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Willow

Over the next few weeks, Jack and I fell into a dreamy routine.

Falling asleep and waking up in his arms were things I’d never take for granted.

I relished every touch of my hip when we passed in the kitchen and every kiss when I’d bring him a cup of tea in his office.

Every moment was beautifully intentional.

Angus and I moved into Jack’s bedroom as permanent residents, with Angus sitting proudly between our pillows like our favourite child.

Jack returned to the office to attend a few meetings and, most importantly for us, to notify HR of our new relationship. There were no policies about workplace romances, but it was the right way to start our relationship – honestly committed.

I started to feel as though my time away from work was inappropriate. I no longer felt like I had anything to heal from, though maybe my focus was placed somewhere better, somewhere happier.

I was no longer bound by coercive constraints and when I was home alone my boredom formed into curiosity as I checked out postgraduate courses, primarily focusing on the psychology of coercive control or domestic violence.

Call it morbid curiosity, but having lived experience left me with questions and want to learn and support others in my situation.

The second Jack was home though, I’d snap the laptop shut, shunning my dreams.

There had been no other camera alerts, beyond the comings-and-goings of me, Jack and Fran or the occasional postman, but Jack remained on edge, double-checking every locked door or window before bed.

I adored him for it but craved a time when we’d be able to stop looking over our shoulders for Cain.

Jack dropped me off at Shields Gym for every session to make sure I was safe, but today he had a meeting regarding the financial operations of Lambert & Johnson that couldn’t be missed. Instead, he’d arranged for Mack to collect me from home instead.

“Lamb, it isn’t necessary, I have a set of legs to get me there.”

“It is necessary. Your safety is my top priority, sweetheart.”

I handed over his afternoon tea as he leaned against the kitchen island .

“I know you’re right. I just feel like I’ll never escape his clutches, even when I’m doing my best.”

I crossed my arms, mirroring him. Jack placed his tea by his elbow, and tugged me to his chest, wrapping my arms around his back and kissing my forehead.

“This will pass, and you’ll be able to skip through the streets to your heart’s desire. Until then, let us care about you.”

I nodded against him.

The doorbell rang as expected. Pulling away from Jack, he stopped me, concern on his face.

“I hate seeing you so sad, baby.”

“I’m not sad, just in limbo when I’d rather be living free with you.”

Holding my shoulders, he kissed me softly.

“I’ll pick you up later, okay?” He tapped my bum, and I smiled genuinely.

I met Mack at the front gate with a tight smile for the big bear that was quickly becoming a close friend.

“You okay?” he asked as we began the ten minute walk to the gym.

“Yep,” I replied.

“Good.”

Where the conversation normally flowed, today it didn’t. For some reason, the silence urged me to spill.

“I’m frustrated.”

“You are? I couldn’t tell.” He shoved my elbow with his and I glared at him, unamused. “What’s up?”

I sighed. “Everything is great. I’m so happy with Jack, I have great friends,” I nodded to him, “I have the freedom to make choices now—”

“But?”

“But I feel suffocated. Cain’s hovering around like a bad smell.

I just want to live. Walk to the gym, meet a friend for coffee, maybe go to work.

I want to date Jack. I want to go for dinner and not worry I’m being watched.

I sound so ungrateful, because I know everyone cares, I just crave normalcy. ”

“You don’t sound ungrateful. It’ll end at some point. Hopefully he’ll get bored and move on, and when he does, you’ll appreciate your freedom so much more.”

“I appreciate your positivity, but I don’t see him getting bored.”

Mack held the gym door open for me.

“It sounded stupid in my head, and yet I still said it.”

I laughed, leaving him in the reception for the changing room.

An hour later, I was on my back, puffing after spending the last fifteen minutes trying to haul Mack onto his, but to no avail.

“You’re… you’re a lump,” I huffed, and he laughed, reaching down to help me up.

“I am, but if you can flip me, you can flip—”

“Anyone, I know. But I don’t think I’ll be flipping a buffalo anytime soon.”

I took his hand and pulled up to standing, stomach muscles screaming. I stared in the mirror. I was a state – the hair framing my face was fuzzy and sticking out at all angles, my skin was flushed red, and every inch of exposed skin was covered in a sheen of sweat.

“I’m scared, Mack. And I don’t want to admit it to Jack, or he’ll worry even more. But I’m scared.”

He turned from the back of the room and grabbed water bottles for us both.

“What in particular is scaring you right now?”

“I feel like we’re sitting ducks in the house.

Cain’s hovered around once before, what’s to say he won’t again?

Or try to break in? And I might be getting stronger and think I can tackle someone to the ground, but I’ve frozen before.

What’s different now to then? I’m still tiny and I’m still a woman versus a man on a mission. ”

He caught my eye in the mirror.

“First, he might try. But Jack is making that house a fortress to keep you safe. The police know your situation, if there’s any concern you should report it.

Second, the difference is you. You’re not the girl who left the house.

Your injuries healed, and with it your drive to resist him.

You’d be surprised what change can do. You’ve got something to fight for.

That’s what’s different.” I nodded, appreciating his confidence in me.

“Now fuck off,” he turned to the door, “I’ve got a date tonight and don’t want to smell of girl sweat. ”

I beamed and jumped on his hulking back playfully.

“Oooooh, a date? What’s his name? Where?”

“Like I’d tell you.” He tried to fling me off.

“ Please! ” I squealed in his ear.

“ Willow, man! ” he barked, his head rearing from me. “If Cain comes for you just scream in his ear like that, he’ll run a-fucking-mile!” I laughed, sliding down his back until my feet hit the floor. “You know I’ll text you tonight with all the details, now piss off.”

I proudly flipped my hair over my shoulder, bidding him goodbye.

As I entered the reception, I saw Jack outside his car waiting for me. I wiggled my fingers and signalled two seconds, grabbing my coat. Running out the door, I launched myself into his arms and planted pecks all over his face .

“You’re cheerful, sweetheart.” He held me and let me pepper my kisses on him.

“I’ve got a lot to be cheerful for. Take me home?”

He kissed me, popped me on the ground and opened the door to the car. “Jesus, you need a shower.”

“ Excuse me? ” I mocked offence with a hand to my chest, and he laughed.

“You stink, gorgeous girl. Hop in the shower before dinner, and I’ll make it worth your while.” He winked.