Page 23 of Hell of a Mess

Twenty

Lace

It was almost two in the morning, but I hadn’t been able to sleep.

Giving up, I got out of bed and stood at the window overlooking the backyard.

The moonlight was bright tonight, and I could make out the corner of the pool and a very impressive kid’s playset.

It was like one you’d find at an upscale park.

For two hours this afternoon, I’d listened to Stevie tell me all about Bluey, her favorite pizza toppings, Cree—her best friend in Ocala—and all the different things they’d done during their visit there. It had been a good distraction after Luther left.

He’d watched me eat the brownie, and then he took another one with him and left.

When he didn’t come home for dinner, I started to worry that I’d done something.

Or maybe he was already annoyed with having to make me eat.

I replayed what I’d said and tried to think of what I could have done to make him leave and stay gone until I’d worked myself up too much to relax and go to sleep.

I wasn’t even sure he was home now. It had been quiet since I’d come up here. I hadn’t even heard footsteps or a door open and close. That was the other reason I couldn’t sleep. I was afraid of my dreams and being alone. I’d always been alone. It shouldn’t bother me, but it did.

I shivered and glanced over at the throw that lay at the end of my bed. Jayda had brought me more clothes today. Panties, bras, jeans, tops, and the pajamas I was wearing. It was a satin lavender short set, which I’d felt pretty in when I looked in the mirror until I started focusing on my flaws.

The sound of heavy, booted steps snapped me out of my thoughts, and I spun around to stare at the door.

He was back. Where had he been? Wincing, I thought about where he had found me.

He had been there that night. Was that where he had gone?

Or someplace like that one? If my mood could sink, it did. Which was silly.

I’d had a crush before, but it didn’t last long.

Wayon had never flirted with me or encouraged my crush.

We’d become friends instead. But this was different than that had been.

Perhaps it was because I was an adult now.

And Luther was a man. A very sexy older man.

One who had rescued me and continued to show up when I needed him.

He didn’t just give me butterflies; he made me warm and tingly all over.

The footsteps halted outside my door, and my eyes widened as I waited. My gaze dropped to the doorknob as it turned. Excitement shot through me at the idea of seeing him. Even if he had been at a club where people were naked and did sexual acts in front of others.

I was holding my breath as the door began to ease open. Then it stopped halfway before swinging wide as he came stalking inside. His eyes were on my empty bed before scanning the room until they locked on me. His stride faltered and his gaze drifted down my body before snapping back up to my face.

“Why are you awake?” he demanded.

“I, uh…I couldn’t sleep.”

“It’s after two,” he said.

I nodded. I was aware of the time.

“Did you have a nightmare?” His voice lost its stern edge.

“No. I’ve not been asleep.”

“At all?”

I shook my head this time instead of answering.

He sighed and looked back at the bed. “Lie down. I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep.”

Although I wanted that very much, the way he’d said it sounded as if it was a chore that he wished he didn’t have to do.

“No, that’s okay. You need to go to sleep. It’s late.”

His eyes narrowed. “Lace, get in the goddamn bed.”

I tensed at his sharp tone. He was unhappy with me. I’d not meant to make him mad. I just didn’t want to be a burden. I’d felt like one all my life, and the idea of being one to Luther made me feel ill.

Instead of telling him that and sounding even more pathetic, I went obediently to the bed and pulled back the covers to climb inside.

He waited until I was settled, then walked over and sat down on the other side.

I watched as he bent down and pulled off his boots before putting his legs up and leaning against the headboard again.

His gaze dropped to mine, and he studied me for a moment.

“You didn’t eat dinner,” he said.

I’d tried. “I did a little.”

He cocked a brow at me. “I wouldn’t call a bite of green beans a little. That’s nothing.”

“I took a bite of the bread,” I told him.

He had no idea what a big deal that had been for me.

He shook his head. “That’s not enough, Lace.” The disappointment in his tone made me wish I could go back and eat more. “How am I going to let you move to Mal’s if you’re not eating?”

Move to Mal’s? What? I didn’t want to move. I didn’t know Mal.

“I don’t…” I started to tell him that, but I stopped because maybe he wanted me to go.

He was ready to hand me off to the man who was my father. I sat up, wincing as I did so from the sudden movement. How did I get him to let me stay here?

“Easy,” he said gruffly, noticing my wince.

“I don’t know Mal,” I told him.

“Yeah, but you need to get to know him.”

