Page 36 of Hard Count (Newhouse University #4)

DREW

Groaning, I flip over in bed and bury myself further under the covers.

I don't want to face reality and everything in this bed smells like Nash which is a comfort I'm not ready to let go of yet. I reach a hand out for him but the sheets are cold and empty. Slowly, I blink my eyes open. I try to lift my head but it’s still weighed down with whiskey.

Nash left me an unopened bottle of water and some pain meds on the nightstand. Sliding into a sitting position, I pop the pills into my mouth and guzzle down some water. It gives me a little bit of life but not enough to lure me out of bed.

I slink back down and curl into the covers.

Memories of yesterday flash through my mind like a nightmare.

A wave of emotions crash over me thinking about the boxes of letters I left scattered around my room.

By now I’m sure my dad has discovered the mess.

Sucking in a sob, I tighten the covers under my chin.

Moisture pools in my eyes and slowly trickles out onto the pillow case.

For so long I thought he didn’t want me. I’ve pushed him away and kept him at a distance to protect myself. My body shakes and tears continue to fall as my heart breaks for all the time lost and moments we should have spent together.

The bed dips on Nash’s side and Frankie’s cotton candy perfume tickles my nose. She lays down on his pillow and wipes my face. I’m sure I look like a trash panda right now since I didn't wash my face last night.

“Just so you know Eli is standing outside the door. He doesn’t like that I’m laying in Nash’s bed. Isn’t he silly? I told him my best friend is bawling her eyes out. She needs me.”

Her words make me laugh and cry at the same time. “Thank you. I’ve never had a friend like you before.”

“I would think not. I’m one of a kind.” She flips her hair with a flourish. I gasp when I see her neck and chest covered in a mix of hickeys and bite marks. “Turns out,” she whispers. “He’s not the quiet soft teddy bear I thought he was.” We both break out in a fit of giggles.

“Oh god, my head.” I roll on my back and massage my temples. “I don’t drink like that. I don’t drink ever. I…” I sniffle and wipe my eyes.

“It’s okay.” She grabs my hand and squeezes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I feel like I’m failing everyone. Last night I failed myself.

I did something I vowed I would never do.

” I turn toward Frankie and readjust the comforter.

“My mom didn’t drink all the time at least I don't think she did. Knowing what I know now, it’s probably because she always had to present herself as the perfect mom and the victim.

But when she did drink, it was problematic and out of control. I never wanted to be like her.”

“You aren’t.”

“How do you know that? I had one shitty day and I immediately went to alcohol.”

“Was that really what you wanted first?”

I shake my head. “No, I wanted Nash.”

“And you had to settle for me. I shouldn’t have suggested The Armory. I’m sorry.”

“You did nothing wrong. I’ve gone out to bars plenty of times without drinking. Yesterday was a bad time to test my resolve.”

“Today is a new day. You’re going to get up, shower, and be good as new.”

I don’t think I’ll ever be good as new. Duct tape couldn’t hold me together right now. I’m afraid if I try to get out of this bed I’ll collapse right to the floor.

“You go first. I’m going to text Nash.” Earlier I thought he might have gone upstairs to play video games or watch television while I slept. Now I’m wondering if he went somewhere else. Maybe he’s getting food. I could eat something greasy right now. My stomach growls in agreement.

Frankie laughs as she slides off the bed. “We’ll add food to the list.”

“Thank you, Frankie.” I sit up and redo my hair in a messy topknot.

“Of course. I’m always here if you need me.” She walks to my side of the bed and gives me a hug .

“You smell like Nash,” I say when she pulls away.

“Perfect. I was hoping that would happen.”

I gape at her as she walks toward the door. She’s devious and I’m here for it. Poor Eli. She hasn’t confirmed their relationship status but something is definitely going on with them. I sometimes wonder how much of her guard she keeps up after being hurt by her ex.

“Shower, now,” Eli commands her as soon as Nash’s bedroom door opens.

“But I like the way I smell.” She winks at me. I shake my head. She’s going to give that man a run for his money.

He grabs the back of her neck and in a whoosh he has her pressed against his chest. He whispers in her ear and her knees wobble. “You can use the shower first,” Eli says, then closes my door.

I’m not sticking around to listen to whatever they’re about to do. I send Nash a text to see where he is and then dig through his clothes for something I can wear home.

