Page 5 of Hearts of Fairlake (Men of Fairlake #8)

ETHAN

"Bro!" I called across the stretch of lawn that could use mowing. "Don't you put that in your mouth!"

Even though I couldn't hear it, I could see Colin sigh as he held up his hand. "It's a slug!"

"I know it's a slug, and if you eat it, it's going to be gross."

"No way!"

"It's going to taste like your brother's diaper."

"Gross!"

"Exactly. Don't do it."

Colin considered it for a moment before I watched him stare at his hand with a look I was intimately familiar with. He was going to do it the minute he thought I wasn't looking. Bri once joked that although he took a lot from Adam, Colin had decided in the womb that he was going to find all the genes in her that were shared with me. He decided that carefully laid out rules, even well-explained and justified, were not for him.

Beside me, Devin chuckled. "You’d better hurry. I've seen that look before. "

"I know," I groaned, pushing out of the chair, only to stop when a new voice rang out.

"Colin. Put it down," Chase rumbled from his place at the grill, and to my annoyance and envy, I realized he wasn't even looking up from the sizzling meat. As much as I loved my far more charming and personable ways, I had to admit there were benefits to being a grumbling grump like Chase and Trevor.

Ugh, Trevor. I'd think about him later when I was sleeping on my sister's couch.

To add to my annoyance and envy, Colin pouted as he flung the slug into the nearby tall grass past the border of Devin and Chase's yard. With a sigh, I dropped back into my lawn chair to glare at Chase, who seemingly ignored everyone else. What would I give to have that level of authority? How degrading was it to be constantly undermined by a kid who struggled to tie his shoes? And how did someone like Chase, who wanted to neither lead, follow, nor deal with people at all, somehow have an air of natural authority around him? And with kids, no less, something he and Devin had long since agreed they wouldn't have!

With a huff, I realized Devin was smirking at me, and I narrowed my eyes. "What?"

"Don't worry, I've thought it before," he said, sipping his beer. "More than once, actually."

"I was thinking he could use a ‘kiss the cook’ apron," I said airily, grabbing my beer before it got too warm.

"You were thinking he's Dad material."

"You know, if you keep reading people's minds like that, the church will hear about it."

"Mhmm."

"Alright, maybe I thought it for a moment. Just weird since you two aren't having any. "

Devin chuckled. "If it makes you feel any better, I like to think of him as Daddy more than Dad. Very Daddy."

I grinned as I heard Chase return to reality with a sputter. "As a matter of fact, anything that horrifies or embarrasses Chase will make me feel better, so yes, thank you."

"Devin," Chase finally protested in a low growl. "Behave yourself."

"Or what?" Devin asked, cocking a brow that I just knew was saying, 'Or you'll spank me?'

Chase glared back at him, letting out a defeated huff before returning to the grill. "There are kids around."

"And I didn't say anything inappropriate to their innocent ears," Devin said with a chuckle, knowing he’d won that battle of wits. He clearly wasn't afraid to flex his influence in the relationship, and honestly, I had to respect it. Anyone who could make Chase, the apparent former reigning king of, 'I will do and say as I please, and if you don't like it, you can fuck off,' and turn him into something softer and better behaved, deserved respect. "And since it didn't sound like a bad word, they won't try to repeat it."

"You hope," I said with a snort. "I'm in enough trouble with Bri without adding your degeneracy into the mix. I'm throwing you under the boss in a heartbeat if a question about that conversation pops up."

"He'll just bat those big eyes at Bri and sweet-talk her," Chase grumbled.

"I think he's pouting," I loudly whispered to Devin.

Devin chuckled. "It's cute when he does it."

"I do not pout ," Chase complained.

"Right, right," Devin said with a smirk. "He broods. Much more manly and tough that way."

"Which completely takes away from it when you explain," Chase growled. "Fuck's sake, Devin."

"Adult word!" Colin piped up from exploring the grass. I didn't know what he'd found this time, but it clearly had his attention, although apparently not enough to keep him from overhearing our conversation.

"You're absolutely right," I told him loudly, then dropped my voice. "This has been everyone's way of keeping the kids from repeating the words and scolding anyone who uses them. Probably a good idea considering Captain Foul Mouth back there."

"I know you, of all people, aren't going to talk about language," Chase said, glaring at me, spatula in hand. "I know."

