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Kelton hugged me and kissed my hair, whispering that everything was going to be okay. It made me realize that I was actually saying what I was thinking not just… Idiot.
I cleared my throat and pushed him away. “Sorry.”
“No, I am. We’re not there.”
“No, that—I’m not upset about that. It just makes it harder for me to not cry when someone is supportive.” I realized how weird that sounded, but I didn’t feel solid with him. “I’ll explain later.”
“Whatever you need,” he accepted but sounded hurt. “Do you believe me?”
“Yeah, of course.” Why wouldn’t I?
“No, I mean that I don’t want you to be ordinary,” he clarified.
That wasn’t as easy of an answer. I ate two more breakfast burritos and had one of my juices before slowly nodding. “Yeah, I could see that getting—wires getting crossed or whatever with all the crazy. I’m not sure how that changes anything.”
“It does for me,” he hedged, waiting until I looked at him.
But I didn’t want to. Looking at him was hard.
Because he was fucking hot. Apparently, I was a shallow, basic bitch and I caved for hot guys who were good at making out and were supportive. Even if I thought ending things might be the best thing for both of us… I was a shallow, basic bitch.
Gods help me.
I caved and looked at the super-hot and popular junior who was practically begging me to be with him. His dark blue eyes were full of worry but also hope and something else I didn’t understand. His shaggy chocolate brown hair hung in his eyes because of the way we were sitting and I just wanted to run my fingers through it, hold onto it while we…
Apparently, I was also horny.
Lovely.
“Okay, let’s go see Spike. That’s step two in clearing up some things and getting on the same page.”
I think I agreed so my mind would stay out of the gutter. I couldn’t be dirty when I was hearing the innocence of familiars or animals.
Well, mostly. Every so often Teddy was just like Winter and asked if we’d “mated” yet and I knew he didn’t mean as in being married.
No, he meant sex. The familiar wanted to know if we’d shagged.
Men.
Even animal men sometimes, seriously.
Spike was happy to see us, but I felt his worry.
“You told Bevin that I blamed her,” Kelton said to Spike, the familiar immediately going tense. “I’m not mad, buddy. I get it. You were just—it’s fine.” He ran his hand over the moose to make that clear. “But now it’s time to tell her the full story, okay?”
“I didn’t mean to cause trouble,” Spike muttered, focused on me. “I like you together. I just don’t want anyone to hurt.”
He was so like Kelton—familiars really were another piece of their witch or warlock. It made me frown wondering if that was why I felt so empty and broken sometimes.
Was it because I was missing the piece of me that I should have?
That was actually nicer than worrying I was just insane. Maybe it was something to bring up to Mrs. Reid.
“Was I crying when I came to talk to you?” Kelton asked his familiar.
“Yes, he was,” Spike confirmed. “A lot of it didn’t even make sense. He blamed his dad, and how could he blame a man who is dead?”
I repeated what Spike said and relief instantly filled Kelton’s eyes.
“Did I blame Kevin and even my mom for not trying to talk me out of dating Bevin?”
“Yes, he did, but then he apologized,” Spike answered. “He apologized for blaming you too. It was all very confusing and I didn’t know what to do.”
Again, I told Kelton… And understood what was going on.
“I get it,” I whispered. “I blamed you too when I was super upset.” I hugged myself and stepped away when he went to comfort me. “I don’t know that we’re wrong, Kelton. I mean, we’re not right and it isn’t our fault. We’re the victims—”
“That was the part I missed at first. That you were just as much of a victim as Kevin was,” he said but then caught me, sliding his arm around me and grabbing my wrist. He moved it to over his heart and let out a slow breath. “Read me, Bev. See this is the truth.” He waited until I nodded. “I don’t blame you, sweetie. I don’t.”
My eyes burned. I really, really needed to hear that. It was a huge wound for me to have heard he’d told his familiar it was my fault. Yes, I figured there was more to it since familiars didn’t understand context, but… It had still really hurt.
“Don’t cry,” I whispered. “I can cry tomorrow. I cried yesterday. Just not today.”
“Please tell me why you’re doing that,” he begged.
I sighed, annoyed I kept saying it out loud. I asked he let me go though, and we sat on the bench he’d put in at Spike’s housing and finished our breakfast. I told him what Emma had helped me with and about realizing that the floodgates of my emotions hadn’t just opened with my being free and starting to really accept my horrific abuse.
That the dam of my emotions had fucking shattered and I needed to work on finding a level of normal. I couldn’t live life sobbing like a mess and puking anytime life took a turn.
