Page 103 of Hearts and Hidden Secrets
CARSON
I was packing when I heard the door beep.
I stopped, my heart racing, but no… That wasn’t possible. That was the sound of when I turned off my security system, and I hadn’t. It was a malfunction. Had to be. Or I was hearing things.
“You moved.”
I screamed, my bag and clothes went into the air, and I gaped—not believing who I was seeing.
Jonah stood in my doorway, watching me.
Jonah.
Here.
In my apartment.
My new apartment that I’d moved into after I quit my job in Texas, because I didn’t know why I was living in Texas when my family was in Kansas.
And he was here.
Here .
“What the fuck are you doing here?!”
Okay. I had no chill button in this situation.
He didn’t answer, and that’s when I clued in to how clenched his jaw was.
He was ticked off.
Well, that made two of us.
“You left me!”
“I did not leave you,” he bit out.
“You told me to go!”
See? No chill. He was here. I was here. I was pissed. He was pissed. We were having this out.
“You had your brother take me home.”
“I told you if you left, I wouldn’t stop you.” He started forward. “Because I loved you! I did that for you!”
“I didn’t ask you to do it for me.”
He stopped, his face twisting up. “What are you talking about? Look at you!” he roared, pointing at me.
“You’re a walking skeleton. What the fuck have you been doing to yourself?
! You’re anemic. I can see that by just looking at you, and FYI, that’s not a good sign.
I just got off a plane, which I rushed to after my brother told me you were in the hospital for a third fucking time in six months. ”
He was really angry.
And damn.
He was hot.
Something was so wrong with me.
But he was here. Here. In my apartment. Where I was.
He came for me.
I hadn’t realized I’d been waiting, but I was. I had been. This was what I’d wanted all along. I just didn’t know it.
A tear fell down my cheek. “I wanted you to come after me.”
His eyes grew stricken. “What?”
“I wanted you to come after me.” I shook my head, flicking away that tear.
It was stupid to cry over this. “I mean, I didn’t know until you just showed up.
But wait—are you here here? Or are you here to yell at me and leave again?
” I shot my hand out. “Because I’m not doing that.
Not again. I’m not the one leaving this time.
You can’t make me go, like literally. I’m not getting a ride to my parents’ house with your brother, who was nice to me and that freaked me out.
Neither of your brothers are nice. When they are, it’s not right. ”
He cracked a grin. “Are you serious?”
“Yes.” Oh, man. I was. I really was.
Not about his brothers—I was half joking about them, but I wanted him here.
And he was here.
I wasn’t letting him go this time.
I wasn’t letting myself be taken away.
What did that mean?
I didn’t know.
His eyes gentled, and so did his tone. “Are you okay?”
I took a deep breath in, getting control of my emotions. “I will be.”
He moved in, cupping the back of my head and tilting my face up to his. His thumbs smoothed over my cheeks. “You’re not well. Kai told me about your hospitalizations, and I almost attacked him. He should’ve told me after the first one. What’s going on? They started after you left us?”
Oh boy. This was going to be painful.
I reached up, my hands covering his, and held on.
“I’ll be fine. I will be. It’s—it’s just…
I haven’t been motivated to take care of myself.
I’ve been depressed, because, you know. You.
Leaving you shattered me, and I don’t know, I think a part of me just didn’t care what came next.
But what came next were the nightmares.”
He stepped close, his body touching mine. “Nightmares? You’re having nightmares?”
I nodded, my neck stiffening up, and I could feel the fear moving through me, just talking about them. My body was conditioned by now. “It’s always the same. The hangar. That guy coming in, but it’s not me he kills. It’s my family. My parents. My sister. You.”
“Baby.”
A wave of emotion crashed through me, but this time, it was good.
Healing.
Hope.
I could feel it creeping in, one inch at a time.
“It’s been a really long few months.” I choked out a sob, and Jonah crushed me to him.
He wrapped his arms around me, tucking his head down. “I’m so sorry. I would’ve come after the first one, and that’s on me?—”
I pulled back, tipping my head up. “Shut up.”
“What?” He laughed, frowning at the same time.
“Shut up. You blamed yourself for Melissa. You convinced me to walk away from you. You stayed away, and you were doing that for me. But enough. Stop blaming yourself for not being perfect. I could’ve reached out, too, Jonah.
I knew you would love me. I know you do love me.
I stayed away because…” I didn’t know anymore.
“I’ll tell my family who you are, and it’s their choice.
If they don’t want to risk it, I’ll stay away.
But I can’t stay away from you, not anymore. I almost died this last time. I fell?—”
“I know what happened.” His voice was low. “I know the timeline. You need to go to counseling to stop the nightmares.”
“I know.” I motioned to my bag. “I was packing to go to a treatment facility. This last accident woke me up, in a way.” I tightened my hold on him. “But I don’t want to do this without you. I love you. It never went away. It’s never gone away. You’re my one. I want to be with my one.”
His mouth was on mine after that.
He groaned, picking me up. “I love you. You and me. We’ll figure it out.”
The love, the sensations, the pleasure, all of it swept through me.
It pushed away the pain, the fear, the longing.
I was in his arms.
I would always be in his arms.