Page 27 of Guardian’s Heart (Space Guardian’s Mate #1)

ZAAREK

I needed to get out of the nutrition room for a bit. Nock was irritating, but it was an irritation I found myself getting used to.

Nova on the other hand… Nova was an enigma.

Most of all, because I couldn't figure out my feelings for her. I would have loved to blame all of them on the damn mating marks, but I would have been lying to myself. Nova was getting under my skin in more ways than just markings. She was smart and brave. Her survival instincts were as strong as mine. Her fighting skills were kind of lacking, but what she didn't have, she made up with an iron will that would never allow her to give up. I doubted she would abandon a course once she had chosen it, and for some reason, deep down, I wished she would choose me.

I realized I wasn't the best catch in the universe, especially now with all the unanswered questions surrounding me and Guardians as a people, but by the love of the seven suns, I strongly doubted that I could ever just let her go.

It didn't hurt that she was easy on the eyes and an explosive in bed, but that wasn't what this was about. No, this ran a whole lot deeper, so deep, I didn't really want to overthink it right now.

I was about to rip his head off when Nock hinted at the mating mark urges. Never before had I experienced an urge to kill like this. No, scratch that, I had when the Mmuhr'Rhongs had tried to get to her. That had been a bit more intense. Still, Nock implying… I was getting angry just thinking about where his mind had gone.

I reached the bridge and stared at the lit-up screens without really seeing anything. If there were a problem, my comm would have notified me. There was no reason for me to be here other than to find solitude.

But as soon as I had it, I felt restless again. The mating marks were quiet, but I felt a pull to go see Nova. Just to be beside her.

Frygg!

I had no clue what was happening to me. Not once in my life had I felt restless over being alone. I had been out in space, sometimes for months at a time, without encountering another person, and it hadn't bothered me once.

The longer I sat there, brooding, the more the urge to go see her grew until I finally gave in. She was still in the breakroom, discussing something with Nock. An ugly flare shot through my gut; I didn't like the way she was smiling at the Kred. How close he sat to her, guiding her hand over the comm. And yet there I stood, frozen and mesmerized. She looked so serene, so in her element, as she listened to him. The rational side of me told me that there was no reason for me to be jealous. I doubted the Kred was her type, but another part of me roared with possessiveness. I also didn't understand where this was coming from. In order to be jealous, I had to have feelings for someone, right? Did that mean I had feelings… for her ?

And why did that surprise me?

My mating marks tingled under my skin, and I instinctively rubbed them, wishing it was her stroking them.

I cleared my throat. I was starting to feel like a lurker, plus I didn't like where my thoughts were going, and asked, "Did you guys find anything?"

"Hey." Nova's smile knocked the wind out of me and nearly made my knees buckle. What the frygg? But by the seven suns, that female was beauty incarnate.

"Hey," I repeated like a love besotted fool.

"I'm just showing Nova all the different databases. She's a pro. I've never seen anybody pick this up this quickly. She already managed to break through one firewall."

I shook my head. "I would rather you not teach the human how to hack."

"The human?" Nova arched an eyebrow at me.

"You know what I mean."

"I'm afraid I don't." By the supernovas, this female wasn't going to ever let anything go.

"I see you two need some make-out time again." Nock rose and rushed by me before I could decide if I wanted to punch him or throw him overboard.

"I'm sorry," I told her after the Kred was gone.

"It's okay," she conceded, surprising me anew.

"Okay, as in I'm going to slit your throat in your sleep , or okay, as in okay?" I demanded warily.

She giggled and I liked the sound of it. Very much so.

I pulled up a chair next to her. Her body heat enveloped me like a blanket, just being here, next to her, already relaxed me. All the antsiness I had felt earlier was gone. I felt… at peace. Briefly, I wondered if and when I had ever felt this way and honestly couldn't come up with an answer. Usually, I was either on the hunt—driven by the urge to find my prey or slay it—reveling in the accomplishment of a mission or celebrating it. These were my three go-to emotions. This here was something entirely new to me and surprise, I had no idea how to feel about it.

"Did you recharge?" Nova was still smiling at me.

"Recharge?"

"Yeah, you know, like after you spent a lot of time with others, and you just want to be alone for a while to… recharge?"

I nodded. "You feel like that too?"

"I've always preferred my company to anybody else's," she confessed.

By the seven suns, this female understood me like no one else ever had— not that you've ever given anyone a chance to…

I ignored that snide little voice. "Me too, but for some reason, when I found myself alone, I didn't want to be alone anymore."

I looked at her, hoping she understood what I was trying to tell her.

"You missed me," she said with a mischievous expression. One that made me want to kiss her until she begged me for more.