Yes, that was being ridiculously hard on myself and overly critical to the point I should probably smack myself—and anyone else who said it about me—but I didn’t want to live like that. So this was worth a try. I knew I wouldn’t have always stayed that way, but this was a good plan to… Have a plan?
Kelton bumped my thigh with his. “I’m glad you have help. I know I handled it all wrong and like an asshole, realizing I needed to talk to someone too. But you got this look in your eyes that—the whole thing scared me. I was trying to say this was too big for college kids to handle. I’m sorry.”
I think I really heard him this time. “That’s fair.” I cleared my throat and took another bite of my breakfast. “Are you getting help?”
He blew out a slow breath. “You’re smarter than I am and saw it right away. Or maybe I just didn’t see it because—not yet. I just had the intervention part last night. Hence the drinking. I want to fix things between us and then figure out what came next.”
“That makes me sound like the solution and that’s a lot,” I worried.
“Not how I meant it,” he promised. “More that I couldn’t let you think—I couldn’t keep these misunderstandings between us and balance working on myself. I can only do one thing at a time. I needed—this was the priority. You were.”
I bumped his thigh this time. Hearing him that he put me first and I believed it. It was sweet and made me feel we could move past what happened. I said things wrong all of the time and had been overreacting all over the place. I got where he was coming from.
I frowned as I kept eating. “Sorry I blew this all up. This should have been a much easier conversation.”
“Maybe,” he accepted. “Maybe if it was about something simpler or it was the only thing going on. If you did it on purpose or to stir up drama, then definitely you should apologize, but you wouldn’t be you then. But—thank you for valuing me enough to apologize. You were in a free fall though and I understand.”
“Thanks.” I felt better about the whole thing but not exactly like things were settled between us. “Why did you ask me if it was my first time getting flowers after a fight?”
“Right, sorry, got distracted,” he mumbled, clearing his throat this time.
By me. Staring at me. It amused Spike and he snitched. I felt my whole face flush and I hurried to drink my second juice.
“So this is going to sound weird, but I want to be your normal.” He jumped to his feet and faced me. “Let me explain.” He waited until I nodded. “I jumped the gun. I get it. We’re not boyfriend/girlfriend. Maybe I got a bit jealous and wanted us official—I don’t know. I do know we had fun. Going out to eat. The picnic . Even the run—all of it. It was fun.”
“It was very fun,” I agreed, willing to give him that but still confused where he was going.
“And I am a bit too normal. Boring.” He frowned and looked away. “I’ve gotten that a lot. That I’m not exciting enough and—I’m normal. Average. My family—everything. I’m not super smart or cool. I just had enough magic to get in here.”
“That’s really selling yourself short,” I defended.
He looked a bit lighter but shrugged. “Fine, I’m normal, but I won’t say boring.”
“You’re consistent and classic ,” I offered.
Kelton smiled at me, and it was so damn disarming. “Thanks, sweetie.”
I gave a half shrug and pretended I had to look at my food.
“But your life has been—I don’t want to keep saying a horror movie. That’s mean, but you were abused. So extreme. Volatile and extreme. Fair?”
I nodded, thinking I saw where he was going now. “It’s probably always going to be like that even if now I’m not abused.”
“Yes, and that’s why someone different is perfect for you.” He pointed to himself. “Yin.” Then he pointed to me. “Yang. Or vice versa. However it works.” He waved at the flowers sitting next to me. “Yellow flowers after the guy is a jerk to apologize. Normal. Very normal. Well, should be standard.”
“I think every woman would agree,” I chuckled, glancing at the pretty yellow tulips he got me. They were really nice. I jumped when he moved closer and squatted down so he had my legs between his and his hands were on my thighs.
“Don’t give up on us, Bev. Let’s just keep taking things as we were and forget the rest. We’ll handle the crazy together—what happened with Kevin, my mom working for you— me working for you—all of it. But you’ll give me that exciting too and I’ll give you normal. I know about the addition and renovations of your house.
“I immediately thought I should take you to IKEA and we can think of ideas. Maybe Crate & Barrel because Mom loves to window shop there and get ideas that are overpriced for her. So normal. And we can get boba like normal college kids and just have a couple of hours. More picnics and—I will make a list of normal.”
“I’ve always wanted to go to IKEA,” I admitted, letting my hands drop so I was touching his while still holding my sandwich. I figured that was… Something?
