Page 11

Kelton

“You’re spiraling, man,” Homer said after taking out my earbuds as two of our friends grabbed either side of the weight bar so I was basically trying to lift air. It was the only safe way to stop someone, but it still startled me.

“What the fuck are you assholes thinking?” I demanded as I let go and rolled to my feet. I winced when they all gave me looks like they’d never seen me before. “Sorry. It startled me.”

“Yeah, that was kind of the point because your music is so fucking loud that not even magic will be able to save your ears,” Homer said firmly. “And you don’t answer your phone. Nor talk to any of us. So you’ve got two choices. Come willingly or we’re fucking abducting your ass to talk about this because you’re not letting us be good friends.”

“And we’re done letting you drown even if you’re being an asshole,” one of our other friends grumbled.

“What’s there to talk about?” I drawled. “Just let me get my workout in and I’m gonna crash.”

That was the wrong thing to say to Homer, and my best friend had a temper. He fisted the front of my shirt and got in my face. “Your brother almost fucking died. Because of what you did except that’s not the reality and Charles Shaw is a cock-sucking devil’s spawn and you have feelings for his daughter. And now you feel guilty.”

“I have nothing to feel guilty for,” I snapped… But I did.

I felt like I willed that poor familiar’s death into existence.

“Let’s go,” Homer said firmly when I roughly wiped my eyes. He shoved me towards the door, but I had to grab my stuff from the locker room first.

“You’re buying whatever, asshole,” I bitched.

“Yeah, we are, and we’re doing this at your brother’s new place.”

“What new place?” I demanded.

“Get your shit and we’ll talk,” Homer answered.

Dickhead. Not really, but I wasn’t in the mood for games.

After I had my stuff, we went for the guard station instead of the normal spot where the school sent us via circles. We were allowed to use it for free so many times a month, but then we could pay extra after that. Plus, tips were encouraged since it was students who powered them up. It might seem shitty to only slip them a dollar each time, but those added up.

And there were some really rich kids who went to Morrigan. I’d seen most slip them twenties each time they sent them via circle, so that job was a good one.

One that a lot of people wanted. I knew first-hand. I’d tried to get it but couldn’t.

We arrived at a large farmhouse with one right next door… But the vibe was off. I glanced around and saw we were out in the boonies.

So why were the houses pretty close together?

I did a double take when I saw Link there talking with some guys and pointing over to an area without a house. “Why is Link here?”

He lifted his head when he heard his name and raised an eyebrow at me before taking in who was with me. “I thought this place was kept a lid on, not a tourist destination.”

“You’re such a dick sometimes,” Kevin said as he came jogging from the house next door. “He’s my brother, and one of his friends said he’s interested in learning more. If he’s got the juice to get into Morrigan, that’s someone Taylor might want to hire.”

I put it all together fast. “This is housing for Taylor’s company and people?”

Kevin nodded. “Yeah, he bought the land and first house when he got out and started the company. Had a few put in since, and whoever was on a local gig or between gigs watched over everything. That’s changing now.”

I grabbed the front of his shirt and shook him. “You almost just died. Now you’re joining his company and jumping back in? What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you want to destroy Mom and end up like Dad?”

Worry was thick in his eyes as he waved others off. “Kel, you need to get a grip, man. I’m fine. I know the risks of this job. Mom does too and she knew—she’s accepted that I want to do good. Don’t take that away from me like I’ve already lost being a cop, okay?”

Shit. Just… I felt my lower lip quiver as I let him go.

Kevin pulled me in for a hug, not releasing me when I tried to shove him away. “Thank you for loving me so much that you’re this worried and upset. Thank you, Kelton.”

I hugged him with all that I had. We’d lost Dad, and—Kevin was more than my older brother sometimes. He’d done his best to step into Dad’s role when he could while still being a kid too. It was all too much, and—I really could have lost him.

Because of Bevin.

But he was only saved because of Bevin too.

How fucked up was that?

