Page 60 of Goalie Secrets
My answer is a tad shaky. “Honestly? I’m not sure. We only know the body we have, right?” How else do I explain that, for as long as I can remember, my body simply moved differently. Speed and agility came easily during the day, yet my nights wereaddled with pinches and cramps. It’s part of why it takes forever to fall asleep.
“Is that a yes?” Vanya’s hand caresses my forearm. “Were you in pain as a child?”
I shake my head. There has always been soreness and the strange tingling of my joints, aches and discomfort, but real pain set in later. Right around the time I got serious with hockey. Now that it’s a constant passenger in my life, Iknowpain.
“Anyway, it felt good to glide instead of walk. I begged for skating lessons and joined a team, which is the usual track for most hockey players. Believe it or not, kids want to be star scorers instead of goalies. So, I stood out. Within a year of focusing on goaltending, I had scholarship offers from the best clubs in the area.”
“I’m not surprised you got attention early. You’re brilliant on net.”
“How about you? Why medicine? Why be a physiatrist when dentist is so much easier to say?” I ask jokingly. She chuckles.
“My best friend, Ashley…” Vanya pauses. I confirm that I remember her friend’s visit. “The worst of her EDS manifested during our first year of undergrad. There was always discomfort while she was growing up, but doctors dismissed it as growing pains. When things worsened she was put on a regimen of medication that barely subdued the pain. No one bothered to address the root cause until she was in her twenties. I knew I wanted to go into the sciences, but her experience confirmed my commitment to be a doctor.”
“She’s lucky to have a friend like you.”
Vanya brushes away my compliments with a wave of the hand.
“When did you get diagnosed?” she asks.
“Fifteen. More than ten years ago.”
“I’m glad they caught it early,” she says.
“Me too.” I lift our joined hands to kiss her knuckles. She feels smooth and smells amazing. I’m so taken by Vanya, I manage to push down the suspicion I’ve refused to reckon with all these years. Did playing hockey cause or worsen my condition? Maybe. But would I have changed anything? There’s no doubt in my mind that the answer is no.
I’d go through all of it again. Hockey isn’t merely the livelihood that provides me and my mother financial freedom, it’s also the reason I get up in the morning. A successful hockey career is the endgame that motivates all of my other decisions.
Vanya shifts so our knees are touching and she’s facing me. I widen my thighs and pull her chair flush to mine, her legs snug between mine.
Thoughts of hockey fly out the window.
“Before we, you know…” She flushes and presses her lips together. I can’t help it. I lean in and kiss each of her dimples. My mouth grazes across one side of her jaw. My lips settle against the curve of her ear.
“I need to hear you say it, Vanya. Before we what?” I whisper. “Because if you’re thinking something likeget ice creamI might die.”
That makes her laugh.
“Before we go to my bedroom, I think we need to talk about what this means.”
“What do you want it to mean? Specifics, please.” My voice is calm though my heartbeat surges to a wild gallop.
She swallows with effort before answering. “My work is important to me, Jeremy. The medical support you receive from the center is crucial to your career. Before we move forward, you have to acknowledge the potential consequences of sleeping together.”
“Acknowledged.” That one word doesn’t come close to everything I’m willing to acknowledge. I’d sign a waiver orconsent form or anything she puts in front of me if it means she feels more protected.
“I’m tired of denying our attraction,” Vanya continues. “It’s impossible to ignore you, anyway. So, we can look at this as two adults, you know, getting together?”
“Getting togetheris not very specific.” The words are brittle in my mouth, because it is both what I want to hear and not nearly enough.
“Sex. Before we have sex. Unless you’d rather get ice cream.”
I slide my hands under her thighs and carry her to my lap. “No, and you know it.” I push my erection against her hip. “Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out, actually.”
“We need rules.”
“Rules. OK, I’ve got one.”
Her brow raises. “Let’s hear it.”