Page 13 of Hale Yeah, It’s You

A few hours later, I’m pacing back and forth outside of my grandmother’s old house.

Clay’s house. The house where I live but am suddenly too nervous to step inside.

It took me over an hour to walk the few miles from the bar to here.

I could have used my app to get a ride home, but I’d wanted the fresh air and the time to think and sober up.

I was sure a walk was all I needed to clear my head.

Once the alcohol wore off, my strange mood seemed to linger.

Now that I’m home, I can’t seem to get myself to unlock the door and go inside.

Never once have I hesitated like this before.

When I left the bar, what I really wanted to do was track Roman down and retry that conversation we’d started the other night.

Only this time instead of clinging to hurt and pride, I would be honest with him. I’d tell him…

What? What the hell would I say?

“Hi Roman, I’m still as hot for you as I was in high school, maybe more than I was in high school, and I’d like to take you for a spin and see if we still have the same great chemistry?

Won’t you tell me where you’ve been and everything I’ve missed?

Oh, and P.S. Alayna isn’t my kid, I just raised her for the last eleven years, because that’s totally normal, right? ”

Yeah, right.

What would be the point of it all? Eventually, he’d end up leaving me all over again. And that’s if he even has the desire to let me in in the first place. He isn’t married, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have someone he’s dating, or that he would even be interested in me after all this time.

Do I really want to risk falling in love with him again so he can rip my heart out once more? What if the love I felt for him back then no longer applies? We’re adults now, surely we’re different people.

I let out a frustrated groan and continue to pace.

The truth is, I don’t know if he’s worth the risk—not only because we don’t know each other anymore, but because of everything Clay brought up the other night.

Maybe Sarah’s right, maybe I’ve been so busy being a placeholder for Tasha that I haven’t allowed myself to plan a real future for me.

Maybe I’ve missed my opportunity to find the man I’m supposed to spend forever with because I’ve been too scared to really put myself out there.

Or maybe Clay’s right, and the man I’m meant to be with has been under my nose the whole time.

Anything’s possible. Life’s crazy like that, isn’t it?

Pining after my high school boyfriend, or playing house with Clay, working at a job I didn’t even choose for myself—those are all safe options. I don’t have to put myself out there to do any of those things. I’m blissfully coasting along in mediocrity.

It’s time for me to start focusing on what I really want.

I need to figure out what I want my future to look like and then pursue it with everything I have.

If I don’t make the effort, nothing will change.

It doesn’t have to mean abandoning what I have now; it could simply be about improving the connections and experiences I’ve built so far, couldn’t it ?

The front door jerks open and a shirtless, barefoot Clay stares at me with concern.

“Oh, hi,” I say lamely.

“Mrs. Lane called to tell me some lunatic is wearing a hole in the ground outside my door.”

“Lunatic?” I roll my eyes. “That’s rude–”

Clay doesn’t wait for me to finish. “I told her it was probably nothing, but that I’d check it out for her. I didn’t expect it to be you, I thought you were with Sarah tonight. Are you locked out or something? Why didn’t you knock or call me?”

“I–I um–” This was a mistake, I should have gone home with Sarah or got myself a room at the hotel like I usually do. My heart and my mind are such a jumbled mess, and now Clay will see that I’m falling to pieces under all the stress. I shrug, words failing me.

“Frankie, please come inside before Mrs. Lane calls the police.” He looks behind me and waves dramatically at what is surely Mrs. Lane peeping through her blinds at us. You’d think she would know what I look like by now, middle of the night or otherwise. Why is the nosey old woman even awake?

“She’s probably got her binoculars out now, what with you being all naked and everything.

” I can’t help the giggle that slips through my lips.

Maybe I am still a little tipsy. I let my gaze travel the length of him, from his rumpled sunkissed hair to his bare feet.

The light from the hallway illuminates him from behind, giving him an almost angelic glow.

When Clay laughs, I jerk my eyes back to his face. “I’m not naked, Frankie. But good gracious, it’s cold out here, where’s your coat? Come inside.” He offers his hand to me.

He’s right, he isn’t naked, but somehow the navy blue pajama pants he’s wearing seem far too revealing. He looks good, too good.

I swallow hard. It’s been such a long time since I’ve thought of Clay as a man. Yes, he was Alayna’s father, and my sister’s ex-husband, but he was also a smart, dependable, sometimes hilarious, and undoubtedly attractive man.

