Page 21 of Grounded (Convergence #1)

Two Nethren bodies sprawled before him. Headless.

He had to fight the urge to vomit. Yes, he'd been trained in swordplay, but it was right there in the word, wasn't it?

Sword-play. He had played with the weapon, using it on dummies and straw targets.

Thaxvarien had never killed before. He hadn't known he was capable of such brutality.

It was a shock almost as terrifying as the Nethren themselves.

In the midst of this horror, he remembered the camera.

It was humiliating to know that his failure with the pulsers and consequent savagery had been witnessed and probably recorded.

His father might even see it. But it was that presence that bothered him the most. A woman.

She had seen it all. This woman. His Liri.

It was her presence he had sensed. He had been driven to protect Liria from that Nethren.

Thaxvarien had been drawn to her even then, when he couldn't see her.

But she had seen him. Liria had watched him become a monster to kill the monsters.

In a whisper, he asked, “You saw that?”

“I was working on the barrier, remember? I was right above you, in the security office that overlooks the pit.”

“Shouldn't you have been focused on the barrier, not me?” Thax smirked to play off the shivering in his chest. She had seen him at his worst. At his weakest. It was no wonder she had rejected him at first. But what unsettled him the most was how he had sensed her.

Destra. The word slid through his mind again.

This time, he had no defense against it.

Thaxvarien cleared his throat before continuing, clinging to humor to diffuse the churning cloud of emotion inside him.

“Although I can't blame you for getting distracted. I was kind of amazing.”

“You were a careless asshole who could have gotten your whole unit and possibly the whole fortress in trouble.”

Thax lost his smirk. “Way to cut a man down, Liri.”

“I'm sure your corporal said something similar to you.”

Oh, did he. Thax's ears had rung for several minutes after that scorching lecture.

“Nearly word for word.” His wings rustled with his irritation.

Corporal Branseri had been harder on him than necessary, although he didn't know it at the time.

But Branseri didn't matter to him. Liri did.

He had to explain it to her—he couldn't let her think poorly of him.

“I . . . I was letting my team down. I needed to do more.”

“It's not the first time I've seen a newbie land and go crazy on a Nethren. You're all kind of angry when you first get here, and it tends to come out when you're in battle.”

“So, now I'm a dickhead who's also common?”

“I'd call it normal, not common.” Liria kissed his cheek. “And that's why I'm so surprised by your true nature.”

Right. They'd been discussing Thaxvarien's current behavior, not his breakdown.

What had she called him? Lighthearted. It was accurate.

Before he had come to the fortress, Thax had been one of those men who let nothing bring him down.

But then he'd been called into service. At first, he'd accepted his duty and looked forward to seeing the surface of Para at last. Yes, he had protested mandatory service, but that had nothing to do with his curiosity about the surface world.

Viewing Para from above was nice, but Thaxvarien had often wondered what it would be like to explore the world on foot. To go miles and miles without coming to an end. A jungle seen from above was a type of ocean to him, hiding things beneath its canopy. Thax couldn't wait to see everything.

But serving in a fortress didn't allow much time for sightseeing.

Even on his days off, Thaxvarien didn't have enough time to travel.

He might have been able to with access to an erial, but all the converged flying machines at the fortress were reserved for emergencies, supply runs, and war.

As far as the civilian erial services, they were all larger vehicles used for public transport.

He couldn't simply rent a two-person erial and go exploring.

So all Thaxvarien got to explore was a bleak stone pit and a small, boring city full of people who stared at him, always wanting something, be it money or sex.

It was fucking depressing. For the first time in his life, Thaxvarien found himself feeling low—literally brought down.

Grounded. But then he met his Liri. She reminded him of who he was and gave him hope that all of Para was not like this small portion of it.

If she existed, the world must be full of wondrous things.

“I can go back to grabbing you inappropriately and calling you bad names.” Thax winked at Liria.

“Uh, no, thank you. Not unless you want to get plucked.”

“I'd prefer something that sounds similar but is far more pleasant.”

