Page 13 of Full Body Hit, Part 2 (Alpha Omega Hockey #6)
“ No. I didn’t know either. Not for most of it, I fucking swear to you—I got on that app just the same as you did. I had no idea it was you.”
It took a few beats for that to reach Chase through the chaos. “But you knew it was me. You told Sammy and Noah—you knew .”
“I found out when you were here during your concussion. The coincidences suddenly…everything made sense.”
Chase wrapped an arm around his stomach. “And you didn’t tell me. Why? Why keep stringing me along? You kept going even though you knew! Why? Why? ”
Auston’s hands were in front of him, palms up—pleading. “Because you were going to fucking leave me if I told you!”
The words were loud, a boom quieting everything else, even the mess in Chase’s head.
“I wanted you to like me , Auston , enough to believe me when I finally told you.”
“Believe what?” Chase burst out.
“That I fucking love you.” The words sliced through Chase one by one. “That I—me, right here, and not just the guy on the phone—love you.”
Chase stood there, staring. They’d never said the word ‘love.’ Despite everything they’d talked about, the insinuations of meeting and mating, they’d never touched that word.
To hear it now hurt .
Auston swayed in place. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for all the shit I put you through, and for being a coward, for keeping this from you. I just wanted to…to keep you.”
Chase tried to process that. “I…I need to sit down.”
He didn’t wait for a response, turning and going to the couch. He couldn’t think and stay upright anymore.
Auston followed him, steps slow. He hovered there, but Chase couldn’t look at him.
Auston had found out weeks ago. Had figured out it was Chase , and his reaction had been to…befriend him?
“But you didn’t even like me,” Chase whispered. “It doesn’t make sense. You find out it’s me and just…keep going? Even though you disliked me in real life?”
“No. That’s exactly what I’m saying—that’s not what fucking happened. Chase, everything I’ve told you has been true.”
Chase’s gaze shot up, anger lancing him.
Auston held up his hands. “I lied about this, but everything else—the fact that it was your lack of scent that fooled me. These past few weeks, me trying to get to know you—I wasn’t fucking pretending.
It wasn’t all a big ruse. I was just trying to…
measure up to Aunix. Don’t you see? The problem isn’t that I didn’t like you—it was that you didn’t like me . ”
Chase stared at him. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Yes, it does. It does . I’m the fucking idiot here, Chase.
Me. I’m the one who made all the mistakes.
I’m the fucking unlikeable one. I realised it the instant I figured out who you were—who Charlie was.
I didn’t want you to fucking…leave me. That’s it.
I’m not telling you to forgive me, but don’t for one fucking second think that what I feel isn’t real. That I don’t fucking love you.”
That goddamn word again. It would have been devastating from Aunix. From Auston…?
God. God.
What the fuck was happening?
Chase scrambled to keep hold of the hurt. The betrayal. He hadn’t deserved to be deceived. Whatever Auston felt, the truth hadn’t been his to keep from Chase.
And yet, from the dark pit of him, there was…relief. Pleasure. A black, thick thing that oozed out like oil.
Auston wanted him. Enough to cheat and lie. Enough to tangle himself up in knots. He’d realised it was Chase he was talking to and instead of being disgusted, instead of pulling away, he’d tried to befriend him—to woo him—for weeks.
“This is so fucked up,” Chase croaked. This was fucked up. Not flattering. Not to be taken as proof that Auston really did love him—both versions of him.
Auston had proved to be capable of lying right to Chase’s face. “I just…how am I supposed to trust you now? If you can keep something this big under wraps…”
Auston barked out a laugh. “I mean, didn’t do a fucking good job of it, though, did I?
I’ve been fucking going crazy seeing you every day and not being able to…
do anything about it. Couldn’t keep myself straight when we talked on the phone, or when we were alone together, or—” He shook his head.
“I’ve been jealous of myself . That’s how fucked I’ve been.
Trying to get you to like me. I mean, have I been that subtle? Really?”
The last few weeks paraded before Chase—the intense looks and intimate conversations. The moment in the car, Auston’s hand on Chase’s cheek, so close they could just fall into a kiss.
How Auston had sent Sammy and Noah after him the second he’d thought Chase was in trouble, even if it had bitten him in the ass.
No. Thinking back on it all, Auston hadn’t been subtle. Chase just hadn’t thought to question the change in behaviour.
Silence stretched. Chase shut his eyes, exhaustion a fist squeezing his head.
Jesus, he couldn’t even think anymore. “I…I need to go home.”
Auston took a deep, audible breath. “Okay.”
Chase got up, body creaking, joints tense and sore. He put his shoes on in a haze, almost forgetting his coat.
“Chase,” Auston called out as Chase went to open the door.
Chase stopped, glancing to the side, just enough to catch Auston in his periphery.
“I’m not saying I deserve it, but if you ever feel like you can give me a second chance…I’ll do anything. I’ll do anything for you.”
The words rocked through him. I’ll do anything for you .
Was that a good thing or a bad thing?
Chase nodded, finally opening the door and stepping out.