Page 12 of Game Changer (Hidden Attractions #2)
Ethan
Ethan Save me. My roommate is fucking someone, and he thinks I’m asleep
Cameron Nice. Ask to join
Ethan I hate you
Cameron What? You’re single, right? Why not get the real college experience?
Ethan Again, I hate you
Cameron What’s the expression? Two’s a crowd, and three’s a party?
Ethan Ending this conversation. Forget I texted
Cameron Is that a no???
~
It’s pointless trying to convince myself that staying away from Maya is for the best when she’s always been the center of my universe.
Even when I tried my hardest not to think about her, it never worked, and seeing her all worked up over the thought of me sleeping with someone else? I’ve got no chance in hell.
I don’t know the reason why she ran away from us, but she said it had nothing to do with me, and where I doubted that before, now I don’t.
Jealousy was written across every single one of her delicate features, which means the connection between us is still there.
So why did she end things? Or is she just the type of person to be possessive about someone she’s had sex with?
She returns to me with curls that remind me of a ’90s bombshell, and damn, is she a sight for sore eyes. Everything about Maya is perfect, but my favorite feature? Her smile. All straight and pearly white, it could make the heavens shake, and I can’t take my eyes off her. Not even for a second.
“I’m still wearing my slippers,” she says, as if I care what her choice of shoes is. “They’re comfortable, and I don’t want to change into wedges if we’re just going to your car.”
I glance down at the furry pink monstrosities bedazzled in tiny silver jewels. “They’re cute.”
“Really?”
“I mean, by themselves, they’re the most awful things I’ve ever seen, but I think you could wear a trash bag and still look cute.” It’s the first time I’ve openly hit on her since we hooked up, and I’m more than pleased to witness her cheeks turning a bright pink.
When we’re inside my car, I pull the lighter from my sweatshirt pocket and light the blunt, seeing her eyes flick down to my lips when I take a long pull from it.
We’re in a secluded part of the parking lot, and since it’s pitch black outside, the way she’s staring at my lips seems a lot more intimate than it probably should.
It forces me to lean over and turn on the radio to ease the tension.
“Here.” I hold it out to her, but she shakes her head. “You don’t want to smoke?”
“I do, I’ve just never done it.”
“Oh, come on. You? Maya, you’re the biggest daredevil I know.
You live for partying, and you mean to tell me you’ve never smoked weed?
” Then, so I don’t sound like an ass, I add, “Not that it matters if you don’t want to smoke.
I’m not trying to peer pressure you or anything.
I can roll the windows down if you want. ”
“No, it’s not that I’ve never wanted to, but my parents disapprove of it.
I know it’s legal, but with the tiny trailer we live in, they would have smelled it on me in a heartbeat.
I didn’t want to take the risk.” She eyes the blunt and asks, “Is it like a cigarette? Because I’ve smoked one of those once but hated the way it made my chest burn. ”
“Kind of.” An idea forms in my mind, and I shouldn’t, I really shouldn’t, but it’s too tempting to pass up. “I could shotgun it to you.”
“Huh?”
“Like I’ll pull from the blunt and blow it into your mouth. Less impactful on your lungs that way, so it might make your chest burn less.”
Her pupils dilate at the suggestion.
Fuck me .
“I guess that’d be okay. Just tell me what to do.”
I shift uncomfortably in the seat, willing my dick to settle the fuck down. This shouldn’t be such a turn-on, but it’s not often that I get to teach her something. I’m a hermit who would prefer to stay indoors, and she’s the adventurous girl who has way more life experience than me.
But this?
She’s going to learn something new from me .
“You’re just going to inhale when I get close to your mouth,” I say.
“That’s it?”
Is it just me, or does she sound breathless?
I nod and lean over the console. “Ready?”
“Yeah,” she replies with a dip of her chin.
Determination oozes from her, so it gives me all the reassurance I need regarding any doubts I might have when I pull a long drag from the blunt.
I hover above her lips and slowly blow the smoke out, watching her mouth part to inhale what I’m giving.
Our eyes lock, and my dick hardens without me being able to control it.
Maya is a flirt, there’s no doubt about it, and those brown eyes of hers have always been the way into her soul.
Lust and desire radiate from them, taunting and teasing me to say fuck her reasons and make a move, but I’ve never been that kind of guy.
I’d never make a move when she verbally told me she didn’t want this.
The moment between us evaporates when she throws an elbow over her mouth and erupts into a fit of coughing when she’s finished. So much for it being easier on the lungs.
Panic bubbles in my chest. “Are you okay?”
After a few more coughs she finally comes up for air, her eyes watering and leaking a few tears. “ Christ ,” she mutters, and then she laughs . The sound is like music to my ears. “How long before it kicks in?”
I shrug. “It’s your first time, so relatively quickly. Especially since we’re hot boxing.”
“I didn’t realize you still smoked.”
