Page 52 of Golden Queen (Idrigard #1)

"Is he okay?" she interrupted, as though she could not help herself.

"He's fine," I said quickly, hoping to ease the tension I saw in her eyes. "He asked me to come here to ensure that you and your son go south on the Godsway to meet him in Athelen," I finished.

"He asked for us to come to him?" Her face was almost stricken.

"He demanded it, really," I added, with a wry grin. "It was his condition for following my orders. He would not go unless he knew you were safe. And you are to travel with my own companion, with a full regiment of guards who will ensure you arrive safely."

Gwen's face crumpled, and I didn't know for several heartbeats whether she would refuse to go.

But then she lurched forward and embraced me, sobbing.

I hugged her back, feeling honored. It had quickly become very clear why this woman was so special to Arkadian.

Gwen released me, seeming to suddenly realize all at once that she had been crying on the queen's shoulder.

"I am so sorry, your—Aelia!" She nearly shouted my name as laughter bubbled up from her chest. "I am so sorry, Aelia. I have been so worried about how I would get Mattias out safely, and I was waiting for Arkadian to come and tell me what to do."

"Don't even give it another thought. It's obvious you're both very important to him."

She looked at me then, slightly warily. "Did he tell you?"

"He did," I said, looking at the little boy who had retreated to the table, where he was busily crumbling a cookie into pieces. "But even if he had not, I would have known just by looking at him that he is a Lithaway."

She smiled happily at that. "And did he tell you that it was me who kept Matty from him?

I thought he would be angry—that he would despise me for allowing it to happen—allowing myself to become with child, and so I did not tell him.

I would not want you to think your cousin was not honorable.

He is the most honorable man I have ever known. "

"He didn't explain, but I surmised as much. He would have married you if he had known." I knew that much about my cousin, at least.

She nodded. "He has already asked me a hundred times since he saw Matty and realized he was his son."

"And you've said no?" I asked curiously.

"I am no one. I have no name, Your Majesty. I would not shame him with a common born wife." Her eyes held a spark of defiance.

I showed her something of the same spark reflected in my eyes. "You bemoan the fact that you have no noble name, well, my cousin has one—a very old name, and I think he wants to give it to you and your son, who already bears it even if no one knows."

I looked at the little boy, and then knelt down beside his chair. "You, sweet boy, are third in line to the throne of Windemere, heir to the House of Lithaway, and I am your cousin, Aelia."

He smiled at me with a mouthful of chewed cookies.

Tatana and Gwen left at sunrise in a plain black carriage, surrounded by an entire host of Gold Guards, the most elite of the Royal Guardsmen. The two boys were already huddled together, sharing a tin of sweet cakes between them.

I hugged my sister and promised her we wouldn't be separated for long.

She was stoic, trying to keep a brave face, but it was not lost on me what I was doing to her by sending Gwen and Mattias with her.

I had little choice, though. I needed Arkadian's family to be just as safe as my sister and the little boy, Set, who I had known as my brother since he was barely out of diapers.

"I swear I will have you back home as soon as I can," I told Tatana. "We'll go to the coast and see Aracet. We'll make our plans for how to restore it."

Tatana was tearful, but I thought that might have more to do with the little blue-eyed boy seated across from her than the fact that she was leaving Albiyn.

As they pulled away, some spiteful, angry part of me—some part that I thought had been damaged by my broken heart whispered that Tatana had no idea what love was—else she would have let nothing stop her from being with Arkadian.

Nothing short of the death and destruction of the entire fucking continent.

The city was oddly quiet that night, even as people continued streaming past the gates well after dark.

Most of the eldermen left earlier in the day. Merry's father, a lesser lord from Lochnorthren on the eastern plains, had taken his family by ship out into the Thyella Sea to make for the Southern Ocean and safer shores.

Bryce Mandelian took Franca and the rest of his family and departed with the stream of refugees going south at dawn.

The tall, handsome Lord of Mandel rode out of the gates, sitting high in the saddle of my Artaxian stallion.

I insisted that he take Etreyiu and keep him safe since I would not be riding away from Albiyn.

Franca rode at her father's side on her own very large black stallion.

It hurt to see her go. It was not until that very moment that I realized how much I had come to care for the girl.

She was one of only a few people in Windemere who shared my ideals for what our future should be, even if she was still convinced that her greatest accomplishment in life would be to marry well. Her heart was full of grander things.

The other eldermen and their families had been split between several groups escorted by royal guards going either north or south.

They left Albiyn more easily than many others. Albiyn had never been their home, as it was for me and for the common-born people in the city who had never known any other world.

And then the castle was as empty as it would ever be, and I was alone. Perhaps more alone than I had ever been, even though it truly didn't feel that much had changed.

I realized during those dark hours, as I chased my wakefulness away with a bottle of dark, red wine, that I had always been alone. Perhaps I was only feeling a bit morose and dramatic, but even Tatana, my dearest friend, my sister, had always been kept at arm's length in so many ways.

Only Arkadian in all the world had known my heart, but even he had never known the true extent of how dark my thoughts could become.

There was something dreadful inside me. Something injudicious, angry, and spiteful, and it was growing with each night that I could not sleep without soaking my mind in enough alcohol to force unconsciousness.

I always prided myself on being self-aware. And my awareness of myself told me that I was only going through the motions of protecting these people because it was expected of me.

If no one had been looking, if I did not need to martyr my own heart for the good of my kingdom because that's what a good queen would do, I would have gladly martyred my eternal soul. I would have damned them all with me to the fires of Chronus just to see him smile down at me again.