Page 18 of Guys Can’t Write Romance

Later that afternoon, Daisy had just started on her third beer and was feeling…

happy. The initial sensory overload had faded into a pleasant background buzz, and she found herself actually cheering when a Dodger player hit a ball that didn’t go foul or get caught.

She leaned into Chad and hollered above the ruckus.

“So, why do they always scratch their crotches?”

Chad almost choked on his beer. “Uhm, it’s a guy thing.”

“A guy thing?”

“Guy parts and plastic cups to protect those parts.”

“I still don’t follow.”

“Use your imagination.”

She did. And then, a moment later, her face turned beet red as understanding dawned. “Oh. Yeah. Okay. Definitely a guy thing.”

Chad shot her a grin. “You’re blushing, Fields.”

“No, I’m not,” she said, burying her face again in her beer and taking a deep gulp.

From across the table, Rhino suddenly blurted out: “You’re telling me he actually cried during a Hallmark movie?”

Chad’s head snapped up. He looked over and saw Rhino and Chloe talking. They both stole a glance at him, as if they weren’t deliberately saying this loud enough for everyone to hear.

Chloe nodded, her expression gleefully wicked. “Yup. Like a baby. It was kind of hilarious.”

“I was not crying,” Chad insisted.

“Were too,” Chloe said. “Daze and I are witnesses.”

“Yup,” Daisy said with a big nod. “As soon as the three-legged puppy found his new family, Chad lost it.”

“I had something in my eye,” Chad said.

“Yeah. Tears,” Troy said. “I thought we raised you better.”

“Hand it over, McKenzie,” Brett said, reaching his hand across the table.

“Hand what over?” Chad said.

“Your ‘man card’. It’s been revoked.”

“Bite me.”

“Those are the rules,” said someone at a nearby table.

Chad looked over and saw the eavesdropping guys at several nearby tables, all nodding in agreement.

“Crying during a Hallmark movie is grounds for automatic revocation,” said someone else.

“Aren’t you guys missing the game?” Chad said to the other tables.

“This is way funnier,” said one of the boys.

“And tragic,” said another boy, shaking his head in disappointment.

Chad spun back to his beer and took a big gulp, his ears now flaming red beneath his baseball cap.

“Hey crybaby,” Chloe called from across the table. Chad looked over. “Beat this, and you can have your man card back.” She then let out a loud, prolonged burp that seemed impossibly extended for someone of her size.

Cheers and clapping arose from the neighboring tables. “Yeah. Beat that.”

Unfortunately for Daisy, she had just taken a big gulp of beer. She choked, covering her mouth to hold back a laugh, and the beer exploded from her nose across the table.

A chorus of ‘woahs’ arose from the surrounding tables, followed by cheers, laughter, and clapping as if she’d just performed an Olympic-level feat.

“How’d you do that?” came one voice from the crowd now gathering around their table.

“Do it again!” came another.

“Keep making her laugh!” came yet another.

Chad leaned down to look at Daisy, who had buried her beet-red face completely in her beer glass on the table. “If I tickle you, will that happen again?” he said.

She punched his arm, harder than she might have before three beers, but not hard enough to actually hurt him.

But she was smiling. And laughing into her beer.

“Girl, that beer fountain thing was epic,” Chloe said as their Uber merged into traffic on the ride home from the bar. “You should add that to your LinkedIn skills.”

Daisy groaned. “Shush. I’m trying to forget it.”

“Why? It was funny. The whole bar was cheering for you by the third time it happened.”

“Can you stop reminding me,” Daisy said, but she was fighting a smile. “It was Chad’s fault for making me laugh every time I took a drink.”

“Did you see the look on his face when it happened the second time? He was like a kid who just discovered a new superpower.”

Daisy groaned. “And you kept egging him on.”

“I was just giving him a little encouragement.”

“You guys suck.”

“And you are a legend with the guys at the tables around us.”

Daisy squinted. “Stop reminding me,” she groaned, rubbing her forehead. But the smile kept forcing its way through.

“Face it, girl. You had fun.”

“Did not.”

“Then why are you smiling?”

“I’m not.”

“Try telling that to your face, ‘cause it didn’t get the memo.”

Daisy groaned. “Okay. Maybe I had a little fun.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere.”

