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I am ninety-five percent happy for my sister.

Maybe ninety percent.

Watching from the sidelines with a squirmy Levi in my arms, I see Adam place the ring I helped pick out on Paige’s finger. I tried to insist he take our mom’s, but he wouldn’t hear of it, saying I deserved to have it.

I won’t lie, I didn’t realize how much it meant to me until he refused. I would do anything for my sister—hell, I moved countries for her—so it never occurred to me to ask if she was okay with me keeping Mom’s ring. It felt too selfish to consider. Especially since I don’t have plans to get married anytime soon. Or someone to get married to.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get married. It seems I don’t have the best luck with people staying permanent fixtures in my life, whether by their choice or not. With grandparents long since passed and my dad having died when I was old enough to know I would be responsible for helping raise my sister, I thought I knew what it meant to be left. But then my mom died, my fiancé broke off our engagement, and my sister moved. I knew then even though each situation was different, the only person I could rely on was myself.

My son is absolutely feral as he tries to get to Uncle Adam. He’s obsessed with Adam, always wanting to play airplanes and get tickles. I’m so grateful. Levi’s dad never wanted anything to do with him.

Looking back, it’s a blessing, because my ex is a dipshit, and I have more than enough baggage from that relationship to weigh me down for the rest of my life. But without Ian, I wouldn’t have Levi, the one permanent fixture in my life—until he grows up and has a life of his own.

Thinking about the ring sitting in the emerald-green velvet box in my underwear drawer makes tears prick my eyes. Mixed emotions stir within me as the crowd cheers and hollers for the purely happy and absolutely exhausted couple in front of us.

Other runners are coming through the finish line, so the medics help Paige and Adam hobble to the aid tent for a well-deserved rest, massages, and hopefully some food. They don’t let go of each other’s hands the whole time.

“Leah, honey, let me take my little guy,” Maggie whispers, reaching for Levi.

I honestly don’t know what I’d do without Adam’s parents. Maggie has accepted us into the Ashford fold with open arms and, for whatever reason, she’s one of the few people I let help me, even when I don’t ask. Not that I ever ask. I sigh with relief after she lifts the solid thirty-pound eighteen-month-old from my aching arms .

“Go check on Paige and Adam for us,” Maggie says with a smile as Levi starts pulling her hair. She’s an angel, that woman. Even the normally stoic man behind her, Adam’s father, Thomas, melts when Levi starts giggling. I don’t blame him—Levi is irresistible. And in safe hands, so I rush over to my sister and her fiancé.

Fiancé.

That’s going to take some getting used to.

I try not to let my baby sister getting married before me wreck her time in the sun—she deserves so much to be this happy.

Though we’re only two years apart, I’ve done everything first for as long as I can remember. Puberty, graduations, moving out. I prefer it that way so when she has to go through something, I’ve already faced it and can help her through. It’s my job as her older sister, especially since we’re the only family we have. Running is pretty much the one exception, and that’s something I can live with.

Until last year, after she moved from Utah to Vancouver and found herself a ready-made family. Adam is one of four siblings—his two brothers are both married with kids, and his younger sister, Isabel, is a hurricane of energy and love. Then there’s Adam’s parents: Maggie, the dreamer, and Thomas, the rock.

They’ll hear none of my worries that I’m intruding on their family. Paige is family and, therefore, so am I. I’ve been adopted right in.

Most of the time it’s perfect and I can almost forget they aren’t really mine. But that happiness percentage—that ten percent—makes me lonelier than I’ve ever felt in my entire life .

Paige doesn’t need me to be her family anymore. She has so many people she can go to for advice, comfort, love, help. I’m just a single mom, two years older than her. And if I’m an older sister with a sister who doesn’t need me anymore, what am I supposed to do now?

Sure, I have Levi who needs me, and my job, but losing one of my main purposes in my life leaves me with a gaping hole, devoid of purpose.

I shake the thoughts from my head and focus on Paige in her big moment. Two big moments: Getting engaged and crossing the finish line— before Adam—after a two-hundred-and-forty-mile ultramarathon through the desert of Utah. I don’t know which accomplishment is bigger.

“AHHHHHH!” I scream as I launch myself at her. I try to be gentle, but it’s hard when I love my sister so much.

“How did you keep this a secret?!” her tired voice sounds in my ear. She’s delirious with happiness and finish-line adrenaline.