“I can’t find my feet. I can’t fucking lose anyone else,” I choked out. “And I can’t stand that she didn’t even like look at me yesterday when I was working right next to her.”

“I know. I know,” he whispered as he rubbed my back. “She’s drowning, Kel. She’s in a lot of pain and drowning. It’s not you. She’s—there’s more going on, and you can’t handle it right now. So it’s not you. You just can’t help her and she can’t help you.”

“I want to help her. I want to be with her, but I’m angry.”

“Yeah, you are,” he sighed. “Come on, let me show you the house. This is an upgrade, and I’m not working for a corrupt boss now. Some of my buddies got new gigs—better- paying gigs, and they were in rough spots too.”

“Okay, not to be an asshole, but what are we going to do if all of the good cops leave our police?” Homer wondered. “Like, seriously?”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head thinking about it, Homie,” Kevin teased him, my friend groaning at the nickname.

It was what I needed to hear to cut through my freak-out.

Homer and I had met in fourth grade when his family had moved and he was put in my class. We instantly bonded over the weird names we had but didn’t hate because they set us apart from the forty Brians, Johns, Mikes, and normal names we had in our school.

Plus, it was hilarious that the kid had let out a Homer Simpson-type burp as his greeting to his new class. That was someone I wanted to be friends with.

Even now, I still would. Not someone who could burp like that, but who could laugh at themselves and didn’t take things too seriously. That was the best kind of person to be friends with.

We’d been best friends ever since. We picked up our other two friends freshman year of Morrigan and we’d all stuck together and looked out for each other.

It was needed in that den of vipers where the rich ruled and normal people like us got eaten alive too often.

The house was great, way better than Kevin’s shitty apartment he rented just so Mom could have more space. We took a tour, and even with the unpacking and tornado look because five different guys were doing what they needed to, it was really an upgrade.

“Mom is going to move in with Nina,” he told me after the tour, nodding when I frowned. “For now. She just bought that big house and—it’s better. Safer for now.”

“What happened?” I worried.

“There’s been some backlash that I wasn’t punished for being corrupt. I don’t want Mom in the crosshairs, and she’s really getting along with Nina. Nina agrees Mom should move there and they’ll make it work.”

“Sergey is cool with it?” I hedged, thinking it was weird that our moms were going to live together when we wanted the same woman—share her.

“Yes, because Mom is the ultimate sweetheart and no one could ever turn her down. Plus, he’s worried about Nina being there all alone all of the time when it’s so different from what she’s used to. They’ve had some backlash too. I don’t know the details, but—he’s worried about Nina.”

“Okay, yeah, good. I’m glad then. What can I do to help?”

He patted my shoulder and brought us into the dining room, passing around beers that someone had brought along with food. “Nothing. Just box up and move whatever you still have at Mom’s. Some we might stick in storage and don’t be pissed that you can’t go home like before. You can always come here or—”

“It’s fine. As long as there’s somewhere for me to go in the summer—whatever Mom needs,” I told him firmly.

“Good.” He waited until I had a long drink of my beer. “So what do you need?” He nodded when I hesitated. “You’re not okay, Kel. So what do you need to make this easier—process what happened?”

I didn’t know how to answer that. Not to be difficult, but because… Was there an answer for it?

“He feels guilty about the familiar dying,” Homer snitched, shrugging when Kenny smacked him upside the head. “What? He’s having trouble figuring out what’s up with him. I get that. I’m messed up for him, but let’s start with the easiest to handle.”

“Agreed,” Kevin said firmly. “That wasn’t your fault. I wanted that familiar dead too. It was the easiest way to take on Charles. There are a thousand people who probably wished for that familiar to die. You didn’t do it. You didn’t do this. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But—”

“No buts.” He gave me a hard look. “And neither did she. She is just as much of a victim as I am. She’s the hero for coming to save me, not the reason this happened. You are not the reason this happened. Charles Shaw is. Not you.”

