Page 66 of Haven't Killed in Years

“Do you think you’ll get married?” Gwen had asked her one night out of the blue as they lay in their beds.

“I don’t know,” answered Natalie, her usual answer to Gwen’s questions before Gwen could pry more out of her.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know.”

“You always say you don’t know,” complained Gwen. “Obviously, you don’tknow, but what do you think? Like, best guess?”

Natalie thought for a second. “Probably not.”

“Why?”

Natalie considered the why but didn’t want to say it. She didn’t think anyone would want to marry her. She was not someone people liked to keep around. Well, other than Gwen.

“You better not be thinking anything sad,” said Gwen, knowing without knowing.

“I’m not,” Natalie insisted.

“You have to start thinking about these things,” Gwen said. “We’re not going to be in this place forever.”

“You always say that.”

“Well, it’s true! Do you see any forty-year-olds locked up around here?”

“No.” Natalie giggled.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get married,” Gwen mused.

“Why not?”

Gwen thought about it. “It just seems weird. What if you don’t want them to know something about you? What if they’re mean or stupid or get really ugly? Do you think you could really trust them?”

Natalie shrugged. “You could get a divorce.”

“I guess.” Gwen pulled her legs out from under the covers and flopped them back on top of the bed. “Unless they’re abusive. Then what do you do? Kill them? Now you have to be a murderer because you married some guy who used to seem perfect.”

“I don’t think you would have to kill him,” said Natalie. “Couldn’t you just run away?”

Gwen laughed out loud at the suggestion. Natalie wasn’t sure why but was embarrassed that it was such a laughable idea.

“You make it sound so easy,” said Gwen. “It’s not easy to go into hiding. Where are you going to go? With what money? How are you going to change your looks enough so some man you slept with every night won’t recognize you? And even if he’s just a lazy piece of crap who won’t come looking, you’re still going to worry he will. You want to live your whole life looking over your shoulder? Or don’t you just want to be single?”

“Single, I guess,” said Natalie.

“Don’t say that just because that’s what I’m saying. Maybe you will be a perfect wife someday.”

Natalie shrugged. She wanted to please Gwen with her answers, but sometimes she felt like there was no answer that would please her.

“What about your job?” asked Gwen. “What kind of job do you want to have?”

“I don’t know,” said Natalie, before wincing. “Sorry, umm…I really don’t know.”

Gwen considered it. “Okay, but you’re supposed to think aboutit; don’t you think about it? In a perfect world, don’t you think about being a movie star or a veterinarian or something?”

“No.”

Gwen looked at her funny. “Interesting.”