"Yeah," I confessed, "like a boil that won't heal."

She punched me in the arm, and I chuckled. I loved that spirit in her. No matter what, she was always up for a fight.

"So we both share a longing for solitude," she mused, "I wonder what else we have in common."

"Besides fucking?" I grinned.

She boxed me again. "Don't be crude."

I chuckled again, wondering when I had chuckled the last time without being drunk or… terminating someone.

"You like chasing criminals, don't you?" She took me by surprise.

"Yes," I admitted, "the chase is always the best part. Trying to figure out where my prey is hiding, knowing that he doesn't know I'm after him."

This conversation was becoming stranger by the moment. I would have never expected to talk to her like this. I mean, I had spoken to a handful of other Space Guardians when we ran into each other at a tavern. We usually talked about our work, and occasionally, we talked about how good it felt to chase a criminal down. Still, I had never imagined talking to a female about this, especially not a female like… Nova. One I had been intimate with, one wearing the same mating marks as me.

"Yeah, in the swamps… on Earth, I used to go hunting, mostly for gators. It always was more the chase than the kill."

By the seven suns, had I not known any better, I would have suspected her to be some kind of spy trying to get close to me. How could a civilian get me like this? And a female at that?

"I've never told anybody, but you see these?" She pulled the leg of her pants up, exposing a set of long scars that looked like bite marks.

"I wanted to ask you about them.” How could I not when I had kissed every inch of her body, but it hadn't seemed to be the right time to ask her during sex and after… well, we had either been fighting or busy after.

"When I was a kid, a gator grabbed my leg. It was my fault. I was too close to the water, but it pulled me under and into its lair. You see, gators don't always kill their prey right away; sometimes, they keep it alive in their nests for… bad times, I suppose. Anyway, I was lucky that the nest was in an underwater cave of sorts, there was air to breathe, and my daddy watched the whole thing and came after me. He killed the gator and saved me, but for some reason, I felt betrayed, like I wanted to kill the gator." She looked off into the distance. "Maybe that's why I liked to hunt them down, imagining it was the one that took me." She fingered a pendant hanging from a necklace around her neck. I had noticed it before, because it reminded me of the tooth of an evil predator.

She paused, looking at me as if expecting me to say something. Unfortunately, since I had no idea what a gator was, except that it had to be some fearsome creature, I didn't really know what to say.

"Did something like this happen to you?" She finally prodded.

"What do you mean?" I still didn't get it.

"Well, did something like this make you want to be a Space Guardian?"

I knew she wasn't trying to get information from me in a roundabout way like Nock might have. Still, a flicker of resentment rushed through me, along with a small headache as I tried to remember if she had hit on something.

I shook my head. "I don't think so."

"Still no memory, eh?"

"None."

She kept looking at me as if she was expecting me to say something. "What?"

She closed her eyes for a moment as if praying for patience, another notion I could fully empathize with.

"Tell me something you've never told anybody else before."

"Why?"

"Because that's what people do who… like each other," she added with a huff.

"Do we like each other?" I couldn't help but tease.

"Zaarek, so help me God," she blustered. By the asteroid belts, I loved seeing her temper rise.

"Alright, alright." I raised my arms in defense. "Don't shoot."

She drummed her fingers on the table, staring expectantly at me. "Give me a moment to think," I demanded, racking my brain of what I could tell her. There was one thing. One deep, dark secret I had kept to myself, always. Even now, when we had been discussing the Ohrurs, just thinking about it made my head hurt, but she looked so expectantly I didn't have the heart to disappoint her. She had told me two things about herself now. Two very personal things. About possibly having killed her ex by leaving him at the mercy of the elements, and this gator story. I felt like I owed her this much trust.

"There’s something… I’ve never told anyone." I began hoping by all the stars I wasn't making a big mistake. "Sometimes, I dream about places I’ve never been, fighting battles I don’t remember. It’s always the same—three moons, one purple, a bright red sun, and the most amazing trees I've ever seen. There is danger lurking right behind me, and I know I must fight. But the strangest part? I’m not fighting for survival. I’m fighting like I’m protecting something—someone."

I hesitated, my voice dropping because this was the hardest part. "It’s not just a dream, I don't think. It just doesn't feel like a dream. Sometimes, I wake up feeling like I left something behind—someone I was meant to protect. But I don’t know who they were or why it matters. All I know is sometimes my life feels wrong. Like I don’t belong here."

By the end of my confession, my head was a pounding mess, and I had to cradle it in my hands. I heard Nova's chair move back, and then she stood behind me. Her hands grabbed my shoulders, and her fingers dug into my flesh, massaging it. I groaned; it felt so frygging good.