"My friend, you make me sound like an innocent nun in comparison," I said with a snort.

"We're not friends," Chase huffed. "You're an example of how my fian…boyfriend can't make good friends in this town. And then you bring screaming rugrats with you."

Devin and my eyes met and lingered as Chase started scooping meat off the grill onto a plate as fast as possible. Chase wasn't exactly smooth and he hadn't even tried to cover up his slip other than to plow on with what he’d originally meant to say. The silence was probably making things worse, and in a rare moment of pity, I cleared my throat. "And don't act like these kids didn't specifically ask for you. And don't act like you didn't say they could come over."

"Yeah, well, what am I supposed to do? Tell a bunch of kids, no? I'm a dick, not evil," he said, stomping off toward the house with more speed than usual.

Not that he was going to fool anyone; he loved the kids. True, he had a favorite, said favorite trailing after Chase carefully on two legs she still wasn't completely in control of, but you were allowed favorites when you weren't the parent. Yet he would never have said no, even if it had just been Colin or Brendon who’d wanted to come over. However, Brendon was perfectly content in the grass between Devin and my chairs, seemingly pleased with the plethora of toys left behind when Colin had lost interest in them.

It was funny how Colin could look and sometimes act so serious, like his father, but the older he got, the more energetic and carefree, if bold, he was becoming. Bri had been slightly surprised by that, but I hadn’t. I remembered all too well when he had been around Brendon's age; he could be quiet and thoughtful, but generally, he was inquisitive, talkative, and pretty adventurous.

Amber was different, but I wasn't all that surprised, considering her circumstances. There was a hardheaded streak in her a mile wide that was going to be oh-so-fun to deal with down the road, but there was a sweetness to her. All in all, I thought that once she finally came out of her shell, she’d be more like her older brother than anything else.

Brendon, however, was just...sweet. He took after his dad's side of the family because neither Bri nor I could claim sweetness, whereas her patient, compassionate husband certainly did. Brendon loved being around other people but usually did his own thing. Sometimes, he paid attention to conversations like he could fully understand them; other times, he was happy to just exist around others.

As if sensing my thoughts, Brendon looked up from the toys and grinned at me, waving a toy at me for whatever reason had crossed his little head. Snorting, I pointed toward Devin, which had the reaction I expected. Brendon lit up as if he’d completely forgotten Devin had been there the whole time, dropping his toys and reaching out with pudgy grasping hands.

"Oh, I got you, sweet boy," Devin said, setting his beer bottle on the table before reaching down with a grunt to heft Brendon onto his lap. "Coming back to reality, huh?"

"He likes being off in his own world," I noted, glancing again at Colin to see he’d made his way toward the neighbor's bushes.

"That's alright," Devin said with a smile, smoothing the thin wisps of blond hair on Brendon's head. "I did that a lot as a kid too. I did it because the worlds I could build in my head were better than many things I was dealing with in real life, but...I probably would have done the same if I grew up with a normal family like he has."

"Normal," I scoffed. "These kids end up at so many people's houses and see so much. And not one of us is normal."

"Healthy then," Devin said with a roll of his eyes. "It might be easy for some of you to think how weird these kids are being raised sometimes, but for people like me and Chase? We could only dream of having a childhood like theirs. They've got so many people: you, Trevor, Me, Chase, Adam's parents, Ian and Kyle, Ayla, and Annie, and that's not even covering the fact that although Brendon isn't Adam's, and Amber isn't any of theirs, they're being raised by two sets of parents that treat them like their own."

I felt a flash of regret, knowing I’d spoken carelessly. "Well, maybe that's the weird part. They've got more people to take care of them than they know what to do with...which, when I think about it, actually makes it a little depressing."

"Why, because most kids don't get that?"

"Yeah."

"Well, we'll see if Felix and Luke add a kid or two into the mix and make it weirder. The world could use more weird if you ask me."

I laughed, raising my bottle. "And to that, I can only agree. Less shit and more weird."

Devin smirked. "So, are we going to talk about why you've spent almost a week sleeping on your sister's couch instead of at your...does it count as a boyfriend? "

"Call us what you want," I said with a shrug. Trevor and I had both agreed there wasn't much point in us getting married. I had never been all that stuck on the idea, and Trevor had always sworn that if he got married, it would only be once. Since he had an ex-wife, all our bases were covered, and we had just set things up legally so we could take care of one another. "And I'd much rather talk about the fact that Chase just slipped up horribly, and you don't seem the least bit bothered."

