Page 19 of Hale Yeah, It’s You

“They came back to town not long after you left for college and Tasha was already pregnant. They were married and moved into Gram’s old place. Seemed like they were going to have the perfect start to a good life together.”

“So what went wrong?” Roman leans toward me as I speak, giving me his full attention.

“I don’t know. I’ve had years to try and understand how my sister could walk away from her family like that.

Alayna was three years old, she needed her mother.

She didn’t even warn us, she simply took off one day and as far as I know, has never looked back.

” I rub my chest over my heart, remembering the pain of losing my sister .

“And her marriage, it seemed okay?” I can see the questions in Roman’s eyes as he tries to put the pieces of the story together.

I bite the inside of my cheek as I mull over his question.

Clay and Tasha had seemed happy. In fact, he’d worshiped the ground she’d walked on.

But Tasha was a tumbleweed, and maybe that had been the problem all along.

“They seemed good. Maybe they weren’t and I refused to see it.

I know motherhood was hard on Tasha from the beginning.

She was overwhelmed by all of it. I tried to help her as much as I could, but it never seemed to be enough.

I think she spent her whole life doing whatever she wanted and as soon as she had a family, she realized she liked her freedom more. ”

“Are they divorced, Tasha and Clay?”

“Yes.” I grimace, remembering the last time I saw my sister.

“About a year after she left, Clay tracked her down. She was renting a place a few hours from here and working as a flight attendant. Finally travelling the world like she always wanted to. He served her the papers and she agreed to show up for the custody hearing and to finalize everything. We thought she might try to get visitation or something out of it, but she told the judge she was thankful her daughter had a good life and signed her rights away.”

Roman wipes a tear from my cheek. I didn’t realize I’d been crying. “I can’t imagine how hard all that must have been.”

“It broke my heart for Alayna. Knowing her mother doesn’t want to have a relationship with her, I can’t imagine the hurt that she carries. Tasha didn’t even ask to see her while she was in town.”

“Did you ask Tasha why she left?”

“I tried. I was so angry with her, I probably went about it all wrong. I asked her how she lives with herself, never seeing her own daughter. I told her she should be ashamed of herself. I called her selfish and thoughtless, and she let me yell at her.” My words had been cruel and I’d wanted to hurt her with them.

Even now, my blood still seems to heat when I think of her attitude about the whole thing.

Roman takes a sip of his wine. He’s watching me closely. “She didn’t say anything?”

“She said something like, ‘I wanted a different life for myself. They’re doing fine without me, like I knew they would.’ And that was the last time I talked to her.

” And I hoped I never had to speak to her again.

My parents could forgive her and talk to her all they wanted, I didn’t have to do the same.

“How did Clay take the divorce?” Roman’s hand flexes over mine, his body tensing a little every time he says Clay’s name.

“Honestly, I think he was relieved in some ways. After a while he dated this woman, Mara, and I thought they might get married at some point, but that didn’t end up working out either.

” I’d been a little relieved when Mara had left.

It meant I didn’t have to wonder about my own place in Alayna’s life.

As sad as I’d been for Clay, it felt like I could finally relax again once she was gone.

“But you and Clay, you’ve never been a thing?”

I expected this was where his questions were leading, but this is where I need to be careful. I don’t want anything to be left unsaid. “We’ve never pursued a relationship before, no. But Clay has expressed an interest in seeing if we could be more than what we are to each other now.”

Roman downs the last of the wine in his glass. His face pinches as if it tastes bitter on his tongue. “Do you want there to be more between you?”

“I don’t know what I want anymore.” I blow out a breath, frustrated, because that’s the honest truth. “A few weeks ago, had you asked me that same question I would have laughed at you and told you that having a man in my life was not something I saw in my future.”

“And now?”

Roman rubs circles on the back of my hand, the way he’d done countless times when we were teenagers, and suddenly my throat is being strangled with emotion.

I’ve spent years keeping everyone at arms length because I don’t trust people to stick around.

People can—and will—hurt you. They make you love them and then leave you in the dust. Like Roman left me.

My voice wobbles, but I force myself to ask the question that has always plagued me. “Why did you break up with me that day?”

The circles still, but Roman’s hand remains touching mine. “I got scared.”

I lift my eyes to his, wanting to see if there is any truth to his words. I am so eager to understand what went wrong. “Scared of what?”

“The future.” He shrugs. “Disappointing you. Not living up to the dream in your head.”

My body recoils with confusion. “I’m not really following you.”

“You had your whole life planned out, Frankie.” He shakes his head as if he’s back in the moment. “You were going to get married, have babies, take over the hardware store and live happily ever after, right here in Pinewood. And I didn’t know the first thing about what I wanted.”

“I would have changed my future plans for you, Roman. I would have followed you anywhere.” I’ve never said those words out loud, but as they leave my lips, I know they’re true.

“That’s what scared me the most, that you’d give up your dreams for some dumb kid who didn’t even know what he wanted out of life.

I knew I loved you, but I couldn’t make myself believe that that would be enough.

Maybe loving you was selfish, and I was supposed to let you go.

What if it took me years to be ready to get married, or what if I was a shitty father like my own dad had been? It was too much pressure.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that then?” My heart protests, shattering all over again.

Those barely healed cracks splinter down the same lines as I remember the look in his eyes when he told me he didn’t think I should wait for him.

“Do you remember what you said to me, your last words before I never heard from you again?”

Roman closes his eyes, his free hand massaging the side of his temple. “How could I forget?”

“You said, ‘I’m sorry Frankie, but this is it for us. Please don’t call me, live your life and be happy.’”

“And did you?”

I want to tell him, no, I’ve been miserable. But that isn’t entirely fair or true.

“Not at first. At first, I tried to find a way to contact you. I called all our friends, I sent emails and text messages, but then—”

“You moved on?”

I let out a humorless laugh. “Then Tasha had Alayna, and I went to school for a little while, and when Tasha left Clay behind, it felt like losing you all over again.”

Roman’s eyes look glassy, but he remains quiet.

“I didn’t even question what I needed to do.

I moved into the spare room at Gram’s, and I took care of that little girl, and I promised her I’d never leave her.

And I haven’t. But do you know what else I haven’t done, Roman?

I haven’t let myself get close enough to anyone, because I know how much it hurts when they leave you behind. ”

I stand, suddenly tired and far too vulnerable. I’m happy that we’ve cleared the air. I know now why he left, but it doesn’t change anything. At least my conscience is clear; he knows the truth about everything, and now we can both move on.

“Frankie—” Roman stands too, but he doesn’t reach for me.

“I’m tired, thanks for cooking, you have a real talent for it. I think it’s time for me to head home.”

Roman opens his mouth, and then closes it. He looks like a fish out of water. If he has something more to say, he chooses not to. I slip back into my shoes and run to my car, pressing my forehead against the steering wheel and holding back my tears.

Maybe the past is meant to stay there.

Maybe I’m not meant to have anyone.