“Not as much as I used to, but some nights are more difficult than others.”
She nods as if she understands. “Did things get better after you told Cameron the truth about everything?” My virginity is what she means, but I get why she’s fearful about saying it aloud when she’s the one who took it from me.
I think about my life now that everything is out in the open, but nothing seems to have changed.
Sure, I told Cameron that to help him cope with the loss of his mom I had pretended to be someone I wasn’t when we were in high school, and although that lifted a ton of bricks from my chest, it didn’t improve my life any.
“Things with Cameron are better, but—” I take one last pull from the blunt before I snuff it out. “I don’t know. I think I’ve pretended to be someone I’m not for so long that I’ve forgotten who I am in the process.”
She blows out a harsh breath. “That’s some deep shit, Ethan.”
“It’s the truth. Wearing all those different masks was almost like a crutch. It’s easier to pretend to be someone I’m not than face the reality of who I am.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“Isn’t it? I have no clue what I’m doing with my life, Maya.
I took a gap year thinking my life aspiration would come to me, but I’m not like Maddie.
I wasn’t born with a passion to help others.
The one passion I grew to love I couldn’t hold on to because I was terrified of the pressure that came with it.
It seems like everyone I graduated with is off chasing their dreams, but I got left behind.
Being here? It’s because it’s what I should be doing, but there are nights that I sit in this car and wonder why I’m wasting my time.
” My biggest fears escape me like word vomit, but there’s no one on the planet who knows me like Maya.
The real me. Our ice-cream nights let me be the most vulnerable version of myself, so spilling my guts to her doesn’t make me anxious.
If anything, it’s like falling back into an old routine. It’s natural .
“You’re not the only one who feels that way,” she whispers.
“I’m trying to make my parents proud because being a cosmetologist isn’t enough.
I hate everything about school. All I want to do is travel the world and make people feel beautiful, you know?
It’s so simple, and yet it isn’t. My parents need help.
They need to be taken care of financially.
But I don’t like feeling as if I’m chained to Arizona for eternity because of them.
” She sighs. “I’m not trying to discount what you’re saying or make this about me, but you should know you’re not alone in the whole finding yourself thing.
Without my parents here to watch my every move, I have no idea who I am with all this freedom, or what that means for my future. ”
Who knew two people could be so different yet go through such similar struggles?
Maya craves travel, whereas I would prefer to stay in Arizona, where I’m most comfortable.
This is another reason why I didn’t want to play professional football.
Traveling every weekend to a new state sounds like getting your teeth pulled to me and isn’t something I want.
She erupts into an uncontrollable fit of giggles, and it’s so fucking cute that I find myself laughing too. “Oh, god. We’re high, aren’t we? That’s why we’re talking about our deepest, darkest secrets.”
No . Well, maybe she is, but I’m confiding in her because she’s always felt like a safe place for me to do so. It’s nothing to do with the weed and everything to do with my feelings for her.
“I think you’re high.”
She bites her cheek to stop laughing, but it’s no use. She’s doubled over again, and it takes a minute or so to come up for air. “Maybe this is the year we find ourselves,” she pants.
She doesn’t realize how much effort I’m making to do just that. Since setting foot on campus, my mission has been to find myself and figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life.
“And maybe we can do it together if you ever answer me about being friends again,” she adds.
“We’re hanging out now, aren’t we?”
She rolls her eyes. “Come on. Be serious.”
“Says the person who can’t stop laughing.
” When she remains straight-faced, I grip the steering wheel and rest my head back on the headrest. “I want to be friends again, Maya, but I don’t want to be tentative friends.
I want things to go back to the way they used to be, and I don’t want you to tiptoe around my feelings or worry about my ego or anything.
I’m a big boy who can handle rejection, and while it still hurts, I’ll get through it.
I’d rather have you in my life as my friend than not have you at all, but I want you as my true friend. How we were before we slept together.”
“Are you sure?” she asks. “I don’t want to lead you on, Ethan.”
“Flirtatious comments, sexual innuendos, and a dirty mouth are who you are, Maya. I don’t think you’re leading me on. It’d be weird if you weren’t like that. As I said before, I’ll be fine. I want the same as you. To be friends.”
Her eyes linger on mine for a beat too long. “Right. Friends.”
That term doesn’t feel right to label the connection we have, but it’s the one she wants to use, so I’ll have to accept it.
Maybe she’s right about finding ourselves together, and while it’ll be helpful to have someone struggling with the same thing, it’s also going to be difficult to remain emotionally detached and treat her as nothing more than a friend.
And when Maya reaches into her bra to pull out a ChapStick, exposing half her chest to me, I internally curse and shift my eyes to the ceiling of the car.
This is going to be so hard .
Fuck. I must have said that out loud because Maya giggles for the umpteenth time and shouts, “That’s what he said!”
But just like that, things seem to return to normal.