Devin shook his head. "Everyone knows Chase has always been...weird about getting married. Even when we were teenagers, he was always against the idea. I mean, he was against the idea of relationships too, and now look at him."

"He's fallen in sweet, sweet, torturous love."

"Eh, I only torture him because it's good for him."

"And because it's funny."

"That too."

I smirked. "So you think he's doing a slow build-up to it?"

"We've talked about it, and I told him I’d love to marry him, but it's absolutely not required. I love him, he loves me, we're committed, we're...everything to each other. A marriage would just be a symbolic step that isn't strictly necessary," Devin said in an almost believably disinterested tone. "If that's something he wants to do, then all he needs to do is ask."

"Mmm," I hummed thoughtfully. "I see."

"What?"

"What?"

"Don't give me that, . You had that look on your face. And before you try to be smart...again, you know what look I'm talking about."

I grinned, knowing when I was busted. “It just...well, it doesn't sound like that's how you really feel. And I'm sorry, but if it didn't sound that way to me, it sure as hell didn't sound like that to Chase."

Devin frowned. “What do you mean?"

"I mean, it sounds like you very much want to be married to him. Even if you’d be okay if he never asked, part of you wants him to. Maybe there's some hopeless romantic in you that never died. Maybe you want to prove to yourself that marriage can be a good thing and not a weight that drags you down into misery with each other. Or maybe you just see it as the last, perfect step between the two of you. Whatever it is, it sounds like you want it, and trust me, Chase pays attention to every little thing you say and do. He's going to see it even clearer than I do."

"Is it that obvious?"

"Look, when Trevor and I talked about the possibility, we both agreed it wasn't something either of us wanted. Well, I didn't want it, and he'd gone through it once before and wasn't all that interested. To us, it was just a normal conversation, kind of like talking about picking out a house or something. Well, it was closer to discussing what brand of cereal we wanted. What you just said? That sounded more like you were trying to convince yourself as well as me."

Which probably meant Chase was panicking to figure out how to get over his hang-ups about the subject while picking out rings. I knew he’d already picked out rings, though I didn't know what they looked like. I might not have been investigating quite like I had been before, but that didn't mean I was above occasionally sticking my nose into my friend's business. Chase might look like his normal self, but I bet he was wracking his mind to pick the perfect place, time, and way to propose.

Devin frowned and then eyed me with a smirk. “Speaking of Trevor. "

"Don't," I groaned. "And damn Bri for telling on me."

"It wasn't Bri."

"Then who?"

"Take a guess."

"Bennett would be too obvious for you to play this game, and Adam isn't a gossip. So it would have to be someone people wouldn't think is a gossip, but I know is a dirty gossip, and…Chase. Chase told you."

"Bingo."

"Ugh, how?"

"The man isn't stupid, . He realized he's been seeing you around the kids more than usual, and you haven't been seen in Trevor's truck, which you love to drive because you know it makes Trevor nervous about what you're doing in his baby."

"God," I groaned. "I think he loves that thing more than me. See if I ever buy him an old truck for his birthday again."

"An old truck in good condition that you fixed up, an old truck that he had as a teenager with a lot of good memories tied to it."

"I...okay?"

"You bought a sentimental gift for the man you love. Just own up to it."

"Absolutely not."

Devin laughed. “Years of being in love haven't changed you in the slightest."

"You're goddamn right, and it won't," I said, draining the last of my beer.

"I note that you're taking advantage and trying to steer the subject away from how you haven't been sleeping at home," Devin said.

I groaned, rubbing my face. "We had an argument."

"Which has been known to happen to the two of you. "

"A bad one."

"Uh-huh."

"And he's being stubborn."

"And I'm sure you’re being the absolute picture of compromise and understanding."

"You know," I said, narrowing my eyes at him. "Too many people in this town think you're this sweet guy who just ended up being led down a bad path by nasty people and has finally returned to the light. But I know for a fact you're a conniving, evil little shit."

"You're not alone," a low rumble agreed, and I glanced up to see Chase standing behind our chairs. "Because he is, but he's my evil, conniving little shit."

