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When Alex looked up, there was a defiant expression in his eyes.

“I want you to really see me for me,” he admitted, as if he were asking for something shameful.

“I don’t want to be looked at as a body to be fucked, or someone to be owned and possessed.

I don’t want to be someone’s grubby little fantasy, but, just as importantly, I also don’t want you looking at me as a damaged, fragile flower, some sad boy for you to fix.

I’m not asking you to be in love with me, Joe, but I am asking you to see me as someone real, not an object, or a fantasy, but a fucked-up man with a fucked-up life who is laying himself bare.

If you can do that, then I promise you’ll get the real me.

No tricks, no hiding, no bullshit. Just me. ”

“Good,” Josiah said tightly. “I can see through bullshit.”

“I know that.” Alex gave a wry grunt. “God knows, if I know anything about you, it’s that.”

Josiah reached out and pulled him close. “Come here then, beautiful.”

Alex pressed his hands to Josiah’s chest to make him pause.

“Please… don’t. My looks have been a curse all my life,” he said wearily.

“Even before I became an IS, people projected their fantasies onto me. Hardly anyone ever saw me for who I really am. I might as well have been invisible. I certainly felt that way.”

“You aren’t invisible to me,” Josiah told him, taking Alex’s face between his hands now and gazing at him intently.

“I called you beautiful because that’s how I see you.

Not your body, or your face, pretty though they are…

but you. Nobody ever called Peter beautiful, but I thought he was the most gorgeous man in the world.

Objectively, you’re stunning – you know that, and you’ve suffered for it.

That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the man inside – the one who’s been so kind to me these past few days while I’ve been slowly falling apart. Him. He’s beautiful.”

Alex stared back at him. “That might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me,” he said.

“But when you look at me, you see all the men who’ve laid their hands on me before you, and you don’t like it.

” He drew away from Josiah’s hold. “I saw how you looked when I said I’d slept with Jeffrey Mead.

It makes you angry, but I can’t change my past. I’ve slept with a lot of people, Joe – even before I became an IS.

I’m not like you. I used sex the same way you use your fists.

” He took hold of Josiah’s right hand and ran his thumb over the bruised skin.

“To avoid feeling anything that hurt too much.”

“You’re right. I was jealous,” Josiah admitted. “I was jealous of Mead getting his slimy paws on you.”

“Don’t turn me into a possession,” Alex said sharply.

“Don’t make me into something that’s yours, that you own, and that others can or can’t touch depending on your whim.

Don’t do that to me, Joe. I mean, we both know it’s the truth – you do own me.

You can fuck me any way you like, as often as you like, for as long as you like, and I can’t stop you, or report you, or complain about it – but I’m asking you to make love to me as if I’m free – as if I’m Peter, or some guy you picked up in a bar. ”

“I would never treat you like that,” Josiah assured him.

“I like to take the initiative in the bedroom, but I would never use you, Alex. I’m honoured that you’re letting me see you this way.

I much prefer it to that blank mask you wear.

I hate that damn expression so much. Now – will you see me, too? ”

“I’ve always seen you. You’re exactly who I first thought you were, back in that car.

I knew you liked tea, and Pre-R rock, and nice clothes.

” Alex grinned. “I didn’t know then that you had a thing for expensive chocolate, or using your fists to deal with your feelings when you’re hurting, but when I did, none of it took me by surprise.

” He raised Josiah’s hand to his lips and bestowed a little kiss on his knuckles.

“Okay, but there’s one more thing I need to know, if we’re really being honest with each other,” Josiah said.

Alex nodded eagerly. “Anything.”

“It’s crucial that you tell the truth about this, Alex,” Josiah warned.

“I will – I swear,” Alex said solemnly.

“Okay, then. I need to know – just how much do you hate hachée?” Josiah demanded, grinning.

Alex let out a bark of surprised laughter. “Can’t stand the stuff,” he admitted.

Josiah threw back his head and laughed. He wrapped his arms around Alex and hugged him against his chest, and they held on to each other, both laughing their heads off .

“Dear God, I’ve missed this so much,” Josiah said.

“All the little things – someone to eat fish and chips with, to hold in bed, and to laugh with. Thank you for reminding me what it’s like.

” Leaning down, he captured Alex’s mouth in his own, kissing him soundly.

It felt real, and honest, and true. Alex grasped the back of his neck and kissed him back, just as passionately.

Between kisses, they gravitated slowly towards the shower.

Josiah turned on the water and led Alex under the warm spray.

Lathering his hands with soap, he placed them gently on Alex’s body and, finding the bruises on Alex’s shoulders from where he’d grasped him earlier, dropped an apologetic kiss on each one.

“Sorry,” he murmured. Then he discovered a couple more on Alex’s thighs from where he’d held him down as he fucked him, so he knelt down and kissed those, too.

While he was there, he found an old, deep scar, a couple of inches long; he stroked it with his fingertips and then looked up questioningly.

“From the duck accident,” Alex told him.

He kissed that, too, knowing that the scar went far deeper than the mark on Alex’s skin.

He spent a long time on his knees, kissing and caressing.

Alex’s cock was hard again now, straining upwards, but Josiah didn’t touch it.

Instead, he got to his feet, turned Alex around, and lathered his hands again, then he slowly soaped Alex’s back and the soft curve of his buttocks.

Sliding his hands gently between Alex’s legs, he parted them and carefully washed out his hole, examining it for any sign of tearing following their explosive sex earlier.

It was fine, but Josiah took his time soaping and rinsing it out, teasing with his fingers as he worked, opening him up again.

Alex moaned and leaned his arms against the shower wall, sticking out his bottom in clear invitation.

“Not yet,” Josiah said. He moved on, locating the fading yellow and purple bruises on Alex’s back from the beating he’d received at the show.

