Page 28 of Guys Can’t Write Romance

Something hot flared in Daisy’s chest. Memories of Chad’s baseball practice flooded back; of his patience and camaraderie with the kids, and how they looked at him with genuine respect and affection. “He’s actually really good at it. And the kids love him.”

“How would you know this?”

“He let me sit in on his practice last week for my book.”

“What book?”

She shot him a frown, unable to hide her disappointment. “The romance comedy I’m writing for that contest. The one I’ve told you about, like a thousand times.”

“Oh, yes. Of course. I remember.” His quick recovery didn’t quite mask the fact that he’d genuinely forgotten something that meant so much to her. “So, what does watching him coach have to do with your book?”

“My male lead is a baseball player. I’ve told you that too.” The repetition was exhausting, the constant need to remind him of the details of her life that he should have remembered if he’d been truly listening.

“I must have forgotten.”

“Must have.” She couldn’t keep the edge from her voice.

From inside the bar, the singers grew more enthusiastic, drowning out whatever she was about to say next.

Daisy’s phone buzzed in her purse with an incoming text. For a moment, her heart fluttered with anticipation.

Why was she hoping it was Chad?

She rolled her phone over in her purse to look at the screen, and felt a tinge of disappointment when she saw it was from Chloe. She swiped to read it.

‘Need me to rush some No-Doz over yet?’

Daisy grinned and closed her purse.

“Who was that?” Ethan said.

“Just Chloe being Chloe.”

Ethan checked his watch. “We’d better hurry. We don’t want to be late.”

Daisy let him lead her away, but her mind lingered at O’Donnell’s. Through the window, she’d seen people dancing, laughing, living in a way that had nothing to do with proper planning.

“You know,” Ethan said, noticing her looking back, “this Chad and his cohorts probably frequent establishments like that.”

He’d meant it as a criticism, but Daisy found herself nodding in agreement. “Probably,” she agreed, and was surprised to find herself smiling at the thought.

“I don’t understand what you find amusing about that.”

“Nothing,” she said quickly. “Just remembering something.”

Like the way Chad had explained the seventh-inning stretch by demonstrating increasingly ridiculous stretches until she’d laughed so hard her sides hurt. Or how he’d taught her to keep score using greasy French fries as position markers, then ate up all the errors.

“So, what do you think about that?” Ethan’s voice pulled her back to the present.

“About what?” she said, realizing with a start that he’d been talking this entire time.

“Were you even listening?”

“Sorry. I got a little distracted.”

“Apparently so. I was explaining an interesting article I read on the correlation between proper dining etiquette and career advancement. Did you know that people pick up on social cues like that when considering promotions?”

“No. I didn’t know that,” she said, basically on autopilot at this point, but her mind was still at O’Donnell’s, where someone was now attempting ‘Born to be Wild’ with more enthusiasm than talent.

As she listened, something occurred to her: the old Daisy, in the pre-Chad days, would have been horrified at the idea of going inside a sports bar or singing karaoke.

The old Daisy wouldn’t be walking to a five-star restaurant thinking about baseball and French fry scorekeeping and the way Chad’s eyes lit up when he laughed.

Oh, man.

The realization hit her like a punch in the gut. When had she stopped being the old Daisy? When had her carefully constructed world of order and predictability started feeling like a constraint rather than a comfort?

And why didn’t that terrify her as much as it should?

She glanced at Ethan, walking beside her with perfect posture, engaged in a monologue about proper networking strategies, completely unaware of the seismic shift occurring in her thoughts.

“Daisy?” Ethan frowned. “You seem distracted. Is everything alright?”

“Just thinking about character development,” she said.

And it was the truth.

She just wasn’t sure anymore which character was really developing, the one in her novel, or herself.

Within fifteen minutes of extracting Chad from his apartment, the boys rolled into The Salty Siren with Chad in tow.

“Red alert, Carly!” Troy called to the cute blond bartender as they carried Chad in. “We need drinks, stat.”

“And nothing fruity, no matter how much he begs,” Brett added.