"He's so sweet," Devin said, and the little weirdo sounded like he meant it too. "We were just discussing how it came to be that has been crashing on his sister's couch rather than in his shared bed with Trevor."

"They got into a fight because didn't tell Trevor about a new assignment he'd agreed to," Chase said. "Now, come get your food. The steaks have rested long enough."

I gaped at Chase's retreating back. “Now, how the hell did you…I did not accept a new assignment."

"A new assignment where?" Devin asked, and his playful tone was replaced by a worried one.

"Oh God, not you too!"

"?"

I sighed, knowing my answer was going to start another problem. "Might or might not be in...Taiwan."

I wasn't surprised to see a shadow pass over Devin's face at the news. Tension between China and Taiwan had been off and on for years now, but it had really been ramping up in the past year or so. There were a lot of reports of things happening along the coast and in the cities as well. Some were calling the terror attacks the product of Chinese sabotage, while others were claiming it was Taiwanese people trying to make it back to their homeland and sowing discord to do it. Whatever the case, a lot of investigations were being done in the country, and I was offered a chance to participate in one of them.

"Jesus, , no wonder he was so pissed," Devin said crossly. "There's been what, six or seven American journalists who’ve disappeared or died over there in the past couple of months?"

"Eight," I corrected with a sigh. "And again, I never agreed to anything!"

"Fine," Devin said dryly as he slid out of the lawn chair. "Then what is it that you actually did?"

I grimaced. “I...showed interest in the assignment and asked them to send over any relevant information, and I’d get back to them."

Devin stopped to adjust Brendon on his hip and gave me an incredulous look. “Seriously?"

"It's a perfectly legitimate response when someone offers you something like that!" I protested, following him into the house. "It's an excellent opportunity, and I couldn't help but show interest."

"That sounded like more than just showing interest," Devin told me as we stepped into the kitchen.

"It's just showing professional interest," I snapped. "I used to do this kinda shit all the time. It was my bread and butter, my calling! So, of course, I jumped at the chance to look things over and see what they wanted out of me. But I never gave them a definitive answer. That's an entirely different discussion, and it's not like I'm the only person who got that information."

"So...why not mention it to Trevor?" Devin asked as he looked over the food. "Don't forget to eat some of the salad with the heaping serving of steak you're going to take."

Chase, who clearly knew that was aimed at him, scowled. "I know."

"Because I knew the assignment could be dangerous and I said I wasn't going to take those as often. It’s been a while since I did anything like that, and I wanted to know how much danger there was and how I felt about it before I brought it up. I didn't want him to start worrying before I’d even figured out if it was something I wanted to do," I growled, turning around and taking a moment to breathe before calling through the door. "Colin, get in here and have some steak!"

"I want salad!"

"Then come get some salad, and we'll see if there's any bacon bits we can throw on top for you."

"Croutons!"

"Yeah, I know, you want some crunch," I said with a shake of my head. "C'mon!"

Colin came tearing across the yard at full speed, and I knew he wasn't going to stop. Forgetting my anger for a moment, I bent down and caught him before he ran face-first into my knees. It was an experience we'd both had once, and neither of us had enjoyed it. He wiggled in my grip as I hoisted him up, squirming as my fingers dug into his armpits, making him giggle.

"Uncle Trevor, make him stop!" Colin pleaded, his words making me freeze and turn to find...my boyfriend, lover, whatever you wanted to call him, standing in the doorway. For a moment I forgot I was angry with him for going over my messages and not giving me a chance to explain before the argument devolved into something completely unrelated to the original fight. All I saw was a damn fine-looking man in a shirt that fit him perfectly and the jeans I'd insisted he buy because they hugged his thighs in a way that made higher thought nearly impossible.

And then I glared at Devin and Chase, or at least the back of Chase's head and Devin's unimpressed expression.

"I'm not responsible for this," Devin said, shrugging as if he wouldn't have cared if he was responsible.

"I don't interfere in stupid shit," Chase said as he began slicing up the steaks. "Trevor, you want some?"

"I might take one," Trevor said casually as if we weren't supposed to be pissed at one another.

"We are accomplices, though," Devin added.