NASH:

Running errands.

How are you feeling?

ME:

There is a marching band pounding away in my head but I think I’ll feel better once I shower and eat.

NASH:

I’ll feel better once I see you for myself.

Shower and then meet me back at your place. I'll pick up food.

Your keys are on my dresser.

ME:

OK. I’ll need 20 minutes.

I shower quickly and get dressed, twisting my wet hair in a bun. Before I leave I grab a few protein bars and an electrolyte drink from their fridge. I know he’s picking up food but my stomach is sloshing around so much even the short car ride doesn't sound like a good time.

I notice Nash’s car in one of the visitor spots when I pull in but he’s not waiting in his car.

Maybe he’s in the hallway. I race up the stairs as fast as my legs will allow in his sweatpants.

Hmm…he’s not outside either. He could have run to the market around the corner.

It’s within walking distance. Frankie and I go there all the time when we have random food cravings.

When I push the front door open, I send balloons flying everywhere.

There has to be at least a hundred of them filling the entire living room of my apartment.

“Hi,” Nash says, letting a yellow balloon deflate in his hands.

He tosses it on the coffee table and rushes toward me where I’m frozen in the doorway .

He closes the door behind me, kicking a few balloons out of his way. “What’s all of this?” I ask, as he places a hand on my back moving me into the room and out of the entryway.

“It’s your birthday party. Your real birthday party.” He waves a hand in front of me. Strands of ribbon dangle from the ceiling in every direction. I maneuver my way between them and notice that some have photos taped at the bottom.

"There’re so many," I remark. Tears begin to fall from my eyes. He did all of this for me. No one has ever gone to this much effort on my birthday before.

Some of the pictures I've never seen before. Did my dad help him? A new wave of tears form. They start with me as a baby. I get older the deeper I walk into the living room. Eventually I find photos of me and Nash. There are a few from our first date, selfies we’ve taken here and there, and photos our friends must have taken without us noticing at parties or when we've hung out together at the townhouse.

“You did all of this for me? Why? I told you I don’t like celebrating my birthday.” I run my thumb over a picture of us playing video games at his house.

Nash grazes his fingers down my hairline. “You do like your birthday. You don’t like being forgotten. That isn’t something you’ll have to worry about with me. We’re going to celebrate every chance we get. Are you still hungry?”

I nod as I absorb all the work he put into decorating my apartment.

He went to a lot of effort to make me feel special.

Nash grabs the bag of food and drink holder from the kitchen counter and brings it into the living room.

“They probably aren’t as good as yours.” He passes me a Styrofoam container of food.

“Burgers. Thank you. This is perfect.”

“Not just any burgers,” he says. I raise an eyebrow as I take my first bite.

“They’re birthday burgers. I thought we could make it a tradition since we both love them.

” He offers me a shy, boyish smile. He’s so cute.

I feel like I’m back in high school on a date with my crush.

But he’s not my crush. He’s the man I’m in love with.

I just need to be brave enough to tell him.

“I’d like that.”

“Oh, I almost forgot.” He reaches to the side and picks up a small gift bag. “You need to open your first present. Be careful. It’s breakable.”

“You didn’t need to get me anything. All of this is more than enough.

Being with you is all I want for my birthday.

” I balance my food on one knee and the present on the other.

Tossing the tissue paper aside, I peek into the bag and start laughing.

“Pickles!” I scream. I kiss Nash on the cheek then race into the kitchen to fix up my burger. “These are my favorite too.”

“I know. You eat half the jar every time we’re at your dad’s house.”

My head drops hearing him mention my dad.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought him up.”

“It’s fine. He wrote letters. Almost every day and my mom never gave them to me. I’m not sure what to do. I need to talk to him but I don’t know what to say or where to start.” I sit down in the corner of the couch and tuck my left leg under me.

“What do you want to say?”

“I’m sorry.” I tilt my head back and combat the tears threatening to fall.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. You were a kid. You’ve said it yourself. You were trapped in the middle of your mom and dad.”

“I lived with her my entire life. I should have figured out that she was a manipulative bitch. My own mom,” I say with a sigh.

“I went to your dad’s this morning. I needed to get the pictures but I also wanted to talk to him.” He watches me as I chew my food looking for any sign he should stop talking. “He loves you Drew. He didn’t give me many details about the past but it was obvious that he loves you.”