Tears stung my eyes. “I want to stay here.” With you. “I can help Jayda. I can cook, and I can clean.”

He let out a heavy sigh. “Sure, you can with cracked ribs and a fractured wrist. Besides I’m not letting you work at this house. You’re a Bowen, for God’s sake.”

That sounded so odd. I’d been a Halsten, and I had hated it, just as I had come to hate the man who carried that last name.

“I don’t want to leave.” I stopped when my voice cracked, and a tear slid down my cheek.

“Lace,” he said, “look at me.”

It was instinct to obey him, but I didn’t want him to see me crying. I shook my head and tried to wipe the tears without him seeing what I was doing.

“Are you crying?” he asked as his fingers curled around my upper arm and tugged me toward him.

He leaned forward so that he could see my face. I tried to turn the other way, but he pulled me closer to him, into his earthy scent mingled with leather and smoke. I inhaled deeply, loving that smell.

“Why are you crying?” he asked me.

Oh, because I’m a baby. One you want to get rid of, and I am giving you more reason to do it.

I shrugged, not trusting my voice to speak.

“Dammit, Lace. Look at me.”

Reluctantly, I lifted my eyes and met his. There was concern there, but I also saw regret.

“You want to stay here?” he asked.

I nodded.

“You’re crying because you don’t want to go?”

I nodded again.

He blew out a breath. “Fuck,” he muttered, then let go of my arm. “What am I going to do with you? Mal doesn’t want you here—with me specifically.”

I didn’t care what Mal wanted. “Why?” I asked.

He smirked. “I’m not a good man, sugar. I’m actually the last man anyone would trust to take care of someone.”

“You are good,” I argued. “You saved me.”

He rubbed his face with both hands and groaned, then laid his head back against the tall headboard. “Yeah, well, that was a onetime thing. A first for me. But you were a female who was hurt. And you looked so damn broken and helpless.”

I was broken. But I wasn’t helpless. Although, that night, I had appeared that way. I was stronger than he realized.

“I’ll stop being difficult, and I’ll try to eat more. I won’t get in your way,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I was begging.

He stared at me for several seconds.

“You’re real damn hard to tell no,” he said in a husky voice. “It’s those eyes. Fucking lethal. Your momma must have been a beauty. That shit didn’t come from Mal.”

Was he saying he thought I was beautiful?

“He’s fighting me on this. Just so you know. You might have to tell him yourself. Mal doesn’t want you around me.”

Mal was getting on my nerves.

“I’m an adult.”

A crooked grin curled his lips. “Yeah, you are. I don’t need that reminder.”

We sat there in silence for a moment. I fantasized about burying my nose in his neck and breathing him in.

“You can’t look at me like that.”

My eyes snapped up from where I had been staring at his neck like a weirdo. “What?” I asked, unsure.

“Listen, sugar, I’m not one who denies himself what he wants.

But you’re different. I can’t take you. It’s a first for me, and right now, it’s a struggle.

What you’re wearing, your hard nipples poking through the satin—yeah, all I can think about is sinking my dick in you.

And we can’t do that. So, don’t look at me like you want a taste. ”

I wasn’t sure I was breathing—or that I could breathe. I was gaping at him though. I closed my mouth when I realized it.

“Told you I wasn’t a good man. Now, lay your sexy little ass down and go the fuck to sleep.”

I licked my lips that had suddenly gone dry and inhaled a shaky breath.

The area between my legs had come alive in a way that was almost painful.

Images of him doing what he’d just said played wildly in my head.

I’d never had sex. I’d never been around a man long enough to have a relationship that led to sex.

Arun hadn’t wanted sex from me. I was just…

I was just his cover. The answer to his problem.

But I had watched sex. I’d read about it. I had fantasized about it.

Now, I wanted it more than ever and with the man sitting beside me.

“Jesus, Lace, stop. I’m not completely sober, and my dick is hard. Cover yourself up and go to sleep so I can go jack off and get some relief.”

Did he mean masturbate? He was going to go do that?

Slowly, I slid back under the covers and lay down.

“Cover up all the skin. All the way to the neck, sugar,” he said, his eyes closed.

I started to and stopped. I…I wanted him to look. The area between my legs really wanted him to look.

When I finally closed my eyes, I was smiling. I knew the dreams I wanted, and I looked forward to them.

The sun wasn’t up yet, and I’d not dreamed at all. Had I even been to sleep? Yes, because I didn’t remember rolling over.

“Fuck.”