"Unwilling," Chase grumbled, slapping a steak onto a plate with the salad Devin had already doled out and handing it to Trevor. "Dragged into this. Which, thanks for that. I love being in the middle of your lover's spats."

Anger flashed through my head like a red-hot poker, but Trevor cleared his throat. “I think maybe and I should talk in the other room. Before this gets out of hand."

Devin elbowed Chase hard enough to make Chase take half a step away and wince while I grunted. “Fine, whatever. I want another beer."

I grabbed one on my way out as I heard Chase complain loudly. “What the fuck was that for?"

"Because you're…yes, Colin, that was an adult word, the most adult word, good call. Because you're being an ass."

"Well, that's what this is!"

"And you're being an ass who deserved what he got. So I guess it's fair."

"Babe—"

I closed the door to the living room, shutting off the rest of whatever Chase's whining complaint contained. I didn't care what he had to say, and I was just glad Devin and Trevor had intervened. Well, I was glad Devin had intervened anyway. I still wasn't sure how I felt about Trevor's part in all this.

"Who the fuck was it?" I asked.

Trevor sat on the couch, putting his plate on the coffee table. "Who else would call me to yell at me for the fact that both of us are 'being stupid' and to get you off the couch?"

"Fucking...be glad you're an only sibling," I growled, dropping into the seat across from him. "Woman gets live-in babysitting and has the audacity to complain because I'm on her couch."

"Your sister loves you. That doesn't mean she doesn't find you a bit much sometimes."

"Well, thank you for that, sweetheart. You know how to make me feel special."

"Actually, I took her words and made them nicer. She said if you didn't get out of her house, she was going to commit a felony, and no jury on the planet would convict her once they learned who you are as a person."

"That...sounds exactly like her," I said after a moment.

Not that Bri had a whole lot of room to talk. Neither of us was exactly easy to get along with. Her because she was demanding, bossy, and had exacting standards which could be...difficult to deal with. I’d always felt sympathy and pity for the men she dated right up until I’d met Adam. Back then, I'd needed only to see the calm, measured approach he took to life to see he had a good chance of being able to make it with her...right up until they didn't, and again, I loved my sister, but I didn't blame him in the slightest.

Plus, it was pretty hard to deny that he was way better off with Bennett. Those two complemented one another way too well.

And well, anyone who dealt with me for longer than five minutes knew I was a giant pain in the ass. I never took anything seriously. I was insatiable with my nosiness and always had something smartass ready to throw out at a moment's notice. It didn't help that dating me came with emotional evasion, concealing my motivations for things, and always seeming to know just how to push someone's buttons without hesitation or concern.

Honestly, being a pain in the ass ran in the family.

"So," Trevor said after a moment, poking at the steak, "was all that true?"

I glared at him, doing my best not to let my already heightened emotions get the better of me and get offended. "When the fuck have I ever lied to you, Trevor?"

"To be fair, you weren't talking to me. You didn't know I was even there," he said before popping the steak into his mouth.

I narrowed my eyes, mostly out of annoyance that he was right, which didn't do much to improve my mood. "Well, I don't have a reason to lie to them either."

He took a moment to swallow. “No, but even with how much you've grown to love and trust people around here, you still fall into old habits. You rarely outright lie, but you do keep truths close to your chest and don't like to give the full story. So I guess I should ask if you gave them the full story and, if not, whether I'll get the full story."

"Well, you probably would have had a chance earlier than today if you hadn't jumped down my throat," I said with a scowl. It had stung when I realized he wasn't going to give me a chance to explain myself when I could see he wasn't going to give me the benefit of the doubt. I'd had enough of that in my life without the man I loved and trusted doing it to me, especially when he, more than anyone, knew how much that bothered me.

His face twisted. “I didn't?—"

"Yeah, you kinda fucking did, Trevor," I snapped. "Don't you dare pretend that isn't what happened. Because if you hadn't done that, you would have heard everything I just said but three days ago."

His scowl deepened as he glared down at his steak as if it had personally offended him. "I...what was I supposed to think, ? It was only a couple of years ago that you flew out of here to go talk about flying to Ecuador or wherever it was to deal with the civil war."

It hadn't been Ecuador, but that wasn't important. "And you got rightfully pissed at me for doing that. But last I checked, we had it out over that and moved on. I learned my lesson, said I was sorry, and haven't done shit like that again."

