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Chapter Twenty

Josiah

Josiah awoke in the small hours and felt the warmth of Alex’s body pressed against his own.

He smiled, pulled him close, and kissed him.

Alex was lazy and happy in his arms, and they were both wrapped up in a little bubble of bliss.

Josiah knew it couldn’t last, but he didn’t want to think about the reasons why, for now.

He just wanted to enjoy it while he could.

Alex sighed and rested his chin on his shoulder, his hand slung carelessly over his hip.

Josiah fell asleep again, but when he awoke the next morning, he was alone. Then he knew the bubble had burst; their night was over, and it was time to face reality.

He pulled on his bathrobe and slippers and made his way down the stairs. He was about to go into the kitchen when Alex called out a cheery “I’m in here” from the direction of the dining room.

He found Alex sitting at the table, wearing only Josiah’s shirt from the night before and a pair of boxer shorts.

The shirt was three sizes too big for him, his hair was tousled from sleep, and although he was a thirty-year-old man, he looked like a kid playing dress-up.

In front of him, on the table, he’d spread out some cardboard, and on top of that was an array of strange items: pots of gunk, sheets of sandpaper, and a variety of different-sized paintbrushes.

In the centre of the cardboard were the remains of the shattered vase, and he was bent over them, busily working.

Josiah paused in the doorway.

“Any reason why you’re wearing my shirt?” He raised an eyebrow.

Alex looked embarrassed. “I like being able to smell you on it,” he admitted.

Josiah gave a little smile and dropped a kiss on his messy hair.

Alex looked up at him happily and gestured to a tray on the sideboard containing a teapot, a little jug of milk, a couple of mugs, and a spoon. “I think it’s still hot. I’m sure I did a refill about ten minutes ago,” he said.

“A refill? What time did you get up?” Josiah picked up the tray and, sitting down at the table opposite Alex, poured the tea. It wasn’t remotely hot. He had a suspicion Alex had no idea when he’d refilled it.

“Early. I don’t know. I remembered it was a bit of a mess down here after last night…

” He shot Josiah a knowing grin. “So, I decided I’d clean up, and that’s when I found the broken vase.

I was sad, because I know how much it means to you, so…

” He waved his hand at the shattered pieces of the vase in front of him.

“You can’t mend it, Alex,” Josiah said incredulously. “It’s shattered into smithereens.”

“Yes, but it doesn’t have to stay that way,” Alex replied determinedly. “It can be mended.” He pointed at the golden glue he was brushing onto one of the shards.

“Well, I suppose so, but it’ll look pretty ugly all patched up, and I don’t think it’ll be much use. A vase has to hold water,” Josiah pointed out.

“Trust me,” Alex said with a wink. “I did a workshop on this years ago. I’ve had to improvise a bit, but did you know just how much shit Peter had in the garage?

I’m assuming it’s not your shit, because it’s mostly car related, and we all know how you feel about moving vehicles of any description.

” He grinned happily. “Anyway, I took a good look through it, and I think this will work, together with some of the stuff I bought yesterday.” He nodded at the box on the floor next to him.

“I’m having to make it up as I go along, but I like that.

It’s when I’m at my best.” He bent his head to his work again.

Josiah sipped his cold tea and watched, lazily.

Alex had deft fingers, and he seemed to know precisely what he was doing.

It was fascinating to see the expression of concentration on his face as he worked, and how delicately he could hold a brush.

This was the real Alex. The man in his bed last night and the man working on the broken vase this morning were the real deal, regardless of what deception or misdirection had transpired before.

He was humming, and he looked so happy and absorbed that Josiah wished he could freeze this moment in time and keep him this way forever, but he couldn’t. He cleared his throat.

“We need to talk,” he said.

Alex glanced up. “Ah, those four little words that always ruin everything.”

Josiah shot him a rueful smile. “Alex, last night was wonderful, amazing… but I don’t want you to have any false hope. I can’t wave a magic wand and make everything okay. If I could, I would, but it isn’t in my power.”

“I know that.” Alex focused his gaze on the vase again.

“I wasn’t sure how you thought this would end.”

“I’m hoping it doesn’t have to end anytime soon.” Alex glanced up at him. “I assume we still have a little longer until you find Elliot’s killer and have to hand me over for the dreaded probate to take its course.”

“Yes, but… you’ll still be an IS.”

