Page 22 of Heart of Chaos (Chaosborn #1)

Chapter twenty-two

Arik

Einar summoned us three days later.

Eisa had spent the week mostly sleeping and bathing as she tried to scrub away the dead skin and become accustomed to her new body. Her pointed ears had been a shock, and she’d spent an inordinate amount of time staring at them in the glass above my dresser.

Our dresser. Eisa hadn’t protested when Revna brought her things, few as they were, and I’d already begun making a list of items she’d need during the next supply flight. For her part, she seemed to accept, somewhat grudgingly, that she would be staying with me.

I smiled a little as I caught her staring at them for the fifth time. “They’re not going anywhere, you know,” I said, leaning down over her shoulder to meet her gaze in the mirror. I had to resist the sudden urge to press my lips to the smooth, bare skin beneath her ear.

“I know that,” she snapped, brushing her hair out to cover them. The points stuck out, and she snarled in annoyance as she tried to flatten them.

She’d gotten dressed in proper clothes for the first time in over a week, and it was worrying how much weight she had lost. The transition had taken a lot out of her, and she lacked the glow that most new drage had after their first week.

That would need to be remedied. Likely with more protein than she’d agree to eat willingly.

“You’re beautiful, Eisa. Leave them.”

She snorted, although I caught the faint blush across her pale cheeks as she tried to rearrange her hair.

A vivid picture of Eisa with flushed cheeks for a completely different reason flashed through my mind, and I quickly squelched the image.

Human men are so simple-minded, Baldur drawled, sighing at my inability to keep my mind out of the gutter.

This is your damn fault, I reminded the dragon, irritated by his amusement. If you weren’t so hard up—

I apologize if the corporeal form you have bound me to demands certain physical compromises.

Compromises? I drawled. Really?

As Chaos, we were not bound by consideration of a body, he grumbled. Our passions were unfettered and endless. We joined whenever and however we pleased.

I rolled my eyes. I beg you to stop. Go dive in some snow or something . Sigurd is managing just fine with the deprivation.

Jorgen had almost been giddy when he told me he was courting Branka properly, intending to do right by her. I couldn’t imagine Sigurd was actually that thrilled with the arrangement, but who was I to make Jorgen second-guess his noble motives?

It will ease when the bond is consummated, Baldur assured me for the hundredth time. But I cannot control the urge. It is biology. And I promise you that Sigurd feels the same about his mate.

“Fucking dragons.”

Eisa glanced at me, her brow raised in question, and I realized I must have said this out loud. “Baldur,” I added, by way of explanation.

She nodded tersely and turned back to the mirror without comment.

Despite sleeping in the same bed every night since her unfortunate introduction to dragon sexuality, she’d been carefully businesslike with me the rest of the week, attempting to shut Idunn down any time I sensed the dragon getting too frisky. I’d kept my distance, trying to wait patiently for Eisa to warm to me. Twice I’d woken with her arm or leg draped over me, and I’d pretended to be asleep as she hurriedly moved them.

Clearly, her dragon didn’t share her desire to remain aloof. Not that I didn’t understand her reasons. She’d barely tolerated me before the Rifting and now found herself inexorably tied to me for the rest of her extended life. She was feeling vulnerable and extremely conflicted, and Baldur made sure I didn’t forget it.

You should know how she is feeling at all times, he’d insisted after detailing every one of her fluctuating emotions to me for the third day in a row once she’d gained consciousness. It was exhausting how much women seemed to feel in a single day. It is a dragon’s duty and honor to respond to his mate’s emotions.

Yours might want that, I suggested. Mine can’t decide how she feels about me.

It is to be expected. Idunn and I are of one soul. Yours must come together through fire.

That doesn’t sound ominous, I grumbled.

She is not indifferent to you, Baldur insisted with conviction . Even though you told her she’d beg. Like a complete idiot, I might add.

Shut up.

“What’s wrong?” Eisa asked, snapping me out of my own self-pity. Despite being too pale and thin still, she was breathtaking. It was already taking every ounce of my willpower to wait for her to make the first move.