"So, do you really blame me for thinking you were doing something like that again?" he asked roughly.

"Yes!" I said, throwing up my hands in exasperation. "Because I would hope my boyfriend would trust me enough to respect him. To respect your wishes and not pull that kind of crap again."

"It scared the shit out of me," Trevor said, and I knew fear didn't come easily to him, and it was even harder for him to admit something like that.

"I...okay, I get that," I said, softening slightly at the difficult admission. "But even if it freaked you out, I still deserved the benefit of the doubt. But you didn't give it to me. So now my feelings are fucking hurt, and you're pissed."

"I'm not," he rubbed at his face rapidly, and I knew he was getting more frustrated even as he tried to get his emotions under control. " Look , I'm not pissed...anymore. What I'm trying to say is...I miss you."

I had been ready for anything, but that caught me off-guard. For a moment, I could only stare at him in stunned silence, and then, under the intensity of his gaze, I started to feel self-conscious. I wrapped my arms tightly around one another in front of me, eyeing him carefully. "What?"

"I said, I miss you," he said, his shoulders slumping. "Even that first night when I was still pissed, and you'd stomped off?—"

"I didn't stomp ," I protested.

Irritatingly, his lips twitched. “You absolutely did. It's the most noise I've ever heard you make while walking."

I glared at him. “Asshole."

At that, his amusement died, and he sighed. “Well, it's hard to argue with you there."

"Don't start beating yourself up like that's going to make me less mad."

"I'm not. I know stuff like that pisses you off."

"Exactly. Now what about the first night while you were still pissed?"

"I missed you. Even when I was laying there, thinking about how much I wanted to shake you and tell you off...our bedroom just felt too empty."

I blinked, my chest giving a squeeze, and I wondered if we'd been doing the same thing every night but on opposite sides of Fairlake. The past few nights had been spent on Bri's couch, with me on my back, staring up at the ceiling, wondering what Trevor was doing. Used to be that insomnia and I were well acquainted, but the past three nights had been the first time in years I’d had difficulty falling asleep.

"The whole damn house is too quiet," he continued, eyes dropping to the floor. "I've thought that every time you've gone on some assignment but it's worse because you're not there because you don't want to be, not because you're working."

"I don't…" I began, my stomach twisting with guilt. "Well, okay. I guess I kinda want to be there, but it just feels...I don't know...wrong to be there."

"How is it wrong?"

"Because you didn't trust me, Trevor. If I stuck around at home, I would have kept getting reminded that when you should have trusted me, you didn't...doesn't mean I haven't missed you the whole time."

His eyes drifted toward the window, face creased with a frown. "I...reacted badly. I should have known you wouldn't do something like that. But I wish you’d mentioned it."

"I was going to when I knew more. The offer is on the table, but I don't know much about it...or if I want to go."

At that, he scoffed softly. “You want to go. Just because you're happy here doesn't mean you're not still the same restless, adventure-seeking shithead I met and fell in love with years ago."

If he was insulting me, we were moving past being angry. Trevor had never outright insulted me when we were arguing. That kind of thing was only meant playfully. "Well...it's kind of a hard habit to break."

He chuckled. “Habit? , that's who you are. I knew that when we started...everything between us. I didn't go into this relationship hoping it would change, let alone thinking it would. Shit, you wouldn't be you without that sense of adventure, daring attitude, and your need to dig and dig until you get to the truth. It's as much a part of you as your smart mouth and inability to take things seriously."

"I take things seriously," I muttered, but the effect was ruined slightly by the horrifying realization that he was actually making me feel a little emotional.

He smiled at that. “When you want to, but you do tend to go through life treating it like a game."

"A little," I admitted, finally edging closer to him. "There's enough awful, serious shit in the world. No point in treating all of life so seriously."

"Yeah, you leave that to me," he said, looking at me fondly. "I never expect you to change who you are, . If you weren't you, we wouldn't be having this conversation because I fell in love with who you are. Even if that person sometimes drives me crazy and likes dangerous situations a little too much for my liking, that's you. And I love the person you are."

