Page 8 of From the Ashes (Redwood Bay Fire #2)

CHAPTER 8

Zahir

“This is so nice!” Yara says happily as we pile out of her Barbie-pink Honda Civic. I told her I could probably just walk to the beach like usual, but she argued the whole point of a group excursion was to carpool.

Lili and Teddy exit the back seats, and Lili shields her eyes to look out toward the ocean. “It’s windy, but hopefully that means most people will be in the water making the most of the waves rather than on the beach.”

“I brought sunscreen,” Teddy says earnestly, hefting an impressively big bag onto his shoulder. “And plenty of snacks and water.”

Lili snorts. “Thanks, Probie. I brought my bikini, a six-pack, and not much else.”

I chuckle as Yara locks up the car and we start our decent to Redwood Bay’s namesake beach. I’ll admit, it is nice to have an excuse to get everyone together and make a day of it. That’s probably why Captain Valentine approved the meet-up in the first place, even if he couldn’t make it himself.

Usually, it’s not encouraged for first responders to socialize with people we’ve tended to. However, the invitation from the Adamses came via Anton, as his daughter, Rebecca, and Nevaeh are good friends at school. Apparently, Mrs. Adams is keen for Nevaeh not to become afraid of getting back into the water after her ordeal, which I wholeheartedly agree with. She invited Yara and I along for a beach picnic so we can help assure her it’s perfectly safe, as well as the rest of Rebecca’s family. That then turned into a general invite for the entire One-Thirteen, most of whom jumped at the opportunity.

It’s sweet that even though we work together, we spend a lot of our free time in each other’s company, too. They really are like a second family to me. But outside of events like birthdays, it’s unusual to have such an enthusiastic turnout, especially at such short notice.

For Nevaeh’s sake, I’m grateful. What better way to prove to her that she has nothing to worry about when it comes to swimming again? So long as she stays closer to the shore and away from the riptides in the future, of course. I don’t doubt she’ll have a lifelong respect for the water now, though.

“Hey, guys!”

I turn and pause halfway down the path that leads to the sand, smiling at the now familiar sight of Lochlan and his boyfriend, Dario. They wave as they start to follow us, their two dogs eagerly bounding in front of them to greet us before charging on ahead. Queenie is a stocky, slobbery British bulldog who rocks down each step like a little tank. Whereas Rocky is a gangly Dalmatian pup who careens up and down several times at lighting speed, barely managing to stay upright as he tries his best to take everyone’s legs out from under them.

“Oh, be careful!” Dario cries at us with a wince while Lochlan laughs apologetically.

“Sorry,” he tells us. “My son still doesn’t have any manners, but we’re working on it.”

“It’s fine,” I assure them as we all begin our climb down once more. “They’re just having fun.”

My heart warms seeing Lochlan holding hands with his new boyfriend. He took a slightly scenic route recently into discovering his true sexuality. But now he’s found his man, he’s never seemed happier. I wish them nothing but the best.

And if I feel a minuscule pang of regret in my chest in that moment, that’s nobody’s business but mine. I can acknowledge to myself if no one else that this whole Colton Ross incident has been tough. Hearing Yara’s commentary on it has been even tougher. She’s brought to life a couple of home truths that I’ve done my best to ignore for years.

Coming face to face with Colt made them almost impossible to hide from any longer.

I’ve never loved so freely or so fiercely like I did with him. I’ve tried convincing myself that was mostly down to teenage hormones and the throes of the many firsts we shared together. But after all this time, I think I finally have to admit that a part of me has consciously held back ever since, terrified of getting burned the way I did with him.

There were always good excuses to break up with the guys I dated in my twenties and then the ones I refused to even bother getting close to in my thirties. Or at least, that’s what I told myself. But deep down, I knew it was because I didn’t trust they weren’t lying about how they really felt. Because I believed Colt when he told me I was the most important person in the world to him. I believed him when he said we’d be together forever.

I know we were just kids. But his sudden departure left an indelible mark on my soul, a fissure in my heart that has never fully healed…and it’s possible it never will.