“Meaning what?”

Chloe’s voice softened. “Meaning, when was the last time you went out and had fun? Not planning-to-have-fun or scheduling-fun-for-next-Tuesday, but actually, right-now fun?”

Daisy opened her mouth, then closed it again.

“Yup. I thought so.”

“Is there a point to your annoyance?” Daisy said.

“Yeah. My point is, Chad’s good for you. Whether you want to admit it or not.”

“I choose not. Did you forget the part about Chad and me being mortal enemies?”

“The lines have blurred a lot lately.”

“Then I’ll spell it out. Chad McKenzie is a disaster in board shorts. He’s chaos incarnate. He has the maturity of a five-year-old. And he chews chicken wings with his mouth open.”

“And he makes you laugh so hard beer comes out your nose?”

“That was to torture me. So add sadist to his list of charms.”

“Or maybe… he was getting you to have fun.”

“Demons aren’t allowed to make people have fun. So it was definitely to torture me.”

“Is that why Boring Banker is such a barrel of laughs?”

Daisy groaned. “Ethan’s sense of humor is different. It’s more sophisticated and nuanced.”

“Meaning, it needs an instruction manual to understand it.”

“What about you and Rhino? You two seemed to hit it off over quarters and burping contests.”

Chloe grinned. “Rhino’s fun. I like how he takes my crap and throws it back without getting all butt-hurt. Unlike Banker Boy.”

Daisy sighed. “So, what do you want me to say?”

“Admit you like hanging out with Chad, and I’ll call off the dogs.”

“I’d rather eat chalk.”

“You’re not fooling anyone, girl. So you might as well fess up.”

“Okay. Fine. If it’ll make you drop it, hanging out with Chad didn’t totally suck.”

Chloe grinned. “See. Didn’t that feel liberating?”

“No! And if you tell anyone I said that, I’ll label your paint jars.”

“Don’t worry. Your not-so-secret secret’s safe with me.”

“So, Fields actually turned out to be kinda cool,” Rhino said as he and Chad walked home down the boardwalk. The setting sun painted Venice Beach in shades of pink and orange, while the smell of salt spray and distant barbecues filled the air. Street performers packed up their gear for the day.

“She’s not bad when she’s not cataloging everything by expiration date,” Chad admitted, hands shoved deep in his pockets. A volleyball game was winding down on their left, players laughing and collecting their belongings as the daylight faded.

“Bummer for Troy and Brett. They were hoping to see one of the smackdowns between you and her.”

Chad grinned. “There’s always next time.”

“So, this wasn’t just a one-off?”

“You just said she’s kinda cool.”

“Yeah. But I’m still wondering what happened to World War III between you guys.”

“We have this cease-fire thing going till we finish our books. Plus, the beers didn’t hurt.”

“So, you’re blaming the beer for the looks passing between you guys?”

“What looks?”

“The googly eyes looks.” Rhino demonstrated, batting his eyelashes exaggeratedly and making kissy faces that drew amused glances from a passing couple.

Chad scoffed and shook his head. “There weren’t any googly eyes looks passing between us.”

“Uh huh.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Yup. And honest. Which is more than I can say for you right now.”

“Look. If you want to say something, just say it.” Chad’s tone sharpened slightly in annoyance.

“Not saying anything, bro.” Rhino held up his hands in mock surrender. “Just making an observation.”

“Which is...?”

“You guys seemed pretty into each other.”

Chad snorted. “That’s the beer talking.”

“So, you weren’t leaning close to her every chance you got to explain the game?”

“The bar was loud. How else was I supposed to explain it?” Chad said, watching several people bike past on the nearby bike path. If he was being perfectly honest with himself, he had thought of more reasons to lean closer to her than he needed to. But he wasn’t about to admit that.

“You also remembered her book’s title,” Rhino said.

“So?”

“You can’t remember what you had for breakfast.”

“That’s different,” Chad protested, kicking at a small pebble. “I need to know her book for the contest.”

“Uh huh.”

“There’s no uh-huh about it.”

“Uh huh.”

Chad frowned. “What about you and Chloe? You guys seemed pretty friendly in between your burps.”

“Nice deflection, McKenzie.” Rhino grinned. “But yeah, Chloe’s a trip. There’s something cool about a girl who can burp louder than me and kick my butt at quarters.”

