Page 93 of Fragile Lives

“Look at me now then, so we don’t have this problem after.”

He tries to pull away, but I squeeze his face tighter, holding him in place.

“Look at me, Stephan!” I raise my voice. “Look in my eyes because I’m not ashamed of what I see. I’m proud of you for stopping. You had a moment to choose, and you chose right. You chose life. And you chose me.”

He starts pulling away, but I’m on a war path, so I speak even louder, almost yelling.

“Look at me! Do you think I can live without you? You selfish prick!” His eyes widen, not expecting that. “How would you feel if you found me with a gun at my head?”

His pupils dilate, and his nostrils flare.

“Would you feel ashamed if you found me like that and stopped me?” I yell in his face.

“No!” he yells back.

“So, why do you think it changes the way I look at you?” I ask quieter. “I’m just happy you’re here.” A tear slips down my cheek. Is it an angry one or a sad one? I don’t know.

“Don’t cry,” he croaks.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” I bark back. He lost that right when he decided to leave me alone.

“Okay.” His chuckle sounds wet. “I won’t.” He wipes the tear away with his finger.

“No, you won’t.”

“I won’t,” he parrots with a smile.

“Stop repeating everything I say!”

“Alright,” he chuckles once more and brings his hands to the sides of my face. “I’ve missed you, Lei.”

My heart beats like crazy after all the adrenaline of today. I drop my hands from his face and snuggle myself into him. “I’ve missed you too.”

We sit in silence, clinging to each other. His heart is palpitating under my cheek, and my own matches his tempo. I like feeling him like this: raw and real. I just wish his ‘real’ would change a bit. I could use some less life-changing events in my life.

His strong arms are wrapped around me, and even though he smells like a distillery, I still dig my nose into his neck, enjoying the scent of home I’ve missed so much. Those short days in the cabin changed me and the way I see the world. I’d always thought I’d end up alone because I didn’t know I was capable of this feeling of real, crazy love. The kind where you can’t breathe without the other person, and I wasn’t ready to settle for anything else. My daddy didn’t give me much assurance with his cheating antics, so yes, I lost some faith eventually.

When Stephan left Little Hope, it didn’t feel like home anymore. And I used to love our small town and adorable gossip-folk. Not anymore though. Everything annoyed me,and everyone was aggravating. Little things that brought me pleasure before stopped working. I couldn’t be around my family I absolutely adore, or even around my whole house because every time I lift my eyes, sitting on the couch, I saw us having sex or his back as he was leaving right after I told him I loved him. He invaded my home, making it feel unwelcoming. And that’s when I understood that my cozy house stopped being my home. Instead, home was passed onto a man with a gorgeous body covered in beautiful art with the most handsome face in the world, and a huge heart he doesn’t even know he has. Such a package—I couldn’t resist.

How do I tell him that I’m ready to marry him and have his babies right now? Is two months too soon?Nah, it’s alright, right?

“What do we do next?” he asks, looking for the real answer in my eyes.

Shit, did I say anything of my mental mumbling out loud? Well, that would be truly embarrassing.

“What do you mean?” I lift my head to look at him.

“You agreed to be my adorable crutch, and I’m not letting you go now.”

“Right,” I snort so hard, and he laughs.

“Told you—adorable.”

“Yeah, you told me that before and changed your mind.” I roll my eyes.

“Leila.” His voice turns serious, and he pushes away a little so he can see my face. “You are mine. You were mine then too. It’s just now I don’t have to pretend or hide anymore.”

“How do I know you won’t change your mind?” Insecurity I’ve never felt before slowly creeps on me.