They planted Chad on a stool at the bar, and Rhino slapped his credit card down on the bar. “We’ve got a major crisis over here,” Rhino said to Carly as she walked over. “Can you keep the drinks coming until he doesn’t look like this anymore.” He pointed to Chad.

Carly looked at Chad. “You mean the mopey look like someone just killed his puppy?”

“That’s the one.”

“I’m not moping,” Chad insisted. “I’m plotting revenge on these guys.”

Carly poured a pint of beer and slid it to Chad. “What happened?”

“These idiots kidnapped me.”

“He’s leaving out the reason why,” Rhino stepped back in. “I want you to picture this. You come home from the gym, ready to kick back and have some normalcy, and there’s your roommate watching Hallmark movies. Your male roommate.”

Carly snickered. “Chad McKenzie was watching Hallmark movies?”

“Yup. Caught him in the act. And found a stash of them under the TV.”

“He’s taking it out of context,” Chad said. “It’s research for my book.”

“You’re watching Hallmark movies for a horror book?” Carly said.

“Oh, you haven’t heard the latest,” Rhino jumped back in. “Are you ready for this? He and this girl are writing romance novels.”

“Ignore the idiot who smells like a gym,” Chad said. “It’s for a contest.”

“Is this the girl that blew beer out her nose?”

“You remember that?” Chad said.

“The whole bar remembers,” Carly said. “I’ve never seen the waitresses laugh so hard.”

“Guys. Can we get back to the topic at hand,” Rhino said. “The Hallmark movies? The mopey face?”

“I think it’s cute,” Carly said, leaning forward and resting her elbows on the bar. “Which one’s your favorite? I think mine’s Veterinary Christmas.”

“That’s the one with the litter of puppies?”

“Yeah. I loved the end where the boy made the little wheel scooter for the puppy that got hit by the car.”

“Isn’t that the one that made you cry?” Rhino asked Chad.

“That was your B.O.,” said Chad.

Rhino raised his arm and sniffed his pit. “I don’t smell anything. And stop changing the subject. This intervention’s about you, bro.”

“For the record, I think it’s sweet,” Carly said to Chad, giving him a smile. “I wish my boyfriend would watch romance movies with me.”

“Did I mention that he was watching them alone?” Rhino said.

“Oh,” Carly said and turned to Chad. “Where’s your friend?”

“She’s out,” Chad said.

“With her boring banker boyfriend,” Rhino added.

“Oh, you poor thing,” Carly said to Chad, reaching across the bar and patting his hand. “So, you were Hallmarking alone?”

“Until these guys abducted me,” Chad said.

“Intervened,” Rhino clarified. “Is there help for something like this?”

Carly thought about it. “I know there’s support groups for female Hallmarkaholics. But I’ve never heard of a male Hallmarkaholic before.”

“I’m not a Hallmarkaholic,” Chad said.

“What are the warning signs?” Rhino asked Carly.

Carly thought for a moment. “I think consuming two Hallmark movies in a row is the legal limit for guys.”

Rhino turned to Chad. “Bro? How many Hallmark movies have you consumed tonight?”

Chad folded his arms across his chest. “Half of one. You need me to walk a straight line?”

“I need you to admit that ‘Die Hard’ is the best Christmas movie ever.”

“Everyone knows it is.”

Rhino turned back to Carly. “What about refusing to admit that you’re crushing on your writing partner? Is there help for that?”

“I’m not crushing on Daisy,” Chad said, sliding the phone from his pocket and checking his texts.

“And you’re not checking for texts from her right now?”

“I’m checking scores.”

“Well, pay attention,” Rhino said. “Carly is giving you professional advice. Ash?”

“Does Daisy know?” Carly said.

“Probably,” Rhino said. “He modeled the female lead in his book after her, and she modeled her male lead after him.”

“We did not,” Chad said, scrolling through texts. “Any resemblance is purely coincidental.”

“He’s still in his denial phase,” Rhino said.

“I think it’s cute,” Carly said. “That sounds like a romance plot right there.”

“That’s what I keep telling him,” Rhino said.