“It was hard, not going to lie, but Adam swore me to silence by threatening to withhold his babysitting services.” It was extremely effective.

Paige laughs, exhausted but full of life. I pull away to see her brimming with tears. I’m shocked she has any moisture left in her. Her skin is salty and gritty, lips chapped. I place my hands on either side of her face as my own tears spill over.

“Mom and Dad would be so proud of you. And so happy. So am I.”

Ninety-five percent .

She grins, her eyes flicking to Adam. These two are magnets. Even two years and thousands of miles couldn’t keep them apart. They found their way back to each other. I love their love story—it’s a real-life fairy tale. But it would probably take me a whole book to tell it.

“I can’t believe I did it,” she breathes. And I know she’s not just talking about the race. She’s spent the better part of the last year overcoming her demons. Therapy, family, running, her dream job. Her dream guy. She has everything she’s ever wanted.

Ninety percent.

The pang hits my chest again. I glance over at Levi, happy as any eighteen-month-old could be in Nana’s arms.

I’ve got my son. I’ve got a dream job too.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath of the hot Utah air.

I’ve missed the heat. I’ve missed feeling dry. When Paige moved to Vancouver to work for the city’s NHL team, I knew she was running away from everything that haunted her in Utah. Even if it was me who sent her the job application and all but forced her to leave.

Our parents’ deaths. Her shitty ex-boyfriend. A job she was fired from. Her life had gone up in flames. I knew she wasn’t running away from me, but she needed space. She needed to find where she belonged. And she did.

After she left, Utah felt so empty for me. I was never one for the outdoors. Give me A/C over fresh air any day. A hike? No thanks, how about a museum instead. A drive through the countryside? Not for me. I’ll take being deep in the city, windows up, stuck in traffic with a true crime podcast.

I was lost. Even with Levi, nothing was keeping me in Utah. And since Ian couldn’t rub two shits together for the baby he’d donated sperm for, I was already toying with the idea of following Paige to Vancouver, as long as she felt okay with that—I didn’t want to crowd her if she was enjoying her space.

And then the accident happened. A normal day, driving home from getting groceries, when I got hit by a drunk driver. The pain, the panic—it was unbearable. The drivers here in Utah are insane.

Seriously, they give zero fucks. And this guy, he gave even less. I’m not sure what had him piss drunk in the middle of a Wednesday, but the accident changed my life.

It almost took my life.

Thankfully, Levi wasn’t hurt, but my recovery was brutal. Paige was here for me through it all, and that was the deciding factor. I packed my boxes as soon as I got the stitches out and was cleared by my surgeon.

Goodbye, Utah.

Hello, Vancouver.

The city is everything I’ve wanted. Busy, diverse, beautiful. Fucking expensive as shit, so my crummy two-bedroom apartment isn’t anything to brag about. But I’ve got a view of the mountains and the ocean. And I have A/C so I can enjoy those views from the inside.

It’s pretty rainy though. We moved there in November last year, and it was a big adjustment. I stayed inside a lot, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, just a lonely thing. The summer was pretty perfect, I’ll admit, and I started to come out of my shell. I’ve met some of Paige’s friends and have gone out with a few of my colleagues.

I’m not sure that counts, though, because the stereotype is true: biomedical engineers make for a bit of a boring lot. Myself included. With my research at a halt, you’d think I’d have more time, but it’s the opposite. I’m stuck trying to advance the new piece of technology I began developing before I moved. It’s one of the reasons the University of Vancouver was so willing to sponsor my work visa. It was promising research.

Unfortunately, the research was more promising than the real-world application, and the wall I’ve hit doesn’t bode well for me. If I don’t come up with the right solution or a new idea in the next year, I might find myself packing up and moving back to the States.

In the meantime, we’re coming up on my second winter in Vancouver, and I’m not exactly looking forward to it.

I don’t do cold and wet.

I do dry and comfortable, sitting on the couch with a giant blanket enveloping me, snuggling with Levi—if he’ll let me. He loves being free, so those baby cuddles are getting fewer and farther between.

Isabel’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. Her long blond hair whips out behind her as she collides with her brother and Paige. Adam laughs and hugs his little sister.

“I am SO excited!” she practically shrieks. “You know what this means, right? ”

Isabel turns to me and that wicked gleam in her eye can only mean she’s about to be a pain in my ass.

“What?” I say, trepidation filling all of my pores.

“We get to plan a wedding!”