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I love her.

Over and over again my mind traces the words. I’ve never been in love before. Maybe as a teenager, and there was a girl I thought I loved in my twenties.

But not like this.

This all-consuming feeling that’s equal parts exhilarating and fucking terrifying. What if I lose her? What if I lose Levi? What if they don’t love me back? My own mother didn’t, and that’s supposed to be the purest love.

The drive home is silent except for Levi’s babbling in the back seat, alternating between “shit” and “woo,” his two favourite words. Every time he says “woo,” my heart clenches. I’m surprised I haven’t had a heart attack.

I appreciate that Leah has let me sit in silence—she seems to be processing the events of the day, same as me. Her knuckles are white with how tightly she grips the steering wheel. I want to soothe her, but she’s giving off I-need-to-think vibes. All I want to do is touch her .

My hip isn’t even that sore anymore. It’ll ache after a long day, but I’ve been cleared. Dr. Sharpe said so at my last appointment.

As the night progresses, the silence gets heavier and heavier. I can feel the weight between us and my stomach is in knots. Do I tell her I love her? I don’t know if I’m ready to share that yet. The feeling is still so new to me.

I need to sit with the words in my mind for a bit longer. If I blurt them out the second I think them, I could destroy the one chance I have.

Once Levi is in bed, Leah squares her shoulders and marches over to the couch where I’m icing my hip. My shoulders tense as if bracing for a battle, but it looks like there’s already a war raging inside her. I wait for her to say something.

I wait.

And wait.

Finally she blows out a breath, stealing mine in the process. Uneasiness settles in the pit of my stomach, and I no longer want her to speak. I don’t want to hear what she’s thinking. I just want to kiss her and soothe whatever doubts she’s having.

“How’s your hip?” she finally asks.

My brows raise in surprise. That’s not what I was expecting. “It’s feeling pretty good. Caleb gave me the all clear at my appointment yesterday.”

She nods, digesting the words. “Is the elevator in your building fixed? ”

There it is. The question I’ve been waiting for. We haven’t talked about my apartment in weeks. We haven’t talked about my apartment since I got the call that it was fixed.

“Yes, it is.”

“I think ... I think it would be best if you moved back to your place.” Her voice trembles, but she’s not mincing words. She doesn’t want me here anymore.

Well, no, that’s not what she said. She said it would be best if I left.

“Why?”

It’s her turn to be surprised. “What do you mean, why? This was always going to be temporary.” Her words are loaded with a meaning I don’t understand.

“It doesn’t have to be,” I whisper.

“Julien—”

“Hear me out,” I cut her off, standing so I can face this conversation head-on. To my surprise, her mouth closes and she waits for me to continue. “There’s something between us. You feel it, right?” I silently plead with her to agree.

After a moment’s hesitation, she nods. Relief washes over me.

“That cold apartment I was living in, it’s nothing like living here with you and Levi. And I want to stay.” There it is. It’s not quite “I love you,” but it’s something solid and concrete.

“You want to stay.” It’s not a question but I nod anyway.

“Do you want me to stay? ”

Her face grows guarded. What did I say? We’ve been subconsciously leaning in, and she straightens, realizing it at the same time I do, stepping back to put distance between us.

I hate it.

“Are you staying in Vancouver, or will you be traded at the end of the season?”

Her question hits me like an arrow to my heart. Fuck. Is this why she’s been so distant, so insistent about keeping a barrier between us? I should’ve realised this was a possibility. I’ve been so wrapped up in her and Levi, I didn’t think about the consequences of my job.

There’s nothing I can do about being traded. Leah just got settled here, and she’s in the middle of this huge project with the university. Paige and Adam and Adam’s family are here. I can’t ask her to leave with me. It wouldn’t be fair.

And I’d bet my signing bonus she doesn’t think it would be fair to ask me to stay. Meaning I’d need to retire.

Fuck.

This isn’t a decision I can make lightly, or spur of the moment. Leah’s face is not full of hope, and I think she knows I need to process. It’s why she’s putting space between us, not letting us go further.

She doesn’t want to put me in a position where I have to choose between her and my career. I love her more for it. And I know she’s thinking about Levi—protecting him, and herself, from getting hurt.

Can I blame her ?

Absolutely not. Especially not with Levi in the picture. After everything Ian has put her through, it makes sense she’s wary. I can’t hold a permanent spot in their lives if I might leave in three months.

Three months.

The season is coming to a rapid end, and Paige and Adam’s stag and doe weekend is approaching. My mind whirls with so many possibilities and concerns. Is Leah getting ready for the half marathon?

I know a little about her runs with Paige from what she tells me when she comes home. She’s almost at 10k and I’m so proud of her.

I hate that she’s right.

Moving back to my apartment is the right decision.

It’s then I realize her question wasn’t rhetorical and she’s waiting for an answer.

“I don’t know,” I say finally.

She nods, expecting this. The small smile doesn’t reach her eyes. “Bad timing.”

Two words to sum up the tumultuous feelings inside me. I want to shove her down on the couch and kiss her senseless before carrying her to her room and having her in every way she’ll let me. I want to run, to not have to confront the breaking of my heart. I can’t love this woman the way I want to. The way she deserves.

Bad timing.