Page 5 of Healer (The Outlander Book Club… in Space! #4)

Soreness.

Not just my hands. My entire body throbbed like I’d been run over by a truck.

Granted, the discomfort came most likely because I’d slept on the floor of a cave last night, but it served as a vivid reminder of what my future held.

I don’t think Hakkar slept at all. He sat all night at the cave’s entrance, ever watchful.

I got the sense he feared I’d wander to the cliff’s edge again.

I’d allowed myself a moment of hope yesterday when Hakkar described the Medi-unit’s capabilities.

I should have known better. This death sentence had been engraved in my bones at birth.

Hakkar glanced back, his lips curling into a faint smile. His gaze hadn’t traveled far from me today. He seemed much more concerned about my safety than yesterday, and rightly so.

I lied when I told him I’d gone to the cliff’s edge to take in the view.

Granted, I’d only left the cave upon hearing a strange chittering that had me imagining the worst about alien rodents.

But standing on the edge, staring down at the rushing teal-blue river, with the cool breeze flickering through my hair, I’d felt a deep longing.

Not for death.

I’d spent my entire life and career fighting against the ravages of disease and injury.

No. What I longed for most was peace.

I longed for freedom from dread and worry.

Freedom from the constant reminder that my life possessed an expiration date. A painful, debilitating expiration date. Freedom from the pity, regret, and duty my friends would feel when they learned of my illness and struggled to care for me.

And they would care for me—it was one worry I didn’t suffer.

I just didn’t want it.

I’d rather go out from the dangers of an alien jungle than think of my friends dealing with muscle paralysis, slurred speech, and incontinence that accompanies late-stage ALS.

Being on that cliff, I felt one step away from freedom—one step away from worry and pain—but something I’d never considered stopped me.

Hakkar.

Not the sound of his voice, although my name falling from his lips, gave me an odd sense of peace.

It was the thought of how he would react to finding me missing.

His frantic nature when he returned to find me gone from the cave, proof enough of how he’d search for me.

He’d take my death as a personal failure, and I just couldn’t do that to him.

We left the cave at dawn after Hakkar worried over my pitiful excuse for shoes yet again.

He led us slower this time, repeatedly cautioning for silence due to the bigger predators known to exist in this area of the jungle.

The foliage certainly grew thicker. Hues of blue, green, and purple dotted here and there by the brightness of blossoms and the scurry of tiny creatures.

The air felt hotter than yesterday holding fragrances of pungent earth and exotic flowers.

Thick humidity hinted that rain approached—though it never fell—and bugs lurked under every leaf.

Thankfully, the insects left me alone, not yet developing a taste for human flesh.

They left Hakkar alone as well, perhaps because of the large, flat purple leaf he rubbed over his chest and arms or perhaps because of his spicy male scent, the only thing that overpowered the loam of the jungle.

I quite enjoyed watching him move the leaf over his skin, muscles rippling.

I might be dying, but I wasn’t dead yet, and my eyes worked just fine.

Jamie Fraser didn’t have squat on Hakkar.

All muscles and broad shoulders with those gorgeous golden eyes and the sexiest mullet I’d ever seen.

Due to the heat, Hakkar discarded his leather-like vest, revealing chevrons curving over his broad shoulders that resembled Nike swooshes.

The black swathes shimmered in the sunlight, as though oil coated that part of his pelt.

I was so not going to let myself ogle the gorgeous muscular ass that flexed as he walked ahead. Not to mention those thighs….

My mouth felt dry, and fifteen years of medical training wouldn’t let me pretend it was due to the heat.

“Is there water left?” I croaked, reaching out to touch his bicep because, well... why not?

“Some.” Hakkar took the waterskin from around his neck, pulling me toward the shade of a nearby tree—a strange plant that looked like a palm and oak had a baby. “I can hear water up ahead. We can refill the skins and drink our fill.”

I wondered if the river held the same type of water as the sip flowing over my tongue.

It was thicker than earth water and sweeter, like someone had added a good-sized dollop of honey.

Despite my best efforts, it dribbled down my chin, landing in lukewarm plops on my dress, which caused me to glance downward.