Well, aside from the kiss. Which I’d lied about. Truthfully, the agony of thinking I might never get to kiss her had been what spurred me on. The hope that maybe it would solidify some kind of understanding between us was secondary.

“I’m fine,” I lied. It was quickly becoming a habit. “You don’t have to come to this, you know. Stay and rest. Wash your hair again. I’ll be back by the evening.” If I was lucky.

She shook her head. “I’m coming. If I wash my hair again, it will fall out, and Idunn insists on being there.”

“Well, at least one of you tolerates me,” I joked, offering her a hand. “Let’s get this over with, then.”

She frowned at my hand as if it might bite her, but to my delight, she took it.

She then dropped it immediately, but progress was progress.

“Can you manage the walk?” I asked as she headed for the door. Her movements were stiff, as if her joints hurt and her skin was still too tight. I needed to go look up blood disorders in the archives as soon as I had the chance. Bonding a dragon should have cured hers.

Eisa turned and frowned up at me in irritation, her hands firmly planted on her slight hips. “I’m fine. Stop coddling me like I’m made of glass.”

I sighed, lifting my hands in defeat. “Fine. Let’s go then.”

“What does this trial entail, exactly?” she asked, jogging a step to keep up with me.

I slowed my pace to match hers, wishing I could take her hand again. I shoved mine in my pockets to resist the temptation.

“Einar will list the charges against me, I’ll confess, and then I’ll accept my punishment,” I shrugged. “It’s less a trial and more an example for the others.”

She stopped me with a hand on my arm, and my own flexed in my pocket. “Will he kill you?”

For a second, her eyes flashed a deep blue and her pupils widened to slits. She controlled the impulse quickly, pushing Idunn back into place in her mind.

Smart girl.

“No. Even if I wasn’t a valuable player in his game, he’d lose the only blue dragon in a millennium.” I smirked, unable to resist riling her a little. “Plus, if he tried, Idunn would likely burst out of you and burn him to a crisp. You won’t let him hurt me too much.”

She frowned, following as I continued walking. “What does the shift feel like? Will it hurt?”

Ah. Here was one source of her anxiety, one of several emotions that reared their heads throughout the day.

“The first time, perhaps. Your skin feels tight because it’s literally brand new. Altered to accommodate the shift.” I shrugged. “You get used to it quickly.”

“And when will I shift, do you think?”

I glanced down at her. “Whenever you want to. Today, if you like.”

She shook her head quickly. “No.”

“Eisa.” I frowned down at her. “She’s part of you now. Eventually you’ll have to let her out to fly.”

“She’s fine,” Eisa insisted. “She hasn’t pushed me about it.”

“Baldur misses her.”

She turned slightly pink. “Will they—you know. As dragons?”

And another source of anxiety. I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped me. “For someone who proclaims to have no interest in certain activities, you certainly ask a lot of questions about them.”

It was the wrong thing to say, and I could see the moment she shut down.

“Never mind.”

I sighed as she stomped ahead of me.

Well done, Baldur drawled.

Shut up.

“They don’t do that,” I said, jogging a step to match her pace again. “Not the way humans do, at least. As Chaos, they have no corporeal form, so they sort of just…merge.”

Poetic, Baldur interjected.

Shut up.

I felt myself turning red and powered through the explanation for Eisa’s sake. “Bound to a human, they rely on us for…physical intimacy.”

“Gods.” She looked toward the ceiling as if praying for strength from the Hearthmother. “So when they want to…we’ll have to—“

“Only when you want to,“ I replied, hoping she knew I meant it. I had to resist the urge to reach for her and pull her to a stop.

“Which we’ve established I won’t,” she shot back acerbically.

And back to square one we went.

“A life of celibacy isn’t the worst thing,” I joked, feeling Baldur prickle in irritation at the thought. “What’s a few more centuries on twenty years?”

Eisa’s face was bright pink now, and she stopped of her own accord. She turned, the smokestack looming behind her. “Twenty years?”

I shrugged. “Baldur had no interest in straying, and I bonded him young. Eighteen. So there hasn’t been a lot of opportunity.”

“Oh.” She bit her lip, as if deciding whether to ask her next question or keep it to herself.

