Page 43

43

Calista

R ough hands grab at me and tear me away from him.

“No, no, no! Let me stay with him, please!” The moment I’m disconnected from him, his head falls to the floor and rolls away from me.

He isn’t moving.

“RONAN!!!” I scream loud enough that my ears pop.

I kick so hard that it must hurt whoever is holding onto me because they curse out and I think on impulse, throw me. I’d dropped the gun on my run to get to him, and I wish I’d kept it or just used it to end my own life quickly.

My head slams against the edge of the front door, and I slowly slump to my knees. The capped syringe I grabbed digs into my hip, its dull point pressing into my skin. I’m ready to tear off the cap and drive it into my neck, ending this Romeo-and-Juliet style.

Except, I’m grabbed by my hair and brought up to my feet.

“Take her out of here, make sure to douse her hands in the gasoline,” the bitch Samantha says, and I scream out in pure rage right in her face. “Little pyromancer here. Killing her step-uncle and trying to flee.”

I reach for his hands, but he tosses me around like a rag doll. The car’s bright headlights stab into my sensitive eyes. My head throbs, my heart aches, and nausea twists in my stomach at the thought that I just got Ronan killed.

He wasn’t moving…

No, please… God, no… If you can hear me, please don’t let this happen.

I scream again, and again, and fucking again. I throw my elbows back, desperate to break free, but someone in front of me grabs both my wrists at once. A third person approaches, and the sharp smell of gasoline fills my nose as liquid pours over my hands and arms.

“No! You fucking pieces of shit, let me go! STOP!”

“Put her in the car and drop her off on the side of the road right outside of the community.”

I’m hoisted backward, my lower back pressing against a man’s shoulder, my body bent in an awkward position. Upside down, I catch sight of the cabin, men dousing it in the same gasoline they poured over my hands.

My vision fades in and out, darkness creeping at the edges.

They are going to pin this on me…

I think I’ve dissociated—I don’t feel like I’m in my body anymore. When they throw me into the vehicle, nothing registers properly. Instead, I’m back in bed, turning over to see Ronan’s blue eyes as he takes my hand and places it on his chest.

“It used to feel like needles, thousands of them, scraping across whenever anyone would touch me. Even you, baby girl.”

Hot tears fall down my cheeks, streaming down my neck and into my shirt.

“There is still some discomfort, but… I like even the pain you inflict on me.”

When I blink, the car is moving, and I start to hyperventilate.

“Settle the fuck down.”

Turning my head from left to right I attempt to lean forward, but the seat belt catches me short. We haven’t made it out of Sapphire Valley yet.

I reach down, searching for the syringe—it’s still there.

“Death was always the easiest out for me, but I’ll admit living doesn’t seem so hard when you’re around.” Ronan loved me and I fucked everything up. I was naive, foolish and thought I could protect us both.

“I’m so sorry…” I say, yanking out the syringe, popping the cap off, and driving it into the exact spot on the neck that Samantha instructed. It would take only seconds she had said, and it would be painless. I press down, injecting the liquid, and feel the heavy burden of death begin to settle over me.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m excited about this project. But I really shouldn’t have to be talking about it so late in the evening. It’s nearly nine, and Ronan had to bring me dinner because I was caught up in the planning.

“When do you think you can get the construction started?”

I want this contract more than any other I’ve been assigned, not only because it’s going to be a lot of fun, but also because it’s at the cabin just south of the lake, Echo Ridge.

“I think we can begin the actual construction next spring, but with winter coming, it’s not smart to start the physical labor now.”

“Agreed.” I hear my boss say in response to my answer.

It’s then my office door opens, and I turn around to see Ronan coming through. He is wearing black dress pants and a tucked in white button up. My gaze narrows, and he gestures at the top of his wrist, silently saying ‘times up’.

“Thank you, Calista for your time, we will send over the appropriate paperwork to get the planning started.”

“Thank you.” I hang up the phone and push my rolling chair back. “What are—”

“Come here.” He reaches out his hand and I slip mine into it. He pulls me out of the room, causing me to giggle.

I’m wearing sweatpants and a nice blouse, since I need to look slightly presentable if I have to turn my camera on. “Let me at least put something nicer on!” I laugh, the words escaping as he literally rushes us down the hall toward the living room.