When you really get down to the bones of it, I’m just Frankie, and he’s just Clay. Why does that give me a flicker of hope? “Maybe I should stay out here…”

“Frankie,” Clay sighs. His deep blue eyes seem to plead with me. “Please, come inside.”

“Fine.” I take his offered hand and despite my best efforts to appear put together, stumble over the edge of the welcome mat and fall forward.

Clay catches me in his arms, pulling me tight against his naked chest, saving me from face planting into the floor.

My fingers flex against his broad chest, my arms pinned between us, his vice grip around me holding firm.

He laughs softly as he kicks the door shut behind us, his breath disturbing the curls around my temple. “How much did you have to drink tonight?”

“Not that much, unfortunately.” I laugh, too. Still, he holds me, his skin warming me through my clothes. I realise just how cold my skin is as I feel his heat against me. I shiver in his arms. “Did Mrs. Lane wake you up?”

“Yeah, but it’s alright. I hadn’t been asleep long. Alyana is sleeping over at Summer’s tonight, so I was catching up on some paperwork for work.” He presses me closer to his chest. “You are freezing, come with me to the kitchen, I’ll get you a blanket and some hot tea or something.”

I shake my head. “I don’t know, I should probably go take a warm shower and go to bed. It’s late. What time is it even?”

Clay holds on, one of his strong hands rubbing the exposed skin on my back. We’ve hugged a million times before, but this is different. Part of me doesn’t want him to let go. I stare up at him, as he leans around me to check his watch.

“It’s a little after one.” He leans back, his eyes locking on mine. “We have the house to ourselves for the night. And it is late, so if you really want to take a shower and head to bed, I get it. But if you’re not set on heading to bed, I’d really love your company. I’ve missed you this week.”

I stare up at him, my heart making a slow flip in my chest. He missed me? He’s been so patient with me after I’ve all but ghosted him since he asked me to think about “us,” and right in this moment, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel anything at all.

But, what do I feel?

I can feel his strong arms holding me to him.

His familiar scent wraps around us both.

I feel warm and safe here in his arms. Somehow, I know he’ll do everything he can not to break my heart.

My heartbeat accelerates in my chest, and my skin is tingly and alive.

Have I always felt this way under the surface?

Or am I only now willing to admit there’s something more here, or the potential for there to be, because his questions have given me permission to go down that path?

I bite my lip, debating what the right decision is.

Conflicting emotions battle inside of me.

I still need to talk to Roman, to clear the air and figure out where we both stand.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t give Clay his fair chance too.

I’m not tied to anyone, and I promised myself I’d follow my heart.

If only my stupid heart would speak up. I’m floundering here.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Clay’s eyes search mine, his words gentle and low.

He pulls one arm free to cradle my cheek in his hand, his thumb brushing lightly over my mouth. I release my lip, my eyes watching him for guidance. I’m not sure what’s happening between us, but I’m not ready to break the spell yet.

“I don’t have anything figured out, Clay.”

“I’d like to kiss you.” His words are barely a whisper. I swallow, a shuddered breath leaving my parted lips.

Alarm bells ring somewhere in the back of my brain.

I should tell him that it’s too fast. That we should wait and talk about everything, about the risks of changes between us, but my body hums, melting into him as I raise up onto my tip-toes.

I let my eyes linger on his mouth as it gets ever closer to my own.

As his soft lips press into mine, I close my eyes and surrender to the moment.

He kisses me gently, barely brushing his lips against my own.

He shakes a little as he holds me to him.

One hand tilts my head, giving him better access to my mouth, while the other holds me at my lower back.

It’s almost torture, the way he kisses me so tenderly and slow, tasting me timidly, like I’m the last bite of a decadent dessert.

My pulse echoes in my ears, heat filling my cheeks as I taste his minty tongue. It isn’t a fiery passion, but a pleasant lightness envelops me, and I wonder if, when Clay lets go of me, I might float into the air.

Clay pulls back, leaving one last soft kiss on the corner of my lips before pulling me against him in a tight hug. He strokes my hair, and I press into his chest as his heart hammers beneath my ear.

I don’t know what this will mean for us.

There’s so much to say, so much to figure out.

I’ve never imagined what kissing Clay would be like.

It’s a little like sinking into your own bed after a long day, both familiar and comfortable.

There are so many questions swimming in my head, but I don’t want to let go of this moment.

So, I say nothing. I squeeze my eyes shut and let him hold me.