“Just ask, Kj?re. There are no secrets between us anymore.”

Her cheeks flushed brighter. “So you’ve never…?”

I put my hand on the back of my neck, trying to let the heat escape from my cloak. “There was one girl. A Chaosborn. Before the Rifting. But she’s happily mated now, and there’s been no one since.”

“Still more experience than me,” she murmured, turning her face quickly away.

“Eisa,” I said, catching her wrist and tilting her chin up to meet my eyes. To hell with not touching her. “If you’re scared—“

“I’m not scared,” she insisted, her brows knitting together in a thunderous frown.

“Fine, anxious,” I corrected. “It’s normal. You haven’t had any positive experiences to speak of, and from what I’ve seen I suspect you had a few negative ones, yes?”

She lowered her eyes, the most confirmation I’d get.

Gentle , Baldur suggested.

I cupped her cheek to turn her face back up as gently as I could, aware that she might pull away at any moment. When I looked into her eyes, I willed her to believe me. “We’ll figure it out together.”

For a beat, she said nothing, and I worried I was about to be shot down again.

But she surprised me, nodding tightly and moving my hand from her chin. She didn’t let it go as we moved into the smokestack and began to climb toward the upper platforms.

Look at that, Baldur murmured . You’re not completely hopeless.

Whatever momentary elation I felt at my minor victory evaporated when I saw the crowd gathered, the bloody post from the last whipping already set in place.

What’s that? Eisa asked into my mind.

I stifled a jump at the unexpected intrusion. We’d have to work on that, too. It wasn’t the first time since she’d bonded Idunn, but it caught me off guard every time she spoke to me mind to mind. I’d never heard of mated pairs being able to speak to each other like they could their dragons, and I hadn’t had time to get to the archives to research it.

I shrugged it off, squeezing her hand as I projected my thoughts back at her. My punishment, I think.

It’s covered in blood.

Only some of it’s mine.

She glowered at the joke, gripping my hand tightly as I wove toward the front of the crowd.

Most of the drage and Chaosborn who weren’t out on patrol appeared to be assembled on the upper tiers of the smokestack. Revna nodded to me, next to a stony-faced Ingmar. Jorgen and Branka stood hand in hand near the back of the crowd, and I wove my way to them as Einar spoke quietly to Tormund and Aegir.

Neither looked the worse for wear, but Baldur rumbled in annoyance. They told him.

It was only a matter of time .

Baldur grumbled, unconvinced.

“Eisa!” Branka let go of Jorgen’s hand for long enough to wrap my mate in a tight embrace. “You’re looking much better.”

“Almost like a proper drage,” Jorgen agreed as we clasped arms amiably. His other hand was tight around Branka’s waist, and I noticed she was armed with several daggers and a thick leather vest protecting her chest and back. Jorgen nodded seriously when I caught his eye. He’s taken her safety seriously, then, as he should.

When I turned back to Eisa, her blue eyes narrowed. “Stay with Jorgen and Branka,” I commanded. “Whatever happens, don’t leave their sides.”

“Why?” she asked, folding her arms defiantly. “Shouldn’t I come with you?” She cocked her head slightly, her tell that Idunn was speaking to her. “Idunn says—“

“As much as I appreciate Idunn’s concern,” I interrupted, trapping Eisa’s shoulders firmly, “I need you to stay here. Please.”

“But—“

“Just—“ I took a breath and prayed to the Hearthmother for patience. “Just, please. I know Idunn won’t like it, but I need you to stay here. If Einar hurts you…” I lowered my voice and cupped her cheek, lowering my head so we were eye to eye. “If Einar hurts you, Baldur will tear him limb from limb in front of five hundred witnesses, and then we will both be in deep shit.”

She paled a little. “Will he hurt you?”

“Yes.” There was no point in lying. All of us could see the blood.

She swallowed. “Alright.”

The relief I felt was palpable, and I looked to Jorgen, who nodded seriously. “With my life, brother.”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

I spared my mate one final look. It will be over soon, Kj?re.

She frowned, but didn’t reply as I strode toward the raised dais.