The pale gray dress was nasty, ripped here and there, and my shoes were falling apart at the seams. Based on the sweaty, grimy feeling that covered my skin and hair.

.. I didn’t want to think what I must look like.

If Hakkar was Tarzan in this jungle, I certainly didn’t merit classification as Jane, more like Cheetah. A dirty, stinky Cheetah.

“I can carry you if your feet hurt,” Hakkar offered, misreading my frown.

“I’m okay.” For now, at least, but with the terrain we traveled, I’d be barefoot in another day.

Hakkar took a sip of water before hanging the skin on his belt. When he grabbed my hand, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world.

I fell into step beside him, concentrating on the feel of my fingers wound with his. He didn’t just hold my hand to lead me. His grip offered the promise of protection and safety. Hakkar walked a step ahead, kicking away stones and pushing back underbrush that would make my traversing harder.

Damn! Human men could take a lesson in chivalry from this guy. Most didn’t even hold doors for women anymore.

We walked for a few more minutes. The air became incrementally cooler as the faint sound of rushing water increased in volume. The idea of dousing myself in cool water made me want to dash forward like a dehydrated horse.

Hakkar held me still.

“Near water is very dangerous. Many creatures lurk nearby.”

How could he tell?

The pathway meandered through a lush forest adorned with verdant leaves and twisting vines that seemed to reach out and embrace the trail. Anything bigger than a cat would have to be an escape artist to get through the foliage.

We took a few more steps, the ground beneath our feet shifting from soft grass to rugged rocks as we emerged into a small clearing dotted with boulders of various sizes.

Hakkar paused momentarily, taking in the surroundings before guiding me towards a towering conglomeration of boulders that reached skyward.

“There is a crack between the rocks.” Hakkar pointed to a fissure just wide enough for me to squeeze into. “Wait here, and I will go scout the area.”

I stared up at him, an argument on my tongue. I shifted my foot to glare at him more fully, and the pain of a dozen tiny pebbles dug into my heel. Following Hakkar in this terrain would prove painful.

“Don’t leave me for long.” I acquiesced, squeezing into the hole. It wasn’t deep but would provide some protection.

Hakkar smiled, trailing his finger down my nose, and giving the end a gentle boop.

“You won’t even have time to miss me.”

Well, he was a big liar. My heart began hammering the second he moved out of sight, though I suspect he remained in earshot. Especially with how good those elf-like ears of his worked.

I pushed myself further into the fissure. Underfoot, tiny pebbles dug into my sole. I shifted, glancing downward at shoes that were barely more than a couple of pieces of cloth and bad stitching. My feet were black with dirt, toenails ragged.

“I wonder what the alien version of a pedicure looks like,” I sighed, finding a ledge to prop on.

A rustling came from my left, where the jungle remained thick—the sound of something large moving about. I ventured to step from between rocks to greet him, wondering why Hakkar hadn’t used the pathway for his return when it emerged.

I’d always been a fan of the Jurassic Park movies, and what stood a few feet away sniffing the air looked like an oversized velociraptor.

An oversized velociraptor with beaver teeth.

Sharp beaver teeth.

I cowered into the crevice, the palm of my hand stifling my screech of surprise and fear.

The creature raised its head, sniffing, and I prayed that the scents of nature overrode my two days of traipsing through a tropical jungle smell.

The creature cocked its head, red eyes blinking as it rolled its snout in my direction.

And despite my growing terror, a small voice whispered that while being killed by a dinosaur in an alien jungle might prove painful... it would still be better than wasting away with ALS.

Surely, Hakkar wouldn’t blame himself. At least he wouldn’t have to hunt for my body. It would be quick and, while perhaps, not painless…quick enough.

I drew in a shuddering breath.

Only a few steps would put me outside the safety of the boulders.

I attempted to shore up my courage and determination, but any attempt at bravery faltered when the creature roared.

The Jurassic Park movies might have gotten the appearance correct, but they had the sound all wrong.

The high-pitched rolling shriek slammed against my eardrums, bringing me to my knees.

“Hide!”

Like Superman landing in the middle of a melee, Hakkar appeared, positioning himself between me and the creature.

My gaze melded to his back and shoulders, watching his muscles tense for battle.

