Page 51 of Gilded
MALIA
I ’m saturated in darkness, fear, and regret.
I still have so many questions, but I can’t think clearly. I don’t know if that’s the medication or the situation or just me hitting my ugly-things threshold, but I go quiet, trying to find a place to let my mind rest.
I close my eyes and hold tight to Luka’s hand, despite having no clear delineation of whether he’s good or bad. Yes, he came with bad intent. Yes, he’s done bad things. But can I really blame him?
More tears sneak from beneath my lashes, tickling my face. I feel used. Used by my father for money. Used by Soren for status. Used by Luka for revenge. Yet none of that ends my longing for him and all the good things he brought into my life.
“How’s our patient?” A soft female voice drags my eyes open. Over Luka’s shoulder, I see a woman in a white doctor’s coat come into the room. She’s young and girl-next-door pretty. At my bedside, she surveys me, then my vitals on a screen above the IV pump. “You’re looking better.”
“Then I look better than I feel.”
“You’re due for some medication for the headache. Any other issues?”
“I can’t think clearly. Everything gets tangled up inside my brain.”
“A concussion can do that to you, but I also heard you went through a harrowing experience today. Your CT scan was clear. Give it some time. That brain fog should clear up. I can keep you overnight if that would make you feel better, but it’s not anything you can’t handle from home.”
“Oh.” I don’t know what to think about that.
“We’ll talk about it,” Luka tells the doctor.
She nods. “I’ll leave instructions with your nurse, and she can spring you when you’re ready.”
“Thank you.”
When she leaves, I look at the darkening sky through the window behind Luka with a whole new turmoil rising. Now what?
“What time is it?” I ask.
He glances at his watch. “Almost six.”
“If I leave the hospital tonight, where will I go?”
“You have nothing but choices now.” His voice is resigned, which is when I realize I can’t feel any of his emotions. “But regardless of where you go, you’ll need top-notch security.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re no longer Malia Eros, charity director. You’re Malia Tarik, Hugo’s daughter, splashed all over the news and media outlets. Everyone will know your face. That makes you a very big target for his enemies in the trafficking underworld, victims’ families and journalists.”
“Jesus.” I didn’t think I could feel any more stressed. “I never considered that.”
“The reporters are vultures. There are crowds gathered outside the hospital already. But you don’t have to worry about that. My guys are handpicking a security team for you. Until that’s in place, we’ll watch over you.”
I release an anxious breath. “Thank you.”
“As for where you want to go, you can return to the island and the house, or I can get you a hotel room here in town for however long you want. I also have a few model apartments in my buildings where you can stay. I have something for you at my apartment, and there’s nothing I want more than for you to be with me, but I’ll understand if you’re not ready. ”
My heart leaps at the suggestion, but my mind beats back the excitement. Those words would have been a dream come true just days ago. So much has happened in such a short amount of time.
I don’t know if I should trust him. I’m afraid of all the things I don’t yet know. And I can’t tell if this is who he really is or if this is all just another illusion he’s created. It also feels like being with him is a weak choice. Like I’m clinging to what I know.
“Hey.” He stands and cups my cheek. “I can see your mind whirling a million miles an hour. I wish I could say or do something to make you feel secure in trusting me, but short of showing you who I am, I don’t know what that would be.
Getting to really know someone takes time and we haven’t had much of that.
My suggestion is to use that intuition of yours. It’s wildly accurate. Trust your gut.”
“I can’t feel you anymore,” I tell him, far more upset over that than I expected.
“What?”
“Your emotions aren’t coming through. I can’t feel you,” I repeat, not knowing how else to explain it. “It feels like there’s empty space between us now, and it’s unsettling.”
Sadness clouds his eyes. “You’ve been through a lot. It might be the concussion. Maybe it will come back with time.”
I go for what seems like the safest option for me right now. “A hotel sounds good.”
He nods. “I’ll make the arrangements.”
I look down at the hospital gown, and a memory of the dress soaked in blood flashes in my mind. “But I can’t go anywhere. I don’t have any?—”
“Jairo brought some of your things from the house.”
I change in the bathroom, scrubbing lingering blood spots from my neck and hands. It’s surreal to know it’s my father’s blood and feel nothing but relief that he’s gone. Part of me still expects to open the door and find my father or Soren waiting in my room.
But when I come out of the bathroom, only Luka is there, hands in his pants pockets, facing the windows, lost in thought.
I take him in, seeing him in such a different light now. And my gut is very loudly and very clearly telling me, This is a good man . And that is a relief, because I feel as brittle as a dead leaf.