There was no point in fighting it any longer, so I sat on the couch next to him, fingers itching to reach out as they rested in my lap. Part of me wanted to crack a joke, maybe tease him for being so serious, but it wasn't the time. Sure, Trevor could be too serious for his own good, but he was being earnest with me right now, and despite how much we loved each other, heartfelt moments weren't very common between us. Not because we didn't care, but because we weren't sentimental people…or romantic? Bah, that wasn't even close to who I was as a person.

He might not do heartfelt anymore than I did, but there was no denying he was genuine and honest. I never once had to question if he loved me or cared about me, and save for this latest issue, I knew he trusted me. He didn't just tolerate my difficult ass, he genuinely loved and appreciated me. Ours was a slightly odd relationship, especially compared to some of the more traditionally sentimental, romantic relationships around us, but it worked for us...we worked.

"I...was going to say something," I told him softly. "But I should have brought it up sooner. You shouldn't have had to find out the way you did, and that goes double for you overhearing the explanation instead of being told it."

"Well, you had a point," he said, taking my hand. I didn't know if he sensed I was reluctant about closing the distance between us. Not because I was still mad, but because I just...didn't deal with emotions that well, even after being with him for years. "I did react strongly. And badly. I didn't give you the chance to explain, and you were right to be pissed at me."

"I can't exactly expect you to be the perfect picture of patience all the time. Especially with something like this," I admitted. "I know you worry about me when I'm on assignment. Not that you're not justified; I don't exactly take safe jobs."

"Tell me about it," he said with a snort, but he was smiling.

"And I know you're worried about losing me," I said. "Not just because you love me, but because you've already lost a man you loved once."

It had been his childhood best friend with whom he'd been crazy in love, Troy. The two had been close, and both had gone into the Marines. The difference was that Trevor had returned in one piece, but Troy hadn't. Sure, he'd gone on to marry a woman he loved, only to find his marriage ending in a mostly peaceful divorce. But even then, Trevor had mourned the man he'd loved, keeping his dog tags at home and a picture of him in his office.

The picture had disappeared quietly one day. I hadn't said anything, and neither had Trevor. The dog tags were still in his office, tucked into a protective frame I’d bought so he didn't have to clean them constantly. They sat on the top shelf, where you could see them if you searched, but not on display. I was never once bothered by either memorabilia. Trevor loved me fiercely and truly, and if he needed to keep the memory of the first person who ever held his heart in their hands, then I wouldn't complain.

Plus, competing with ghosts was just stupid.

"Yeah, you two are alike enough as it is," he said with a shake of his head. "The last thing I want is to lose you like I did him."

I squeezed his hand, smiling gently. "I wish I could promise that's not going to happen."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I don't."

He sighed. “I'm sorry."

"I am too," I told him. "I overreacted, and before we even had the chance to calm down, I stormed out and left you alone. That was...childish."

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "It's not childish to need space to breathe and calm down. I wasn't pissed that you left."

"I distinctly remember you growling out the door at me when I got in the car," I chuckled. "Something about being petulant."

He winced. “I wasn't actually pissed...not at that. Not specifically at that. I was just pissed in general, and that was one more thing I could add to the list of reasons to be pissed off."

"I remember you told me I gave you a list of reasons to be pissed off at me at least twice a day."

He snorted, reaching to wrap his arm around my waist. “I said you give me a list of reasons to lose my sanity. Not piss me off."

"Ahh, I see. There’s a difference?"

"There is."

"Well, I'm sorry all the same," I told him, giving in to that last little urge and laying my head on his shoulder, breathing in the smell of soap and cologne. "I didn't handle shit well either. I should have talked to you sooner."

"We'll talk about it, eventually," he said, kissing my temple gently. "Right now, I'm just glad to be here with you. It's been driving me crazy not being able to see you, hear you make some awful joke, or try to drive me up a wall just because you think it's funny."

"Mmm, it usually is funny. Your sense of humor needs some work."

"Noted," he said dryly. Normally, I would have expected a snarky comment from him, but the lines on his face were still softening, and I thought maybe he was just relieved that the worst was behind us .

"So...do we talk about this whole thing now?"

"Later," he said, leaning down to give me a gentle, sweet kiss. "Right now, I just want to enjoy the fact that we're talking again without needing to yell."

I chuckled. “Fair enough. I wasn't really in the mood for any more serious talk."

