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We went back upstairs and finished. I gave Winter his first pedicure and manicure. We both decided I should never do it again, but he wanted to go with me for us to have them done. He liked enjoying it with me, and even if he didn’t want polish, he said there was nothing wrong with having nice cuticles and taking care of himself.

I fully agreed.

I just felt bad that I cut him a few times and clipped away too much of his cuticles. Clearly, I shouldn’t change professions.

I was glad when food arrived, starving since we’d done things backwards. It was hard with the treat truck coming to Morrigan Friday nights and doing this after, but—life was a juggling act. I thanked the guards and brought it all in and walked into something going on between Winter and Kelton.

“I get that, but I want to talk to my girlfriend,” Kelton snapped. “So I’m sorry it’s your date, but like—”

“Who are you?” I whispered, staring at him like I’d never seen him before. I felt better when he flinched. “And I’m not your girlfriend.”

Pain filled his face and he reacted like I’d smacked him. “You’re dumping me? You’re not going to even talk to me about what happened and just dump me?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying.”

“That’s what it sounds like,” Kevin muttered.

“This isn’t fair,” I bitched, gesturing to his brother and a bunch of other people I didn’t know. “And while I’m on a date? A night off that I need? Seriously, what is—”

“You both need a time-out,” Clare cut in as she brought a bunch of her garbage to the kitchen to handle. “You both went through something traumatic in different ways. You cannot be the ones to help each other through it, and you’re dragging the other down by trying.”

“Who the fuck are you to try and start being a sister to her after—”

“Hey, don’t jump on her and act like you know our backstory when I haven’t remotely told you anything about her,” I snapped.

“Over the line, Kelton,” Kevin said quietly. “We can beat each other up all of the time, but no one is allowed to say shit about you to me.”

“Yeah, fine, sorry,” Kelton muttered, and then winced at whatever was on my face. “Really. I’m sorry.”

“Seriously, who are you? What happened to the patient guy who helped me through my first panic attack? This pushy guy who throws needing therapy in my face is—we’ve had one date and hung out some. That’s what I mean that I’m not your girlfriend. Did I miss where you asked? Or have I repeatedly said that I’m not ready for that?

“I think I have. I think I told you very firmly that I was uncomfortable with your situation and mine. Fine, your mother and brother were right that I shouldn’t make the decision for you, but talking it out, you were a bit dismissive of my concerns as well. I was valid to say that I didn’t want to jump in with someone who had so much to lose.

“And I was right. My father tried to fucking kill your brother because we were involved. To punish me. They’re that insane, and I killed someone because of it. And you throw getting help in my face because I didn’t let you feel me up less than a week after I killed someone . I’m drowning in the crazy, and instead of being supportive, you’re crashing my time relaxing?

“My time having fun and fucking trying to be a person and just smile? Because you want to handle your massive fuckup forty-eight hours ago? Yeah, that’s like all of the red flags. Seriously, I’m tired of being plowed over and just agreeing to stuff because it’s easier and I’m exhausted. Then I’m the bad guy somehow and your girlfriend when I didn’t agree to it!”

My chest was heaving at the end of it, and everyone was looking at me like I’d grown another head.

Being alone was so much better. I was just about to turn to flee when Clare chuckled.

“Good for you. Tell them when they’re stupid, Bevin. You’re breaking out of your training faster—shit, teach me how to break out of the Shaw programming. There, I swore. How uncouth of me.” She snorted. “And I’m eating everything that will make me gain weight and bring down my value. Being on this team is so much better. Fuck my trust. Oh, two swears.”

It was the comic relief I needed and I felt worlds better.

“This is my fault,” Kevin said with a sigh before anyone else could jump in. “I’m sorry. I didn’t—I pushed him. I told him not to wait and let grass grow under this when you were concerned about this exact thing happening and we were… I don’t want to say dismissive. We heard you and I did take the concern seriously.”

“It just seemed too far-fetched because we would all know about that kind of crazy,” Winter offered. “So you saw it as a legit warning, but really felt the odds of something this extreme happening as low. More the typical movie scene of being threatened or paid off to walk away.”

I slowly turned and looked at him. “Is that what you expected?”

“Yes. I heard you. I believed you. I fully expected an uncle or Alex to show up and warn me to walk away or I might have an accident or they’d fuck with my schooling,” he told me. “I heard your warning too, and I agree your family is nuts and extra. That is crazy.” He pointed to Kevin. “That is so fucked up I still have trouble believing it happened.”

“So do I,” Clare muttered, but then snorted. “Not that he would kill people to punish you, but be so sloppy, make such a mess. I still—we’re missing something. Something went wrong or—”

“He’s unraveling,” I sighed. “We were intentionally poking him to unravel. Once he started…” I remembered there were people in the room I didn’t even know and frowned. “Who are you?” I winced when Clare snorted.

