Page 32 of Heart of the Hunter (Band of Bastards #3)
He shook his head. Occasionally, he took his ease with a willing widow, but he knew that was hardly different and little better than patronizing brothels.
Still, it was better than visiting a bawdy house where the wary uneasiness of him once being a boy trying to survive in a place not meant for children returned and gnawed at his gut.
“I look after them like a brother would a sister,” he explained. “If they need something, I do what I can to provide it. And if they need protection, I provide that, as well.”
“Brothers are good to have,” she said with a wistful smile.
“Baldwin was always my greatest champion. He was the first one to tell me never to settle for a husband who would expect me to give up what I love. He said I should look for a man like our father who would treat me the same way our father treated our mother.” She laughed, the sound like wind rustling through the leaves of the forest trees.
“He also said the man who married me would need the same patience and understanding of our father to put up with me.”
“I am certain if Baldwin were here, he would tell you that any man who marries you would be fortunate.” It was the truth. She was magnificent, bold, and witty, and he couldn’t imagine any man not thinking her perfect already.
She looked at him and gave him a dazzling smile, her blue eyes mesmerizing him with their brilliance. “The women are fortunate to have you as their brother .”
He was not typically the one to back down from anything, but he was the first to break his eyes away from their locked gaze.
The intensity of her stare, the promise and hope that he saw there, was more than he could endure.
His resolve was dangerously close to being quashed as his longing to touch her grew.
“Are the men who were at the doors of the brothel Madam Ruby’s hired guards?” Her ability to change topics in the blink of an eye was astounding. He should be more prepared for it, but she managed throw him off kilter every time.
“Aye,” he said cautiously. “They are in her employ.”
“I could do the same,” she said, her face brightening.
“My reputation as a goldsmith is growing and if I can continue to sell commissioned pieces, I could afford to hire guards as protection. They would be my hired brothers.” Her eyes became wide with excitement and her jaw had dropped open as though the sudden idea was the solution to all of her problems. “Who needs a husband when a man can be hired for all the same purposes?”
“ All the same purposes?”
She let out a little embarrassed laugh. “Well, not all , but for the ones that are important.”
There were so many responses he wanted to give to her ludicrous statement, but none of them were appropriate, so he kept his mouth shut.
“I think it is a perfectly reasonable idea,” she continued, her enthusiasm growing.
“More women who are not in a position to marry should do the same. No one would fault me for taking measures to ensure my safekeeping when my profession means that there will always be gold, silver, and gems, and jewelry of considerable value on the premises.” She paused, and lifted her hand to her face to tap at her cheek in thought.
“Of course, it would need to be someone I could trust.”
The woman’s determination was as boundless as it was tiresome. “Anora, I—”
“You could do it, Hunter,” she said, cutting him off. “You could take Baldwin’s place as my brother.”
“No.” He didn’t like the idea of being paid to protect her, and he certainly didn’t want to be a brother to her.
“You have not taken the time to consider the idea,” she insisted.
He opened his mouth to respond, then closed it. She was staring at him wide-eyed, as though daring him to disappoint her, but her lips were twitching with amusement. He was rarely surprised by anyone, and even less frequently fooled.
“You are jesting with me,” he said with a shake of his head. He laughed at his own gullibility, something he hadn’t experienced since he was a child, before he’d become hardened by the cruelty and callousness he’d come to expect from people.
Her smile broadened and her nose wrinkled as the pink tip of her tongue peeked out between her white teeth.
She was enchanting in her triumph. So much so that he started to reach for her before he realized what he was doing.
He quickly lowered his hand, pretending that he was reaching for his cup instead, which he lifted and drained in one long gulp.
Most people in this world were a nuisance and not worth his time, and those that were worth his time were better off without him.
He’d never been loved, he didn’t know how to love, and he wasn’t worthy of love.
He knew how to be cold, how to kill, and how to shut out the rest of the world.
To be within arm’s reach of the one woman he was not able to shut out of his mind was about to break him.
He stood abruptly and reached for the door, but her hand was on his arm before he could lift the bar, the warmth of her touch burning through the linen of his shirtsleeve.
“Where are you going?” The question wasn’t harsh, but he could hear the disappointment in her tone.
