Page 17

Hywel

I woke up to a loud knocking sound and to hair in my mouth.

I spluttered, and when I sat up too fast I almost hit my head on the roof.

Of Macsen’s car. Where we had fucked. Then fallen asleep.

Well, fuck. The sun was streaming through foggy windows, so we must’ve been asleep all through the night.

Surprisingly, despite the acrid hangover taste in my mouth I felt good.

Like some of the weight had dropped from my shoulders.

The knocking was coming from one of the steamed up windows.

“Huh?” Macsen had been thrown off me as I sat up, and he looked around groggily before coming to the same horrifying realisation I had.

I pulled up my jeans, which I’d fallen asleep with still around my ankles.

Macsen was on full display still and his pants and trousers were in the footwell so I threw him the blanket to cover himself.

I rubbed at the window in a circle to clear the steam only to find myself face to face with a very stern looking middle aged lady in a high-vis jacket. “You can’t be parked here overnight,” she half-shouted through the window. “Better move on or I’m going to have to ticket you.”

I nodded my understanding at her, and she walked away slowly, looking back at the car as she did.

“Busted,” I said, looking at Macsen with a weak smile.

Was he going to hate me? He was still dressed in his leather jacket and t-shirt, his hair was sticking up in every direction and his beard looked scraggly.

We’d both been tipsy the night before when we decided to fuck.

Would he pretend it had never happened, just like before?

My eyes travelled down his body to his exposed leg, the blanket barely covering the cock I’d been craving.

“Let’s go. This whole fucking car smells like sex.” He leaned down to grab his shorts and pulled them on. I averted my eyes in politeness like I hadn’t just been trying my hardest to use X-Ray vision through the blanket. “Can’t be bothered with a 70 pound fine, can you?”

I shook my head. So that is how we were playing it. Fuck, deny, forget, repeat. Cool. I could do that.

Without any other words exchanged, we both got up — Macsen winced visibly and rubbed at his arse, which gave me a stupid sense of satisfaction — and got into the front of the car. The days were getting colder as we got further into December.

An awkward couple of minutes ensued where still neither of us spoke as the heaters did their best to defog the windscreen.

Once enough of the road was visible through the window Macsen put his foot down and got us out of Aberystwyth as quickly as he could, weaving through the streets and into the country lanes at a speed which was quite frankly terrifying.

Was he that keen to get out of my proximity?

And was he forgetting that when we got back, we would still be forced into the same building?

Macsen pulled up outside the garage and got out of the car, and I was reminded of my first night back as I got out and had to follow him as quickly as I could.

When I got to the top of the stairs, Macsen was boiling the kettle. He’d set out two mugs and as I watched added coffee and two sugars to my usual mug.

He poured the water in and stirred, adding milk to his but not to mine. Just how I liked it. “Truce?” he asked, holding out the mug for me with a weak smile.

“I didn’t know we needed one.” I crossed the room to the kitchen to grab the mug.

“Really? You don’t think, after everything that happened…” Macsen tailed off. I felt like I was witnessing an entirely different side to him, an insecurity I’d never really noticed in him before.

“I don’t think we need to worry about it, no. I enjoyed, I presume you enjoyed. What’s more to talk about?”

“You mean you don’t want to talk about it?”

“You’re just going round in circles now, Mac. What are you trying to say?”

Macsen hesitated. “You haven’t called me Mac since you came back. Since I was sixteen .”

“Sorry, old habits. So what is there to talk about? You went to Aberystwyth to get laid, you got laid. Sure, I wouldn’t have chosen to sleep in a car and my back is feeling it today, but we both got what we wanted.

I didn’t think you were the kind of guy to fuck and talk about it.

In fact, I thought that was the opposite of your M-O.

Just like last time. We can fuck around and you can pretend it never happened, until the next time.

And then you can do the same again. On and on until I leave and go back to London and you can pretend you never slept with me. ”

I realised the venom and insecurity that had slipped into my own voice.

“And that’s why we needed that truce,” Macsen smirked.

But the vulnerability was still there, just below the surface.

I took a second to breathe, but Macsen took that to actually talk.