“Ignore me. I’m drunk. You should ask,” she said firmly. “My snark was that we get to say that and have a voice in this house and it’s nice. We’re not just docile decoration. Well done.”

Oh, that was much better.

“They’re friends of mine who Taylor hired,” Kevin explained. “They quit the police too. They don’t want to be next and are tired of ignoring the dirt. They’ve done the background checks. Jasmine had them sign the NDAs. It’s all done. I was going to show them where they can harvest and get their magic up since Kelton was going to be here talking to you.”

I nodded but met his gaze when he cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I pushed Kelton and messed this up. I’m sorry I wasn’t smarter and took the threat more seriously and watched my back better. I’m sorry this traumatized you both and I didn’t see that Kelton had the signs and it hurt you.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just hugged myself.

Kelton moved towards me and I backed away when he was close enough to touch me. I didn’t care what everyone else thought about that, but I was glad that he stopped and took the hint.

He let out a slow breath. “I’m sorry, Bev. I just wanted to tell you that I realized when I said you needed to talk to someone, I was really saying I needed to talk to someone. We do. We need help as the victims. But really, I do. I handled everything wrong. Before. Then. All of this. My brother could have died because of my choices.

“I’m not okay.” His voice cracking cut through me like a knife. “And I hurt you and I’m not okay with that either. You killed someone because I pushed myself into your life. Yeah, it was all your dad’s fault, but you warned me, and this was the result of my pushing. You had to kill someone to save my brother. I’m not okay.”

“Kel,” Kevin whispered.

“I didn’t come to interrupt your fun,” he continued. “I just—you hurt and it kills me. I really like you. I’m sorry for what I said and how I handled everything. I was trying to make us be okay. That moment—how you reacted and behaved was real and valid , and it just hit me that we’re not okay. I said it all wrong. I’m really sorry. Please, I would never throw getting help—”

“I hear what you’re saying, but this—I don’t want to do it like this,” I cut in, hating all of the eyes and feeling too on display.

“I know,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean it to be like this.” He held his hand out to me and waited until I took it. He gave mine a gentle squeeze. “I don’t want to lose you, and I’m scared this will make me lose you. What happened and how badly I handled it. So now I’m compounding the mistake. I get that. I’m sorry.”

“I believe that.” Again, I didn’t know what to say.

“Can you let me know when you’re ready to talk? If you want to talk to me? I guess?” he sounded so lost and confused that it hurt my heart.

“Yeah. I just need less pressure,” I mumbled.

“Totally fair.” He let out a slow breath. “I’m sorry I made things worse. I really was just trying to help.”

I absolutely believed that. I just wished he would have listened to me that I didn’t think he was the right person to when it was his brother.

Though I was pretty sure I could forgive him. We just needed a time-out and to both get our heads together. They were right and we were both the victims just as much as Kevin was.

What a fucking mess. I really, really wanted to make Charles suffer for this.

He went outside with Kevin and the others and I was glad. Not relieved like I was—it wasn’t settled, but it wasn’t as bad as it had been? I felt better that I got to say what I was feeling and he accepted it.

We ate, Clare snagging some of our food. She seemed awkward to do it, but I also thought she might be hanging around in case I wanted to talk or just so I wasn’t alone? I wasn’t sure, but she was also still drinking.

She cleaned up her dishes and then stopped by me. “Let me know what you want to learn. If you want to learn the finishing stuff Jean and I did, I’ll teach you. If you want to learn how to shop in luxury stores—any of it. I don’t think you need it, but just so you have the options and someone safe to learn from.”

“Thanks,” I accepted after a moment. I opened my mouth but then closed it. “I tend to just buy the full outfit in my size when I see something I like on Instagram. Then I might mix and match from my closet, but I wouldn’t know how to put something fancy together or the line between cocktail dresses or wedding ones.”

“Good. We can start there when you want a break from your mounds of serious. Make a list. Also, while I want to explore this new idea of Clare Millen, I heard Jasmine talking about the addition you guys are going to put on. Leave that to me. Tell me what you want and your goals. I’ll design the whole thing with the contractors.”

“I heard Tracey say she was going to ask her to design the new store for brushes and blankets,” Winter muttered, giving me a look that he didn’t want to overstep, but thought I should know.

“I’ve never done commercial, but I’m more than willing to help,” Clare accepted.

Awesome. I thanked her because Tracey, Jasmine, and I were too overloaded to handle the renovations to the house and the addition. She asked me what the budget was but then snickered when I just blinked at her.

I wasn’t even offended. I was going to be useless for any of that.

