Page 11 of Gaining the Heart of a Gemini (BLP Signs of Love #15)

Vulnerability.

For weeks, I’d known something was off with Papi.

He hadn’t been eating, talking, or acting normal.

Anytime I called him, stopped by, or sat with him for his treatments, he slept most of the time.

While he was sleep, he would groan in pain.

The nurses were doing everything they could to keep him comfortable, but when they started whispering and suggested we follow up with his doctor, I knew it was bad.

“Wh-what do you mean it spread?” Mama stammered and swallowed hard. She peered over at me and Karmen then back at the doctor. “Spead where?”

I didn’t hear anything the doctors said.

Immediately, I went numb, and everything around me went black.

It felt as if the walls had turned black and gradually started caving in on me.

I closed my eyes, ready to accept the fate of my mind shutting down, when Karmen’s shrill scream brought me back to reality.

My hand wrapped around the arm of her chair, pulling hers closer to mine.

I sat in the middle of Mama and Karmen, so I held both my hands out for them to grab.

Mama laced her fingers in mine while using her other hand to rub up and down her thigh, while Karmen wrapped her arm around mine with her head resting on it.

Her tears soaked through my sleeve as her sniffles vibrated against it.

“I’m afraid the cancer has spread to his bones in the pelvis and spine. It is slowly working its way to his ribs as well. This explains why he’s been sleeping more. His body is exhausted, trying to cope with the pain and fight everything off,” the doctor explained.

The pad of my thumb rubbed the back of my mother’s hand as I questioned, “What exactly does that mean?”

“It may be time to call in hospice. The nurses are doing everything they can to keep Mr. Ramirez comfortable, but from what I see, the treatments aren’t working how we hoped. I would suggest switching up a few things if you all are open to it.”

“What kind of things?”

“Medication and treatment. We have a few other options we can look into to keep Mr. Ramirez comfortable for as long as we can.”

Mama’s hand trembled in mine. I raised the back of it to my lips and kissed it. The doctor was giving us news we didn’t want or expect to hear, and it would affect us all differently.

I glanced over at my mother, whose brown skin was a few shades lighter. Her mouth slightly hung open, and like her hands, her bottom lip quivered. Silent tears freely escaped from her eyes. The far-off look in them worried me. I’d seen it far too many times during Papi’s illness.

“Mama,” I gently whispered with a slight shake of her thigh.

“I’m still here, Son. Just processing.”

The doctor cleared his throat and said, “A decision doesn’t need to be made today, but I would suggest by the end of the week so we can plan and adjust. I understand this is tough on all of you.

Be sure to stick together and thoroughly talk things out to where you all are on the same page.

Call my nurse whenever you have decided. ”

With that, the doctor and his nurse excused themselves from the room. The second the door closed behind them, Karmen covered her face with her hands and bawled.

Mama stood up and smoothed her dress out. “Tend to your sister, Klayton. I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going, Mama?”

“I need a minute alone. Don’t worry. I’ll be right back.”

She left, so I snatched a few tissues off the desk and removed Karmen’s hands from her face. “Qué te diría Papi sobre el lanto (What would Papi tell you about crying)?”

“Para chupar mierda y seguir Adelante (To suck shit up and keep going).” Karmen took the tissues from me, smirking. “He’d be on my ass bad right now.”

“You damn right he would. Only thing is, he’s not here right now.”

Karmen slowly nodded her head with the tissue pressed against her nose. She closed her eyes and fell into me. I embraced her, letting her take the time she needed to cry. The news was a hard fucking pill to swallow.

In between sniffles, Karmen questioned, “What if he doesn’t live much longer, Klay? What are we going to do?”

“Let’s not think about that. Let’s focus on deciding the next step from here. Papi is an OG. He doesn’t let shit get him down for long.”

“He’s already been down long enough. I’m afraid this may be the one thing to take him out.”

Deep down, I was too, but it wasn’t no shit I’d admit out loud. Regardless of how I felt, I had to keep a strong front for my girls. They were breaking down right before my eyes, so the last thing I could do was crumble.

When five minutes passed and Mama hadn’t returned, Karmen and I went to look for her.

We found her on the third floor, gazing at the newborn babies through the window.

She didn’t budge when we stood next to her.