He repeated it a few more times until I covered my face and silently cried.

That was how the dam finally broke and I truly started to process what happened— that it happened even.

The woman I was dating, her father put a hit out on my brother to punish her for getting free of her family. It was so crazy that it took all of this time to process it. It was like an insane mob movie plot that a studio would write off as too over the top.

Well, maybe not with today’s culture.

But it should have been. That was insane.

And yet, it was my life.

Yeah, the dam broke hard… Or however that statement worked.

The floodgates?

So not the point.

Though there was crying.

And drinking.

I ate too. There were burgers and fries. I remembered that even if I didn’t pay much attention. I was more focused on the beer wishing it was something stronger.

Something happened at some point and Kevin went to handle something with someone. I wasn’t sure.

I was pretty sure that I was drunk.

Either way, I was left alone with more beer… And my phone.

Me: I miss you, sweetie. I want to fix this.

Me: Can we work together tomorrow and you not ignore me? That hurt my feelings. This wasn’t my fault. How I handled it was bad, but it wasn’t my fault.

She didn’t respond right away, and I just stared at my phone trying to will her into answering. I smiled that it worked when I saw the bubble with the dots.

Bevin: Your actions are always your fault.

Me: No, what your father did. The start. The trauma. What made us spin out. Not my fault.

Me: Yes, my fault I was an ass. Hol.

Bevin: Is this Kelton? Give him back his phone please.

I frowned. How could she not know it was me?

Me: It’s me, sweetie. I swear.

Me: I can prove it. What do you want to know?

I flinched when my phone rang and almost dropped it instead of answering it. I quickly recovered and swiped it twice before it connected.

“It’s me, Bev,” I greeted.

“Oh, you’re drinking ,” she sighed. “Okay, good. That’s—I thought someone stole your phone and was trying to impersonate a college kid to get information or something. Except they don’t know the college kid you are because you write in full sentences and have perfect spelling.”

I sighed. Heavily. “What kind of life have you seriously lived that you immediately think it’s about spying and getting information?” I hurried on when she didn’t respond. “I’m not judging. It hurts—”

“It sounded judgy with the sigh, Kelton. Again.”

“No, it makes me sad. It hurts my heart. That’s what I was trying to say. I swear,” I mumbled, scrubbing my hand over my face. “I hate how much pain you’ve lived with, Bev. It kills me.” I sniffled and wiped my eyes. “What your dad did is so fucked up. I mean so fucked up. It’s not right. Dads shouldn’t do that and be like that. Mine was so awesome and—”

“Yeah, well, that’s not the life we all live,” she cut in.

“I know. I just wish it was for you. I wish you had an easier life.”

“I don’t know what to do with that,” she admitted after a moment. “That sounds like you want my life now to be different and…”

I sighed again, which apparently was the wrong thing to do.

“Could you stop sighing at me like you’re annoyed with me or annoyed you’re not just getting your way or what you want?” she snapped. “I’m not a problem you have to deal with or—”

“That’s not why I sighed. I’m frustrated that I can’t articulate what I’m feeling. I should be able to communicate with you better that I miss you and I want to fix this. That I want less pain in your life for you.”

“Thank you for explaining,” she mumbled.

That was it? I made sure not to sigh, my drunk brain knowing not to do that at least. “What else is going through your brain?”

“Nothing that I can say that won’t sound like I’m starting a fight or I want to be mad at you. I think.”

I blinked back tears. “I’m so sorry, Bev.”

She was quiet a few moments. “I don’t understand why you’re apologizing.” She added a quick “Sorry” that sounded so confused.

“I’m sorry that I did this to us and broke what we had,” I rasped. “We started with you turning to me when you needed someone. You told me so much as a stranger. Now you don’t feel like you can talk to me without—you can’t talk freely to me. I did that. That’s the last thing I wanted for us and I’m really sorry.”