Winter and I cleaned up after ourselves when we were done eating, leaving leftovers for Tracey and Jasmine which was nice. We took a walk around the property and I saw a few of Taylor’s guys surveying or mapping it out. I wasn’t sure the official term, but it was the plan for security but also for magic and hitting the next level.

But also, that was so we didn’t drain it all with the influx of people who would now be harvesting there.

Winter surprised me by saying we should sleep in his room instead of mine. He had a roommate though, and while he tried to dodge explaining, I finally pushed him.

“I know I’ll behave in my room,” he mumbled and hugged me to him. “I don’t want to risk an accident in my sleep—I know my roommate’s there and—I sound like a perv. I’m not a dog. I just—you’re not up for it, and I don’t want to pressure you.” He cleared his throat. “Plus, you’re spoiled with your own room. You should get the college experience.”

Yeah, that was just an excuse, but I appreciated his consideration, giving him a quick kiss and agreeing.

But it made me think about the situation and what happened with Kelton. What was the right time to resume normal activities after killing someone? Not even making out or having sex? Like… Everything? Was there a certain… Mourning period? No, because I caused the death, right? But it was an accident.

But I was still affected by it. Of course I was. I’d taken a life.

I was haunted by it. Not so much his face because I hadn’t gotten a good look at him. That moment. Seeing them run around the corner with their guns out. Seeing them crash into the wall.

Seeing him being loaded into the body bag. That’s what my nightmares were really full of. That was what flashed in my mind all of the time.

All. Of. The. Time.

I woke with Winter wrapped all around me, holding me comfortingly. I didn’t need three guesses why, especially when his roommate gave me a few worried glances. I mumbled an apology, but he waved it off and said he understood.

Yeah, it was better to sleep in my room for a while. I thanked Winter for helping me and apologized before hurrying off to my day. It felt shitty to do that, but I did really have to go, and I didn’t—I couldn’t constantly always focus on all my drama.

I didn’t particularly want to focus on other people’s drama either, but just other stuff. Learning would be nice. I was in college to learn.

Which was why I texted Professor Wyatt after I was done at the treats factory asking if I could pick his brain. Yes, it was about work and products, but learning magic was school and would unlock more for my classes.

Except he brought me to the gym again. He was lifting with his friends. Shirtless with his hat on and it was… Unsettling?

No, distracting.

Yes, hard to focus.

And his coldness was—I couldn’t get a lock on him. Fine, we were around people, but he was kinder to me when we were at school. But it was his friends, so maybe I understood it.

“Thank you for the other day,” I mumbled, finally snapping out of my head. I went on when he didn’t say anything. “I mean with Clare.”

“Of course. What did you need?” he asked when he switched with the guy he was spotting… Who was the same one as last time.

I gave the guy an apologetic look that I was interrupting but then sort of shrugged it off, accepting that we were really doing this. I let out a heavy breath. “You have me journaling for my magic, and I’m—I think there was a point for that—or another one and I’m there.” I thought of how to phrase what I wanted to ask without giving away too much to those listening.

“Go ahead. There aren’t any stupid questions, Ms. Millen,” he guided.

The guy spotting him snorted. “Yeah, right. You of all people saying that is hysterical, Derek.”

“Not from her. She’s never asked a stupid question,” he corrected before he snorted. “Hell, she’s taught me a few things.”

That was what I needed to hear to relax and just get it out. “It got me thinking about how you framed it. Workouts and like logging it all.” I gestured all around as the reference, even wondering if it was driving the point home, but I’d picked the timing. “And I might not be into weights, but—I pick different shoes because they fit me better.

“I like compression socks for my runs, especially the longer runs. The socks that go to my knees for that. They work better for longer runs. Shoes that breathe better, but I like terrain, so better treads. I’ve done some of those barely there shoes for treadmills—all of it changes the run. How I feel after, the times, if I ache—all of it.”

“Yes,” he agreed. “Same with lifting. Eating before. Hydration. How well I slept. If I had a rest day this week. Rotating areas.”

“Exactly.”

“You’re saying you want to rotate areas of magic to different days?” the guy surmised, not hiding how weird that was.

“No,” we said together, but I continued. “I’m wondering how I go about being more efficient with my magic. Is there a way—how do I know I’m being the most efficient making the treats? Maybe I could use less magic to make them? How do I start to figure out—”

The guy interjected with a snort. “You’re about three years too early for that, kid, and—”

“Yeah, I’m not here for your fucking opinion or talking to you,” I snapped. “You’ve never had the manners to even introduce yourself to me and yet keep talking to me like we know each other, bro .” I let out a long breath. “Never mind. I’m sorry I interrupted not knowing you were at the damn gym again. You could have told me now wasn’t a good time.”

