Page 50 of Heart of the Hunter (Band of Bastards #3)
W hen Hunter could move again, he rolled to Anora’s side and kissed her on the nose, then got up from the bed to fetch a linen cloth.
He dipped it in the basin of water then returned to the bed and gently pushed her legs apart.
She sat up and reached for the cloth, but he shook his head and smiled at her cheeks, and the way they were flushed with embarrassment.
“Let me, angel,” he murmured and laughed when she flopped back on the bed with a huffed sigh.
He finished his ministrations, then returned to the basin to rinse the linen and clean himself.
He climbed back onto the bed and pulled the heavy blanket over them, then scooped her into his arms to hold her against his chest.
“Where did you learn to be so gentle with a woman?” she asked in a sleepy voice as she snuggled into the crook of his arm. Then her eyes popped open, and her cheeks flushed again. “Never mind. I don’t want to know.”
He rubbed a hand slowly up and down the silky-smooth skin of her back. “What I learned is how not to treat a woman.”
She turned in his arms and rested her chin on his chest so she could look up at him. If there was a heaven, he didn’t think it could be any more beautiful than her face. He combed his fingers through the fine threads of her hair and tried to slow the thoughts that raced around in his head.
“Where did you learn how not to treat a woman?” Anora asked in a whisper-soft voice.
He didn’t know why he even said what he did. He’d never spoken to anyone about his mother or his life as a boy in a brothel. Hawk knew where he came from because he’d been the one to take him from that life and give him a purpose. But even he didn’t know the details.
“I was raised in a brothel,” he said evenly and waited for the horrified expression to transform her angelic face.
It would kill him to see her repulsed by him, by where he came from, by what he became because of it, but something in him wanted to tell her.
If she rejected him, then it was better to have it done with. But if she didn’t…
“Was your mother a…” She couldn’t say the word but there was no condemnation in her voice or judgment in her eyes.
“A harlot,” he finished for her.
“Is she still alive?”
He smoothed his hand over her scalp in long, slow strokes, as though he were soothing a cat, but he did it to soothe himself just as much as her. “She was killed when I was four. I don’t remember very much about her. After she died, the other women took care of me the best they knew how.”
Anora shifted to fold one arm over his chest to rest her chin on to bring her face closer to his. With her other hand, she rubbed slow, distracting circles on his chest. “How was she killed?”
“A man who paid for her services got angry—I don’t know why,” he shrugged, “it doesn’t matter why—and beat her to death.”
A tear fell onto her cheek as she squeezed her eyes shut as though trying to block out the horror of what he’d just said. When she opened them again, they were watery and bright with unshed tears. “I am so sorry, Hunter. No child should have to go through that.”
He agreed, but it didn’t change anything.
“I stayed in that brothel until I was nine.” The gentle touch of her fingers skimming softly over his chest was too much for him, and he couldn’t keep his focus.
He caught her hand in his and held it still over his heart.
“I had to leave because I killed a man.” Her eyes widened, but not in fear.
“He was hurting one of the harlots and would have killed her if I hadn’t intervened. ”
“You did the right thing,” Anora said gently.
“Is it the right thing if you keep doing it?” he asked and a nervous, mirthless chuckle escaped his lips.
She was silent for a long moment, and he felt himself start to sweat under her scrutiny. Finally, she said, “Only you can know that.”
“I moved from brothel to brothel after that, staying until some man had hurt the women too many times or beaten a harlot until she was nearly dead.” A pit formed in his stomach. He didn’t want to admit to any more. “You will think me the devil if I tell you the rest.”
She shook her head. “I know you are not a demon, Hunter. I want to know. I want to know everything about you.”
He sighed heavily. His mouth was dry and ashy, but he decided it was better to be honest with her.
“It was too dangerous for the woman and the brothel owners if I killed a man in the bawdy house. It attracted the wrong kind of attention. When I decided a man was not treating the women well enough, that he was too dangerous to be with them, I followed them from the brothel and killed them in some dark, remote part of the road, then returned to the brothel with no one any wiser to what I had done. It doesn’t justify what I did, but at the time, it felt like some sort of retribution for not being able to protect my mother. ”
He saw the way her eyelids fluttered before she blinked several times to hide her distress. “I understand that, Hunter. Vengeance is a powerful motivator. Especially for a mother taken too soon.”
She was right, but her need for vengeance hadn’t tainted her beyond redemption. “When Hawk found me and chose me to become one of his elite warriors, not much changed. I am still a killer of men. It’s what I do and what I am good at.” He felt hollow inside. “It’s what I am.”
He wanted to lose himself in the depths of her sapphire eyes. When he looked at her, he felt there was still hope to heal his soul, but at what price to her? She stared at him for a long while and studied his face. Finally, she said, “You are so much more than a killer, Hunter.”
He dropped his gaze away from hers. He’d never been one to back down, but he couldn’t stand to look at her as she tried to convince herself that he was redeemable.
“Hunter, look at me,” she said gently. He lifted his gaze to hers, and his heart cracked in his chest. She was so pure and so beautiful, and he would ruin her.
“When I look at you I see a man who is a protector. A man who is loyal to his friends and willing to do anything for them. A man who mentored a young boy because he recognized himself in him. A man who cares about women the rest of the world wants to forget and tries to make their lives more bearable. You have a huge heart, Hunter, and I’ll never believe otherwise. ”
He lifted her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss in the center of her palm. “If I were half the man you believe me to be, angel, I would be better than most men, but I’d still not be worthy of you.”