He kissed those gently, too. He also found some older scars on Alex’s back, faded and white.

He traced them with his fingertips. “Also from the accident?” he asked.

“No,” Alex said in a very quiet voice. “Tyler.”

“He whipped you?” Josiah fought down a wave of rage.

“Yes. I don’t think he intended to mark me, but he lost control. ”

Josiah’s jaw tightened, and he made a silent vow that he would one day have revenge on Tyler for all that he’d done to this beautiful man.

Alex sensed his mood and turned. “It’s okay. It was a long time ago,” he said, stroking Josiah’s tense jaw.

“I will make him pay,” Josiah promised.

“Shh. I don’t want Tyler to spoil tonight for us. He’s ruined too much of my life as it is. Come on – my turn now.” Lathering his hands with soap, Alex gently began his exploration of Josiah’s body, stopping at the long scar that snaked up the outside of Josiah’s arm.

“Rosengarten,” Josiah said softly.

Alex kissed along the length of the scar from top to bottom and back again. He continued on to the round, squat scar on the side of Josiah’s torso, and bent to kiss that, too.

“Bullet. Also Rosengarten,” Josiah said.

Trailing suds slowly over Josiah’s body, Alex carefully soaped his cock, making it hard again in the process, and then his balls, taking his time, playing with them gently.

Josiah sighed and leaned back happily.

Alex turned Josiah around and began washing his back. He found the burn on Josiah’s hip. “Rosengarten too?”

“Yeah,” Josiah grunted.

“And here?” Alex ran his fingers over the jagged scar on his shoulder blade.

“Nope – knife fight when I was a kid. Got stitched up by a druggie Quarterlands doctor, which is why it looks like that. He could barely see straight, let alone sew.”

Alex kissed it, then moved on to the old bullet wound on his shoulder.

“Showdown with militia in Germany,” Josiah explained. He hadn’t realised just how many scars there were on his body until Alex had mapped them all, one by one, including the couple more he’d acquired during his years working at Inquisitus.

When Alex was done, Josiah leaned forward to place his hands on the wall, capturing Alex between his arms. He held him under the warm spray and kissed him again as the water pounded down on them both .

They were both squeaky clean by the time they finally left the shower.

Josiah grabbed a towel from the heated rail and dried Alex carefully, before Alex reached for a second towel and insisted on doing the same for him.

Then Josiah took his hand and led him to the bedroom.

As soon as they reached the bed, Alex sank down on his knees in front of him and began kissing, licking, and teasing Josiah’s hard cock.

“No.” It took all Josiah’s willpower to stop him.

Alex looked up questioningly.

Josiah put a finger over Alex’s lips. “I want to do something for you. Is that okay?”

Alex smiled and nodded.

Josiah pulled back the duvet and guided Alex onto the bed on his front, with a pillow under his hips. “Just relax and let me do this,” he said. “It’ll be good – I promise.”

Alex gave a happy sigh and rested his head on his hands.

Josiah slid between Alex’s legs and pulled his buttocks apart.

Then he dipped his head and licked between them.

Alex gave a startled mewl of pleasure. Josiah grinned – he’d always loved rimming, and he knew he was good at it.

He took his time, sliding his tongue deep into the dark cleft, enjoying the scent of Alex, the feel of him, and the way he whimpered with pleasure.

He wondered if anyone had ever rimmed Alex in all his years as an IS.

Had anyone ever paid attention to his pleasure, or had it always been about theirs?

Josiah was determined to give Alex the best rimming of his life.

Alex gasped, panted, and writhed ecstatically, so Josiah knew it was working.

He licked inside Alex for a long time, until he was a boneless heap, then he drew back.

Alex glanced at him over his shoulder and opened up wider, clearly inviting Josiah to fuck him.

Josiah shook his head again. “Turn over,” he instructed, helping Alex to lie on his back with a pillow beneath his head. Then he wrapped his mouth around Alex’s cock. Alex gasped and bucked up into him. Josiah paused for a moment, giving him time to settle.

“I should be looking after you,” Alex whimpered.

“No,” Josiah said firmly. “You’ve been taking care of other people for a long time. It’s time someone took care of you. ”

Alex’s eyes were suddenly wet, but he didn’t turn away to hide them; instead, he smiled up at Josiah through his tears, as open and honest as he’d promised.

Josiah kissed him gently, then moved back down and took his cock in his mouth again.

It might have been ages since he’d done this, but he was very good at taking care of the men in his life.

He loved giving pleasure, reducing his partner to a quivering wreck under his caresses, and lovingly bringing him to climax.

He felt the moment Alex abandoned himself to the sensation, surrendering to his skilful tongue.

He felt Alex’s balls tighten, but he continued sucking until Alex had pumped out his come.

Alex tried to twist away, but Josiah held on to him and swallowed, savouring the taste – it’d been so long since he’d had a man’s hard cock in his mouth and his come in his throat.

He didn’t want to miss any part of the experience.

Alex flopped back onto the bed, exhausted and sated. Josiah climbed in beside him and pulled the duvet over them both.

“I should…” Alex moved his hand down to Josiah’s cock.

“No.” Josiah caught his hand and held it, gently. “I wanted this to be all about you.”

“Why?” Alex asked, gazing at him blankly.

“Because you deserve it.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do. You screwed up once, years ago, but you’ve more than paid for that,” Josiah told him emphatically.

“You deserve to be looked after, and cared for, and treated like you matter. After all those years of servitude, it was time – past time – that someone served you. It was my honour, my pleasure, and my privilege.”

Alex buried his head in Josiah’s neck with a muffled sob.

Josiah stroked his hair gently and let him cry it out. “I see you, Alex,” he said softly as he held him. “I see you .”