He wasn’t like Superman. No, he favored a berserker Viking, with wickedly curved blades held in both hands.

The creature charged with an ear-splitting roar, the massive body moving with an alarming speed. Hakkar’s instincts kicked in and he spun to the side, narrowly avoiding the crushing impact of those gigantic jaws.

Turning, he charged at the towering creature with his own fierce roar, blades raised and slicing through the tough scales, drawing blood from the monster’s back.

The alien dinosaur roared in pain, its massive teeth snapping at Hakkar.

With lightning-fast reflexes, the warrior leaped to safety, narrowly avoiding the deadly bite.

The vicious creature lunged again, its massive body propelling forward with incredible force.

But Hakkar leaped away, his weapons slicing through the air and landing a powerful blow on the creature’s thigh.

The impact caused the beast to stumble and crash into my hiding spot, shaking the ground beneath me.

A rumbling made me glance upward, only now registering that the stones hiding me were part of a larger rock face that cracked and crumbled due to the beast’s weight.

When I dodged a falling rock the size of my head, I considered that even with the beaver-toothed velociraptor, it might be safer outside.

I crept to the edge of my hidey-hole, out of the way of falling debris.

Hakkar and the creature moved around each other in a vicious, macabre dance of blood and death. The creature bled, but so did Hakkar. A deep gash ran down the length of his left bicep. Thankfully, it didn’t look too deep.

The beast roared, the sound echoing in a strange melody along with Hakkar’s growls and hisses.

I was too caught up in that moment to realize that the sound overshadowed the rumble of falling rocks from overhead.

“Agnes, move!” Hakkar screamed. I dove and barely missed being flattered by a massive boulder that reduced my hiding spot to a pile of rubble.

The creature took Hakkar’s distraction and landed a blow with the meaty part of its tail, sending the warrior flying. With its opponent out of the way, the beaver-toothed velociraptor turned, red eyes centering on me as a slimy gray tongue danced over broad gray teeth.

“Run!”

I heard Hakkar’s yell but hesitated, the whisper deep in my soul urging me to remain. The creature dove for me, mouth agape, claws outstretched.

Yep. This was going to hurt.

And just at the moment when my death seemed a certainty, the desire for life burst through like a flame.

I scrambled backward, but with nowhere to hide, it came too little too late.

The teeth came closer, and I shut my eyes, releasing a whimper of fear... and regret.

Another roar sounded, one that didn’t frighten me, but pulled my eyes open. It was the sound of a man determined to save me. A man who would die to protect me.

The creature didn’t stop, but neither did Hakkar. He came at a run, dropping at the last second to slide through the creature’s thick legs, blades held at an angle to catch the beast in the lower stomach.

The alien velociraptor made a noise of shocked pain, shuddering as blood and internal organs gushed from the wound. It fell like a mighty oak, landing with the beaver teeth just inches from my foot and splashing me with blood and guts in the process.

I didn’t have time to scream. Hakkar was there, his hands trembling as they roamed over my body. His fingers, although coated with sticky green blood, imparted a warm sense of comfort everywhere he touched.

“Are you hurt?”

It took me a minute to find my tongue. “N—no.”

The relief flooding through Hakkar felt palpable, as was his anger.

He grabbed my shoulders, giving me a jerky shake.

“What is wrong with you? Why didn’t you run?”

“I—I…” Hot tears flooded my eyes. The tingle of shock flowed over my skin, although I didn’t know if it was due to the beast nearly killing me or for that one moment when I wanted it to.

Hakkar shook me again, softer this time.

“First, you wandered close to falling off the cliff last night, and now this. It looked like you purposefully kept yourself in the merhidat’s path.”

“I—I….” The name of the beast barely registered as tears flooded my cheeks. His golden eyes locked onto mine—eyes that saw through any flimsy excuse I might offer. The man who put himself in harm’s way to save me, not knowing there wasn’t much to save—not anymore.

One more shake. Only this time, it served to pull me closer, his hands cradling my face.

“Do you want to die, Agnes?”

The golden eyes stared straight into my soul seeing past my bravado. Those golden eyes saw my secrets, my fears and only the truth was possible to utter.

“Yes, Yes I do,” I sobbed, collapsing into Hakkar’s arms.