This pivotal moment in my life felt like a warning that to be loved was to be vulnerable. He’d been the only one I’d trusted during that time in my life. Everyone else at that school—students, parents, teachers—they all treated me like an outsider for my religion, my class, my skin tone, and even if they didn’t consciously know it, my sexuality. Colt was the only person I let see my true self.

And it wasn’t good enough for him to come out for or to stick around town or to even keep in touch with.

So, yeah. When I look at Lochlan and Dario as they walk hand in hand, I feel proud for them and wish them nothing but the best for their future ahead. But I also see a glimpse of the kind of life I’m not sure I’ll ever allow myself to have.

I can’t help but morn that a little.

But today isn’t about me. I’m quickly reminded of that as we head to the spot where Anton said they’d settled, and our gaggle is met by the squeals of three excitable children. “They’re here! They’re here!” Rebecca cries, waving her arms as if she’s directing a plane to come in for landing.

“Hi, Becca Bean!” Yara yells back, waving back with just as much enthusiasm.

Rebecca, Nevaeh and Dashel all come running over to us, but the dogs meet them first, barking and jumping around with frantically wagging tails. The mood is jovial as we start laying blankets, erecting beach umbrellas for shade, and cracking open drinks and food. Anton is already set up with his daughter, and he’s joined by his best friend—also our colleague—Sawyer Nelson, as well as his ex-wife and her new husband.

Meagan had been engrossed in conversation with Elizabeth, Nevaeh’s mom, but she jumps up to hug us all as we set up around her. I adore that she’s been Anton’s number one fan since he had the courage to come out despite his family’s objections. Their divorce was swift and friendly, and Anton was even one of her bridesmen when she got married to Brent recently.

Rebecca’s stepdad is eager to help everyone pitch their beach umbrellas so there’s good shade coverage for those that want it. Lili stubbornly spreads her towel on the burning sand and flops down on it in her skimpy bikini like a starfish, informing all of us we can only disturb her if it’s time to turn over and cook her back. Yara is already passing around homemade sandwiches. Teddy hands out water while Sawyer hands out beer, and the kids frolic with the dogs at the edge of the surf.

It’s a pretty picturesque scene.

“How’s Nevaeh feeling?” I ask Elizabeth as I pluck a couple of grapes from a bunch to eat.

She nods and sighs happily. “I think today was exactly what she needed. I’ve also signed her up to some advanced swimming lessons. But just being here and seeing life going on as usual for all these other people has given her confidence. We had a nice talk with one of the lifeguards not on duty when we arrived as well, but honestly, having all you guys show up has made her feel like a celebrity.”

“I think she can be an honorary member of the One-Thirteen now,” Sawyer chimes in, raising his bottle in a toast. Several other people join him, and Elizabeth beams with pride.

We’re probably there for around half an hour when the parents call the kids back to us for a re-application of sunscreen, much to the little ones’ annoyance. I chuckle as they grumble and moan while they get coated in cream, especially Rebecca as she’s much lighter than the other two. But the process is interrupted when Nevaeh squeals and starts pointing and jumping up and down.

“Look, Mom! Mr. Colt came too! Just like he said he would!”

Despite the heat of the day, my blood runs cold. I whip my head around and see that, yes, Colton Ross is several feet away from us, apparently ready to join the picnic from the looks of the large cooler and beach blanket in his hands. He’s wearing a light-blue, short-sleeved, untucked shirt with the top buttons undone over knee-length khaki shorts. His sandals probably cost over three hundred dollars, and I imagine aren’t ever meant to get wet, and his fancy watch catches the afternoon sunlight like it’s sending out Morse code.

Everything about his outfit screams that he’s too good to hang out with the likes of us. However, he’s currently frozen in place like a deer in headlights. His eyes are covered by sunglasses, but he definitely seems to be staring at us all in mild horror. His hesitation throws me.

I glance at Yara, but she looks equally dumbfounded and shakes her head vehemently at me. Okay, so she clearly didn’t set me up in anyway. I guess he messaged Elizabeth Adams back after I gave him her number and he’s here to be a part of Nevaeh’s recovery as well?

Which means I can’t chew him out. Because that’s a really nice thing to do. But my heart is racing, and I send a silent curse out into the universe. Seriously? It’s only been a couple of weeks. Do our paths really have to keep crossing like this?