“Ronan,” I whine. “What’s going…” My words trail off. “…on?” When we reach the main room, the couches are pushed aside, the coffee table moved, creating an open space. The fire is lit, and candles line the shelf above the fireplace.

He pulls me into the center of the room, leaving me there for a moment while he walks over to the kitchen. I take in the small details—the lavender and petunias growing around our property, resting in clear glass cups. It’s such a small, thoughtful touch, and it’s so completely him. I feel tears burn at the back of my eyes.

A song begins to play, and it’s ‘Die With A Smile’ by Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars, it’s one I’m currently obsessing over.

His hand comes around my back and pulls me tight to him. I move to touch his chest, but he grabs onto it to bring it to his lips. He kisses the tips of my fingers, before moving it down and placing it over his heart.

“Romance, I get it now,” he jokes.

I can’t help but choke out a laugh. “This is incredible, but… why?” Had I missed something? Has it been a year already and it’s our anniversary?

“Why not?” He leans in and presses a kiss to my forehead before he begins moving us in a motion that follows the beat of the music. Neither of us are dancers, but we can be bad at this together. “I wanted to surprise you with dinner, which I hope was alright.”

“It was great, thank you.”

“Guess I can’t really fuck up spaghetti.”

We both laugh, and my heart feels like it’s ready to take refuge in his chest.

“I think…” He drags one hand up to my neck, holding me gently. He’s been softer with me at times, but never enough to stop the butterflies from stirring in my stomach. “I’m getting the hang of this.”

“You absolutely are,” I respond quickly, bringing my hand up to wrap around his neck, loving how effortlessly we move together in this simple dance we’re sharing.

His smile is wide, and oh so handsome. “Good. I like making you happy, Cal.”

I take a shaky breath, heat building behind my lids. “I’m more than that. I hope I make you happy too, Ronan.”

He nods, and I drag my hand down to his stomach. His soft hum as he leans down to press his forehead against mine makes me close my eyes, letting happy tears trace down my cheeks. My touch isn’t meant to be sexual, and he senses that. It’s a sign of how far we’ve come, and though we still have a long way to go, I know we’ll make it there together.

“I have something for you,” I say after a moment of silence between us. “I was going to wait until everything was finished here but I feel like I have to show you now.”

I pull away from him, and he lets me go. I rush back to the office, grabbing his gift from the closet where I’ve been hiding it under my winter clothes. When I return, I find him standing exactly where I left him, hands tucked into his pockets.

“I think this is my first gift since I was nine,” he says, turning his gaze downward. That statement would have broken my heart, but he continues, fixing it before it has the chance to shatter. “That’s a lie, you were a gift to me.”

He reaches out for it, and I slowly hand it to him. I want to say I hope he likes it, but that seems so stupid after what he just said to me. I… was a gift? If I hadn’t already been in love with this man, those simple words would have done the trick.

“What is it?” He looks down at the shadow box frame, where our handprints are pressed onto the canvas inside. His is black, and mine is white, perfectly overlaid on top of his. Along with the prints, several feathers rest inside, two glued at random angles, giving it a cohesive feel without being too linear—just like us. We’re anything but perfect, but together, we’re still beautiful.

“A piece of us.”

His fingers draw along the glass, as if trying to touch what’s inside.

“The feathers,” he murmurs.

I smile. “So even inside, you feel free.”

When his blue gaze raises to mine, I can see them turning a slight shade of red. He releases a soft, almost somber, laugh. I don’t think he is actually sad, because he is smiling still.

“Thank you, it’s perfect. But, Cal, I didn’t need this to feel free.” He pauses, stepping over to the shelf above the fireplace, moving things around to make space before carefully placing the frame. When he returns to me, the smile he gives me is the foundation for my life. “You do that every day. You are my freedom. The reason I fight the demons, and the reason I want to survive.”

Both of his arms wrap around my head as I tilt back. My entire body floods with love and a deep need—not just for him, because that’s been clear from the start, but from him. I’ve always longed to be needed in a way that goes beyond the physical, to be someone’s reason for living.

I’ve finally found that in Ronan.

As he gently places his lips on mine, I realize I can never be without him. We could die here in this cabin, and as long as we could haunt the walls together, I’d be content and happy for eternity.