Page 19 of Gaining the Heart of a Gemini (BLP Signs of Love #15)

Realization.

I’d lost my best fucking friend.

I felt so lost in the world. Every day was a battle to keep going, but I had to for my mother and sister. They needed me. I was now the only man of the family which meant I had no other choice but to keep it together for them.

Only thing was, I wasn’t sure how to grieve.

When my grandparents passed, I was younger. It hurt losing them, but losing Papi deemed to be the hardest thing I’d ever experienced in life.

I could no longer pick up the phone to call him.

I could no longer pop up on him.

I could no longer hear his laugh or see his smile.

There was so much shit I could no longer do because he wasn’t here, and that didn’t sit well with me.

Anytime I thought about it, which was often, the tightness balled in my chest. It took hours to get it to go away, and even then, it never fully did.

I didn’t feel like myself. I don’t believe I ever would again.

Every day, I checked in on Mama, but I couldn’t bring myself to go to the house. Truthfully, I wasn’t sure how she remained there. There were too many memories. Every inch of the house reminded me of Papi. It was too painful.

The longer I lay there, thinking about him, the harder it was to swallow my emotions. For twenty days, I’d been managing to hold them in and sit in the darkness of my mind. With each passing day, I was slowly losing my way. A release was needed, but I didn’t enjoy the feeling of weakness.

The darkness had become comforting, but as the day went on, a stream of light began to pierce through.

Before I could realize what was going on, I was standing on Parrish’s doorsteps.

It was crazy how I always found my way to her, especially when I needed her most. With how mean I’d been, I would be surprised if she wanted to see me, but I needed her.

I fucking needed her.

I swallowed my pride and rang her doorbell. Within seconds, she was standing there, looking up at me. The moment our eyes connected, the light completely overshadowed the darkness, and I sobbed.

Parrish gently pulled me inside, closed the door behind me, and embraced me. I wrapped my arms around her, feeling like I was home again.

“It’s okay, Klay. Let it out,” she encouraged, rubbing her nails up and down my back.

“I can’t believe he’s gone, Mami. I fuckin’ miss him.”

“I know. I know.”

The gut-wrenching cry coming from within me was unrecognizable.

I fell to my knees with Parrish still holding onto me.

She held me tighter, and I could hear the sniffles leaving from her nose.

I wasn’t sure how long we sat on the ground, or how long I cried, but by the end of it, my eyes were swollen.

The thumping in my head was a clear indicator I hadn’t been taking care of my body.

I couldn’t remember the last time I ate anything, and my body was letting me know I needed some type of fuel. Even if it was something small, I had to eat.

Finally, I sat back and wiped my face. Parrish quickly disappeared, and when she returned, she had a warm washcloth in her hand.

I tried to take it from her, but she squatted in front of me and cleaned my face.

Gently, I gripped her wrist to stop her.

We intently stared at one another. Parrish was the first to look away.

“I’m sorry, Mami. I haven’t been handling my emotions the best way, and I’ve been taking it out on you. For that, I truly apologize.”

“I understand you’ve been grieving, but you fuckin’ hurt my feelings, Klay. All I wanted to do was be there for you. You know that, but you chose to push me away.”

“It was wrong of me,” I admitted with a sigh. “I needed you.”

Parrish sat down and sternly expressed, “You can’t do that shit to me ever again, Klay.

In two weeks, we will be married. Life will continue, and life will happen.

We will both experience hurt and need one another.

We will get mad at one another and have to make up.

We will need to lean on one another more than anyone, and if that’s something you can’t do, then let me know because I refuse to let you do that to me again. ”

“I promise to never push you away again. If I need space, I’ll let you know, but I won’t forcefully make you leave my side.

That’s something I’ll never want. You see I ended up here.

Despite all my fuckin’ darkness, you were the light I needed.

I know now that I need you more than anyone else to get through life.

You think I’m crazy enough to fuck that up again? ”

“You better not be. I’d hate to show you I’m truly Patrick Wells’s daughter.”

With my hand around the back of her neck, I hungrily kissed her lips. She straddled me, and I could feel the heat from her center. The little ass shorts she wore were easily pulled to the side. Never breaking our kiss, I lifted my hips to slide my shorts and boxers down.

Parrish slid down on me, and we hummed in unison.

For a moment, she was still. Her eyes were closed as she rested her forehead against mine.

Slowly, she rocked her hips. I was deep inside her, feeling my head massaging her spot with each rock.

Her head flung back with her mouth slightly agape.

My hands slid underneath her shirt, going up to her breasts.

I allowed her to take control until she was leaking all over me. Once she came down from her high, I lifted her up and took her upstairs, remaining inside her.

An hour later, I lay there, watching Parrish sleep. The realization of her being a big part of my life set in, making me smile for the first time in weeks. When I said she was the light to my darkness, I meant that.

I’d do anything to protect.

I’d do anything to please her.

I’d do anything to support her.

I’d do anything to love her.

Even if that meant keeping myself in check, digging deep to heal the fucked-up parts of me, I would. Parrish deserved the world, and I planned on giving it her.

I brushed a piece of hair out her face and kissed her forehead. “I love you, Mami.”