She let out a shaky breath, one so bad I could even hear it through the phone. “I think I needed to hear that, but it’s not just on you. You’re normal, Kelton. I’ve said this since the beginning. Even with the grief and pain of losing your dad, you’re normal. Your parents were white picket fence with their two kids they loved fiercely.

“That’s not my world. That’s not the life I’ve lived or will live. And I don’t know normal, and after what you said, looking back, it feels like you want me to be normal. And that’s hard on me because everyone else wants me to be a superstar and do so much. So it’s confusing. But I’m also fragile right now. What you said—it shouldn’t have been that big of a deal.”

“No, it should have been,” I argued. “Full stop. I mishandled everything. We maybe could have fixed it quicker or talked it out easier if things weren’t so dire.”

“Yes, that’s true—I like that better. Thank you,” she accepted. She sniffled then and my heart broke. “I just don’t know the way forward. I’m sitting here shaking that you’ll find out therapy didn’t work out, and—even if it’s not fair to you, it’s how I feel. I know it’s probably not and your ‘crime’ wasn’t that big.

“Emma helped me see that. Your crime wasn’t what you said so much as not understanding—not hearing me —that you weren’t the one who could help me. But I’m not stable enough—not socialized enough—to know how to move forward. It’s all too overwhelming for me.”

“Please don’t end this, Bev,” I rasped, my voice cracking. “Please, sweetie.”

“Kelton, I’m not trying to make decisions for you, but to me it doesn’t seem I’m what you want.”

“How can you say that?” My heart was breaking to hear she felt that way.

“You said it our first date,” she mumbled. “You wanted a happy, simple life. You never wanted to get into the arena of the top-tier families and be in the spotlight. That’s where my life will be and you don’t want that. Why start something that will end up somewhere where you’ll just resent me?”

“Why bring this all up now? You still liked me after the date and—”

“I didn’t know what I was then,” she said, making a very valid point.

“That’s fair,” I accepted. “But I still want to be with you. I think we could have something special here.”

She was quiet a few moments. “Can you really say you don’t blame or resent me for your brother almost dying? Look in your heart and be honest with yourself, Kelton. Because I think you know the answer.”

“No, it’s not like that—”

“Who’s lying this time?”

“Please don’t say you know the answer for me. I would never answer for you or—”

“You’re right. That’s fair and I wouldn’t do that. But when your familiar tells me that’s how you feel, it might as well be coming from your mouth. So I think that says a lot.” She cleared her throat. “I have to go. I’m sorry. I know it’s mean, but I cannot handle anything else today and not explode. Enjoy your drinking.”

I blinked at my phone when the line disconnected. Fuck.

Fuck .

“Okay, you look like all of the puppies in the world just got beat up,” Kevin muttered as he came back in the room.

I didn’t know what to say because I couldn’t betray Bevin’s trust.

And I was maybe in a bit too much shock to learn she could understand animals. Like hear them not just work with them and have magic.

So I just shook my head and tossed my phone on the table… And got shit-faced. I wasn’t sure I’d ever gotten that shit-faced before. Kevin only allowed it because he hadn’t been paying attention to how much I’d been drinking and I was a quiet drunk.

Then I couldn’t even stand and it was obvious I was completely plastered.

He was probably still cussing.

I woke with a wicked hangover that not even magic could fully cure, so I appreciated the sports drink and headache medicine someone left on my desk for me. I took it and chugged the drink while grabbing my stuff for the shower. I took a cold one to wake up and get my head together but then changed the temperature to normal so I could like function.

Mostly.

It was still early enough for an errand, so I rushed for what I needed and hoped to catch Bevin before she headed to breakfast at her normal time. Relief filled me when she walked out of the freshman dorm reading something. My heart hurt when I saw she looked wrecked. What else had been going on that I didn’t know about?

I didn’t know about because I hadn’t been there for her and wrapped up in all my own shit.

She flinched when she saw me and locked onto what I was holding. She glanced around like she wasn’t sure what was going on.