Alex shrugged. “I came to terms with being an IS a long time ago.”

“I haven’t,” Josiah said honestly. “I don’t know how I’ll be able to give you up, when the time comes.”

“You’ll have no choice.” Alex put down his brush with a sigh. “I’m used to that, but for a man like you I can see it’s more difficult. We know we don’t have forever, so let’s just make the most of now.” He reached across the table and put his hand over Josiah’s.

“I’ve never been very good at accepting the things I can’t change,” Josiah admitted.

Alex squeezed his hand. “What’s the alternative? ”

“I could… we could…” Josiah hesitated. “I have the Kathleen Line – the escape network, Alex. I could get you to France.”

Alex shook his head. “We both know you can’t do that, Joe.

I’m the most expensive and well-known IS in the country.

If I go missing, there’ll be hell to pay, and if you came with me…

well, the press would go nuts, and the government would dig up everything on you.

Then what would happen to Elsie, and your friend Liz who made this vase?

” He nodded at the broken pieces in front of him.

“And what about all the people you save, Joe? If you leave with me, the Kathleen Line falls apart, and all those people lose a lifeline. Think of it… all those ‘Bens’ out there, desperate for help, with nowhere to turn…” He shook his head again.

“I know the press thinks I’m a selfish shit who doesn’t care about anyone but myself, and maybe I was once, a long time ago, but that’s not who I am now.

Besides, how long would we last with every bounty hunter in Europe looking for us?

We’d be on the run, looking over our shoulders the whole time, and they’d catch up with us eventually. ”

Josiah leaned back in his chair and finished his tea, considering Alex thoughtfully. “There’s more to find out about you, isn’t there?” he mused. “I haven’t fully unwrapped the mystery that is Alex Lytton yet, have I?”

“No.” Alex picked up his brush.

“Damn it – I hate mysteries.”

“No – you love mysteries,” Alex corrected. “You love unravelling them, piece by piece, and solving them. That’s why you’re such a good investigator.”

“Talking of which – a couple of days ago, you said that you couldn’t reveal what this was all about without first telling me something that would make me upset and angry,” Josiah reminded him.

“Well, I was pretty upset and angry last night, so I’m assuming that now you’re ready to tell me what’s really going on and what you’ve been playing at all this time? ”

Alex met his gaze slowly, and then nodded. “Yes,” he said softly. “It’s time. Why don’t you go and take a shower, get dressed, and make us some breakfast while I finish this – and then I’ll tell you. ”

“Hmm, we sleep together once, and now you’re the one giving all the orders,” Josiah teased, getting up.

Alex gave an absent smile, but Josiah wasn’t sure he’d even heard him – he was engrossed in his work again.

Josiah did as his IS commanded. He ran up the stairs and tidied up the bathroom, clearing away their discarded clothes from the previous night.

Then he took a hot shower, singing to himself happily the whole time, before wrapping a towel around his waist and standing, bare-chested, in front of the mirror to shave.

His gaze went to the chain around his neck with the wedding ring hanging from it.

Frowning, he clasped the ring and held it for a long time, in an agony of indecision.

“It’s time,” Peter’s voice said softly.

“Yes,” he said. “I know.”

“You have someone new to save now.”

“I wish it were that easy.”

“You can do it,” Peter murmured encouragingly.

Josiah reached up slowly, unfastened the chain, and removed the ring from around his neck for the first time in seven years. It should have been difficult, but it wasn’t. It just felt… right.

“Goodbye, Peter,” he said, opening the vanity unit drawer and placing the ring inside.

“Goodbye, my love,” Peter said.

Josiah was sure he felt the soft whisper of a kiss on the back of his neck, where the chain had been, and then… Peter was gone.

He was surprised to find that now the time had come, he wasn’t sad. He was done with sadness. He still had a life to live… and Peter was right – he had a new man to save. He closed the vanity unit drawer decisively.

When he’d finished shaving, he dressed himself in silver-grey suit trousers and a white shirt, slinging the jacket on the bed. He decided not to bother with a tie, for the first time in years. Then he jogged back downstairs and made breakfast.

Alex was still sitting in the dining room, working on the vase, when Josiah returned with a tray full of food.

He hadn’t showered or dressed, but he must have gone upstairs at some point, because propped up at the far end of the table was the Halo of Fire picture that he usually kept in his bedroom.

“So – what do you think?” he asked, pointing at the vase.