Page 17 of Hale Yeah, It’s You

Alayna chatters a mile a minute after school. She’s perched on the side of the bathtub as I fix my makeup over the sink.

Her ponytail bounces with her animated movements, her hands gesturing wildly.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me first!

After you talked with Mrs. Betty, she called all of us in at lunch for a special planning meeting.

We’re having the shop kids and the art kids help us draw up plans for the set.

They’re going to paint this beautiful mural for part of the balcony scene, it’s going to be epic!

We already posted some videos to get other kids to volunteer their skills.

Ahh, you are the best auntie in the history of the world. ”

“And don’t you forget it.” I stick my tongue out at her before turning back to apply mascara.

“Did you know my school has a fashion class? They’re going to work on some costume designs for us, we’ll have to do a little fundraising for fabric and whatever else you need to make clothes, but it’s so freaking cool. And Derek got the part of Romeo… do you remember Derek Gage from middle school?”

“The redheaded guy from the basketball team?” I plug my curling iron in and lean against the counter while I wait for it to heat up, giving Alayna my full attention.

“No, that’s Derek Noble. Derek Gage was the class president last year, he’s on the soccer team but I can’t remember if you’ve met him.”

“Sorry, I didn’t realize there were that many Derek’s at Pinewood High.”

“Well, now you know,” she quips.

“Are we happy with this choice for Romeo?” I can already tell she’s thrilled with the prospect of kissing this boy, acting or otherwise.

“Oh yeah, he’s really nice.”

“Nice?”

“And soooo cute.” She grins. “I am a little nervous though… I know it’s acting, but I’ve never kissed a boy before. Summer says your first kiss is gross. Was your first kiss gross?”

I let out a long breath as I think back to the memory of my own first kiss.

“No, it wasn’t gross, but I do remember I was really afraid I wouldn’t get it right.

I was sure he’d know I’d never kissed anyone before…

but then when it happened, that first moment when his lips touched mine, well…

it was…” I touch my lips remembering that kiss with Roman.

I was two years older than Alayna is now, but I’d never really wanted to kiss anyone before Roman.

“It was what?” She stares at me, biting her lip and hanging on my every word.

“Natural. I didn’t have to think about it, I just did what felt right. But you know what the trick is?”

She stands, latching her hands onto my arm and tugging. “No, I know nothing! Tell me! ”

“Kiss the right boy.”

She groans. “Well that sucks. If Derek isn’t the right boy, then isn’t that like throwing away my first kiss?”

I laugh and tuck her hair behind her ears.

We’re the same height now, and it throws me off sometimes that my little girl can meet me eye-to-eye.

I pull her into my chest, hugging her tightly.

“You don’t have to count a kiss for a play as your first kiss, unless it’s totally epic and you want to count it.

Otherwise, you call it acting and you save the real effort for the right one. ”

“How did you know your boy was the right one?”

My stomach flips at her question, because it’s a valid question even for my current situation. How do I know which man is the right choice, even now?

How did I know I wanted to kiss Roman Clarke back then?

Because not kissing him sounded like a fate worse than death.

Because when I was around him, the whole world seemed to disappear around me.

Everything was brighter, happier, more exciting with him around.

“I think when it’s the right person, you don’t have to think about it. The moment comes and you somehow know.”

“Like magic?” Her voice is quiet, innocence radiating from her big brown eyes.

“Yeah, I think it is a little like magic. I know you’ll find it, baby girl, you just have to be patient.”

She hugs me back, tightening her hold on me. “Thanks Keke, I don’t know what’d I do without you.”

“I love you too, goofball.” I squeeze my misty eyes shut. I don’t know what I’d do without her either. She’s growing up right before my eyes.

“Wait, why do you look so pretty?” She steps back, taking in my leather leggings and deep violet sweater.

It’s more casual than the skirt I had on earlier, but I know I look more dressed up than my usual jeans and Hale Hardware shirt.

I am skipping the heels tonight though, my black Converse calling my name.

“I’m meeting an old friend for dinner,” I say, not wanting to lie to her.

I don’t really want to explain my evening plans to Clay, but I’d rather not lie about where I’m going or who I’ll be with either.

Part of me wishes I had listened to Sarah and moved into my own place this summer.

I didn’t want to miss a minute of Alayna’s life, but now that things with Clay are shifting, it might’ve been easier to have space to figure things out.

Even thinking about leaving tugs at me. I’d miss the little things—like catching Alayna trying to microwave her socks because “they were cold,” or Clay grumbling about glitter somehow ending up in his coffee again.

I’d miss dinner at the table, spontaneous dance parties in the kitchen, the constant, comforting presence of family.

There are big moments coming—first dates, first kisses, prom, heartbreaks and late-night laughter.

And I don’t want to miss a second of it.

“Earth to Keke…” Alayna waves a hand in front of my face. “I said, what old friend?”