“Hey!” Elizabeth cries before I can look at anyone else. I feel like everyone must be staring at me, but realistically, nobody should know anything’s amiss other than Yara, and even she doesn’t know the full picture. My eyes are locked on Colt, so I can’t tell. “You made it!” Elizabeth continues as she waves him over. “Come join the party.”

It’s like Colt unfreezes as he laughs and takes a stilted step forward. “Uh, yeah. It’s quite the gathering. I’m not intruding, am I?”

“Not at all,” Elizabeth says, getting to her feet and brushing sand off her palms before moving to hug him. Then she keeps an arm around his back as she makes introductions. “Everyone, this is Colton Ross, the hero who pulled Nevaeh from the water when she got into trouble.”

“Oh, wow, nice to meet you, man,” Anton says sincerely as he shakes Colt’s hand. “You’re definitely welcome here.”

Elizabeth nods. “Colt, this is most of the first watch from the One-Thirteen firehouse, including Nevaeh’s best friend and the rest of her family. And of course, you know Zahir.”

Now everybody’s heads swivel my way. I try and remain cool, but it’s difficult not to curl my toes against the sand in discomfort. “Um, yes. Hello again.”

“You know Del?” Lili pipes up, clearly curious. I’d pray for them all to stop talking, but I know it’s never going to happen with this band of troublemakers.

I see Colt falter for a second, but only because I still apparently know him so well. I’m sure to anyone else, his perfect lawyer facade seems natural. “We went to school together,” he says cheerfully.

“Did you also go to school with Lochlan?” Teddy yelps, his eyes going wide. “With Cassius Garda?”

A couple of people laugh, and Lili gives him a playful shove. “Give it a rest, Probie.”

“Naw, Del went to the fancy San Clemente Academy,” Lochlan says, winking at me. “Us lug nuts went to the regular high school.”

“Colton and I lost touch,” I say to give some explanation to the inquisitive faces around me. But it’s as if my gaze is tethered to Colt’s, and all other sights and sounds feel like they’re coming from underwater.

Yet again, I’m forced to reconcile the image I’ve held for so long of this man with the evidence in front of me. He clearly didn’t know we were all going to be here and is feeling awkward about the position he’s put me in. Which means he cares.

About me.

Or maybe he’s just weighing up the danger of me outing him after all these years. I’d never dream of doing such a thing, but it was Colton’s obsession with staying in the closet that drove us apart in the first place. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was his concern right now regardless of what he knows about my integrity.

“You should sit next to Mr. Del, then, Mr. Colt!” Nevaeh announces, grabbing his hand and tugging him toward me, breaking the spell between us. “If I hadn’t seen Becca for years, I know we’d have a lot to talk about!”

I look up as he stands before me. I don’t want to play pretend around him again. All that time spent ignoring each other in the school corridors seemed worth it back then as I knew that behind closed doors, he was completely and utterly mine. But he never was in the end. The idea of sitting in the middle of most of my friends all afternoon making small talk feels like torture.

Before I can open my mouth to protest, however, Colt hands Yara his heavy-looking cooler of supplies and drops his blanket haphazardly, running his now free hand anxiously through his blond hair.

“There’s a lot of Champagne and sparkling grape juice in there,” he says to Yara with a grin that I can tell is trying to conceal his nerves. “Please feel free to share it around. Zahir, uh, perhaps you might join me for a quick walk?”

My knee-jerk reaction is to say no. The idea of being alone together—even if it’s on a crowded beach—seems dangerous. I don’t know if I can trust myself to be sensible when my emotions toward him are careening all over the place.

But if I tell him ‘no’ without giving a good reason, I’ll look like an asshole. Well, I won’t just look like one. That’s what I’ll be. And I have no desire to cause a scene when we’re here to provide Nevaeh with new, drama-free memories from the beach. Besides, my friends will never leave it alone if I act like a dick.

So that doesn’t leave me with many options.

“Sure,” I say with a tight smile and rise to my feet, slipping them back into my flip-flops. “Save me some bubbles,” I murmur to Yara. I have a feeling after this conversation, I might need a glass of the good stuff to take the edge off.

Best to get whatever’s about to happen over and done with.