“You have guards now and we’ll figure it out. Your schedule is crazy, but we can pop anywhere. I need to get my head in the game of school too, but—I like being on the same team as you, sweetie. I feel alive with you.” He rubbed my legs. “That’s worth the risk, and now that your dad’s out—”
Cold dread ran over me. “The threat isn’t gone just because he isn’t in charge. Jean is—Jean is just as bad, Kelton. She—things went bad yesterday, and I’m still waiting to see if—”
“Will she murder me?” he asked, clearly thinking there was a point to make.
“I have no idea what Jean is capable of because she was in hiding just as much as I was,” I told him firmly. “Do not underestimate her or assume this is better. Don’t. Don’t disregard me again when Clare and I both know she’s a psychopath and hid—”
“I’m not disregarding you, and I hear you,” he said firmly, losing a bit of his gentle tone.
Right, he’d gotten upset when I’d said that before. He wasn’t wrong that he hadn’t disregarded me but still hadn’t thought the extreme level was real.
Fine, but I’d been right, and people needed to not act like things were all better now. They weren’t.
And I had several bones to pick with people over that.
“I’m saying I want to ride the waves out with you,” he whispered. “I think it’s worth trying to see what’s here. If you don’t like me or don’t want to spend time with me, that’s different. I think we’ve figured out the other parts now though, right? Let’s just do something calm tonight after work since I’m on shift with you at the factory?”
I let out a slow breath and decided to be honest. “I was listening to some of the—a few women were talking last week. They were saying that the loves of their lives weren’t their mates but an ex-boyfriend they met too young. That they wished they hadn’t dated them when they were young and stupid but later. Because things could have worked out then and them be happy.”
He searched my eyes for a minute. “And you’re worried these bumps of ours are signs that it’s good advice for you on us?”
“Yes, yes , that’s exactly what I’ve been feeling,” I admitted. “So much jumping in and—maybe it’s not our time.” I met his gaze. “I don’t know that I feel it’s our time.”
He went down lower so his knees touched the ground and cupped my hands. “I think I pushed you too fast and gave myself the label of your boyfriend so I felt more secure when you were clear you weren’t ready for that. I hear what you’re saying, but that could be true of whoever you date, or those women are completely wrong and it wouldn’t have worked still.
“Or it would have been perfect and one of them could have died like my dad.” His voice cracked when he said that. “But I’ve had that in my life, and I don’t want to wait until maybe a better time. Because I feel like the clock of my life started when I met you that day, Bev. Watching you and realizing you were falling off the edge—it sparked something in me.
“Chasing after you and even just how you trusted me. I felt—it felt right—like the gods maybe put me there to help. Put you in my path to bring something I needed into my life too. I wasn’t normally there at that time, but Homer needed something—it was all chance. Odd chance that put you in my path and a rare time I was bold to try and talk to you.
“So I hear you, and I hear that you need things to slow down. That’s more than fair. I accept that.” He searched my eyes for a moment. “But do you really want me to walk away? Or do you want to have another picnic this weekend and let’s go to IKEA tomorrow? Just go day by day and spend time together.”
I melted. I seriously fucking melted. “You won’t be stupid again?”
His lips twitched, but then he beamed at me. “Oh, I absolutely will. It’s part of male DNA. But that means more flowers. More picnics too. Whatever you want.”
“This seems stupid when you have so much to lose,” I whispered. “You almost could have lost your brother. What if your mom is next and—”
He leaned up and brushed his lips over mine. “Then that’s life, and Mom has said she’s in this fight whether we date or not, Bev. So is Kevin. They’re all fired up. Let me be your normal. I miss you.”
“I miss you too,” I confessed, kissing him back this time when he leaned in. “Stupid.”
“I am. Was I at least a cute drunk? I felt like I was a cute drunk.”
“No, you didn’t make any damn sense,” I grumbled, pulling out my phone and showing him as if he didn’t have the same conversation. I moved him to sit back down next to me and unlocked it.
He frowned as he read it over. “Okay, all of this made way more sense when I typed it out.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it did, drunk boy,” I drawled. I burst out laughing when he grumbled something about fat fingers and it not being his fault.
And then Spike said something about hoping we didn’t fight again because it gave him indigestion. Oh wow, my life really was crazy, but at least sometimes it was the good kind.
But then at lunch, it was the bad kind again. Sergey was so stressed about the situation with his families, and what they were going to do to him and his mom it was unreal.
Valid but unreal.