“Dr. Clarke,” I say, watching her face, gauging her reaction.

She wiggles her eyebrows at me. “Oooh, a date with the hot principal? He’s like a real life Superman or something, and all those muscles!” She blinks rapidly like some kind of cartoon princess.

I shake my head. “It’s dinner and talking, I didn’t say it was a date.

” Though the idea that it might be a date makes my cheeks flush.

If that kiss earlier today was any indication, we’re even more in tune with each other's bodies than we were as teenagers. His body felt like heaven everywhere it had touched mine. And unlike in high school, we wouldn’t have to sneak around.

Alayna laughs, breaking me from thoughts. “Whatever. Adults are so full of it. I bet it’s a hot date. He’d be crazy not to want to be your boyfriend again.”

Boyfriend. The word bounces around in my head like a pinball machine. Is that even something I want? “Like I said, it’s only dinner. And it’s been a very long time since he was my boyfriend, Layna-bug. ”

Her phone buzzes in her hand and she looks down at the incoming message. “Ah, I gotta go, Summer and I are going to watch more Romeo and Juliet movies and look for inspiration!”

“Have fun,” I say, giving her one last hug.

“You have fun on your not-date.” She giggles, making kissing faces at me as she backs out of my room. I can’t help but laugh with the little turd.

A soft knock draws my eyes back to my open bedroom door. Clay is standing there awkwardly, a take-out bag in his hand. “What’s this about a not-date?”

I bite the inside of my cheek, looking for the right words to tell him. I know that our relationship hasn’t been defined, that we haven’t even talked about the kiss yet, but we’re a team, and I suddenly feel a pang of guilt that I don’t quite understand the meaning of.

“I’m having dinner with Roman.” The words sound robotic as they leave my lips.

Clay looks surprised, but then he nods. “I brought dinner, but I’m sure Summer won’t mind eating what I got for you.”

“I’m sorry, I should have told you I made plans tonight. It was short notice and–”

“Frankie, I’m not your keeper. You don’t have to check with me before you make plans.

” Clay shifts on his feet, leaning against the door jamb.

He looks handsome in his black slacks and light blue button down.

He’s still in his work clothes, but his tie is gone.

I let myself appreciate the man I know maybe better than any other man in my life, just for a moment.

For years, all I could see when I looked at Clay was my brother-in-law.

Even though the divorce was final before Alayna was even five, he was Tasha’s ex.

The goofy and confident boy who was enamored with my big sister.

The guy who always made me feel safe and welcome in his home.

The father to the most important human in my life.

But there were moments, especially when we were doing family things, the three of us, that I’d sometimes imagine how different it would have been if Clay were my husband and Alayna my daughter.

I never imagined kissing Clay, or anything of the romantic sort, I just pictured myself as more than the fill in for my sister.

I couldn’t imagine a life without Clay and Alayna in it; I wouldn’t want to imagine that.

Those nights when we would lay in Clay’s bed, Alayna between us, trying to get her to sleep peacefully through the night.

The weekends we spent laughing so hard we cried watching her learn to tie her shoes and ride a bike.

The many sleepless nights we spent worried about a fever or broken bones or hurt feelings…

We’d done all of that together.

We are bonded in a way that I’ve never felt with anyone else.

It’s a type of love, sure, but is it a romantic love?

Would he ever love me with the same passion that he’d felt for my sister?

The same passion I found with Roman all those years ago?

Could we get there if I opened that door and allowed that possibility?

And if we did, what would that mean for our relationship with Alayna? What would happen if we realized that opening that door was a mistake? My head spins with all my questions. So much has changed in a few weeks. My world is all jumbled and confused. I don’t know what to think, what to feel.

Clay’s still watching me from the doorway, and I can see unasked questions in his eyes. “I know you’re not my keeper, Clay. But I also know that we have a system that works here, and I should have had the courtesy to let you know I’d made alternative dinner plans for tonight. I’m sorry.”

Clay smiles, but it doesn’t meet his eyes. “Be careful, Frankie. We can talk later.”

I nod, waiting until he disappears around the corner before turning back to finish curling my hair.

I can’t help the twinge of fear that snakes its way across my arms, making me shudder.

What would it mean if things went well for me and Roman?

Would it mean Clay wouldn’t want me around anymore?

Would Roman be okay with this strange family dynamic that we have here?

Am I okay with the thoughts of exploring something more with Clay that are skittering around in my head?

Would Clay take it all back if he knew I still had real feelings for Roman?

Sure, the chemistry is there with Roman–he sets my body on fire–but would he protect my heart the way that Clay would, or would he break it all over again?

These two men, one from my past, and one from my present–they’re like magnets set so their poles repel one another, and I am stuck somewhere between them.

Somehow I can’t see any scenario where I’m not forced to choose between two men that I care about, two men that I love, and in the end, how many of us will end up hurt?