Wyatt had set down the weights when I’d gotten upset and now stood. I got flustered, worried he was upset that I caused a scene. I took a step back and my heel landed early on something that wasn’t the floor. It threw me off balance and I started to go down, my arms flailing out to try and grab onto something as I did.

Wyatt snagged his arm around me and pulled me back up before I landed… And against his naked, sweaty chest. “You okay?”

I couldn’t get my mouth to work, blinking up into his pretty green eyes. Then I managed a nod.

He steadied me and then bent down to grab the weight plate I’d tripped over. “Hey, don’t be a dickhead and leave these where someone can trip.”

“Sorry, Derek,” a few others said, nodding to me as well.

I accepted it and cleared my throat. “Sorry. Thanks.”

“No problem.” He sighed and frowned when I flinched. “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking this could be awkward for you. I just wanted to give you answers so you’re not held up.”

“I appreciate that.” I rubbed my arm. “We can just talk at our next whatever. I’ll go. Thanks.”

He nodded and sent me back to my dorm room. That was it. Nothing else.

Oh my gods, things were so awkward it was almost better when he was pushy and stealing kisses. No, not really, but… Fuck everything.

Next, I went to work with Nina, and I swallowed a sigh when she seemed anxious. A few minutes of getting things set up and I finally just turned to her waiting for her to say whatever was going on with her.

She chuckled and rubbed my shoulder before sitting on the table. She gave me a kind look. “I’m sorry for not raising Sergey better. He should take responsibility for what he did—”

“We’re fine,” I mumbled. “We worked it out.”

“I know. He—please let me say this so you understand my son better.” She waited until I nodded. She let out a slow breath. “There is a pain others cannot understand when your family does not want you.” She nodded when I snorted. “Your situation is vastly different than ours and very… Shakespearean. But Sergey and I were not wanted.

“Him by both sides of his families. I am a distant cousin. That is how he refers to me when not his momma. The truth is I am a bastard. The youngest sister of the head of the family was—there are different stories, but I am assured my father would never have raped anyone.” She nodded when my eyes went wide.

“They said that to save her reputation, not caring it could be his life,” I said with disgust.

“Yes. They hoped it would be because it would make everything cleaner for their family. Dump me off on my grandparents after having their son killed and be done with it. Luckily, my birth mother told the truth at the hearing and that he was not her first so he couldn’t be killed for taking her purity.”

“Good woman,” I praised.

“I like to think so, and my father’s family never bad-mouthed her,” she agreed. “But I was raised as his name and ignored until I became of use. I was not one of them until I agreed to take in Sergey and be his mother. Then I was suddenly one of them and they wanted to change everything.”

“Control. It was to control you,” I sighed.

“Yes. And it caused me great pain. I valued my father’s name and that family who loved me. It hurt them because they thought I jumped at the chance to abandon them for a better family with more power. My grandparents died thinking that and wouldn’t see me to explain.

“They didn’t know that I fought and kept my father’s name. That Sergey took it. That was the line for me. I would not suddenly be one of them after all they had done. They wanted this of me and to control so much else, they would not control us with their names. We would be free with a different name, a respected name too.”

“They know now. They let their hurt blind them, and—they see the truth now that they’re gone. I feel the same about my grandpa,” I told her gently.

She nodded. “I believe you are right and the gods let them see the truth.” She rubbed my shoulder again. “But our lives have been filled with too much pain. I did my best to shield Sergey from that pain. That was the boy I raised who became a man who wanted to shield me and others he cares for from pain. That is his…” She frowned.

“‘Love language,’” I offered for her, nodding when she did. “Acts of service is his love language.”

“Yes, but specifically shielding people. Helping them not feel pain. That is what he tried to do. The situation pained you and he tried to handle it and shield you from more pain.”

“But—”

“No but,” she said firmly. “You are completely valid to have yelled at him. He is not your boyfriend or mate. He overstepped and he understands that. He does the same for me and I have trouble accepting it because I am the parent, but he is not a little boy anymore.

“However, he will always be my child. I should shield him. Your situation is not the same. I am not excusing what he did. I’m not saying he gets a pass. I am simply explaining it because you are a smart woman who wants all of the information and understands how hard it is to open up about family pain. He will not want to burden you with all of this.”

“He did some, but he would never tell me your history to elaborate.”

She seemed to bounce that around. “No, he would never, but you are trusted and deserving of our trust, so I will tell you. You are my trusted friend too, so I will tell you.” She let out a slow breath. “Which is why I will also tell you that his families have both reached out and told him to get back in line or he’s as good as dead. And I don’t know how to protect my child this time.”

No, but I did. Tracey and I already had a plan for that, and I assured Nina that we would handle it. Because we would.