“In case you’re wondering, I’m ignoring you guys,” Chad said, still scrolling through texts.

“So, why’s she out with this other guy?” Carly asked Rhino.

“Because she’s as clueless as my clueless roommate,” said Rhino.

“Still ignoring you guys,” said Chad.

Further down the bar…

“Hey. You see the guy down there at the end of the bar?” Troy said as he and Brett walked up to a cute brunette girl seated at the bar.

The girl leaned forward and looked down the bar. “The guy in the baseball cap staring at his phone?”

“That’s him. He’s in a really bad place right now, and we thought if a cute girl talked to him, maybe he’d snap out of it.”

The girl leaned forward and looked again. Chad was still scrolling through texts. “He seems fine to me. Maybe a little preoccupied with his texts.”

“Trust us,” Brett said. “He’s suffering from a serious condition.”

“Oh, no,” the girl said, her face softening. “Is he dying?”

“Worse,” said Brett. “We caught him watching Hallmark movies.”

“Alone,” Troy added.

The girl just stared at them for a moment, waiting for the punchline. “Wait. You’re serious?”

“We wish we weren’t,” said Troy.

“I told you it was bad,” said Brett.

“Ohmygosh, no,” the girl said, her face breaking into a smile. “That’s adorable. What’s his name?”

Troy and Brett exchanged panicked looks.

“Uhm, Chad,” Brett said to the girl. “You don’t think that’s alarming?”

“Not at all,” she said. “I like it when a guy’s into romance.”

Brett swallowed and turned to Troy. “Abort mission?”

Troy nodded. “Definitely. Abort.” He turned to the girl. “Sorry about the mixup. But you see the guy standing next to him?”

The girl looked down the bar again. “The guy in the tank top?”

“Yeah. Tell Carly to put your drinks on his tab. His name’s Rhino.”

“Okay?”

With that, the boys hurried back to Rhino and Chad, who had moved from scrolling through texts to tracing doodles in the condensation on his nearly full beer glass.

“What’s the prognosis?” Troy asked Rhino with the seriousness of a doctor assessing a patient.

Rhino gave his head a solemn shake. “Terminal.”

“Are you idiots done with this intervention?” Chad said. “Because I really need to get back to my book.”

“That’s the demon talking,” said Brett. “Fight it, buddy.”

“Which one of you is the boy who likes romance movies?” came a female voice from behind them.

The boys all turned to see a stunning blond and brunette standing there.

“That would be the guy drawing on his beer,” Troy said, pointing to Chad.

“The rest of us have normal T levels,” Brett added, and Rhino and Troy nodded in agreement, as if they couldn’t distance themselves from Chad’s Hallmarkaholism fast enough.

“Oh. My. Gosh!” the blond said, squeezing past Rhino and sitting down on the stool next to Chad, while the brunette sat down on the other side of him. “That’s so cute. What’s your name?”

“Chad,” he said, looking up from his beer doodle.

“I’m Tiffany,” the blond said, “and that’s Cassie.” She nodded to the brunette. “We overheard this girl telling her friends about you.”

“So, you really like romance movies and this isn’t just some pickup scam?” said Cassie.

“It’s research for my novel,” Chad said.

Ahem. Rhino cleared his throat. “I’m Rhino,” he said, trying to squeeze in on the action.

“Kiss off, Shrek,” Tiffany scowled, with the cold tone of someone who’d already been hit on too many times that night. She turned back to Chad, the smile returning to her face. “You’re writing a romance novel?”

“Yeah,” Chad said, his tone friendly but lacking any enthusiasm.

“How cool!” Cassie exclaimed. “What’s it about?”

“Hey. I like romance movies!” Brett tried to cut in.

“Yeah! Me too!” said Troy. “Huge fan. Can’t get enough of them.”

“Since when?” Rhino said.

“Shut up, Shrek,” Troy said.

“Yeah,” Brett said. “Go take your toxic masculinity somewhere else. We’re here to talk romance movies with these ladies.”

Rhino just stared in disbelief. “Since when?”

“Since it worked for McKenzie.”