I made an effort to talk about things with him because I loved him, but talking too much about feelings and serious shit always left me feeling stretched thin and a little ragged. Expressing myself healthily had never been my best skill, and even with the practice I'd put in for him, for us, it still wasn't easy. I could only handle so much before my brain got itchy and worn down, and I found myself getting antsy and a little cranky.

"We can give your poor head a break," he said with a chuckle, pressing his face into my hair and breathing deep, letting it out with a contented sigh.

We both jumped out of our skin when the door was flung open, revealing Colin staring at us with wide eyes. After a moment, he narrowed his eyes. “Eton...you need to eat."

I sighed, not just because he still refused to say my name correctly, something I believed was probably my dear sister's doing, but because I was being lectured by a five-year-old, of all things. Before I could say anything, Devin appeared behind Colin, hustling to grab him. “Sorry guys, he slipped away when I wasn't paying attention."

"It's fine," I said with a snort, gesturing at Colin, who immediately launched toward me so he could scramble into my lap and make himself comfortable. "We just finished kissing and making up."

"Daddy and Papa Bennett kiss all the time," Colin informed us, peering over to look at the food on Trevor's plate. "Even more than Mommy and Papa Keith."

"Yes, well, sometimes when people are sickeningly in love, they do stuff like that," I said with a snort. "Maybe you'll be lucky enough to have that too...when you're older. A lot older."

He thought about it for a moment before shrugging. “I guess. But why don't I see Uncle Chase and Uncle Devin do it? I thought they loved each other."

Devin blinked, clearly thrown off by the rather blunt question and the innocent, if probably painful, insinuation. I waited a moment before clearing my throat. “Well. Everyone's different, Colin. Some people like to kiss a lot even when others are around, and others like to do it in private."

"Is that what Uncle Chase and Uncle Devin are like?"

"Well, dude, he's right there. You can ask him."

Of course, Colin promptly turned around and stared into Devin's soul. “Are you and Uncle Chase like that?"

"We're pretty private about that sort of thing," Devin explained. "But we still love each other very much."

"Are you sure?"

"I've loved him very much for years and years. Even back when we were in school."

"Woah."

"Yeah, woah. That's how Papa Bennett felt toward your dad."

"Mom says that just because there's a lot of boys who like boys around me, that doesn't mean I will like boys when I'm older."

I could almost see the context that led to that statement, but he was quickly whipping through topics. Children's minds worked in strange ways but if Devin thought so, he hid it with a smile. “That's true. You’ll probably like girls, but you might like boys instead,orboth."

Colin's eyes widened at that news. “You can like both?"

"Yeah, dude, that's how me and Uncle Trevor feel," I said with a shrug .

"Neat," he said, and he actually sounded like he meant it, which...well, kids were weird.

"Alright, you," Devin said, swooping in to grab Colin. "You still have to finish your food."

"Etan," he said, eyeing me.

"Than," I said with a sigh. "E-than. ."

"Etan."

"Your mother is the bane of my existence."

"Mommy's a...bane?" he asked as I forced him to stand.

"Yes, and you can tell her that too," I said with a smirk as Devin rolled his eyes.

"Do you remember how we said not to repeat the adult words Uncle Chase says a lot?" Devin asked him, taking him by the hand.

"Yeah."

"Well, it's the same with Uncle 's ideas...don't listen to them."

I watched them go, smiling as Colin began to tell Devin about the time he watched Bennett get chased around the house by a squirrel that had got inside. Of course, it was colored by the sheer absurdity that seemed to follow Bennett everywhere. I seriously hoped Colin didn't end up like Bennett, even though they weren't remotely related. If anything, it was more likely that Amber or Brendon would end up following in Bennett's chaotic footsteps.

"You ever regret not having kids?" I asked Trevor as I watched Devin and Colin, smiling as Colin's voice rose and fell in excitement.

"Do you regret deciding not to have them?" Trevor asked, also smiling as he stood beside me.

I opened my mouth to respond and then grimaced when I heard Colin's voice turn to a shrieking outrage because his sister had dared to eat some of the salad clearly meant for him. It was followed by the wail of Brendon, who was not a fan of yelling, as Chase grumbled and Devin cooed at them. "Yeah...no, I'm good."

Trevor chuckled, pulling me close. "Agreed. We've got enough on our plate with the two of us."

"With just you, you mean."

"Sure, ."

"Ass."