Shame flooded him, making his shoulders heavy and his feet feel like stones. The fault was not hers that he could not control his thoughts around her, that she made him feel things that were unfamiliar and unwelcome. “I merely meant to give you some privacy.”
“I think you are lying,” she said, her voice steady and soothing.
He turned to her. “I cannot be your hired guard or take Baldwin’s place as your brother.”
She stepped closer to him, until the length of her body nearly touched his and he could smell the sweetness of her skin. “Tell me why you cannot, Hunter.”
He stared into her face. His eyes moved over the curve of her cheek to the dimple in her cheek, then he lifted his gaze to the pink bow of her lips, which parted with a soft intake of breath.
Before he was aware of what he was doing, his thumb was caressing gently over the plumpness of her bottom lip, and he looked into her eyes to see her response to his touch.
She was staring directly at him, her gaze unwavering.
Sliding his thumb over the cleft below her lip until it rested under her chin, he tilted her face so that their lips were a mere breath apart.
He stayed there for a long moment, looking into her eyes, watching them darken with excitement and desire.
It was what he wanted, for her to desire him, but it would only lead to her ruin because he was not capable of being the man she needed. He hardened his heart and said in a low voice, “Because when I am with you, what I feel is far from brotherly.”
“Then kiss me,” she whispered against his mouth, her lips brushing his as she spoke.
It would be so easy to give in, to take her lips with his and plunder her mouth until she gasped and sighed with pleasure. He put his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her away from him. “You would come to regret it.”
It was worse than a knife to the gut to see the hurt in her eyes as he turned back to the door. He slid the bar from the brackets and said, “Bar the door behind me.”
“Where will you go?” Her voice was controlled, the hurt he’d seen evidence of just a moment before tamped down and extinguished.
“I will be here, outside your door. We will leave for Hawkspur in the morning,” he said as he pulled the door closed. He waited until he heard the scrape of wood as the bar slid into place, then lowered himself to the floor and leaned his back against the door.
He’d not been there long when a young lad appeared carrying a blanket.
“Mum said ye needed this.” The scrawny boy dropped the blanket at his feet and started to scurry back down the corridor, but Hunter called to him to stay his feet.
When the boy turned back to him, he said, “It’s worth a halfpenny to you if you bring me two of the largest tankards of ale you can carry.
” He pulled two coins from his pouch and held one of them out to the boy.
“Give this to the goodwife for the ale, and when you return with them, I’ll give you the half-penny. ”
The boy took the penny in his grubby hand, then looked at the half-penny Hunter held up in the boy’s view pinched between two fingers. He nodded at Hunter then ran down the corridor, his feet pounding on the stairs as he hurried to do Hunter’s bidding.
When the boy returned, he was carrying one large tankard clutched in both of his hands, which he set down on the floor next to Hunter, then turned on his heel and ran back the way he came.
A moment later, he returned with the second tankard of ale, which he set carefully on the floor next to the first one, then extended his hand to Hunter expectantly.
With a chuckle of approval, Hunter placed the coin in the boy’s outstretched palm and asked, “Do you sleep in the tavern at night?”
“Why do ye wanna’ know?” the boy answered, slanting his eyes suspiciously.
“I mean no harm,” Hunter assured him, recognizing the knowing look of a boy who had witnessed much in his short life.
“I will need to fetch our horses from the stable across town in the morn and could use the assistance of a strong lad. If you are below stairs when I come down and ready to go to the stables with me, it’s worth another half-penny for you. ”
The boy smiled broadly, revealing deep dimples. “I’ll be there.”
“Good,” Hunter said then dismissed the boy with the flick of his chin as he brought a tankard to his lips to take a swig of the yeasty ale.
He expected it would be long, sleepless night with images of Anora invading his thoughts.
The lingering scent of her skin and feel of her soft lips against his would make it impossible to close his eyes without seeing her parted mouth and desire-darkened eyes.
He heard her moving about the room on the other side of the door as she picked up the tray from the bed. After a bit more rustling, he heard her climbing into the bed, then the room went quiet.
Did Frode have any idea of the torture it was putting him through to serve as Anora’s escort on this damnable mission?
He drained what was left of the first tankard of ale, then picked up the second as a bitter chuckle escaped his throat. In a low voice he grumbled to the empty corridor, “I think you knew exactly what you were doing, old man.”