“I fuck and go, OK? I usually top, and I fuck and go and I certainly don’t cuddle afterwards.

If I go to Aberystwyth for a fuck, I make sure it’s with someone who’s not gonna want to hold me in bed.

I set an alarm and I’m out as soon as I’m sober enough to drive.

And then I rarely see the fucker ever again. ”

“Well I’m sorry for giving a little aftercare, I guess.”

“Don’t be! You’ve already upended every other bit of my life.

” Macsen slammed the coffee cup down on the counter, and coffee sloshed out of the sides.

I resisted the urge to grab a rag and clean it up.

“I was looking forward to living by myself, and then you came along and tidied everything up and gave me fucking good conversation and someone to game with. Then you blew me and blew my fucking mind, and now you’ve become one of the best fucks of my life.

I wanted to hate you! And then I could deal with tolerating you, and even using you for a fuck.

But now? I like you. I fucking like you.

I give a fuck about you. And that’s going too fucking far. ”

“Wow, that was a lot of fucks.” I smirked despite myself. “But seriously, I’m happy to talk about it. If that’s what you need.”

Macsen picked up his cup and glared at me over the top, then took a sip. It was half empty, most of it now dripping off the counter and onto the floor. It was enough to make my eye twitch. When he didn’t talk, I started.

“I’m attracted to you, you’re attracted to me. That much is obvious, I think.” Macsen took a second before nodding in agreement. “So, what do we do about it? Well, what we’ve ended up with so far obviously isn’t working.”

“Obviously,” Macsen drawled.

“So. Truce, like you said. I’ll be here for at least another week or two, whenever Beca decides to go back to her own place, and we can’t keep tiptoeing around each other between hidden shags.

So let’s just agree to be as normal as we can around one another.

If things happen, they happen. In fact, I’ll lay my cards on the table.

I’d be pretty fucking thrilled if more stuff happens again.

The last two times have been hot and we clearly have chemistry. ”

“If you say so.” Macsen was being deliberately annoying, I could see the twinkle in his eye. What an about turn.

“…and if you want a cuddle afterwards, I promise I won’t tell everyone. Your macho no cuddles attitude will be my secret to take to the grave.” I smirked back at him. Macsen might have even blushed under his beard.

It took probably a solid minute before he responded. “Fine. But don’t expect me to hold your hand around the village. I don’t know what this is, but I’m not making things even more complicated than they already are.”

“Deal.” I stuck out a hand for him to shake and Macsen completely ignored it.

“I’m going to have a shower,” he said.

I sighed audibly and he turned back to look at me, hand on the bathroom door handle. “What?”

“If we’ve got this…peace now, would you be willing to cut your showers down by like five minutes? The water’s always freezing when I get in because you use all the hot water.”

Macsen smiled slyly. “No way. I like my showers long and hot.”

“Fine then,” I said, trying not to rock the boat so soon after it had almost tipped over completely. Bastard.

“If you want a hot shower…it might just be a bit of a tight squeeze.” Macsen jerked his head, and left the bathroom door open for me as he pulled his t-shirt up and over his head and dropped his jeans.

Fuck . I walked toward the bathroom, shedding my clothes along the way until I collided with Macsen’s naked form under the water.

We kissed lazily as we stroked one another to a satisfying finish.

It was freeing, knowing that this was allowed now.

That I wouldn’t have the silent treatment just for acting on my cravings.

And knowing that Macsen was just as willing a participant as I was.

Once we’d finished, Macsen didn’t pull away as I expected.

Instead, he let me help him clean off his body under the hot spray and returned the favour.

His callused knuckles drifting soap down my chest made me wish I had the stamina of a teenager again.

Instead, we just enjoyed the feelings and sensations.

Every now and then I would kiss Macsen, feeling the water running off his beard and onto my chest.

We stayed under the water until it ran cold.

◆◆◆

I still had Macsen on my mind when I went into town later on.

On impulse, I stopped in at the charity shop before I visited any of the individual business.

“Hi,” I said to the lady behind the counter.

Sara? my mind supplied very unhelpfully.

Whoever she was, I was certain she’d been a few years younger than me in school.

She smiled back at me and went back to sorting through some bags of donations.