Maybe that she didn’t want to assume it was for her. She was so adorable and not conceited like that. I really liked that about her.

So I approached her with a soft smile, offering her the flowers. “I’m sorry for the drunk texts. And more. I was hoping we could have breakfast privately and talk. Really talk?” I swallowed loudly when she didn’t say anything but glanced around at all of the people staring. “Please, Bev? Let me explain what you heard. It’s not what you think, okay?”

“Okay,” she whispered and took the flowers. “Thanks.”

“Are these your first forgiveness flowers after a fight?” I asked her, smiling when she nodded.

Which made her frown.

“I’ll explain when there’s less ears,” I muttered. “It’s not as weird as I’m sounding.”

“Sure.” She sounded like she didn’t believe it… Which was fair.

I needed to get it together and explain this well. I was pretty sure this was my last shot. It wasn’t like we’d been dating long or had a strong relationship after all.

We went inside and grabbed everything we could take with us. I checked which juices she liked and any other drinks she wanted. I asked for extra breakfast sandwiches since I knew she normally took one to go after she ate. She felt self-conscious about eating too much with so many judgy people around us.

It was extra stupid because of how many people knew she was a runner now. Add it to the list of reasons Morrigan was toxic.

I waited until we were settled and let out a slow breath. “You misunderstood something—I didn’t articulate this accurately. Yes, I don’t want to mate into a top-tier family. I don’t want that life or the scrutiny of coming from a common background and dealing with those people. Having them look down on my family—”

“Being treated like servants and all the bullying they would have to deal with,” Bevin mumbled, bobbing her head as she unwrapped a breakfast burrito. “Alex would intentionally get tickets for using magic in public just to make Kevin have to get rid of them or humiliate him for not being able to and having to pay fines. I know the games.”

“Yes, that isn’t worth it. Or like—the heads of the families are just evil. You pretty much have to be to keep that power I think. But Jean isn’t the only female head or—” I frowned when she snorted. Okay, so clearly there was something with those two other women.

They were figureheads? I wasn’t sure.

Not the point.

“That was my preference just like any other preference in life and dating,” I said gently. “It wasn’t a hard line or deal-breaker for me. I’m sorry I didn’t make that clear.”

“I’m not sure that you didn’t but…” She shrugged.

Yeah, my worst fears had been realized.

“I wasn’t ignoring you,” she blurted, startling me. “It takes a lot of focus to do the magic for the treats.” She seemed to bounce that around. “Well, in that big of batches when I’m so new and there’s so much going on at the factory. And people want to talk to me and ask me permission to take home treats or—”

“They shouldn’t do that,” I bit out, pissed for her.

She sighed. “I’m easier to approach and run over. Well, in their minds. I get it. I can’t even blame them since we’re taking the time to hire good people. We all need help.” She seemed to bounce that around again. “Well, not me since I don’t have a familiar, but you know what I mean. Everyone wants freebies and perks.”

“But it all chips away at you. I’m sorry.”

She blinked at her food a moment and then looked at me. “Thank you. I…”

“No one’s said that to you yet?”

“Maybe. I don’t—a lot has been too much.” She focused back on her food, closed off to me, but that was more because we weren’t solid than Bevin shutting down. It was honestly fair.

I reached over and tucked some hair that had fallen out of her braid behind her ear. “You are extraordinary and unique, Bevin Millen. I never want you to be ordinary. That’s for the rest of us. You are who you should be, and I’m sorry I ever made you doubt that I didn’t support that. That I ever wanted you to be normal or ordinary. I don’t.”

“You sound like there was more you wanted to say,” she hedged.

“All I want you to be is happy, but that sounded like a line,” I admitted.

“No, it sounds nice. I want to be happy more often too,” she admitted sadly. “It’s hard. Really hard.”

And then she started mumbling to herself not to cry, that she could cry tomorrow.

Seriously, what had Bevin been struggling with that I didn’t know about?