to do.