Karmen laid her head on Mama’s shoulder while I wrapped my arms around them both.

I kissed the top of Mama’s head and expelled an exasperated sigh.

“There’s something about the innocence of babies that calms me. Their lives are just starting, unfamiliar with the pain that sometimes comes with it,” Mama expressed. “I worry this is something Javier won’t get to experience.”

“What?” Karmen asked.

“Witnessing us become grandparents. We talk about it all the time. The two of you have brought us an immense amount of joy since the second I found out I was carrying you, so we knew grandbabies would probably triple that joy.” Mama paused and nuzzled her head on my chest. “This is probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with in my life.

To see the strongest man I know so damn weak from cancer. ”

I lifted my face to the ceiling to keep my emotions at bay. The cracking in my mother’s voice almost broke me, but when I heard Karmen crying again, I had to get it together.

I cleared my throat and spoke. “It’s tough as fuck, but we’re helping him through this. We’re helping one another through this. Life isn’t always what we expect it to be. It’s up to us to make the best out of situations regardless of how damn rocky they can be.”

“You’re right, Son. You’re right.”

We stood there in silence for about ten minutes before Mama was ready to go. None of us had the mental or emotional stability to talk about what would be best for Papi, so we went our separate ways and planned to meet the next day.

Once I was alone in the back of the truck, I started slipping away.

Again, everything around me became dark.

So dark that I didn’t remember making it home nor getting in the shower.

Everything was a fucking blur. My world was crashing down piece by piece, right on top of me, and I didn’t have the strength or desire to protect myself.

My doorbell ringing returned me to the light. Unsure of who could be at my home, I checked the cameras to see Parrish standing on my porch. My brows met in the middle as I got up and went to see what she was doing here.

I opened the door, and her graceful scent kissed my nose. She offered me a close-lipped smile and wave. The way her presence made me feel was unusual. All the negativity coursing through my body began to disappear. My emotions started rising to the surface, and I had to check myself.

“What are you doing here, mami?”

Parrish pursed her lips together with her nostrils flared. “What do you mean? You asked me to come.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“You did.”

Parrish held her finger up and scrolled through her phone. She turned it toward me, showing me proof that she was correct. I unlocked my phone and went to my messages. My head hurt thinking about when I texted her. I couldn’t remember anything once I stepped foot out the hospital.

“I can leave if you want me to,” Parrish stated, turning around. I gently gripped her by the wrist to stop her. She removed my hand from it but didn’t let my hand go. She carefully observed it before informing me, “Your hand is shaking, Klay. Are you okay?”

I snatched it from her and headed back to my living room. To my surprise, she was right behind me after she closed and locked my door. I plopped down on my couch, running my hands up and down my face. Parrish sat next to me, intently gazing at me.

“Klay?”

Verbally, I didn’t answer her. I turned to stare at her, realizing how pretty she looked with no makeup. Her skin was smooth and blemish free. Whatever she put on it had her glowing, matching her aura. From the way her expression softened, I could sense she was worried about me.

Finally, I spoke. “I don’t remember texting you. I don’t remember anything after we left the hospital.”

“Hospital? Is Javier okay?”

“The cancer has spread into his bones and lymph nodes. The treatments he’s been receiving aren’t helping him, so the doctor wants to try something different.”

Parrish’s hands flew to her mouth. “Oh, Klay. I’m so sorry to hear that. Do you mind if I give you a hug?”

Without waiting for me to answer, Parrish scooted closer to me and draped her arms around my neck.

Hesitantly, I slithered my arms around her body, head resting on her full breasts.

She felt so damn good against my body, like nothing I’d ever experienced.

Her embrace was soothing to me. I closed my eyes and once again felt my emotions racing to the surface.

Shit was too much. I tried to pull away from Parrish, but she held me tighter.

“Let me be here for you. Let me be strong for you. This shit is tough, Klay, and it’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s only us here.”

“I’m good.”

“No, you’re not. I can feel it in my chest. You’re fighting your feelings.

From the way your body is quivering, and you keep trying to push me away lets me know you’ve been holding them in for some time.

I haven’t forgotten about the conversation we had at dinner, Klay.

If we’re going to get married, if you’re going to let me learn to love you, then I’m the one person you can’t hold back from. ”