After Nina received word that she and Sergey had better get back on their leash or they would take action, Tracey had a press conference announcing Nina was the manager of the brushes project. That she was not only the skilled woodworker who was going to handcraft every brush, but the one who figured out how to adjust the handles for species of familiar.
She raved how indispensable Nina was, especially since each brush required the witch or warlock’s hair to be dispersed with the bristles for this never-before-seen magic. That so far, Familiar Treasures was thrilled with the test brushes and expected to have the new product finalized and ready for a limited launch by the new year.
Which meant we would be protecting our prized witch at all costs.
It was absolutely meant to pee all around her—or maybe scorch the ground around her—whichever was less offensive. And it had reached the intended audience because Sergey’s birth families both called Headmaster Kerwynn and said he needed to kick out Sergey immediately.
There was a list of threats and all sorts of bullshit.
To which Kerwynn said he would do it, but only if he also blacklisted both families from Morrigan going forward and they admitted Sergey was their bloodline. Otherwise, he would report them harassing a student they didn’t even claim as their family to the council and make an example of them overreaching into his school.
Nice. Seriously.
But Sergey was waiting for retaliation. Wisely.
I reminded him that Taylor and his guys had gone over to their new house and installed all kinds of security. Link and his council guard buddies had added extra magical protection on top of what Nina already knew how to do to keep them safe.
“Get the exception for Bubba to go home at night,” I suggested. “Let him roam the damn property and he can sleep here all day.”
“Yeah, that’s good,” Sergey agreed. “Yeah, thanks, foxy.” He hugged me and kissed my hair before focusing back on his food. “I just don’t know what the next play is.”
I shrugged. “I would be honest. You’re not making a move against them. You just want your own life and to be free. If it were me, I’d have Taylor deliver a message to both of them basically saying to leave you alone and you’ll leave them alone. That you’re not property when they don’t even acknowledge you. But if they don’t stop… They should stop.”
“It’s a smart play,” he agreed after a moment. “Yeah, good. Thanks.” He sighed when I gave him a look. “Yes, and I saw how easy it was for us to simply have this quick conversation and it was without drama. This is being the team and I’m an idiot.”
“Apparently, I said a lot with that one look, but I won’t deny any of that,” I teased. “Also, Kelton said women get flowers when men apologize. Make me a flower napkin or pick me a weed for that fight.”
He laughed so hard that I was glad I’d said it so he relaxed some.
We finished up and he walked me towards the rec center, stopping when we were alone and giving me a kiss.
“You know what would really make me feel better?” he murmured before another kiss. “A private study session once you’re done with classes. One without clothes. What do you think?”
“Tempting, but I can’t,” I admitted.
He groaned and let his head fall so his forehead was on my shoulder. “Foxy, I’m glad you’re a miracle changing the world and kicking everyone’s ass, but it makes it really hard to get time with you.”
I threw back my head and laughed. “I’m soooo sorry my business and our fucked-up society cut into your sex life , but that wasn’t what I meant.” I stepped away and let his head fall off of me. “I meant I’m on my period.”
“Oh shit, that sucks,” he sighed.
I smacked him several times and he looked properly chastised. “Yeah, poor you . How are your cramps and need to cry? All I want is chocolate and cake, especially with all this stress, and you’re suffering? I’m going to tell Nina.”
“Don’t tell my mom. I’m already in trouble with her for not treating you better,” he groaned and ducked another hit. He snagged me around my waist and hugged me to him so I couldn’t smack him. “What kind of chocolate? Cake? I’ll bring something and we can just study.”
“Surprise me.” I shrugged, not really having had much of either to know my favorite. “I have the thing as the owner, so it will have to be later and I’ll probably just be ready to crash.” I sighed. “I gotta get to class.”
He spun me around and gave me a quick kiss. “I’ll get something fun and it can be your bedtime treat after your victory. It’s going to be great.”
Neither of us believed that.
I gave him a kiss this time. “Everything is going to be fine. They’re just barking about you guys sneaking out of their chains. If they were really going to kill you, they would have done it already. They’re just pissed they lost their pawn and leverage over each other. They think you’re going to side with one over the other. That’s what I would threaten. You hold cards.”
“You’re an evil genius. I’m glad you use it for good,” he praised. “Now let me watch you jog off and turn me on.”
“Perv,” I chuckled, realizing he was really horny to be making comments like that.
And I was too that it turned me on. Oh boy.
But I didn’t hate the cute banter and feeling we were on the same team.
I actually really liked it.
We needed more fun, which was why I cooked up a plan during training.