“Ha-ha.” She rolled onto her back.

Thax leaned over her so he could meet her stare. “I was a protester once.”

“A what?”

“A protester. I spoke out against the mandatory fortress service, among other things.”

“Oh, I see.”

“No, you don't.” He was back to playing with her hair. Just couldn't stop himself. “I had an amazing childhood on Icara. I was very fortunate. A beloved only child.”

“Icara—that's the sky city you're from?”

“Yes. One of the first converged.”

“So, you spent your days in the sun, learning how to fly and looking down on the world?”

“You could say that. Although I didn't look down on the surface in the way you're implying. More like in the hopes of landing one day and exploring.”

“You wanted to come here?”

“Yes, of course. Every Aethari kid wants to know what's on the surface. We can't help but be curious. And every Aethari parent wants to keep their child away from the surface for as long as possible.”

“Why?”

“Why? Isn't it obvious? The surface is right above the core. And that's where our enemies reside. Where evil lies. Danger. Death. Aethari only feel truly safe in the sky. Ground us, and we get nervous.”

“Grounded,” Liria whispered.

“Yes, we're told to fear the surface, and then we're forced to spend five years down here, fighting the very source of our fear. Grounded.”

“But you just said that you wanted to come here—that every child does.”

“We do. Parental warnings don't stop curiosity.

Shit, sometimes they make curiosity stronger.

Even fear can't stop curiosity. And no child who has been raised in loving arms truly fears anything. The things our parents tell us are spooky stories for the dark. When morning comes, all we remember is the adventure.”

“And then you grow up.”

“Yes, and then we learn the fear is valid. But as adults, we also learn to protect ourselves. They tell us about fortresses and barriers that hold back the monsters. Our fear is both increased and assuaged. But the curiosity remains.”

“So, the surface isn't what you expected?”

“I don't know. I haven't seen anything more than this fortress and Dubar.”

She winced. “You must think the surface is a terrible place.”

Thax shrugged.

“That's why you feel trapped.”

“It's part of it. I protested the law of service until the day I turned twenty-five and had to report for duty. Protesting the law isn't the same as breaking it. I would never do that. But because of my outspokenness, my reception wasn't the greatest.”

“What do you mean? Are you saying the Aethari soldiers treated you poorly?”

“Not poorly, just not well. All who enter service must go through training in their home city.

So, my teachers were familiar with me. I received a very half-hearted training.

When I arrived here, I had only a partial understanding of pulsers.

My corporal has been helping me correct that.

I've been putting extra time in at the range.

But that only started after the breach, when I had to explain to him that I wasn't as prepared as I should have been. It was damn embarrassing.”

“Wait.” She leaned back. “You weren't taught how to use a pulser?”

“Not well enough. Or maybe, not correctly.”

“Fuck,” she whispered. “That's why you landed. You said you were letting down your team. You meant because you couldn't do your share.”

“Yes. I had this terrible fear that the fortress would be overrun because of me. So, I landed, and my sword-training took over.”

“You were trained with a sword, but not a pulser?”

“Swordplay is a cultural thing for us. I learned at a young age and practiced through adulthood.”

“Holy shit. So, you didn't go crazy.”

Thax shrugged. “Not exactly, but I did, well, my thoughts turned off, and I resorted to instinct. To be honest, I was shocked by the violence when it was all over.”

“I'm so sorry, Thax. I totally misread the situation.”

“It's not your fault.” Thaxvarien shook his head. “My corporal did the same thing. That's what it looked like.” He grimaced. “I had to explain it to him later, when we were both calmer.”

“Fuck, Thax.” Liria squeezed his hand. “I have to admit, it was vicious but also really impressive.”

“Thank you for that. My manhood couldn't take it if you thought I was a coward or an idiot.” He paused and then added, “And there's more. I want you to know why I treated you so horribly that first day.”

“I already know.”

“No, let me say it. I want you to hear it from me. No misunderstandings between us.”

“All right.”