Page 29 of Healer (The Outlander Book Club… in Space! #4)
A pleased grin tugged at the corners of my mouth, at Siereita’s playful mispronunciation of my mate’s name.
I felt a glimmer of hope returning to my heart now that the Medi-unit was finally up and running.
The steady beep and hum of the machine echoed through the room, wrapping me in a sense of reassurance.
Most Medi-units were designed primarily for tissue and bone repair but had the capability to be adjusted to block nerve pain.
In older units such as this one, the calibration cycle took longer to complete, and the machine emitted a low-pitched whirr as it worked.
According to the readouts, it would take several minutes for the Medi-unit to complete resetting.
A soft moan made me glance toward the bed, noticing the deep frown on Agnes’ face as she awoke.
“I’m sorry, my Aggie. I did not wish to wake you.” I sat the unit on the bedside table, settling in the chair by the bed. The faint uptick at the corners of her lips brought lightness to my heart... until the seizure started.
In my experience as a healer, I’d witnessed numerous seizures in battle-hardened warriors undergoing treatment for brain injuries.
Their movements were often erratic and unpredictable, a sign of the trauma endured both physically and mentally.
Agnes’ seizure seemed different. It was small in terms of range of motion but brutal in intensity.
Her muscles clenched and convulsed, causing her body to contort in agony.
The sound of her voice reverberating through the room in an agonized wail tore my already shattered heart to shreds.
Carefully, I ran my fingers through her hair, the only part unaffected by the seizure. Her spasming seemed to go on for an eternity, although realistically, I knew the paroxysm lasted no more than a minute.
“Just rest, my love.” The human endearment lingered sweetly on my tongue. I liked the Earth word for claiming her. When she healed, I would claim her in both the Vaktaire and human way and never let pain touch her again.
“I hurt,” Agnes moaned, her body jerking in the aftermath.
“I know.” I brushed the damp strands of hair from her forehead, inwardly cursing the slowness of the Medi-unit.
“Tired.” Her gray eyes grew distant and hollow.
“Sleep, my Aggie. I’ll be right here.” I promised, repositing the blanket over her shoulders, which ripped a grunt of pain from her lips.
“Please, Hakkar?”
“What is it, my love?” I slid from the chair, going onto my knees in order to move closer. So desperate to touch her... to soothe her and yet so afraid of the pain any attempt might cause.
“So... pain… so tired. Please?” The words came out in panted gasps, but her eyes remained clear and determined.
“What is it, my Aggie?”
“Let me go.”
Her words shattered my already battered heart into a million pieces. Our gazes locked, the depth of her request swimming in the grey depths of her eyes.
What she asked of me... was unthinkable.
She was my mate.
What I felt for Anges wasn’t quantifiable in mere words. I felt as bound to her as those who had performed the valakana ritual in front of high priests on my home world. The words may not have left my lips, but my soul screamed them over and over again.
Agnes was mine. My mate. My world.
I believed with every bit of my soul that once we rendezvoused with the Bardaga, I would be able to rid her of this heinous affliction.
But what if?
As a man of science, I knew all too well that sometimes a cure could go awry. What if fate or the goddess stilled my hand in healing Agnes?
What if her physical state only worsened?
What if I found myself unable to take her pain away?
I knew pain—I’d been shot and stabbed more times than I could count. But to suffer pain so imaginable one sees death itself as a relief? That I could not imagine. Even though there had been instances on the battlefield where I hastened those suffering a prolonged an agonizing death.
Every time Agnes cried out, something deep inside me broke. Somehow... one way or another, I would rid her of this pain. If I couldn’t heal her… if there was no other way.... A life without Agnes seemed unimaginable. A life where she lingered in excruciating pain seemed worse.
Thankfully, the ready chime of the Medi-unit pushed the morbid thoughts from my brain.
“It will be okay, my Aggie. I’m going to take the pain away.” I allowed my fingertips to stroke along her cheek in the faintest caress.
“Thank… you.” Fat tears hovered on her lashes. The faith she held for me shimmered in her gray eyes, both humbling and terrifying. She assumed I would do as she asked—to do for her what she tried to do for herself when hope seemed futile.
Not yet.
I still had hope.
Hope for her… hope for us and a happy future together. The steady hum of a working Medi-unit proved that.
I began at her feet, hovering the unit so that the pulsing blue light touched every inch of her skin. Agnes sighed heavily as the cramping in her muscles relaxed, and the twitching declined.
“Thank you,” she whispered, sighing with relief. Her eyes found mine, so full of gratitude that it shook me to my very core.
“Rest, my sweet,” I whispered, my heart shuddering as her eyelids drifted shut.
“I love you.” The words preceded her descent into unconsciousness.
“I love you, Aggie.” I said, hoping my words followed her into the dark. I completed the Medi-unit cycle and ran a diagnostic of her vital signs. Her blood pressure and respiratory rate were high but not out of the ordinary considering her recent turmoil.
Eyes burning, I dropped the Medi-unit on the bed and held Agnes’ hand. She looked serene, finally able to rest without pain wracking her subconscious.
It is said a Vaktaire warrior may only shed tears over the death of his mate or his child.
Yet here, in the quiet, letting the sound of Agnes’ deep, steady breathing wash over me like a balm, I held her hand, placing gentle kisses on her fingers… and wept.