“She hustled you bad.”

“The chick’s got talent. But we’re not talking about me. We’re talking about how you couldn’t take your eyes off Daisy all afternoon.”

“I was teaching her baseball!” The protest sounded weak even to Chad’s own ears.

“And smiling every time she laughed?”

“Dude. Beer came out of her nose. It was funny.” Chad kicked another pebble, sending it skittering ahead of them.

“And cried during her Hallmark movie?”

“That was allergies. I’m allergic to clean apartments.” Chad avoided eye contact, choosing to focus on a basketball game winding down on the nearby courts.

They passed a vendor stand closing up for the evening, the scent of grilled fish tacos lingering in the air. A group of college-aged kids huddled on a bench a short distance away, sharing a bottle in a paper bag and laughing too loudly at inside jokes.

Rhino just smiled and shook his head. “Bro, you are so screwed.”

“How am I screwed?”

“Because you like a girl that’s the polar opposite of anyone you ever dated. And that scares the crap out of you.”

Chad kicked another loose stone, watching it bounce along the concrete before disappearing into a patch of beach grass. “And you had way too many beers.”

“Probably,” Rhino said with a loud burp. “But I’ve known you since freshman year, and I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way you looked at Daisy Fields today.”

The statement hung between them for a moment, weighted with a truth Chad wasn’t quite ready to examine. They walked in silence past a small pizza shop, its painted sign chipped and fading. The smell of garlic and cheese blended with the ocean breeze.

“Look,” Chad sighed, kicking another loose stone with more force than necessary. “Let’s suppose purely for the sake of argument that I like her, which I don’t, but since this is your delusion, let’s suppose I do. She has a boyfriend.”

Rhino snorted. “The guy who thinks mini-golf is too extreme?”

“He has his act together. Which I definitely do not.” Chad gestured vaguely at himself, at the beach, at their entire lifestyle.

“No argument there. But maybe that means less to her than you think. All I know is, you had fun with her today, and she had fun with you. Something’s there that you guys are too stubborn to admit.”

Two girls walked past, casting shy smiles at the boys as they went. At any other time, the boys would have done a quick about-face and struck up a conversation with them, but Chad’s mind was too preoccupied at the moment.

“Even if, and that’s a massive, universe-sized if, there was something there, what could I possibly offer someone like Daisy Fields?

” Chad’s voice had lost its defensive edge, replaced by something more vulnerable.

“She’s got her whole life mapped out. Probably has a ten-year plan with color-coded tabs and quarterly goals. ”

“And you take life one wave at a time,” Rhino acknowledged. “But maybe that’s exactly what she needs, someone to help her live in the moment a little.”

“Or someone to drive her completely insane within a week,” Chad countered.

“Probably both,” Rhino agreed. “But that’s the fun part.”

As they passed a newsstand getting ready to close for the night, Rhino stopped for a bottle of water.

While he paid for it, Chad browsed through the magazine rack, his eyes skimming across covers until they stopped on a tabloid.

The cover, taken through a paparazzi’s telephoto lens, showed a stunning blond sunning herself in a bikini on the deck of a yacht.

A man lay on the lounge chair beside her.

Chad groaned as he read the tabloid’s headline:

‘Jason Manning and Ashley Thompson Spotted Off Catalina Island.’

“Damn. Is that Ash?” Rhino said, stepping up beside Chad.

“Yup,” Chad grumbled.

“How come she never wore that bikini around the house when you guys were dating?”

Chad shot him a frown. “Not helping.”

Rhino looked at him. “I thought you were over her.”

“Over and done,” Chad said, and he meant it. “I just don’t need it thrown in my face.”

Rhino clapped a hand on Chad’s shoulder. “You know what, bro? There’s a bright side to this.”

“What’s that?”

“She’s just gonna dump that guy too as soon as someone richer comes along.”

Chad snorted. “If that’s your pep talk, I want a refund.”

Rhino chuckled. “Okay, here’s a better one, and I’ll use blond gold-digger as a cautionary tale, because she was all about things that don’t matter.

Find a chick who still smiles at you during your worst hangover, and you still smile at when she looks like death warmed over, and that chick’s a keeper. The rest of it’s just decoration.”